Friday, January 30, 2009

The Fight for #1: Week 5

Ok folks, this is the last game for this month, so if you played earlier this month but didn't the last two weeks for whatever reason, this would be a good time to catch up on points. Next week we all go back to zero and I announce the winner of January.

Coming out this week:
Taken-With Liam Neeson as Jack Bauer.
The Uninvited-A horror movie with Elizabeth Banks. The only upside to this is since it's a horror movie, she'll get naked.
And finally "New in Town"-A Renee Zellweger "comedy" which means it's probably just Bridget Jones without the phony accent.

Here's last week's top ten in case you forgot:

My guess is gonna go with Taken cause it looks pretty damn good and I'm sure by now everyone's Blarted out.

Good luck everybody!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Updated Review: The Re-Animator

I take another look at my favorite movie where a headless guy tries to give a girl head.

The Re-Animator


Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Fight For #1: Week 4 Results

I figured, since there wasn't much of anything coming out this weekend, Mr. James would still reign as the King of Movie Theaters.

This Weeks Score:
Me Felicia April Maria & Sean: 10
Fletch: 9
Highway & Rachael*: 4

This Months Score Total:
Maria: 37
Me: 36
Felicia: 32
Sean: 30
April: 29
Bobbie: 28
Adam: 18 Points
Fletch: 17
Rachael*: 12
ecrunner: 10 Points
Highway: 7

As I stated last week, this is a monthly game so at the start of the month we all start back at zero and each month will have a winner. As of now, Maria is taking the lead, but still could be anybody's game. We have one more weekend, which gives us "The Uninvited" and Liam Neeson as Jack Bauer in "Taken". So hopefully the last week of January will have even more players. As for everyone who has participated thus far, thanks so much and good luck!

* I know at least three chicks named Rachael so I'm not sure if this scoring belongs to the same one or not. If you could, all three chicks named Rachael, when you leave your guess can you put your last initial or something to distingush you guys. I'm sure you all three spell your names differently (probably one of you spells it with a z or something) but I can't tell. Sorry about that. Thank you very much.

Friday, January 23, 2009

The Fight for #1: Week 4

I was gonna say there's nothing really good coming out this week, but after last week's shocker, I guess it's anybody's game.

Anyway, movies coming out today are:
Underworld: Rise of the Fancy Word For Werewolves-A prequel nobody asked for, that doesn't include the hot chick that was in the other films.
Inkheart-A Branden Fraiser fantasy flick about...something.
And for some reason, a film called Killshot is only premiring in Phoenix, Arizona, which is where I think Fletch lives so he's probably happy about that.

A reminder on last week's top ten:

All submissions are to be in by 11:59 Saturday Night. Reminder that I am erasing all scores at the end of January so if you haven't played yet and feel you'd never catch up, you'll still have a chance.

My choice is gonna go to Paul Blart, only cause there doesn't seem to be much else out, and people really seem to dig the movie.

So what says you?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Razzie's '09

Alright, everybody. Here is the offical Razzie post for 2009. I'm slightly dissapointed but I guess I should expect it by now. As always, my choices are italicized.

Worst Picture:
Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans
The Happening
The Hottie and The Nottie
In The Name of The King:A Dungeon Siege Tale
The Love Guru
(This movie should've never happened.)

Worst Actor:
Larry the Cable Guy

Eddie Murphy

Mike Myers

Al Pacino

Mark Wahlberg
(I'm starting to agree, he's playing the same character over and over again.)

Worst Actress:
Jessica Alba

The Cast of THE WOMEN
(Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett-Smith
and Meg Ryan)

Cameron Diaz

Paris Hilton

Kate Hudson
(At least the other people on this list are suppose to be acting. I dunno why Paris Hilton bothers, really.)

Worst Supporting Actor:
Uwe Boll (as Himself)
Uwe Boll’s POSTAL

Pierce Brosnan

Ben Kingsley

Burt Reynolds

Verne Troyer
Uwe Boll’s POSTAL
(I really don't wanna think about James Bond singing ABBA songs. Really don't.)

Worst Supporting Actress:
Carmen Electra

Paris Hilton

Kim Kardashian

Jenny McCarthy

Leelee Sobieski
(Out of everyone on this list, Kim Kardashian has the worst excuse to be "acting" in anything where she's not required to take her clothes off.)

Worst Screen Couple:
Uwe Boll & ANY Actor,
Camera or Screenplay

Cameron Diaz & Ashton Kutcher

Paris Hilton
and either
Christine Lakin
Joel David Moore

Larry the Cable Guy & Jenny McCarthy

Eddie Murphy IN Eddie Murphy
(This is just a scary thought, thinking of these two as a "couple". Shudder with me, people.)

