Saturday, May 31, 2008

New Review: Empire of the Ants


I needed to do an old school B-Movie before starting my month of hellish teeny-bopper films of the 21st century.

So I present to you:
"Lost" With Giant Ants

Empire of the Ants

Enjoy!
-Jason

Friday, May 30, 2008

And Now: The Ranting Mexican

You know what steams my pickle?

When people are like "the stuff that happened in that movie is TOO unbelieveable!" Like "Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull". Everybody questioned everything in that movie.

"How did Indy survive an atomic blast in a fridge?"
"How did they go over 3 waterfalls without dying?"
"How did Shia Labouif or whatever do that Tarzan thing?"

And last but not least "What?? ALIENS??"

It's like people will buy a box full of God that melts your face if you look at it, a guy ripping out the heart of another guy and NOT leave a hole in his chest, and a 900 year old guy sitting in a mountain, alive, with a bunch of cups when the first visitor he had in a billion years shows up and actually chooses the right cup, but throw in ALIENS and people are like "FUCK THAT!!"

What's so hard to believe that Indy Jones could come across aliens? I mean SOMETHING did crash in Roswell in 1947. SOMETHING is in Area 51. And Jones, in the movie universe, was there for both events, so why not?

And then I'm reading all this negetive stuff for the upcoming movie "Wanted".



Can you believe out of ALL OF THAT, the number one thing I been reading was "Uh...bullets can't curve. And Angelina Jolie isn't tattooed."

Ok, no one says the second thing. But I don't understand. Don't we, the movie lovers of the world, watch movies to escape reality? To be entertained? To turn off our brain for two hours and go "Huh huh huh...pretty..."? Why does everyone want realism? Why does everything in a fictional movie have to be based on fact? Do these same people think the plot/storylines for "Lord of the Rings" or "Narnia" are stupid and silly?

Everybody in the freakin' world (including me) loves James Bond, but does anybody go "Uh, wouldn't he have like AIDS or an STD by now?" Nope, they buy that he can bed a thousand women per film, but aliens showing up in an Indiana Jones film is TOO FAR OUT, MAN!!

And what's up with Shrimp-ola Cola?
-Jason

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Et tu, Netflix?

I add the movies that I'm *sigh* gonna be watching in June to Netflix and bump them up my queue. Today I go back to see if my top few movies got sent out and I'm greeted with this:



Yes I have "Ernest Goes To Africa" on my queue. It's for a future review, ok??

Anyway, now Netflix thinks I'm a 11-12 year old, possibly a girl. This whole time I been adding on super cool movies like Lethal Weapon, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, and...Veronica Mars Season 1...I think she's hot, OK??

ANYWAY (again), now everytime I go to Netflix I'm greeted with that same exact banner. I get the feeling Netflix is never gonna let me live this down.

"But Jason," you're saying to yourself, "YOU chose to review those surely god awful movies. YOU'RE the one who's doing this to yourself. Don't blame poor harmless blameless Netflix. You easily could say 'fuck it all' and review nothing but Nightmare on Elm Street movies for the rest of the summer."

Well, person reading this blog and likes to talk to themselves, you are correct. NO ONE told me to do this. The thing is, I've come to realize that some of my best reviews are probably the ones that caused me the most suffering. For whatever reason, people seem to get a kick out of reading about a grown man going completely fucking insane while watching a movie and trying to put said movie into words. And at this point in time, the worst batch of movies that I could even THINK about reviewing are, the Horrible Four of June. So if people want it, then I'm gonna give it to them. Bring it on Zac Efronwhatever dancing like a gay retard! Bring. It. On.

(Note to self: next time include all the Bring It On movies.)

So you'll probably hear me bitch and moan about watching these movies, but keep in mind that I am self aware that I'm bringing this upon myself. It's just fun to bitch and moan about it.

While on the subject of Netflix, I saw this gem a few weeks back:



"If you LOOOOOVE Night of the Leapus, then you'll SIMPLY LOOOOOOVE Last of the Mochians AND The Godfather!" Cause all three simply go hand in hand. Remember that scene in The Godfather when Don Corleone ordered the hit on all the rabbits? And how when Bones McCoy showed up in Last of the Mochians? Those are such powerful moments in cinema, let me tell you.

