Saturday, February 28, 2009

Razzie Post #2: Repo! The Genetic Opera

Oddly enough, this movie isn't really bad at all. It's just really weird.

Apparently based on a real stage opera, "Repo!" is about a world (in the not-too distant future, Sunday A.D) where getting surgery is the chic thing to do. One company, GeneCo, gives these surgeries but there's a catch: you have to pay for it for the rest of your life. If you miss a payment, then whatever you got surgery for, whether it be a kidney, heart, or even spine, a Repo Man will come and repo your organ.

We focus on Shilo, a 17-year-old girl with a mystery illness. One night while visiting her Mom's tomb, she witnesses a Graverobber, who gets some kind of chemical from dead bodies and sell it, which is apparently addictive. Shilo is cared for by her father Nathan, a doctor. It's revealed that he's GeneCo's Repo Man and he possibly has split personalities.

We then meet the head of GeneCo, Paul Sorvino (yes he sings, a lot, in this film) and he has three kids, one of whom is Paris Hilton, who are, um, different. One son is a royal asshole, one son likes to graft on human faces over his face, and Paris is addicted to Graverobber's drug.

Paul is about to die and he doesn't want to leave the company to any of his kids, so he picks Shilo, whose Mom use to date Paul but left him for Nathan, then Nathan accidently killed Mom. Yeah, it's like a real opera!

So Shilo must decide what to do while leaving the grasp of his father and figure out how to get rid of her illness. A blind chick who got robotic eyes rips them out on stage then dies, Paul dies without leaving a heir, and after finding out her dad is the Repo Man, and he got her addicted to Graverobber's drug, he dies. Shilo leaves to do god only know what, leaving the company to the three asshole kids.

The songs aren't half bad, and the only part I could do without with Paris Hilton's singing. There is a part where one of her surgeries don't go well and her face is deformed. I took a pic of it for you guys.

"The Love Guru" will have to wait until next week, since I don't have it yet. Boy. I. Can't. Wait.


Razzie Post #1: The Hottie and the Nottie

You picked it, you got it. Here's my gut-wrenching review of the Paris Hilton Opus, "The Hottie and the Nottie".

After watching this movie, I know now what kind of sense of humor Paris Hilton has, since she did some kind of producing gig on this, which means everything that happened in this movie went by her first and she said "yeah, whatever, just include shots of my body. That's hot."

Oddly enough, it's not AS bad as you think it is. It's not good by any means, but I was expecting Uwe Boll-level of torture.

The movie focuses around Nate, who falls in love with Cristabelle, Paris Hilton's character, immedately in the first grade. But Cristabelle has a friend named June, who is the "nottie" in this equation. They show these characters as children and the kid playing Nate was really weird looking. Like his eyes were on the side of his face or something. And they really put on the ugly makeup on Kiddie June by having her entire nose like bleeding or something. I don't get the point of that, but whatever.

Flashforward to 20 years and Nate is in Maine, for some odd reason, and is going through a breakup with his girlfriend, who grabs his guitar and smashes it over him. She leaves, taking a single dresser drawer (cause that's funny according to Paris Hilton), then not only wrote "LOSER" on his car but proceeds to run him over with her car, which looks like the kind a car a douchebag guy would drive. Instead of getting killed, he survives and realizes he needs to track down Cristabelle. This involves going to L.A, which is I guess where he's from.

So he arrives in L.A in his Loser-mobile and meets up with his old friend Arno, who still lives with his mom. Arno has been keeping a creepy database on the whereabouts of Cristabelle, knowing when she goes for her morning jog and where she eats breakfast.

Nate arrives on a part of the beach where Cristabelle runs by and he meets an albino and a dude in a wedding suit. These are Cristabelle's stalkers. When Cristabelle runs by, you can expect a slow-motion shot of her perfectness bouncing down the sidewalk. Nate runs behind her and tries to sniff her hair, but she notices this and stops and as a result they go crashing into the sand.

Nate reminds Cristabelle who he is and she's like "cool" and they go grab breakfast. Nate asks her out and she says the timing is bad cause she made a promise to herself to stop fucking random people until her roommate June can get a guy. And of course she's still ugly as all hell. And this, my friends, is the plot for the remainder of the movie: A dude wants to bone Paris Hilton but he has to find a desperate loser for June.

And they don't spare any gross routine when it comes to June. Her hair is thin and stringy, she's got moles and acne everywhere, ugly teeth, and hair everywhere. It's like someone asked Paris Hilton to describe her worst nightmare and they took it seriously.