Worst Director:
Uwe Boll
1968: Tunnel Rats, In The Name Of The King

Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer

Tom Putnam

Marco Schnabel

M. Night Shyamalan
(I get the feeling Uwe is finally gonna "win" in this category.)

Worst Screenplay:
Disaster Movie
Meet The Spartans
Both Written By Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer

The Happening
Written By M. Night Shyamalan

The Hottie And The Nottie
Written By Heidi Ferrer

In The Name Of The King:
A Dungeon Siege Tale
Screenplay By Doug Taylor

The Love Guru
Written By Mike Myers & Graham Gordy
(I keep picking on "The Hottie" cause it really is an idea that should've been put to paper, then showed to people obviously on drugs, then finally put on film.)

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off, or Sequel:
The Day The Earth Blowed Up Real Good (The Day The Earth Stood Still)

Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans

Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull

Speed Racer

Star Wars: The Clone Wars
(I just went with the obvious choice since the other movies I really don't have a problem with. I thought Speed Racer was good. Clone Wars don't look too bad. I really don't get why everyone picks on Indiana Jones but I swore I'd stop ranting about that.)

Worst Carrer Achievement:
Uwe Boll (Germany’s Answer to Ed Wood)
Since this is the only "nomination" it's rather pointless to italize it. It really seems like they wanna stick it to Uwe Boll in some way shape or form.

So now this is where YOU, the reader, comes in. I started this last year and I plan on doing again this year. I'm gonna make two polls. One with all the Worst Picture nominations and you pick which one (or two if you go with the Diaster/Spartan thing) I should do. The second, since they dropped the horror movie category this year, is gonna be a free-for-all, where I list all the movies that got nominated in all the categories and you pick which one of those I should watch along with the worst picture choice.

According to the site, The Razzie "winners" will be announce on February 21st (a month from now.) So I'll keep the poll up until Feb 20th. Then (hopefully) I'll get to the reviews the 21st and 22nd if my schedule allows. The polls will be hosted here on the blog off to the right.

And that's it. Feel free to tell me what your picks are.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


So tomorrow morning, the Razzie Nominations will be announced. You know what that means?

What you don't know what that means? Oh jeez fine.

It means it's time for my annual Look At The Razzies, where I post all the nominations, make my guess, then put up a poll on which two films, one for "Worst Picture" and one for "Worst Horror" (if that category still exists this year) I should watch the weekend the "winners" are announced.

So stay tuned for that!

Two Instances of Black Presidents in Film and TV

I forgot what it was that I saw but back in the 90's I went to see a movie and when the trailers came up, we saw Morgan Freeman standing at some desk saying "Is everything ready?" Then someone replied "Yes Mr. President." When that happened, about half the people in the theater gasped in shock. Keep in mind this was probably 97 or 98. Of course that movie turned out to be Deep Impact, which I hadn't seen, cause it came out the same time as the other "OMGZ The Earth Is Gonna Die!" series. I've seen "Armageddon" and figured it was probably the same. Even watching the trailer I said "WTF" outloud.

...artists? Why artists? I mean I like artist but are they THAT important to have stored in a cave during the apocylpse?

The other instance of a black president that I have seen is the first 3 seasons of "24". Well techically, he was running in season 1, was President in season 2, and was running for re-election in season 3. But David Palmer (AKA The All-state Guy) was probably a kickass President. He made tough decisions and had to make them while dealing with his stupid brother and psychotic ex-wife, who probably was my favorite "24" character, next to Jack Bauer.

I guess what I'm saying is these are probably the best portrayals of a black president. Then again there was Terry Crew's character in "Idiocracy":

But I'm sure Obama would choose to forget that portrayal.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Fight For #1: Week 3 Results

Ladies and gentlemen, I dunno about you but I call this an upset. NOBODY (but one guy who later changed his mind at the last minute, you know who you are) saw this coming. word.

This Weeks Scores:
April: 9
Bobbie, Maria, & Fletch : 8
Me & Felicia: 7
Highway: 3

Total Scores:
Bobbie: 28
Maria: 27
Me: 26
Felicia: 22
Sean: 20
April: 19
Adam: 18
ecrunner: 10
Fletch & Rachael: 8
Highway 3

Next week there's nothing really that great coming out. Just ANOTHER Underworld sequel and ANOTHER Brandon Fraiser fantasy film. With Paul Blart pulling ahead totally out of nowhere, I guess it's anyones game next week.

Friday, January 16, 2009

The Bored Cronicles: Post 2

I figured I'd take some time to talk about my Amazon wish list since I mentioned it in the last post. About what's on there and why and whatnot.