Hell for all I know Bones McCoy WAS in Last of the Mochians. Anyone seen it and can verify?
-Jason

PS: Some examples of movies that caused my brain to melt and everyone seemed to love the review include
Fear of Clowns (So much so the writer and director contacted me. Ahh good times.)
House of the Dead
Cabin Fever
Billy Jack
Las Vegas Blood Bath
Murder Set Pieces

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Slither: About Fuckin' Time!



Oh "Slither". It seems that forces were keeping us from meeting each other.

First when you were out in theaters I couldn't find anyone who wanted to see it with me, which is strange cause I think my friend Adam was still here in Indiana so I dunno what that was about.

Then when you finally get put on DVD, I rented you TWO different times but alas, stuff kept popping up and I never got around to it. I even tried to fit you in during "30 Days of Horror", but that didn't pan out either.

So FINALLY. On this long Memorial Day weekend, where I have nothing to do, I rent you one more time and by god I'm gonna watch you even if it kills me. Obviously it didn't cause I'm here typing.

Anyway, "Slither", as it turns out, is just an OK movie. It's far from super exciting but it's not really horrible either. The story is basically your typical "thing from outerspace crash lands on Earth, some dickwad with a stick pokes at it and now he pays the price by having the gooey slimy alien thing invade his body" plot.



Grant, the dickwad, starts getting a taste for raw meat and wanting to impregnante someone. He tries his super hot wife Starla, but the human part of Grant can't bear to do that to her. Cause he's obsessed with her, you see, as we find out during Act 3. Alien Grant shacks up with some white trash slut named Brenda and he impregants her with literally a million little slug/leech thingys. Once they spew forth from a very pregnant looking Brenda, they invade the townspeople through their mouths and soon everybody in the fucking town starts talking AND acting like Grant, demanding to know where Starla is. This is possibly Starla's worst nightmare cause she barely puts up with the overbearing dickwad and now the entire fucking town is covered with Grants.

On a side note, I would've given anything for Mary Tyler Moore to appear on a TV and scream out "OH MR. GRANT!" That would've amped up the movie in my opinion.



The last 30 minutes or so acts kinda like a zombie movie, with the townspeople roaming the streets calling out for Starla, then "meat". Eventually Bill, the sherriff who has a crush on Starla, manages to blow Grant the fuck up and everybody in town just dies.

Oh and we see teenage boobage. Sorta.

I wanted to go "Oh fuck yeah" during this whole movie but I just kinda sat here, staring at the movie. I liked what I saw, and it was executed pretty well, but I kinda like it when I'm in my seat going "OHH!!" and "HOLY SHIT!" like I do when I watch, say, "Shaun of the Dead", or "Pervert!" or even to a lesser extent "Death Bed". And I'm kinda said that my current actress crush Jenna Fischer didn't have a bigger role than I thought. Although, she played a secretary in this one, and I rather see her in a starring role, so it was probably for the best.

My readers, I love you, but leave me the fuck alone.

-Jason

PS: That's from a song in the movie, so you don't think I'm being rude to you or whatever. Click on the first track in the sample to hear it.

Happy Announcement Day!!

It's here, finally! I know you all been waiting with baited breath, which is just gross. Get some damn mouth wash.

Ok, now that our breath is nice and minty, it's time to announce my movie reviewing schedule for the month of June! But instead of just simply typing the words, I shall use the art form of pictures to convey the message. And away we go!








Yep. June is gonna be "Them Crazy Kids Nowadays" month! And...this is probably gonna be the month that's gonna kill me. So pray for me while I watch Zac whatever jump around all gay like while picturing that one chick's nude photos. Should be fun.

Bonus Announcement! I said I was gonna offically announce what the next Mass Invasion is gonna be, so here it is, also in picture form:



Yes, the Joe Esterhaus/Paul Verhooven/Liz Berkley masterpice! My boobie shot count is gonna get a lot higher. I should say "bigger", get what I'm say? Huh? Huh?

Anyway, I'm not gonna announce what date the Mass Invasion will be done and up cause I seem to have bad luck when I do. Just know it'll be done sometime before the summer ends.

That'll do it for now. Hope you enjoyed this special Announcement Day! The first High School Musical shall be posted (hopefully) on June 1st.
-Jason

Friday, May 23, 2008

Oh Yeah...



