Monday, July 28, 2008

Hi-Jacking The 12 Movie's Meme

So Piper over at Lazy Eye Theater started this meme thing where if you ran a theater for a week and had to pick 12 movies, with 2 movies per day. Then afterwards, you're suppose to tag five people to do this. Well, I think it's a kickass idea and I don't wanna wait for someone to tag me, so I'm just gonna do it! HA! I'm a badass!!


Monday would be the best zombie films in my opinion. To me, "Dawn" was the best of the original "of the Dead" series, and Shaun of the Dead is a great tribute film to every zombie film. Oh, I shouldn't have said the zed word.


I really wanna see the Evil Dead series on the big screen, but I had a hard time choosing between which ones of the 3 to pick. But Evil Dead 2 is slightly better than Evil Dead 1, only cause of it's goofiness. But Evil Dead 1 is more scary so maybe if I get asked back to run the theater next year I'll include it, along with Bubba Ho-Tep.


The HELLS YES day, with the over the top action flicks. There were so many I could've put here, but I came with these two cause come on! Just...come on! Plus these two have a lot in common: over the top action, both spoofing in their own way over the top action films, especially ones from the 80's and early 90's. Plus it's Wednesday, you need a shot of action for the middle of the week.


Fucked up camp movies day!!! I had a hard time choosing between Sleepaway Camp and The Burning, but I think the ending of Sleepaway Camp just NEEDS to be seen on the big screen, ya know? If you don't know what I'm talking about...just see it. Trust me.


The ENTIRE Grindhouse experience, with the trailers. But I would switch the films cause I think Death Proof is way slower then Planet Terror, and Planet Terror is, in my opinion, the better of the two. Yes, I said it. I mean come-fucking-on machine gun leg?? You can't top that, yo.


After the review of "Showgirls", and reading that the studio behind it wanted to do a Rocky Horror thing with it by having it shown in theaters on Saturday nights and whatnot, I had to pair these two together. Be awesome if people got up and acted out Showgirls along with the movie. But I'd hate to be there for the rape scene...

Anyway, this was fun. Now normally, tagging five people would be put here, but why wait until you're tagged? If you're reading this, and you like the idea, just do it. That's what I did. Screw the system! AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

LAMB Monthly Movie Review: The Conversation

I almost didn't participate in this review cause I was originally gonna get it through Netflix, but I closed my Netflix down to save some money for my move next month. But the other day I was cleaning my desk out (at home, I didn't get fired) and found a free Non-New Release rental for Blockbuster. I went "Alrighty, I shall use this."

So off I went and lo and behold, there it was, sitting all perty on a shelf. I grabbed it and came home.

So "13 Conversations About One Thing" stars Matthew McConaughey as...

Wait. This don't sound right.

Oopsy. Got the wrong movie. Isn't my face red?


Ok I'm back! They let me exchange movies. Woo Blockbuster!

OK! For reals now. "The Conversation" stars Gene Hackman, and as MST3K tells us, he's good in anything. The film opens up on a town square in San Fransico one sunny day and we focus on Shields from Shields and Narnell annoying random people. Eventually Gene Hackman shows up and punches the shit out of Shields. Ok, not really, just something I wanted to see.

Anyway, Hackman plays Harry Cauls, a private surveillance expert. He's like a boring spy: he tracks people but there's no shooting guys with metal teeth involved. He and his team are tracking a couple that's roaming around this square. Harry's taping every word they say, and this is the titular Conversation. We don't hear a lot of it cause why ruin the surprise up front?

Harry takes the tapes to his studio and mixes it like he's Timbaland and eventually discovers that the guy in the couple mentions a date, a hotel, and a time. And that "he would kill us if he had the chance". So Harry gets concerned about this and decides to stick his nose into it.

There's actually a good reason for this. While Harry is at some convention for other "surveillance" guys, he runs into one of his competitors, some big mouth asshole named Moran at the convention. Harry invites Moran and a few others to his office for after-con drinks. There, Moran tells everybody how Harry back in New York tapped some dudes and as a result of the conversation one of the dude's and his family got murdered. Harry felt guilty and left NYC and came to San Fran.