Nate's friend Arno, who keeps calling June "the Nottie" but it sounds like "Naughty", tries to help out by offering weird pieces of advice. Nate comes up with an idea to get a guy to date June. He puts up a flyer advertising for people willing to subject themselves to medical experiments. One guy calls and Nate tells him what he has to do. Oh and he has to be called "Cole Slawson", cause of a thing that happened when Nate and Cristabelle were out on a picnic. It's not really important.

Anyway "Cole" shows up and immedately throws up in his mouth on the sight of June. Nate keeps offering money to keep Cole there, so Cole starts downing a bottle of Jack Daniels. Just as Cole gets the courage to boink June, her infected toenaile flies off her foot somehow and lands in his mouth. Cole then jumps in the ocean and swims away.

Back and Cristabelle and June's place, they all drink and talk about how ugly June is. And that's all everyone does throughout the whole movie is just talk about how ugly she is. It's like they think we don't get it or something. Dude, it's called "The Hottie and the Nottie", I think we get it.

Nate then gives June a spa makeover package deal, which costs $2000. Jeez, where is he getting all this money from? Was his parents rich or something? Anyway, they see how depressed June is getting, and Nate really wants to munch on Paris' vajayjay, so he amps it up a notch in the weirdest scene I've ever seen.

Somehow Nate found Cole and has him tied up in a chair. Nate and Arno are putting weird wires on his body, then they hold up a picture of a model, I think it was Christine Brinkley but I wasn't sure and when Cole started drooling, Nate shocked him, saying "NO!". Then he showed a picture of June all ugly-fied and gave him ice cream, to make him think good things. But this isn't working, so it's time for hypnosis.

They tell Cole under hypnosis that anytime he sees June, he thinks he sees some hot alien chick that he wants to boink. And they come up with a trigger phrase to turn this off. So let's count how many movies we've ripped off. "There's Something About Mary", "A Clockwork Orange", and now "Shallow Hal". Oh and possibly "10 Things I Hate About You". Anyway the phrase is "I love midget mimes", which isn't common enough so it should work. And if you think that, you need to see more movies.

So all four go out on a date again at some pier in L.A, and Cole can't stop drooling over Jane, calling her a hot alien chick. And wouldn't you know it, there's a midget mime. And also wouldn't you know it, a little girl says "I love midget mimes!", which turns off Cole's hypnosis and he runs away at the sight of June.

The midget mime calls June up and draws her picture, but he put her face on the body of a horse. Before Nate can do anything, a young strapping guy comes up and dwarf tosses the guy. This is Johann and he shows interest in June. And he's just the perfect guy.

He's got a nice house, he's from "Europe" (Yes just "Europe"), he went to Harvard, he's a dentist, he helps out needy children, he's a model, and he can fly planes. Nate is jealous and Arno tells him that he's just using June as a backdoor to get to Cristabelle, so Nate has to constantly one-up him, including stopping him from taking his shirt off.

So of course two different times, Johann tries to take his shirt off and Nate tackles him. And during all this, June is finally doing something about the ugly stick she got beat with. She's seeing a dermatologist to remove all the warts and acne. She saw a foot guy to get her feet checked out, and she got some laser hair removal thing. Oh and Johann offered to fixed her teeth.

GASP! WHA?? You mean the Nottie is slowly turning into...A HOTTIE??? What will this mean for Nate? Is he slowly falling for June? NO!!

Yeah, you see everything coming right away. And you know Johann is up to something but we don't know what. When Nate tackled Johann, Cristabelle got pissed at Nate's jealousy and told him to leave. Three weeks later, Arno set Nate up with June and yep, she's a total hottie now. She doesn't look hideous and Nate is impressed. And of course more scenes of him falling more in love with June.

June invites Nate to a costume party and he dresses up like Speed Racer while Johann dresses up like...a dentist. Ok. Johann tells Nate that tonight's the night he's gonna do June a favor and de-virginize her and that's pretty much it. Nate is apalled that anyone would just have sex with a girl and leave her, much like what he was gonna do to...Cristabelle. Hm. Way to think about that, movie.

Cristabelle comes in wearing a wedding dress, farting up a storm, and acting drunk. We find out later she was testing Nate to see if he really loved her, but considering he's punching Johann for using June, I'd think he has the hots for June instead, but I didn't produce this movie so what the fuck do I know?

Nate and Cristabelle are alone and she puts on a skimpy outfit, so skimpy the guy playing Nate is like "FUCK! Why does the script have me NOT boning the shit out of her right now???" Instead, Nate confesses his love for June, who is trying to get out of being used by Johann.