I saw it. It rocked!

I normally don't do new GOOD movie reviews here, so I won't write up a thing. I will say this though:

It rocked. Yes I'm saying it again. It rocked.

A few sour moments to point out (and may or may not be spoilers so watch out):


(Extra space just in case)

1. Indy didn't use the whip a whole lot. There was a fight scene and he had the whip on him but it wasn't used.
2. I kinda saw the "shocking surprise" about Shia Labaif or whatever's character BEFORE the movie even began.
3. John Rhyes-Davis wasn't in this one. This movie was missing a good "INDY!"
4. This one dude, named Mac, was irritating only cause they kept switching him. (Definate spoiler here...)

First he's good, then he's on the villain's side, then he's on Indy's side, no wait he's on the villain's side now. He didn't really bring a whole lot to the movie and could've been written out of the movie. I feel.

5. Sean Connery retired now so that's a good reason why he didn't come back. But I had no idea the dude who played Brody died. That depressed me cause him I liked. He was awesome in "Last Crusade". "The pen is mightier" indeed.
6. The scene in the jungle was awesome but I guess cause George Lucas had a hand in it, you can totally see the green screen effect. That took me out of it.

OK that's it. I swear though, it is a great movie but I can see people having problems with the overall story, and the ending. But I didn't care, it was new and exciting and just so mothafucking awesome!!

Hey! Stop reading this and go see it now!! What's that? The theater's closed? Eh, break in. Jail time is worth it, trust me.
-Jason

Monday, May 19, 2008

Get Yer Boob On!!!

Ewww...sorry about that title.

Anyway. New TV-themed blog is up and there's a post already! I know, right?

http://attackoftheboobtube.blogspot.com/

Please add and check back often, please?

Thank you so much.
-Jason

Another Announcement About Announcement Day!

When is Announcement Day, you ask?

Why, that's Sunday, May 25th! I hope you have something picked out for your loved one. I'm gonna make a call to Hallmark to put out a line of greeting cards.

"To my dearest one,
May this be the most special Announcement Day we've ever had.
Lovingly yours,
Chad"

Ok so originally, I said on Announcement Day I was gonna announce the next three movies I'm gonna be reviewing and this is a big deal cause they're "special" as in Special Ed. Well I added another movie so there's gonna be four.

And also I'll be announcing the film that we'll be doing for the next Mass Invasion, which I wasn't gonna do for awhile, but I bought it back due to popular demand (which mainly consisted of people saying "When we doing the next Mass Invasion? HUH HUH HUH??").

In other news, as you see by the nifty button over there to the right, me and The Bride has won the Sirens of The Lambs thingy!! I want to personally thank each and every one of you.

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank-

Ok, you know what? How about one big THANK YOU for anyone who voted for me!!!

AND a special thank you for everyone not freaking out when I made a mess of things with that lame ass joke I made about the free DVD thing. I was expecting it to backfire on me and have people send me screencaps and be like "Where my DVD be at, holmes?" So anyway, I'm glad we got through that and you all know that I'm like honest or something?

Oh, one more thing. People seem to think that I do a lot in my free time. They look at the "Stuff I Do" or whatever bar over there to the right and go "Gosh Jason, when you do have time to breathe and live life??" The weird thing is...I'm always freakin' bored! So I'm not sure what everyone's talking about.

The main thing I maintain is the actual website. Next in line is this blog. And lastly, the MeTube: Next Generation, which only takes about 10-15 minutes per day, so that's not really a lot of work. Me and my friend Bill film sketches or whatever every Thursday evening and I just use Myspace and Facebook and LiveJournal as social tools because I don't have any friends in real life. Well, since neither of those three get a lot of comments or responses, I guess I don't have a lot of friends on the world wide web.

Oh well. ANYWAY!

My point is I'm gonna be starting up another blog. This one relating to TV and TV shows! Because I watch TV too, dammit! And its on that blog that I'll be moving my "Date My Mom" reviews to, since that makes much more sense. I'm gonna be creating that in a little bit here, so once I get it up and running I'll let you all know. Most likely, unless I change my mind, it'll be called "Attack of the Boob Tube" cause...this is "INVASION" of the B "MOVIES"...and I just want an excuse to use the word "boob" in something I use. It's funny.