So Harry doesn't want a repeat of that again. He refuses to give the tapes he recorded to anybody but "The Director", the guy that hired Harry. Harry thinks that these two people are gonna be murdered and he doesn't want more blood on his hands. The Director isn't nowhere to be found, but his assistant, played by a super young Harrison Ford, is more than happy to take the tapes. Harry isn't happy with that and he leaves with them.

After having sex with one of Moran's models, Harry finds the tapes are gone. Later, he gets a call saying that The Assistant got the tapes. Who took them? Moran's Bimbo? The Assistant himself? We never really find out.

Harry then meets with the Director, who's played by Robert Duvall. Harry picks up his fee and leaves, but still a nervous wreck. He's convinced that the Director is gonna kill the couple he had followed, whom Harry discovered that the female is the Director's wife! Uh-oh!

So Harry goes to the hotel where the murder is probably gonna happen and manages to get a room next to the one the couple said. He uses all of his tricks to eavesdrop into the room next door. He eventually hears an argument, and when he goes outside to the balcony, he sees a bloody hand grabbing at the glass divider between them.

Harry freaks out and just lays in bed for hours, while The Flintstones is playing. It looked like a pretty early episode, cause it had Fred waiting for Wilma to give birth to Pebbles. Unless they did a flashback episode, I'm not sure. I guess I'm gonna have to get the DVD sets to find out...

Oh right, this movie. Sorry.

Harry breaks into the murder room and doesn't find anything out of the ordinary. Did he dream the whole thing? Was it really even happening? Why is Harry so attached to the room's toilet? Did he have Taco Bell?

Well, no, but what he finds inside the toilet looks like someone did eat Taco Bell for a week. He finds it full of blood and cause he flushed it, it starts to overflow. This confused me, was the body stuffed down the toilet? That'd be impressive if so.

So now Harry is flipping out and wants to confront The Director, but his goons won't let him past the front door. He eventually finds the female of the couple sitting in a car and after reading a headline about some rich executive dying in a car crash, Harry pieces it all together.

I shouldn't have to say SPOILER ALERT cause the only people that are probably reading this are the other LAMBS, but you never know. SPOILER ALERT!

Turns out the couple was gonna murder The Director! Harry then realizes that when the dude said "he'd murder us if he had the chance" he meant it like "if we don't murder him first, he'd murder us" you know?

For some reason, Harry seems ok with this and tries to go on with his life, which is pretty boring. He lives in a low-key apartment, he use to get it on with Teri Garr, but cause the age difference was a bit creepy they stopped, and he plays the saxophone.

Also Harry is super ultra paranoid and doesn't like his privacy being invaded, so he flips out whenever anyone asks him a lot of questions or if he's being tape recorded. And we find out he's religious when you say "Jesus" or "Christs sake" in front of him he yells at you. I just mention all this cause of character development.

Anyway, Harry is jamming on his sax when his phone rings. Nothing happens, so Harry goes back, but it rings again. This time, The Assistant is on the line saying he knows Harry knows what happens and to be careful, cause they're listening, then he plays back a small snippet of Harry jamming on his sax.

Like I said, he's paranoid, so he starts trashing his apartment, looking for the bug. At the end of the movie, his apartment is in shambles, there's no furniture in sight, and Harry is all by himself on a pile of wood, playing his sax.

DUDE! It's in the sax!!! COME ON!!!

I hate to say this cause it makes me sound pompus but anybody use to today's dramas and thrillers will probably hate this movie cause it moves at a snail's pace and really not a whole lot happens. But I think it's pretty interesting and liked the way it looked and filmed. And Hackman was brilliant as usual.

This was written and directed by Francis Ford Coppola and was made in between "The Godfather" and "The Godfather Part 2". So the entire movie I'm waiting for Harry to eat an orange or something. But no, didn't happen.

If you like slow stylized thrillers, this is for you. If you're into the ADD riddled fast edit cuts and shaky-cam films, you should probably avoid this film. And like I said Harry is the boring type of spy, he doesn't really get to kick a lot of ass in this movie, but he does get a lot of pussy. How interesting.