Nate runs to Johann's looking for June but she's gone. Nate goes to the pier we were at earlier and she's there. Earlier, June gave this speech about how she's not the girl guys get out of breath for, but here since Nate was running he's out of breath, which turns June on. They kiss and...that's it. End movie.

The only bad thing about this movie is how predictable it is. You know from the start Nate isn't gonna get with Paris, she's just there to look hot. And the instant they mentioned June was doing something about her looks, you knew what was coming. I mean, hell, I've seen my fair share of John Hughes movies, I just knew how this was gonna end.

But the acting was pretty bad and not just from Paris. The dude playing Nate was also the main dude from "Hatchet", which is a pretty decent movie. But here, he's just bad. I'm guessing he didn't even bother with this one. Well anyway, I got one Paris Hilton Razzie out of the way, onto the next!


Friday, February 27, 2009

New Review: Tin Man: Part 3

I messed up. This is the final part of "Tin Man".

Tin Man: Part 3

My bad.

The Fight for #1: Week 9

Oh lord. Guess what's opening up this week?

I really don't know how this is gonna go. Normally Tyler Perry movies, especially the Madea ones, last at least 2 or 3 weeks until something better comes along. But here we have the staying power of a crappy Disney band which has roughly 11 trillion fans, all of whom are probably cramming into theaters as we speak. This is gonna be a tough call.

But I'm am gonna go with the JoBro's cause of the stupid tweens who'll be dragging their parents to see it this weekend. I will throw in a bonus and say that Madea will be number two. So since I"m giving myself a bonus, I'll give you all a bonus. This beeing the last game of the month, I'll give everybody 5 bonus points IF MADEA BECOMES THE #2 FILM. That's it. You don't have to do anything to get the bonus points but participate. If you send me your #1 picks, and Madea is #2, you get 5 bonus points.

With that said, here's last weeks top 10.

Also opening is a new Street Fighter movie and a couple of limited releases. Yeah, good luck with that.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

More Like Old Space! HA!

Sometime back in, oh I'm gonna say 2005, my friend Bill told me one day "DUDE! There's this neat and interesting website called 'Myspace'! It's fun!" He showed it to me and how he was meeting all these people he would never meet in real life ever and how he left messages and got to put all kinds of neat things on his profile and stuff. I went "Huh." And went home. A few days later, I said what the hell and made one myself.

(At this point you're asking, yes Jason, but this is a movie blog. What does this have to do with movies? Trust me, I'll get you there.)

After I made a profile I got instantly depressed cause no one was friending me (well besides Bill) and I instantly deleted it. Then sometime later, after creating my website, I went back and noticed that there were some Myspace profiles based solely on websites, so I said what the hell I need a place to gain fans, might as well go there.

If only I knew then what I know now about the icky-ness of Myspace.

(I swear, it'll come around to movies in a minute.)

So I kept the profile and anytime I updated the site I would make an announcement on there. It was ok for awhile and I eventually got a lot of friends.

Then I noticed something. A lot of profiles on Myspace belonged to movies. And real crappy movies. Crappy movies that don't deserve a whole fucking profile about how shitty it is. It's one thing to find celebrities on there but it's another that a movie has to answer the question "In A Relationship?"

So earlier, I decided to search Myspace profiles to see what crappy movies have profiles. To start off, I know of two already.

1. Step Up/Step Up 2 The Streets
This gained some popularity around here when I famously found this profile and saw they were having a home video contest and I entered and they took my entry seriously, which scares me to this day. From what I can tell, this was created SOLELY for the purpose of running a stupid contest which I'm sure was rigged anyway. (By the way, I don't think I made it into the movie. Stupid producers of Step Up 2.)

2. Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj
I went on about this when I found it cause I couldn't believe there was gonna be a sequel to Van Wilder...that doesn't feature the character Van Wilder. Hey! Let's name a movie after a character that won't appear in the movie! While we're at it, let's call a movie "The Joker From The Dark Knight Rules" and make it about the one dude that became the victim of the pencil trick!

So now I had to do a search for every crappy movie I could think of. The results...will surprise you.

3. The Love Guru
Yes. They made a Myspace page for this movie. What's worse is there's a seperate page for THE SOUNDTRACK!! There's a video called "Mike Meyers: The Joker", but since I'm gonna be reviewing this movie later this week, I'm gonna hold off in ruining my brain with what that could possibly mean.

4. Hilariously, I looked up "The Hottie and the Nottie" and at first all I found were just video results for the trailer and some behind the scenes crap. Then on the second page of results I found this page. It's the most generic page I've ever seen (In Myspace standards anyway) And there's only 1 friend (and 10 bucks on who that 1 friend is.) This gives me some hope.