Ok, that's it. Thanks for reading, watching, and voting. You guys rock!
-Jason

Sunday, May 18, 2008

The Rare Breed: Female B-Movie Reviewers

When I first started the whole reviewing B-Movies game, I look up quite a lot of B-Movie Review sites. And something stood out: There weren't any female reviewers. At least ones that hosted their own site. You could say that maybe it's cause it's kind of a dorky geeky thing to do, like how you don't see too many female Star Wars or Star Trek fans. Or maybe it's like most women refuse to sit through bad movies "for fun" and think it's a giant waste of time or something. I'm not really sure.

But I've finally stumbled upon two quirky females who not only tackle bad movies, but horror movies as well. I feel someone needs to stand up and showcase them cause, well, they're hot. NO wait, that's not what I mean. I mean they ARE hot...

Ok, do over.

I feel someone needs to stand up and showcase them cause I think they do a fantabulous job and should be applauded.

And cause they're hot.

#1: Cryptique hosted by Miko Macabe

This was bought to my attention by a friend and reader. It's basically a Youtube version of Elvira, a hot girl in a very revealing outfit reviews an entire movie, with odd and funny sketches thrown in between. She only has two episodes up, "Night of The Demons" and "Burial Ground: NIGHTS OF TERROR!", but they are definately worth a look.

#2: Final Girl

She's a LAMB and I didn't check her out until recently when we had to vote for the LAMMY thing, but it was a quick read through and I think the post she had up the day I checked it out didn't impress me much. Now reading through most of her blog, I kinda regret not spending more time before voting. But it's ok cause she did get runner up for Best Blog, so no tears shall be shed for Final Girl.

What I like about Final Girl is she does extensive b-movie reviews, kinda like mine. And they're funny. Not really like mine, but I try, dammit! The only downside is, she's one of those "weirdos" that likes the original "April Fool's Day". If she ever responds to my email, I'll have to ask her why.

I'm wondering now if maybe there are more out there on the big world we call the world wide web. Maybe they're carefully hidden, I dunno. If you know of a female B-Movie reviewer, or hell, even are one, leave me a comment or drop me a line.

If you'll excuse me, I'm off to convince my fiancee why "Pervert!" is a masterpiece.
-Jason

PS: Just so we're clear, I am only talking about B-Movies, not just "regular" movies. I am aware that there are a lot of female movie bloggers, like D.C Girl @ The Movies that do DVD & Theater reviews.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Q&A: Kevin Kangas

Sunday night I came home to a weird surprise. I get an email from a Kevin Kangas, and he says he's the writer and director of a little movie that I totally ripped to shreds called "Fear of Clowns".

Image courtesy of Google Image Search

Almost immedately I began calling the F.B.I to put me in protective custody but further on in the email he tells me he thought my scathing review was funny and for the most part agreed, that the movie didn't turn out quite the way he expected it. I thanked him for not having me killed and ask if he'd like to partake in a Q&A session and surprisingly enough, he agreed.

I'm not a hard hitting journalist, so I dunno if my questions were any good. I felt compeled to have him explain the plot holes in the film but I decided that probably would get boring and stupid and just tried to get some behind the scenes info.

Oh and during said email exchange, he told me he just finished making (Seriously, unless he's totally pulling my leg) Fear of Clowns 2, which he promises will be nothing like the first and have more guts and boobs. Guess I'll have to just see this for myself. Onto the Q&A!!

1. What was your inspiration for writing "Fear of
Clowns"?

I wanted to do an old-school horror movie, like Halloween, but I didn't just want to throw a mask on somebody. As I was thinking about it I remembered one of my friends is deathly afraid of clowns, and it just clicked from there. My brother designed the clown and we moved ahead with it. (For better or worse...)

2. I saw in the movie you had a throwaway character read Stephen King's "It". Were you trying to improve on his story or are you such a fan of the novel and/or movie that you felt compeled to make your own?

Improve on King? And IT in particular? Holy crap, are you high? :) IT is probably my favorite King book, and I just wanted to kind of say hi to it, kind of nod at it. I figured most of the horror people watching the film would kind of chuckle at it. I also was pretty sure King wouldn't sue me over it.