Check out the other LAMB reviews of this movie!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Five For Friday: July 25th

Man, wasn't Dark Knight friggin awesome? I read only one bad review but that guy seemed to be an asshole about the whole thing so I'm not even gonna link to the review I read. Instead let's do The Five!

1. Two Thumbs Down!-
The iconic show At The Movies with (Insert Different Names Here), at least as we know it, is going bye-bye. The current co-host Richard Roeper said that he and famed movie critic Roger Ebert are being replaced by younger movie critics, most likely the idiots that see "Meet Dave" and say things like "The most fun you'll have at the movies!" "Wonderfully funny and uplifting!" "A+!". Ebert hasn't been on the show since he got cancer and been getting treatments for it, which means he isn't able to talk, but he's still been going to the movies and writing reviews. Supposedly, the new At The Movies With Two Assholes is gonna be more or less a movie version of "Entertainment Tonight", so lots of fast editing and flashy graphics and stupid headlines like "Kate At The Gate" if she were to star in the Ninth Gate sequel or something. Ugh, just shoot me now.
Supposedly, Roeper is gonna create his own show where it'll be kinda like what he and Ebert did. So there's SOME hope.

2. My MST3K Will Go On-
In case you're not in the know, most of the original MST3K crew has gotten together and made a new thing called Cinematic Titanic, which is pretty much like MST3K but...on a ship? I guess. I only got their first episode "The Oozing Skull", which was hit or miss with me. I liked the riffing but then they did their version of the host segments, which felt awkward cause they still did them in "Shadowrama". And one host segment I could do without. Anyway, they have their second episode out "The Doomsday Machine" which I haven't seen yet.
But coming out August 7th is their third episode "The Wasp Woman", which is a movie I (believe) I own, so I'll probably check it out (Maybe review it? Hmm...) before getting this episode. Here's the trailer for it:

3. I REALLY Want To Believe-
I was a HUGE X-Files fan back in the day (The Scully and Mulder days, not the weird shit without either, or from what I hear NEITHER, of them). My favorite episodes were more about the weird shit instead of the government conspiricy crap (Although Smoking Man is possibly the best villain ever in anything). Oh and the goofy episodes, which beleive it or not, had it's share.
Anyway, the point of this number is I can't seem to get excited by the new movie. Like, I'll probably check it out at some point, but I think I can wait until it's out on DVD. Maybe cause I wasn't THAT impressed with the previous movie, which I didn't seem to understand (Something about bees and going to Antartica). I'll probably have to give that first movie a chance.
Now why couldn't have the Lone Gunmen get their own movie? I loved those guys? (Anybody seen that show?)

4. Yes, You're Fighting A Mummy AGAIN!-
I'm really not excited by the third Mummy movie. I liked the first two just fine, but did there really need to be a third movie? Plus anytime I see any trailers or TV spots for it, it's full of this:
"Here we go AGAIN!"
"Good job Dad, you raised ANOTHER mummy!"
"I fought TWO mummy's before this THIRD one. You know...those two other times?"
"Remember the two previous times when we fought mummies? And we're here doing it again a third time? WOW!"

Ok I get it! This is the third time you're meeting a mummy, stop fuckin' referencing it! You didn't see John McClane go on and on about having do that shit 2, 3, or 4 times EVERY OTHER MINUTE! He made ONE reference and left it at that. Just shut up, Brendan Fraiser!
PS: I don't hate Brendand Fraiser, I quite like the guy. He was fuckin Encino Man, man! There are a lot of other people, and I do mean A LOT, that like to hate on him but I don't understand where it stems from.

5. And Then This Happened-
A friend of mine told me about this really cool podcast/internet radio show (someone explain to me what the difference is?) that talks about underground horror and cult movies, along with interesting foreign films, like something I learned about from that show called "gaillos", which are Italian thriller films that normally feature the three B's: Blood, Boobs, and Black gloves.
The name of the show is Cinema Diabolica and you should give at least one episode a listen. Any will do really. Their first episode had them listing their 10 favorite horror movies and I got some new titles to check out from their list (They also included a lot that I already knew about, I'm not TOTALLY out of the loop).