5. Even though I don't think it's THAT bad of a movie (considering) but there is a myspace page for "Postal" the latest Uwe Boll film. I need to step it up and find a truly undeserving movie with a Myspace page.

6. The Room-
Well, ok it's really the writer/director/producer/editor/cook/bodyguard/chauffer/and star of The Room Tommy Wiseau's profile, but he named it "theroommovie" so it was suppose to be a profile page for this movie. As you may or may not know, sometime last month I ordered this movie via Amazon and actually sat through the whole thing. If there ever was a movie that DIDN'T need a stupid profile on a stupid website it's this one.

On another note, when I was starting to do this, I found this: A Back to the Future video page. I LOVE Back to the Future but why does it need a video page on Myspace? I believe enough people know about this movie, and probably owns the movie so they can watch the entire thing, instead of random 2 minute clips. Yeah, Myspace is really starting to bug me.

The only good thing I got from it is I did meet some new people and did get some fans/readers through it. And I learned about a bunch of movies like "Pervert!" which I have to get to some day. I was stoked about finding a bunch of my favorite celebrities on there, but I then come to the conclusion that probably half of them just have people run/update the profile. So while it'd be fucking awesome to have Jenna Fischer (AKA Pam) from The Office send me a response saying "Hi Jason! Love the site!" I know it's never gonna happen. So I give up on Myspace. Maybe I'm getting to old for it, or I'm really an impatient motherfucker, but it took me an hour to do this post cause all the pages I linked above took about 80 minutes each to load. (I know math-wise that don't make sense but you get my point.) And I'm tired of all the stupid looking profiles with the glitter and the animated crap and the pictures and the instant starting of music, which 99% of sucks donkey ass. So next Friday, I'm gonna offically delete anything Myspace related and just stick to Facebook, which is slowly turning into Myspace anyway.

Ok, that ending paragraph was non-movie related. So I should end this on a movie related note.


Monday, February 23, 2009

Friday the 13th: UNCUT BITCHES!!

Miss Stacie over at Le Final Girl gave the assignment via her Film Club for people to watch and review the newly released Friday the 13th and My Bloody Valentine UNCUT DVD's. Me being Jason, I went with Ft13.

I don't even remember the last time I saw the original Friday the 13th so going into this, I wasn't for sure what "newly restored" footage was added. If I had to guess I'd say it was the ax to the face but I could be 100% wrong about that. And I swear they added a different ending.

The ending I remember is Alice sitting on the boat, Jason comes out and grabs her, pulls her into the lake and go to black, cue end credits. But here, she wakes up in a hospital and rants about a boy in the lake and everyone looks at her as if she's got 3 heads. Then after a shot of the lake, it fades to black. If this is the original ending, then I guess I blocked that part out of my mind and thought it'd be better my way.

Anyway, you all know the story. Camp Crystal Lake is being re-opened after being shut down for some years cause a boy drowned, then some councilors got killed. After the guy running the place (who spends his first 10 minutes of the movie shirtless and wearing a bandana around his neck) leaves for a bit, all the present councilors hook up, have sex, play Strip Monopoly (I gotta try that sometime), and get high. One by one, they all get killed by a roving camera man. The only person left is Alice, who meets Mrs. Voorhees, the mother of Jason, the boy that drowned. It's revealed she's cookoo for Count Chocula (That is the saying, right?) and is the one that murdered everyone so now it's a fight to the death between Alice and Ma Voorhees.

Of course this movie is way different than the sequels that follow. It's more of a tense thriller than a typical slasher flick. The victims were (somewhat) smart and were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. It's not until later that Jason kills a bunch of dumbasses/douchebags.

This is probably the third or forth time ever in my life seeing this and I went from liking it to not liking it to liking it again. I guess I go through weird phases. But I like it cause it takes it time, which makes all the killings later seem worth it. Granted, I also get a thrill when Jason shoves a machete through some dork out of nowhere, so whatever.

And I really can't say for sure what was so different about this "uncut" version (save for the ending that I don't remember happening) so it probably was nothing major. If you are a die hard Friday the 13th fan and wanna see for yourself, go ahead and pick this up. Otherwise just stick with the un-uncut version and go "woo" all night long.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Fight For #1: Week 8 Results

This Week's Totals:
Jason, Maria, Felicia: 10
Rachael M., Bobbie, April, Fletch :5
Highway: 2

Totals For February:
Jason: 30
Maria: 28
Felicia: 20
Bobbie: 23
April: 15
Highway: 14
Todd: 10
Adam: 8
Sean: 7
Rachael M.: 5

Man, I'm 3 for 3. Reminder: Next week is the final week for this month. Opening up next week is (checking...) ohjesushelpusall. The Jonas Brothers Concert Stupid Thingy.