3. Since you said yourself the film was on a no budget, did you just cast friends and/or family to be in the movie? Or were they just actors who needed a big break?
Well, most of them are actual actors, but not professionally(they all had regular day jobs to pay the bills). So you cast the best you can. There were a couple of instances where I didn't get as strong an actor as I would have hoped, but there's not a lot you can do when you're working that cheaply.

4. Usually no budget movies are done in a rush. Were you under some deadline to have the entire movie completed or were you able to take your time?
The actual shoot was 18 shooting days over a 21 day schedule. That's pretty tight to get all of that stuff done. After that I could take my time in the editing room, as we didn't even have a distributor at that point, but I knew I was in trouble once I started putting the footage together. It was too long and I was going to have to cut stuff--and once I did there was a lot of things that weren't going to make sense.

5. How did this film get picked up by Lionsgate?
Well, a rep from Lionsgate saw the poster and teaser online, and they called me. It was pretty surreal. I thought it was a joke at first. But then I talked to them on the phone, got a rep, and it moved from there. But let me tell you, things have changed dramatically in the distribution world, so we're not even positive FOC2 will be coming through Lionsgate. They're trying to become a major studio now instead of a mini-major, which is what they've been. So they're scaling back their low-budget stuff.

6. You mentioned [in the previous emails] that the kid was hard to work with. Exactly what problems did you have?
Well, he's a kid--they have short attention spans, and Jack(the kid) tended to smile all the time. It's not his fault--he was freakin' six years old. I think at that age I was just trying not to wet my pants. And he's gotta act around this 6'2 clown, and it turned out he wasn't scared at all. He'd smile at Mark(the clown) and it was hard getting him to have realistic facial expressions.

7. Switching gears, how did you come about my review?
One of my cast had it forwarded it to them by a fan, and they sent it to me. I'm not sure how that original person found it.

8. Honestly, what was your first reaction and/or thoughts when you first read my review of "Fear of Clowns"?
The thing is this: I'll be the first to say FOC was a mess. It's obvious. The great thing is that a lot of people still seem to enjoy it. Sure, far more people seem to hate it, but there's still a lot of them that email me and seemed to really like it.
But I'm used to reading bad reviews. And I've heard FAR worse. It's never nice reading people trash something you spent 3 years of your life on, but you need thick skin if you're going to do it and put it out there.


On the other hand, a lot of what you said was not only true but really funny. The captions to the pics were great--I laughed out loud at "If I pissed all that, I'd go see a doctor right away."

There's 2 kinds of reviews in my eyes: The ones with ridiculous gripes, and the ones with honest criticism, and I think yours(for the most part) was honest criticism, even if you're a bit angry about it.

9. Why a sequel of Fear of Clowns?
Lionsgate mentioned they'd be interested, and offered to fund part of it, and the bigger part was that I thought I'd have a chance to fix what went wrong in the first. A little redemption. I didn't actually agree, though, until I hit upon a story that interested me.

10. Finally, can I be in one of your movies?
If you're in the area you can be an extra. I'm only using real actors from now on(you'll notice the difference in FOC2, I promise you).

Thank you so much for answering these, as lame as they
probably are.

No sweat! I'll try to burn that screener this week and get it out to you.

***

He promised (or threatened?) to let me have a sneak peek at FOC2, so be on the lookout for that. Special thanks goes to Mr. Kangas for, yet again, not sending hitmen that we never met before after me, or even worse Shivers the Clown himself. If you need to be reminded how mean I was to Kevin and this movie, check out the review here.
-Jason

New Announcement To Come!!!

I'm making this announcement to...announce that on May 25th I have....a special announcement to make.

Did that make sense?

I'm keeping most of it hush-hush (sweet charelotte) but I can give you a hint:

I'm gonna be revealing the three films I'm gonna be reviewing in June. And once I utter the titles of said films, I'm sure a hole is going to open up in the fabric of space and time and the universe is going to implode upon itself!!

Or...not. Just tune in May 25th to see what horrors upon horrors (hint #2: not a horror movie) I'm gonna be inflicting upon myself.

-Jason

PS: Feel free to leave guesses, but I won't confirm or deny them.

You Too Can Write For The Site!!

Not, the band U2...but if they wanted to write a review, that'd be mega awesome.