Honorary Number Mention:
I wanted to mention this quickly. Over at the LAMB, we're doing this thing where we do our own damn AFI (Not the band with mascara) lists. The one that just ended was about action movies and you can see the winner's here. As for my picks, here they are:
Shoot 'Em Up
Die Hard
Lethal Weapon
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Batman Begins
The Goonies
The Bourne Identity
Hot Fuzz
Rambo: First Blood Part 2

Seriously, how did Shoot 'Em Up NOT get at least in the top ten? That movie's just stupid crazy with action. Oh well. The next category is horror and I was all over that bad boy. When that's announced, I'll let you know.

Well, that's it. I got some stuff coming up in regards to my three year anniversary so please stay tuned to check that out!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

New Review: Super Sweet 16: The Movie

This review is sponsored by Chili's!

Chili's: Pepper In Some Fun!

Super Sweet 16: The Movie


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Personal Best Of #2

In case you missed my first post, my three year anniversary is coming up (August 7th-August 11th...I know, I'll explain later) and I wanted to do something to commemorate it, so between now and the end of August, I'm gonna post some of my personal favorite reviews, whether it be the movie or, being the vain egotistical prick that I am, just think my writing was funny, or both.

My second one was really a labor of love. It took me like three days to get through the movie itself. I almost gave up, but I'm glad I didn't cause the resulting review, in my humble opinion, came out pretty good and funny. Since posting this review, and posting the video attached to the review, I've learned there's ANOTHER version of this movie, the Offical Unrated version, which is "suppose" to make "sense". I have a hard time believing that. But oh well it'll just remain a mystery cause I refuse to watch this piece of shit movie ever again.

I present to you:

Murder Set Pieces! (The Screener Version)

Monday, July 21, 2008

I Gotta Do This

Sorry to interrupt my normal broadcast of bad/crappy movies. But a few people here and there did mention to me that I should, to be different, talk about GOOD movies with the bad. We'll look into that later. But for now...

Totally Unprofessional Response to Seeing "The Dark Knight":


Now that that's out of my system...

Professional Resonse to Seeing "The Dark Knight":
I saw this last night and dude, I was totally blown away. Just all the performances was great across the board. I totally loved this movie. Even if you're not into action or superhero movies, there's probably a little something for everyone in this film. It's funny, dark, and yes even serious. But overall it's great and Chris Nolan did a great job on the script and directing.

I, as a Northwest Indiana resident who often visits Chicago on regular basis, did find one distracting thing: that every outside shot just made me think this took place in Chicago instead of Gotham. I recognized a few streets, some bridges, even the Chicago River was in this movie. But if you're not from around here, or never been to Chicago, I'm sure you wouldn't find that a big problem.

If I wasn't saving up my money for the move next month I would totally see this again, even if it was by myself. I'm seriously gonna rate this and submit this to the LAMB scores thing cause this movie was THAT awesome that I felt the need to participate in at least this one. So of course "The Dark Knight" gets:


Friday, July 18, 2008

Five For Friday: July 18th, 2008

I'm gonna try to make these 5 things NOT about The Dark Knight, which I'm DYING to see!! UGH!!! Ok anyway.

1. I Learned What A "The Watchmen" Is-
Apparently there's some comic book sorry GRAPHIC NOVEL called Watchmen or something and it has it's fair share of fanboys, most of who seem to be divided when it comes to this movie. Some are like "HELL YEAH" and others are like "FUCK NO!". I have never heard of any of this so I'm just whatever about it. Here's the trailer:

2. Finally Explains "Donnie Darko"-
So at Entertainment Weekly's website, they had a feature about 22 of the "best" twist endings in movies. You probably wanna check out the site but is afraid of having something spoiled for you, but have no fear. They have a special button you gotta press to reveal the twist. If it's a movie you haven't seen yet and you don't want it spoiled, you can just click next to see the next movie. I didn't know that one magician movie with Huge Jackman (I get that and The Illusionist mixed up so I'm not sure which is which.) had a twist ending. Now I guess I gotta see it.
Anyway, I get to Donnie Darko and I didn't think that had that big of a twist ending but I read it anyway and it said that Donnie DID in fact go back in time to save his family and friends and even the world or something. Funny, cause anytime I did any research on that movie, I couldn't find anyone that supported that theory. Some peopel said HE didn't travel in time, some said the entire world BUT him did or something, I don't know what. I literally spent hours on the internet read up on that movie when it was over. To quote Adam "It's like Eraserhead for teenagers".

