Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Retarded Canadians Discuss Black Snake Moan

It's offical! Canadians are retarded!

So this guy is like "Oh Black Snake Moan is about a black dude brutalizing a white chick" or something and makes it sound like women should be offended by it. So ok. I asked some women that I know and out of all of them, none of them was offended. You know why?

IT'S A FUCKIN' FICTIONAL MOVIE!!!! UGH! And I don't think this dude and the idiots who agreed with him know that it's really about. For those of you who don't know if you should side with me (the way smarter movie buff) or the pretentious a-holes from Canadians this is what it's about seriously.

Sam Jackson is a old lonely black dude who finds a beat up passed out Christine Ricci on his front lawn. Realizing that if he doesn't do something to help her, she's gonna kill herself so he chains her to his radiator and helps her. How we don't know we need to SEE THE FUCKIN MOVIE. So yeah while the whole chaining thing sounds weird...it's a movie.

I hate people sometimes.

Here's the trailer:


T Van said...

Let's not paint all Canadians as retarded. It's a select few from Halifax who appear to be the douches.

I don't know any chicks who would be offended by this movie. I think that's the point. It is a fucking movie after all.

There are probably a ton of movies that deal with subjects I don't like or don't want to deal with. That's okay. But this guy needs to get over himself.

Jason Soto said...

Thank you! I guess I didn't mean ALL Canadians, I was just flabergasted by this idiot's post.

I'm *THIS* close to email this guy this blog entry just to show how much of a douche (to use your word) he is.

T Van said...

I'm sure all hell would break loose if you were to email this guy. You'd probably get flamed by a bunch of crazies.

Jesse Dangerously said...

Dear, sweet Jason,

Thank you for your letter of this evening. Upon perusal, my initial suspicion is very serious but please don't panic - there's no way to know for certain that your condition is irreversible.

As you must no doubt be painfully aware, it is indeed the case that your head is lodged up your ass to a worrisome extent. I think it's so unlikely as to be of vanishing possibility that anything supra your chin has yet be engulfed by your large intestine. I won't candy-coat it, you could well be in an awful lot of real difficulty and you quite frankly look ridiculous.

All is not bleak, however. It's unlikely that you might not be fully cognizant of the position of comfort you occupy, and of the simple reality that no-one can actually reach through the internet and punch the shit out of your stupid, smirking mouth. That's a very fortunate circumstance for you and I hope you're appreciative of it and all of its significance.

I have a course of treatment in mind for your condition, however, and although it is yet experimental I can say with some confidence that even if it doesn't work, the treatment itself is of intrinsic benefit and were I you, I shouldn't hesitate to comply without fail.

Suck two cocks and call me in the morning.

Thank you for your inquiry and I hope my recommendation yields favourable results. If no benefit is immediately discerned, repeat as necessary.

wash your mouth first,
jesse dangerously

ps you're stupid

Jesse Dangerously said...

On the really though, I didn't say women should be offended by it. I said that *I* am offended by it. I'm not a woman.

A quick headcount reveals that six respondents in my LJ were both female and offended. Also some other dudes were offended. Face it, whether or not you may personally have any feelings - some people are offended by at least the marketing of this film, and some but not all of them are women. Live with it.

I will try to get over myself so that in the future, total strangers who stumble over my journal at random don't get apoplectic over my personal reactions to popular culture. Thank you for exposing this glaring flaw in my character.

I have a confession, though. I'm not really a doctor and I'm afraid your head is stuck for good.

Jason Soto said...

Wow, what a very mature response.
Note to self: Don't breathe the Halifax air.

I can only imagine the other types of movies you get offended by.

At least I bought YOUR problem to your attention.

Jesse Dangerously said...

Jason Soto wrote:
> The point of the whole thing was to figure out what
> the hell you were talking about and how in the hell a
> FICTIONAL MOVIE where ACTORS present a story of a
> lonely black dude helping out a chick who just happens
> to be white and a woman is celebrating abuse of any
> kind.
Look, do you want to have a cool, rational and respectful conversation about that or do you want to trade internet jabs? We can proceed either way, but I think there's less future in the latter. Let's recap the story so far:

1 - (March 3rd) I post in my journal about my reaction to the marketing of Black Snake Moan
2 - time passes
3 - you come across my entry somehow, whether via technorati or surfing people's LJ friends or some other means.
4 - (March 5th) you post in your blog that I am retarded, my friends are idiots, we all are a-holes, and that you think we're wrong.
5 - your reader calls my friends and I douches
6 - you refer to me as an idiot and start fantasizing about the imagined shitstorm of comments you'd get if you e-mailed me
7 - he eggs you on
8 - (March 20th) Fully two weeks after your initial post, you send me an e-mail featuring nothing but a link to your blog post about how I am retarded, my friends are idiots, we are all a-holes and that you think we're wrong. This is you trying to get the party started.
9 - it is possible that I see just a little bit of red.
10 - I dash off a lengthy but perhaps ill-considered response to give you some indication of how I feel about being insulted, ridiculed, disrespected and goaded in this manner.
11 - I come back and write a response with less personal invective and more actual argument. This is the response I should have made initially, but I'm a human being and if you're going to deny that you deliberately provoked me, then you're a liar and we can abandon this conversation forthwith.
12 - I google your name a bit to find out who the hell you are (it's not stalking, man, you came out swinging). I wanted to see if you really were a film reviewer in any professional capacity, since you claim it in your blog profile. The first result was your Flickr account, which I flipped through. It's weird, I was in Chicago last summer, too. The photo of that mirrored bean-shape tripped me out. You went and saw some bands I like. Your girlfriend is pretty. You used to be a kid. Okay so you're a human being, but I'm still mad.
13 - So I write an e-mail, as well, because god damn it I was angry. I said some further (but less) mean stuff. Despite still being personally offended, I'm going for laughs in this one. I don't think anyone would in any sincerity say "Now I bet you're sorry" once you've ticked off a guy whose girlfriend was in a movie mocked by MST3k.
14 - You reply that you love getting hate mail, as though I had randomly come across some opinion of yours that I took exception to and let you have it with both barrels instead of being invited via personal e-mail to see the blog post you wrote about what a retarded, idiotic a-hole I am. Kiddo, that is not hate mail. Some day, if we get through this rough patch in our burgeoning relationship, I will show you what real hate mail looks like.
15 - You further accuse me of stalking you, tagging it with the hilariously juxtaposed "I'm aware of who your girlfriend is." That's creepy! That's a creepy thing to say! But okay you caught me, I Googled your name and found your public photo archive and corrected an error you made in one of its captions. One time thing, won't happen again. Probably.
16 - I respond again, tersely this time.
17 - You respond also in your blog comments. As grown men often do in impassioned debate, you raise the classic (that is to say, childlike) "Oh THAT's real mature!" defense, confess to harbouring some undescribed but presumably vivid fantasy about what other films might offend me, and sign off with the cryptically huffy "At least I brought YOUR problem to your attention" as if I'd failed to be appreciative of your thoughtfully tipping me off. Judging from your indication of emphasis, it's possible that you may also be upset with me for not returning the favour in some fashion. I thought I DID bring your problem to your attention - it seems to me that your head is up your ass about the issues raised in discussion of Black Snake Moan and its marketing. Maybe you wish I had written a mean blog post about you and e-mailed you a link... the way decent people conduct discourse.
18 - You write the response quoted herein, which I find a tiny bit baffling.

Let me step out of that numbered chronology here and explain why I'm baffled. You assert a ludicrous "point of the whole thing" where all you wanted to do was open discussion. You picked a FIGHT, you dickwad! You disagree with me? You want to talk about it? Get at me! You found my e-mail address last night, you presumably could have found it two weeks ago. Why didn't you post a comment on my journal or write me then and raise the arguments you felt I was failing to grasp? Because you've never had any interest in figuring out or challenging my perspective. You wanted a flame war. Somehow you think you can trash me personally, tap me on the shoulder, provoke an uncouth response and then dance around looking like the sober party all like "Yeeeesh, what's YOUR problem?" as if I blew up out of nowhere. "Wow, what a very mature response," you say. God damn it, what a very mature originating post! What a very mature unsolicited e-mail to get my attention!

What a ridiculous, stupid, pointless waste of my time. I'm not playing your way anymore. New rules, your go.

You can either reframe your issues with my stated opinions about the film as a set of clear responses and genuine questions...

...or you can screw off back to your duties as deputy mayor of Blogs-nobody-reads-ville.

Please let me know which you prefer. I'm sure we both know how to be civil and tactful. We are two grown fucking men, for the romantic love of christ almighty. Let's do this.