First off, I went ahead and bought "Thriller: The Non-Michael Jackson Film Thing", the "red" version which is the unedited or edited version. Whatever. I also needed to get something that was at least a penny to get the free shipping. The cheapest thing was "The Room". If you don't know what that is, boy do I have a future post for you...when it arrives.

So first off I kept the other version of "Thriller" just for the hell of it. Maybe it'll pay off to have both versions and that way I can tell which one is better or something.

Next is something I found at Lazy Eye Theater, a book by "Jack Torrence" called "All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy". It's a mystery as to what's inside and it's on sale for 9.99 so I'm a little curious.

Then there's Vampire Vixens from Venus. This came about cause I remembered randomly the other day a movie me and Bill started to watch a long time ago but we never finished. It was about aliens taking the form of real hot women with big tits and killing horny men. This was the closest thing I could find when I searched for it.

The Bone Yard was introduced to me by Final Girl and this is the trailer. Tell me that doesn't look freakin awesome!

There's Nothing Out There is a movie I reviewed on VHS a long time ago and I wanna update it, but the DVD isn't available on Netflix. I'm starting to hate them. Grr...

The Burning. Just...The Burning. I want to own this on DVD, it's awesomely bad.

Night of Horror I read about at The Agony Booth. It's apparently super hard to find and unless I wanna shell out 12 bucks on a VHS tape of a old crappy movie, it's really gonna be hard for me to find.

The World's Worst: A Guide to the Most Disgusting, Hideous, Inept, and Dangerous People, Places, and Things on Earth. Um...I had this on my list since the beginning of my Amazon Wish List and frankly I forgot why I put it on there. It sounds interesting.

Hard to Die
was made by the same geniuses that made "Sorority House Massacre 2: Nighty Nightmare" and features the same character: Orville Ketchup! I badly want to see this.

The first three seasons of "Soap" cause that show is freakin awesome! Name another sitcom told in the style of a soap opera that deals with demonic possession, a ventriloquist dummy, and a guy who thinks he's invisible all the time. You can't! It's awesome! I had a VHS tape of some episodes when it was on Comedy Central but now it's missing. (Insert sad face here)

The First Season of Night Court
. How come the other seasons aren't coming out? WHY NOT???

Hollywood Urban Legends: The Truth Behind Alll Those Delightfully Persistent Myths of Film, Television, and Music. This sounds pretty cool and it's written by Richard Roeper who I kinda like. Kinda.

Well, that's it. I'll let you know what I thought of Thriller and The Room when they get here...sometime...later this month.

(Watching The Bone Yard trailer makes me wanna start up Trailer Thursdays again. So it shall be done!)

The Bored Chronicles: Post 1

I have the day off today and it's -300 degrees outside. So needless to say I'm staying in today. And...I don't have much to do. The fiancee is here as well and while we could entertain each other (take that however you want), we like to do seperate things as well.

So I figured I should do a post now just to pass some time.

I was on Netflix checking out my Queue, thinking maybe I can watch something instantly when I saw something "unavailable". I clicked on it and I got this message:


Thriller: They Call Her One Eye was suggested by Adam and is about a chick who's put into forced prostitution then goes crazy and kills people or something. It sounded like it was right up my alley. It doesn't say WHY they no long have this film available, which bugs me the most. If they said "Sorry, this DVD is so damaged we can't possibly keep sending it out to frustrated customers who try to watch a movie but can't cause of all the scratches because we know how fucking annoying that is" I would've been fine with that. But no, they don't say why.

So I went and added it to my Amazon Wish List. There's actually both versions, I think one is a rated version and the other is unrated. I dunno which is which. If anyone wants to be nice enough to get it for me, that'd be neat. You don't HAVE to. But you COULD...

The Fight For #1: Week 3

I've decided to add on a new rule. Each month the scores will be erase and we'll start all over again. So this gives people who wanted to participate a chance to do so without feeling like it's hopeless to never catch up. So each month will have a winner.

This week's new movies are:
My Bloody Valentine 3-D, a remake of a classic cult horror movie from the 80's (maybe 70's?)
Notorious, the B.I.G bio-pic.
The wide release of Defiance.
Hotel for Dogs, some kids movie about a hotel...for dogs.
And last but certainly not least Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

As a reminder here's last's weeks top ten:

Game/contest ends Saturday night at 11:59 PM, you have until then to submit your guess. I'll email everyone a reminder midday (hopefully) on Saturday.

My guess WAS gonna be Gran Torino again but after reading some bad reviews, I'm gonna go ahead with Notorious.

Good luck!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Updated Review: The Stuff

I revisit this classic about blobby white stuff possessing anyone who eats it.

The Stuff


Sunday, January 11, 2009

The Fight For #1: Week 2 Results

Color me surprised.