Good job to all who played.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

The Razzie "Winners"

They finally announced the "winners" of the 2008 Razzie Award. As usual, they set their sights on two or three films and just let them have it. Below are the nominees, the stuff in italics are what I picked, the stuff in bold is what won.

Worst Picture:
Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans
The Happening
The Hottie and The Nottie
In The Name of The King:A Dungeon Siege Tale
The Love Guru
I'm cool with me not getting this one right, I had a hard time picking which movie SOUNDS worse. Of course I'm gonna know myself next week. Unless I kill myself now. Which I'm considering.

Worst Actor:
Eddie Murphy-MEET DAVE

Hey I got one! He really should branch out a bit and stop playing the same character (Someone with a weird accent that does weird things with his feet) over and over again.

Worst Actress:
Jessica Alba-THE EYE and THE LOVE GURU
The Cast of THE WOMEN
(Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Meg Ryan)
Hey I got two! Maybe she'll stop appearing in movies now!

Worst Supporting Actor:
Uwe Boll (as Himself)-Uwe Boll’s POSTAL
Pierce Brosnan-MAMMA MIA!
Verne Troyer-THE LOVE GURU and Uwe Boll’s POSTAL
Ack, three out of four so far! Could I...really be getting a handle on this finally? Maybe I should start going to Vegas and picking winners on....something.

Worst Supporting Actress:
Leelee Sobieski-88 MINUTES and IN THE NAME OF THE KING
Aw damn. Seriously, if Paris won, Kim shoulda won too, since they have SOOOO much in common. (Do I really need to list what here?)

Worst Screen Couple:
Uwe Boll & ANY Actor, Camera or Screenplay
Cameron Diaz & Ashton Kutcher-WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS
Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore-HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE
Larry the Cable Guy & Jenny McCarthy-WITLESS PROTECTION
Eddie Murphy IN Eddie Murphy-MEET DAVE
I dunno, as much as I don't like Paris Hilton "acting" I think Larry The Cable guy should stop as well. And if the Razzie's aren't gonna tell him to stop, who or what will?

Worst Director:
Uwe Boll-1968: Tunnel Rats, In The Name Of The King and Postal
Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer-DISASTER MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS
Marco Schnabel-THE LOVE GURU
M. Night Shyamalan-THE HAPPENING
Got another one! I knew they'd give it to Senor Boll this year. Even if they already made up a category just for him.

Worst Screenplay:
Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans-Both Written By Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
The Happening-Written By M. Night Shyamalan
The Hottie And The Nottie-Written By Heidi Ferrer
In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale-Screenplay By Doug Taylor
The Love Guru-Written By Mike Myers & Graham Gordy

Yet again, I'm good with either.

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off, or Sequel:
The Day The Earth Blowed Up Real Good (The Day The Earth Stood Still)
Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans
Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull
Speed Racer
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Ok...sorry. I stepped away from my computer, did some breathing. I'm fine. I'm fin-LEAVE INDIANA JONES ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!

Worst Carrer Achievement:
Uwe Boll (Germany’s Answer to Ed Wood)-Only nominee.
Nothing to say here.

So I got five out of nine! Hey, that's not bad! And as usual, the big "winners" just happen to be the ones you guys voted on. I saw on the Razzie site you can sign up to be a member to vote on which films should win or whatever. I'm totally thinking about it.

PS: Sorry about the Indiana Jones rant. I honestly swear that's the last time I'm gonna mention it. Hopefully now that we got a whole new year ahead of us, we can just go our seperate ways. There ain't no good guy, there ain't no bad guy, there's just you and me and we just disagree.

Razzie Poll Is Closed

Hot damn, you guys really want me to suffer, huh?

In the "worst picture" poll, there was a tie. So looks like I'm gonna be suffering through "The Hottie and the Nottie" and "The Love Guru/Guro". I wonder if you guys really thought there was a different movie called "Love Guro" and picked it just for the hell of it.

As for the "Other" Poll, looks like "Repo: The Genetic Opera" won, and looking at the cast list, it features Paris Hilton, so I get a double dose of Paris. Thanks guys. Thanks a lot.

That's hot that's hot!

Oh and I still don't understand how one poll got more votes than the other. I mean, it should've been the same number of votes seeing how I had them both up at the same time. Did you guys not see the second poll or something? I'm really confused.

Anyway, as I stated sometime ago, I'm gonna be getting to these movies next week when I have a couple of days off to get to them. In the meantime, I'm waiting for the "winners" to be announced, which is happening later in the day instead of early in the morning for some reason. So stay tuned for that!