No, what I'm trying to get across is during my 2 and a half year run of this site, I've only had two "reader reviews" and both were from my friend Bill. I've always stated from the get-go that if anyone was interested in writing a review and wanted it posted on my site, I'd gladly accept it. But I don't think I ever came out and said it all openly like I'm saying it now.

So here we go.

Since I'm taking most of the month of May off cause April was an exhausting month, I thought I'd extend the invitation to have somebody fill in the gaps and write a review.

You're probably thinking to yourself "But Jason I don't have the time. I gotta work 18 jobs cause the economy sucks ass, plus we're getting those stimulus checks which I have to immedately put into my gas tank cause gas costs like 10 dollars a gallon or something, but you wouldn't know that cause you don't drive you lazy stupid bastard."

First off, that was a bit unnessessary at the end there.

Secondly, and here I'm letting you all in on the super mega secret, it takes me no more than 5 or 6 hours tops to do a review! That's right, I watch, take screen caps, take notes, write, edit, and post a movie and it's review all in the same day. Which is why I choose Sunday cause I'm off and I usually don't go anywhere.

So if you have some free time, wanna rip a movie that I haven't done yet to shreds, and think you can be even funnier (if that's possible...just kidding) than me, then go for it!!

Here are the guidelines:
1. It can be a movie, a short, or if you have the strength and the courage, an episode of "Date My Mom" (Which I TOTALLY blanked on doing for Mother's Day. I suck).
2. It can be however long or short you want it. I normally kinda sorta cover every single thing that happened in the movie, but find a way to not make it 200 pages long. And as you no doubt noticed, I do include spoilers and endings and such.
3. For an actual review, images are required. If you're not able to do so, let me know and I'll gladly take the images for you. (For this, it'd have to be a movie I can get on DVD)
4. Gotta stick to the format I have set up: List the characters, the review, the final thought, and the rating. I don't do half stars.
5. And here's the part where I sound like an asshole: I have the right to deem the review postable or not. If you pick a movie that I love, but you hated it, I'll still post it cause we all do have different opinions and I (normally) repsect said opinions, but if I feel you were a bit harsh I have a say so in that as well. Not that I have room to judge about being too harsh, but whatever.

Ok, that's it for the rules and stuff. This isn't something anybody HAS to do, it's all a voluntary process, but I hope someone does it.
-Jason

Friday, May 09, 2008

I Guess This Is Called A "Meta-Post"

Over at the LAMB, head master Fletch came up with a cool idea: an award show-type-thing where all the LAMB's (and non-LAMB's if I'm not mistaken) vote on which blogger should be awarded what award for each category. The awards are almost done with and I came to a realization:

I'm probably not gonna win anything.

And no, this isn't gonna be a whiny post about why I'm not. It was kind of expected, for the following reasons:
1. I've never been "the popular" person, including things I do or maintain. It gets some acknowledgement and according to StatCounter, I get about 20 hits a day (it was a bit more during 30 Days of Horror, thanks to being linked at TWOP, and no doubtedly the LAMB), but otherwise, I'm just like how I was in highschool: just kinda there, shuffling along, doing my thang quietly while everyone looks at the high school jocks and pretty cheerleaders making out in the hallways. So considering the large number of people listed, who post more content and are probably more well known thanks to being linked on the Hot List on IMDB, I'm just kinda here.

2. My blog (and the website the blog is about) focuses on B-Movies and/or bad movies in general, aka the unwanted stepchild of the film business. As a result, there's a lot of negetiveness featured here and as the world showed me, nobody likes a Negetive Nancy.

3. Looking at the awards, if you think about it, none of them apply to me. I use generic stars for a rating system. My LAMB banner was made in MS Paint. The only running feature I have is Trailer Thursdays and I don't even do 'em every Thursday. And not to sound like I'm putting myself down, but I don't believe I have the Best Blog out there. I thought for sure I was a shoe in for "Most Prolific" until Fletch told me that The Flick Chick is doing 100 movies in 100 days! I was literally floored. No really, I needed a shovel to pick myself back up. I got burnt out around Day 20, yet this person (I'm not gonna assume the maintainer is a "chick") is doing 100 movies in a row?? That's dedication. My hats off to you Flick Chick.