Bobbie, ecrunner, Sean, and April get 10 points
Me, Felicia, and Maria get 9 points
Rachael and Adam get 8 points.

Totals so far:
Sean and Bobbie: 20 Points
Me and Maria: 19 Points
Adam: 18 Points
Felicia: 15 Points
April: 10 Points
ecrunner: 10 Points
Rachael: 8 Points

I mean really. Didn't Gran Torino come out already? Like, wide release? I'm confused.
And notice Valkyrie got 66.6. If that's not a sign about Tom Cruise I don't know what is.
Until next week, when we got My Bloody Valentine 3-D (not the third sequel like I thought at first) and Notorious which is the long awaited bio pic of Duran Duran.

Friday, January 09, 2009

The One I Won't Do

Years ago, when I was just a lad, I was given a book of movie reviews. In that book was a review for "Last House On The Left". The review was less than kind and since I knew that that age that I would purposely torment myself with horrible movies I desperately wanted to see it.

Sometime after that, when I got my very own video rental card, I did.

And holy shit did I hate that movie. My god. I didn't know if I should laugh at it, cry, throw up, or smash it to pieces. It was just terrible. On top of the endless rape scenes, there's the "comedy relief" in form of two cops. I just didn't like it.

So now there's a remake of it, and after seeing the trailer, it looks to be about 1000 times better than the original.

Of course I watched the trailer for the original and that looked like a good movie.

So what I'm saying is never again in my life will I watch the original "Last House on the Left" but I will go see the remake. I'm a horrible movie/horror fan.

RIP Ray Dennis Steckler

Ray Dennis Steckler, the star and director of "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies" has passed away earlier this week. TISCWSLABMUZ was the first ever Mass Invasion, and one of my favorite MST3K episodes. I haven't really seen any of his other movies (one of which is titled Rat-Pfink A Boo-Boo) and he may not have been the best director in the world. But you gotta admit he came up with some interesting stuff.

And also he kinda looked like Nicolas Cage.


The Fight For #1: Week 2

Submissions are now open, which movie do you think will be number 1 this week?

Opening this week (According to is:
Bride Wars, starring Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway about two chicks who fight to get married or something.
The Unborn, a horror movie about a hot chick being haunted by a fetus. Bought to you by the Anti-Abortion League.
Not Easily Broken, a movie where 90% of the cast is black and is being compared to the works of Tyler Perry.
Grand Torino
The Reader, which I thought were already out since I've read some reviews about them but imdb has the opening date for today so whatever.

Here are last week's top ten:

Either email me your guess at invasionofthebmovies at gmail dot com or leave a comment on this post. Submissions end on Saturday night at 11:59 PM. Anything sent in after that will not be accepted.

As for me I'm gonna go with Bride Wars only cause it's new, it stars some famous people, and horror movies, unless it's a damn Saw movie, don't ever crack the top five.

That's it. Good luck!

Sunday, January 04, 2009

The Fight for #1: Week 1 Results

Me, Sean, Maria, Adam, & Bobbie-10 Points

It looks practically unchanged from last week, doesn't it? Coming next week is the Anne Hathaway/Kate Hudson rom-com about marriage. Will it take number one? We'll find out next week.

Thanks to all who played. Those who didn't, what your excuse? Too hard for ya?

Friday, January 02, 2009

The Fight For #1: Week 1

Ok here we go. Place your bets place your bets!

Apparently I picked a bad week to start this since the only movie opening up this week is "Defiance" and it's only a limited release. But any event, last week's top ten is still in a running.

And since the outcome of all this is something I can't control I'm gonna be playing along as well. I swear I have no inside information or anything. So for my guess I'm gonna say Marley and Me is stay in it's #1 spot, since there's nothing new coming out and kids are still home from school and people seem to like anything with Jennifer Aniston in it. (I guess.) So that's my guess.

To submit your guess, either leave it as a comment to this post or email them to invasionofthebmovies at gmail dot com. Good luck!

Thursday, January 01, 2009

New Contest/Game Thingy Time!

Well I hinted at it so here it is. I haven't come up with an offical title yet. I still have another day to think of that.

The Objective: Each Thursday or Friday I'll list any movies that are coming out to theaters and all you have to do is supply a guess on which movie will take the number 1 spot. And it don't neccessarily have to be something that's opening that weekend, you can guess a movie that's already on the list from the week before.

Scoring: Whoever guesses correctly which movie ends up number 1 gets 10 points. If your choice isn't number one and does end up on the list, the scoring will work like so:
#2-9 points
#3-8 points

And that's it. Game starts on Thursdays or Friday and offically ends Saturday night at 11:59 PM. Anything after that won't be accepted. Send all entries to invasionofthebmovies at gmail dot com or as a comment in the corresponding post.
Any questions feel free to ask.