3. Hellboy 2: HELL YEAH!-I saw Hellboy 2 Sunday night. It freakin' rocked! And I really had now idea that Seth MacFarlane was the voice of Johann whatever, the steam/mist guy in the divers outfit. Good work Seth. Good work. I wonder if he does the voice of the VW bug in those commercials? Hmm...

4. Reminder: I MIGHT Be In Step Up 2 The Streets-Step Up 2 The Streets is out on DVD. I mentioned it a few times here that I MIGHT be in that movie, possibly at the ending credits. I still have to see it for myself to know for sure. If anyone here WANTS to see it and they see the following video in the ending credits, please let me know.

(Keep in mind I did that as a joke, I didn't expect to be taken seriously.)

5. Cutting Costs-Due to me moving next month, I have to cut some costs around here. Unfortunately, that means my movie expenses are gonna get severed. So no more Netflix or movie rentals (at least ones I gotta pay for, I still get free ones now and then) for awhile. So, I'm sorry to say, I won't be joining in on the LAMB Movie of the Month this, and possibly next, month (Unless next months is a movie I own already). And I won't be doing the Final Girl Film Club, which sucks cause I only did one. Oh well. Hopefully this all will resume in September or October the latest.

That's it. Hopefully I'll get to see Dark Knight this weekend, but we'll see since I'm cutting corners now. Maybe that'll be the last movie I'll see in theaters for awhile.

Oh and Happy Birthday to my friend Bill! He's gonna be 28 on the 20th! WOO!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

If That's What It's All About...

Some exciting news to report from my life.

As of last week, me and my fiancee offically got our first apartment together with a move-in date by September 1st. So I'm gonna be leaving lil ol' Northwest Indiana and moving to Indianapolis, IN, the dead center of Indianer.

Of course the date is way over a month from now but there's a lot to prepare for this. Plus I have a lot of crap, with 90% of that crap being my movies and MST3K episodes. So I got a few things floating around here that I probably don't want anymore. I'm debating on what to do with them

I might have a contest/auction/something for them here since they are mildly movie related. I'll keep you posted on that.

But what all this means is updates and posts from me is gonna be few and far inbetween until I'm settled in "Naptown" (cause you see the word "nap" is in IndiaNAPolis so...yeah.) I do got one final "Ugh Teenage Girl Movie" to watch that should've been done weeks ago but...I'm lazy. I admit it.

I will still post some favorite reviews in honor of my 3 year anniversary but as for actual reviews, yeah those might be non-existant for a bit. But I think my readers are use to that by now, which sucks and I apologize.

So that's it. Later.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

My 200th Post

I remember when I first made this blog. It was just some form of outlet to have a place for people to discuss my reviews and maybe do a few posts here and there about movies in general, good or bad. Now, 200 posts later, thanks to the LAMB, I'm having a whole bunch of awesome people read my blog and I thank each and every one of you.

Speaking of the LAMB, I check it everyday to see who's new and what's going on and stuff and there are a few people who came up with clever blog names.

Like for example, one I like is: He Shot Cyrus, only cause I recently watched The Warriors and anytime I read the name, I can hear David Patrick Kelly (impressed?) scream out in his raspy voice "HE SHOT CYRUS! THE WARRIOR!"

Another one is Careful With That Blog, Eugene, only cause it cracks me up. I don't know what it all means but it's clever and funny. Plus I know a guy name Eugene, so that makes it 10 million times better.

On top of them having cool names, they reall are cool blogs, you should check 'em out.

So those cool names got me wondering what I would've named my blog if I didn't make it related to the site, or even have a site and just blogged. Most likely it would be a movie quote and probably from "Pulp Fiction".