Friday, February 20, 2009

The Fight for #1: Week 8

Here's last week's Top Ten in case you forgot:

Coming out this week:
Madea Goes To Jail-Bought to you by Tyler Perry
Fired Up-A Cheerleading Movie telling us it's not a cheerleading movie despite the fact there's cheerleading going ON in the movie. But whatever.

My choice goes to Madea cause it's got the success of the previous Madea movies going for it. But I've been wrong before (Looking at you, Paul Blart.)

Post 300

Jeez. 300 posts? What the hell have I been doing? I started this blog way back in 2007 when I wanted an outlet to ramble on and on about what's on my mind movie wise. Of course, I ended up being "The Mayor of Blogs-NoOne-Reads-ville" until I joined a little group called "The LAMB", and now I'm the Mayor of Three-or-Four-People Reads-Ville! What an improvement!

In all honesty, I enjoy typing stuff into this little box and having however many people it really is read this and even though feedback is scarce (I really don't know if I suck or if I'm funny) I keep doing it to entertain YOU, the reader.

So to bring this back around to movies, especially not-good-ones, I'll devote this post to the last two movies I saw in theaters.

First was "My Bloody Valentine" and yes I saw it IN 3-D!! OOOOH!!!! And I gotta say, seeing it in 3-D...was the only good thing about the whole thing. The movie itself wasn't that good, plot or story wise. I kinda saw the ending coming. But the 3-D effects were pretty cool and I only recommend the movie in that format.

Next up was the Friday the 13th remake. If you know me at all, you know some part of me had to see this movie, despite Michael Bay's untalented hand having something to do with this. The entire thing confuses me, cause I don't know how I feel. If I ignore the fact there was a previous "Friday the 13th" (A much better one at that), it's a decent slasher flick with a spooky killer guy. But going in knowing about the previous 9 billion Jason films and knowing how he really acts, this one kinda lets me down. Jason (the killer) doesn't act like the killer in this film. He has no personality. He's really not human. You can do all kinds of shit to him and nothing will stop him. Ever.

And the remake really covers Part 1, 2, and 3 (oddly enough they left the 3-D feature out), what with the inclusion of Jason's Mom, Jason wearing a bag on his head, then finally finding the hockey mask. Considering this film became the #1 movie this weekend, Shithead Bay is probably gonna order up a sequel. Or some lame thing like "Friday the 13th: The Beginning" Where we see Jason drown and it's not gonna be scary and will be totally pointless.

I really want to cover the original Friday the 13th films. Since we get another Friday the 13th in March, I SHOULD make the first 12 days of March Friday the 13th related. Hmm...something to think about.

Anyway. This is it. Big 300th post. Let me know how I'm doing. And I'll keep churning them out. Thank you again for reading and let's make it 400 posts!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

The Fight For #1: Week 7 Results

HA! I have prevailed!

This Weeks Scores:
Jason, Bobbie, April: 10
Highway: 4
Maria: 7

Total Scores For The Month:
Jason: 20
Bobbie, April: 18
Maria: 15
Highway: 12
Felicia, Todd: 10
Adam: 8
Sean: 7

Man, I'm actually on a roll this month. Next week a new Tyler Perry opens up so I think we all know what's gonna happen then. Until then, thanks for playing and see you on the other side of post 300!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Post 298

This morning when I went to post about the new Fight for #1, I saw that I was at 297 posts. This post is 298. Sunday I'll be doing post 299 to post this weeks winner. So that means post 300 is coming soon.

Many bloggers probably don't make a big deal about how many posts they have. Quality over quanity, right? Well since about 50-60% of my quality is "NEW REVIEW" then a link, I think quantiy is pretty damn important.

I'm not sure what post 300 is gonna be. I'm tempted to make it a video post where I re-enact a scene from "300", but I don't think anyone wants to see me shirtless and kicking an invisible man down a pit of death that doesn't exist.

So anyway, this post is gonna be a few things I would make seperate posts about but I don't wanna ruin the flow of things so I'll throw them all into one big bloated post.

And away we go.

1. Inglorious Basterds Trailer:
Really? BasTERDS? Why that wording? Is this explained in the movie? Every other movie blog I been too talked about this trailer so I figured I should since I'm a huge, giant, Tarantino fan.

Changed to a link cause the widescreen thing made this post look stupid.