4. I kicked almost everyone's ass during the Sirens of the LAMBs thing. Honestly, I probably wasn't suppose to get past round 1 cause my first story just sucked. It sucked cause I didn't know how to write it or what I was doing. After I sent it in, my fiancee told me that this whole thing reminds her of "fan fiction" and it was then I realized what I was suppose to be doing. So somehow I got lucky and made it past round 1 and since then my stories have been a bit better, I think. But somehow I'm still underestimated. Now I made it to the final round, and I'm just waiting for the final stories to be posted so voting can begin. I'm really curious how this vote turns out.
If you haven't, here are my battles:
River vs The Bride
Sil vs The Bride
Kyra vs The Bride

I also lucked out cause I had no fucking clue who River Tam or Kyra was when I wrote those. At least I saw "Species" once. I hated it (Yes only good thing was the nudity), but I seen it.

Just so we're clear:
I really don't think that just cause I won round after round in the sirens event that nobody voted for me. I just put this one in as a wild theory.

And I also don't want anyone to think I'm really being whiny and complaining. I'm grateful to even be listed among these great bloggers and when LAMB events to come up, I try to partake in them cause it's fun and that's what all of this is really about, having fun. So I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or hate me cause I'm a cry-baby or whatever. I enjoy what I do, I enjoy reading other people's blogs, and like a few other people tell me "Yeah, your blog isn't well know, but it's unique cause you do tackle the movies everyone else hates."

That should be on my tombstone.

Here Lies Jason Soto
Tackling The Shit The Majority Hates.
-Jason

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Birthday Present

I didn't mention it too much on here cause I was doing the 30 Days of Horror thing. But during said month, I was also making a short film. I finally got it done last week and now it's posted on Youtube for all the world to see. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:
Birthday Present


Featuring the music of Radiohead, "Birthday Present" tells the story of a man who wakes up with no memory. He meets a talking stuffed dog who takes him to his creator, who decides to use the man for a horrible experiment.

Thanks and enjoy!
-Jason

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Supernatural: Dead Man's Blood, Salvation, Devil's Trap

Damn it!! I hate when season's end like that!! Ok ok...

"Dead Man's Blood" is about vampires but more importantly, it's about this gun that can kill ANYTHING. Papa Winchester shows up and tells Sam & Dean about the gun and now they all must work like a family to stop the fire demon. Eventually, they get ahold of the gun and kill the head vampire and now it's off to disc 6!

"Salvation" brings back Meg, that bitchy hitchhiker chick FROM HELL! as she kills a bunch of Papa Winchester's friends, cause she and the devil, yes the actual devil, wants the gun. Sam gets another vision of the fire demon killing another mom and baby and they decide that THIS ENDS TONIGHT!

Dad has to go meet with Meg and some other dude while Sam & Dean kill the fire demon. Let's say neither goes as plan. Sam misses the fire demon and Daddy gets captured. To be continued...

"Devil's Trap" wraps a few things up. Sam & Dean are apparently ordained priests cause they perform an exorcism on Meg, who shows up but she walks into a pentegram, which disables demons. The real Meg shows up and is a whiney bitch before she dies. They go looking for Daddy, who's trapped in an apartment and while posing as firemen, they get him.

They shack up in a cabin somewhere when...(SPOILER)

DADDY IS POSSESSED!! By HIM!! The big HIM!! And not God Him, the OTHER Him!! WOW!!!! Turns out he's killing certain newborns cause they grown up to be psychic. Why this bothers Old Scratch is a mystery but whatever. While Satan is trying to kill Dean, Daddy takes over, which releases the brothers from Satan's mind meld in time for Sam to grab the gun. Sam contemplates if killing Satan is worth losing his father's life and he's like "Well...Satan isn't THAT bad" and doesn't kill him, so he unpossesses Daddy, and Dad actually gets pissed off that Sam didn't kill him. Sheesh, what an ingrate.

Anyway, on the way to the hospital, a possessed trucker runs them over and the last shot OF THE SEASON I SHOULD ADD is The Winchesters knocked the fuck out in the car. And...that's it. End Season 1!

ARGH! Ok. I KNOW they're not dead. But...will Satan be bugging them in season 2 also?? Guess there's only one way to find out...
-Jason