1. MMM...This Is A Tasty Burger: The URL would have to be and I would try to get a pic of Samuel L. Jackson eatin the burger for my heading.
2. Ezekial 25:17: Downside to this is a bunch of religious people would find me, thinking it was a religious site, so I'd have to put the words motherfucker after it or something.
3. Since we're swearing in the title, Bad Motherfucker. I should just create a blog called Bad Motherfucker anyway cause it's a great title. I dunno what it'd be about but I can't pass up on an opportunity on that.

I think I'll stop there. I can't top Bad Motherfucker.

This wasn't planned but to celebrate the 200th post, here is the Mass Invasion review of "Showgirls" that's been in the works for over a month now:


Well, thank you to everyone who reads and comments on my posts, especially comments. Here's to another 200 posts!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Five For Friday: July 11, 2008

Time for The Five! After it's one week hiatus! Or holiday. Whatever.

1. Happy Birthday, America!-
Last week was Independence Day, which is why there wasn't a Five then. When it comes to movies, there are very few relating to it. Of course there's "Independence Day" starring Will Smith & Bill Pullman about aliens deciding to butt rape us on our most treasured holiday. So it's up to the Fresh Prince and Seth Brundle to rape the aliens back! (That sounded weird. I'm sorry.) This film gets a lot of flack for some reason but dammit I like it. Sorry to say this, movie snobs all over the world, but IT'S A MOVIE WHERE YOU CAN TURN YOUR BRAIN OFF or whatever. Yeah, there are probably things that don't make sense like how a human computer is compatable with an alien computer and whatnot. But the aliens blowing shit up and the flying and the shooting and stuff is just cool.
The other 4th of July-related film that I can think of just happens to be a movie I reviewed back in 2006, called "Uncle Sam". If you wanna know what it's about, check out the review.

2. You Said "Cock" Huh-huh-huh-
I saw Hancock last Sunday. it's offical: either I'm the weirdest movie lover/goer in the world, or everyone else in the world is cause I freakin' loved this movie. I'm not exactly sure what many people's problem with it was, but I liked it cause it was a superhero movie that wasn't based on any type of comicbook. It was about a dude with powers that was a drunk and sorta homeless who saved people but the people weren't grateful cause he would destroy shit in the process. In comes Jason Bateman, who needed rescuing cause his car was stuck on a train track and a train was coming. This happened to me and a friend once and it was a pretty scary thing. Luckily, we got out before the train come. Yes, sadly, Will Smith didn't fly in and throw my car up in the air and smashed the train. Anyway, Jason Bateman turns Hancock's attitude around and now he's loved and stuff. Then there's a huge fuckin' plot twist that nobody in the theater expected cause everyone literally went "GASP!" when it was revealed. There were actual villains and stuff. I dunno, I liked it. Dammit.

3. Isn't It Ironic...Don't Ya Think?-
Bill Corbett was a performer and writer on "Mystery Science Theater 3000" for the last 3 or 4 years of the show. Now he's doing RiffTrax with Mike Nelson and fellow MST3K performer and writer Kevin Murphy. His other job is writing screenplays, which he wrote with a friend of his and it was titled "Starship Dave", and it was about an alien who comes to Earth in a Spaceship that looks like a human.
Well, the Hollywood machine got their grubby hands on it, changed the title, and gave the script to Eddie Murphey and "Norbit" director whoever that dude is and now we get "Meet Dave". I'm 90% sure none of this is what Bill had in mind.
Oddly enough, I kinda chuckled at a moment in the sneak preview/trailer:

The part when he's shaking hands with the one dude. I couldn't help myself. Maybe it won't be THAT who am I kidding? Sorry, Bill.

4. Speaking Of MST3K-

I want this! The episodes aren't announced yet. There was a rumor that "Laserblast" and "Werewolf" was gonna be on it, but probably not. It's currently available for pre-order
which if you do through that link, I'll say to you "Thank you very much".