The dude at the beginning was bugging me, cause I knew who he was but couldn't place then. Then someone pointed out it was Eli Roth and I went "Oh no..." So they're buddies now, this means we have to put up with Eli's "acting"? Jeez. Bring back Michael Madsen or the other Roth, Tim. And everyone's making a big deal about Brad Pitt's accent but I don't see a problem with it. I do like how QT worked Hitler in and made him a character. This is gonna be kickass.

2. Last week I bought the "graphic novel" (Its not a comic book dammit) Watchmen to read before I go see the movie. I did this cause I kept hearing how dark the whole thing is and how there's no way it'll be a faithful adaptation and how the ending will be changed and stuff. So I wanted to compare. So far I like what I read. The story is slow as all hell but there's lots of tits and fucked up shit happening to counter it so it's all good.

3. I'm already hearing less than kind words about the remake of "Friday the 13th". I still think it'll be #1 and I still wanna see it. I went out to dinner with the fiancee and we overheard some dude talk about it with his friends and I totally felt like jumping in on the conversation cause they were talking about all the sequels and the one called "Jason in Space" (It's Jason X dammit!) but I heard some of the differences in the remake and I get the feeling I'm not gonna like it either. THEY RUINED MY NAMESAKE!

4. If you look off to the right, you'll see two polls, one for which worst film nominee I should review and one for which nominee in every other category I should review for Razzie time. I realized a bit too late that I misspelled Guru and I couldn't edit it unless I deleted it but someone voted for it already, so Love Guro will have to stand for another week. I did wanna mention that I probably won't be able to get to the "winners" that weekend cause of work (grr work) but I'll have time off the following week to get to it. Apologizes all around for that.

5. Later on (after post 300) I'm gonna do a post about favorite Movie Posters. I'll accept some ideas/submissions so if you have one or two that you like, email me at invasionofthebmovies at gmail dot com and I'll post them up.

6. Mass Invasion Mania! I started a new Mass Invasion, which won't be posted until March sometime. I'll keep the movie a secret for now but it's a doozy.

7. I don't remember if I linked to it before but I'll do it again. Over at the LAMB, Master Fletch asked us lowly peasents to write a thing about each Oscar category. We did this last year where I wrote about Best Visual Effects and I spent the entire thing talking about how much Transformers sucks, which didn't make a lot of people happy. So I vowed to change that and write this years category, which is Best Supporting Actor a bit differently. Judging by the lack of comments that post got (only got 3, one of them which said, and I quote: "the only LAMB oscar thingy I didn't enjoy. Pure stupid babbling"), everyone was so thrilled with it that they were speechless. I'm sure later on, possibly in the summer, the thrill will wear off and they'll randomly leave a comment on my blog saying "BEST OSCAR POST EVAH!!!" and I won't have any clue what they're talking about. It's ok, everybody. You don't have to be tongue-tied around me. I'm a normal person like you. Well, maybe not "normal" but still. Anyway, here it is.

8. The more I think about it, the more I wanna do the video where I re-enact "300".

That's all. Thanks for reading all this crap.

The Fight For #1: Week 7

This week should be interesting. A few pretty major movies are opening this weekend. Probably picking the one that'll win will be tough. Will everyone wanna see a horror remake of a classic? Or will they wanna see Clive Owen kick some ass while throwing the word "bank" around as many times as he can? Or are women gonna rule this weekend and drag their boyfriends to see an annoying woman spend money like it's going out of style? (I'll tell you this if I hear the words "You speak Proda" again I'm probably gonna go on a rampage.

Anyway, here's last weeks top ten:

There are a few limited releases as well, like the movie with Joanquin Phoenix, who by the way is either slowly going insane or is pulling the biggest act of his carrer. And some IMAX under sea film narrated by...Jim Carrey? Huh. If you say so.

My guess for this week, naturally, has to go to "Friday the 13th". Yes I said it.

Anyway here are where the scores stand right now:
Me, Felicia, Todd: 10
Maria, Highway, Bobbie, Adam, April: 8
Sean: 7

I never know how to end a post so...bye!

Sunday, February 08, 2009

The Fight For #1: Week 6 Results

Totals This Week:
Me, Felicia, Todd: 10
Maria, Highway, Bobbie, Adam, April: 8
Sean: 7

I must admit when the guesses for Coraline started coming in, I figured they'd be right, since goth emo kids seem to be attracted to that crap and what else are they gonna do? But in the end, the chicks always win. Good job everybody! Hope to see this level of participation next week? And it's not too late to join in, if you get 10 or 9 points.

Coming out next week is Friday the 13th. And some other movies but I'm not paying any attention to them cause I'm pretty sure this is gonna dominate, despite it being a unneeded remake, but dammit it looks like an awesome unneeded remake.

New Review: Tin Man Part 2

Part 2 of my 4 part Tin Man review is now up.

Tin Man: Part 2


Friday, February 06, 2009

The Fight for #1: Week 6

New month, new scores. We all start back at zero. So if you wanted to play, here is your chance.

Here's last weeks top ten:

Coming out this week:
Pink Panther 2
He's Not That Into You
Fanboys (possibly limited).

My guess is going to go to "He's Not That Into You" cause everyone all over the place can't seem to shut up about this.

Sorry this post is late and quick. It's actually kinda nice outside and we're eager to go outside and play. See ya!

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

I'm Gonna Defend: The Spirit

I felt the need to start a series of posts where I defend a movie that I don't get why everyone hates. Normally I understand, like why everyone hates "House of the Dead" or I'm baffled on why a movie is so popular like "Transformers". But often times there are movies that I've seen and enjoyed on some level but when I read what my fellow bloggers have to say about it, they're like "It Sucked!"

One such case of this recently was "The Spirit". I'm sorta clueless as to what the hate was about.

It was based on a graphic novel, so all the shots and lines of dialogue were lifted directly from that. Nobody complained when this was also done for "Sin City", a movie I really loved.

And when you're basing stuff from a graphic novel, certain liberties have to taken. So you really shouldn't be asking "Why is that guy flying?" or "Who really talks like that?" That's like people asking "Wouldn't Peter Parker die from radiation poisoning? And are there really radioactive spiders?"

When I go into a comic book movie, I already expect to see a bunch of ridiculous things, such as impossible stunts and awkard lines of dialogue. I don't expect Oscar worthy performances and expect to cry at the end of the film. I expect explosions, fight scenes, and horrible one-liners that'd make David Caruso blush.

Another thing people rag on about "The Spirit" is the fact it was directed by Frank Miller, who only "co-directed" one film, and that one film being "Sin City". So maybe there could've been a better choice (maybe Robert Rodriguz again? Certainly not Zach Snyder, he was busy making "Watchmen" another graphic novel movie I'm sure people are gonna bitch about) but I think Miller did an OK job. He pointed the camera. He told people what to do. I enjoyed the story and the shots. Mission accomplished.

The only thing I can figure is maybe all the people hating on this movie are hard core "Spirit" fans and didn't agree with the direction the film took. I'll admit I never heard of "The Spirit" until the movie came out and I'm sure many people haven't either. And probably as a result, more people probably looked into the graphic novel, which is something I would want if I was a graphic novel geek. Unless there's some unspoken code about only certain people can know about this piece of work and any outsiders are not welcome, go away humans GO AWAY!!

Sort of the same with me and "Watchmen". I never heard of the graphic novel until the movie came out and after looking it up on Amazon and reading the first few pages from the "Peek Inside" thing, I wanna read the whole thing, especially before I see the movie cause I hear the book is much more darker then what people are saying the movie is gonna be.

So in conclusion, while I respect every person's opinons, I don't really understand the huge hate towards "The Spirit". It'd be different if people were like "Eh, it wasn't for me" but there are people out there who are flat out angry and I don't get why. Hell, it has Eva Mendes AND Scarlet Johannson...oh that's probably it. We don't need hot chicks in our geeky little films.


Sunday, February 01, 2009

New Review: Tin Man: Part 1

Part 1 out of 4 of my review of a Sci-Fi Original Movie.

Tin Man: Part 1


The Fight For #1: Week 5 Results And January Winner

$18 of that 24.6 million for "Taken" is mine. Me and Felicia saw it on Friday. It was ok. It was like a typical episode of "24", even down to the daughter being named Kim. I probably wouldn't want to see it again though. And (spoiler alert) the whole thing turned into a thing about human traffiking so it was kind of a bummer.

Anyway, enough yammering from me, here are this week's scores:
Fletch, April, Me, Bobbie : 10
Felicia, Maria : 9
Highway: 8

And the totals for January are:
Maria: 47
Me: 46
Felicia: 41
April: 39
Bobbie: 38
Sean: 30
Fletch: 27
Adam: 18
Highway: 15
Rachael: 12
ecrunner: 10

Which makes Maria the big winner for January! Congratulations Maria! I would offer you a prize or make some kind of flashy graphic but I suck at that. Maybe somewhere down the road I'll have something made.

So now it's a new month and we all start over again. Next week is The Pink Panther 2, Heroes: The Movie (AKA Push), He's Not That Into You, Fanboys (A movie I'm totally looking forward to) and Coraline. Man, that's a lot of major releases. I really have no idea. Ok I do, but that's for next week.

See ya then!