5. Two Quickie DVD Reviews-
As you no doubt noticed over there to the right under the DVD's I've Watched section, I saw "Be Kind Rewind" & "The Onion Movie".
First, "Be Kind Rewind". Yet again, maybe I'm a weirdo but I loved this movie. Granted, I think Michel Gondry's a genius and all of his movies are visually stunning, which was NOT a complaint everyone had. The complaints that I did read was some of the following:
-What's up with it being a VHS store?
Well, it is mentioned in the movie that they are probably the last VHS rental place when everyone else went to DVD's. But, to me, the store was kind of a character, like how many people say the van in "Little Miss Sunshine" was a character. It had a charm that you don't seem too often in this fast paced modern world. It was old, run down, and you can only find old rundown things inside it. I happened to like places like that. Eventually, Danny Glover's character tried to make the switch to DVD, but everyone thought it was a bad idea. I like DVD's as much as the next guy, but VHS does have a old charm to it, to me anyway. Since I use to have a shitload of VHS movies back in the day.
-Jack Black was annoying.
Actually, this is said about him in most of his movies. He got on my nerves only one time and it was towards the end when he wouldn't let Mos Def's character use the piano with the keys being people's fingers. I thought that was quite clever. The rest of the time, I found him funny and, well, he was SUPPOSE to be annoying. That's like people saying they don't like Jason Vorhees cause he kills people.
Ok enough of that, I gotta get to the Onion Movie. It could've been better, but it was still funny enough where I wasn't miserable the whole time. I gotta give it up to Steven Segal for playing himself, which in turn made fun of himself. The entire movie is pretty much a sketch movie, like "The Kentucky Friend Movie" or "Amazon Women On The Moon". One of the bits was about Dungeons and Dragons and the geeks, er, fine fine people (I forget who my fans are sometimes, sorry) that play it. In come this guy and, well, here's the scene. Tell me who the main doucebag geek reminds you of:

Hint: I talked about him in the "Be Kind Rewind" portion.
So it could've been better but there was too much repetition, like with the Fake Britney Spears chick and them playing all her songs over and over again. It's like "We get the joke, she's like Britney, her songs have sexual undertones to them, move on." But no. Oh well. It's still worth a rental in my opinion.

That'll do her for this week. Keep cool and hydrated, it's finally getting Death Valley hot outside.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Personal Best Of #1

This coming August marks the 3 year anniversary of the site. Three years is a long time to be watching shitty movies on purpose. But nonetheless here I am, still going strong (Ten million strong! And growing...). So I thought I should do something to sorta mark this occasion, or get the ball rolling on marking the occasion. The best that I could come up with is literally that: come up with a "best of" list of some of my favorite reviews.

I know it's probably somewhat egotisitical to read my own stuff and go "Oh Jason, you are one funny motherfucking" and laugh and laugh while smoking my pipe in my robe. But whenever I ask anyone which of my reviews they like the most I get one of the following answers:
1. I don't remember them all.
2. I only read maybe 5 reviews.
3. They're all SO great, it's hard to choose.

So nevermind that. I'm gonna pick them! Nyah!

First up, is from my "Shorts" department and for those of you new to reading my blog/site, this is an honest to goodness short film. I can't recall now how I came across this gem. I believe I was on the IMDb message boards (Not a fun place btw) and someone mentioned that this was probably the most offensive thing ever. After some checking, I found it and found the site you can download it FOR FREE! If you agree to join their site.

Thankfully, downloading this movie is step one out of three steps. If it was step three, I would've found myself in a strange little group, if this movie is any indication.

I proudly present, my first personal Best Of Review:

Gay Niggers From Outer Space

(No offense should be taken, that's the name of the movie.)

Try to enjoy!

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Invasion of the Dramatic Update

Five For Friday will return next Friday...


Also, new review of the last teeny-bopper movie will be posted next week...


AND the new Mass Invasion featuring "Showgirls" will be up sometime this week...


That's it for now. Hopefully I'm gonna go see Hancock, or Wanted, or Get Smart sometime tonight.


I hope for maximim effect you actually played each clip and not cheated and just played the first one, or knew what I was doing and not played any of them. That would ruin the whole thing.