Saturday, April 30, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 30

"Day 30 - Your favorite horror film of all time"

Yes, motherfuckin' "Basket Case"!

(Yeah, I linked to the Green Day song, but everyone around here knows my love for "Basket Case", do you really need to see a trailer?)

It was the first (and so far only) movie I gave five stars on the site. It's just a fantastic movie and everyone should watch it.

With that said, 30 Days of Horror comes to an end. Thanks for following along. Things will go back to normal in May, and I hope you had fun with all of this.

Friday, April 29, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 29

"Day 29 - Your least favorite horror film of all time"

Oh jesus. The second to last day and it had to be one of the hardest. I think hating horror films is sort of my thing. Which one should I go with? Hmmmm...



"Murder. Set. Pieces."

A film so bad that I rather watch Satan rape my mother while playing Rock Band on PS3, then watch this movie again.

If I had a movie that I'd hate "of all time", it'd be that one.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 28

"Day 28 - Your favorite horror film that no one's ever heard of"

Well, this question is loaded. I mean, I can name a movie and I'm sure SOMEONE has heard of it. I'm not a fan of this question. So I'll just name the most obscure movie I own that I like a lot that'll have to be "Gory Gory Hallejuah"

I'm sure someone out there is like "Heard of it!" See? I hate this question.

Quickly, this movie is about four actors of all different races and ethnics who want to try out for the role of "Jesus" in "Godspell". They being: A jewish guy, a black guy, a woman, and a bi-sexual hippie. They hear that they're casting the play in New York and decide to go on a road trip together. While on the road, they stop in a small town where the bi-sexual hippie is busted for soliciting gay sex. The town is very intolerant towards ANYBODY and sentence them to death.

Then things get weird. There's lesbian witches, whores, old men, racism all over the place, and last but not least: zombies. Just out of nowhere, zombies. It's a very odd film, but I liked it. And it's the most obscure movie I could think of.

30 Days of Horror: Day 27

"Day 27 - Your favorite guilty pleasure"

Troll 2.

Need I say more?

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 26

"Day 26 - Your favorite horror film to watch as a child"

So not only is this the 4th to last post in my 30 Days of Horror, it's also my 800th post! I KNOW!! Fuck! So to celebrate, I'm gonna do something a bit different.

Saturday I recorded an episode of The LAMBcast where we talked about "Scream 4". It was me, Dylan from Blog Cabins, Nick from Random Ramblings, James from Cinema Sights, this chick named Stevee and a British guy named Simon. During the recording, things went from "talk about the movie" to "talk about the people in the movie and what they would've done" or "what stuff means" or "how doing something differently would effect something or another" I dunno, I was silent through most of it because I had nothing to say.

It took me about 6 fucking years, over 150 reviews on The Site, and 800 blog posts to realize: I only talk about what happens in the movie, and not give any profound statements about the movie or analyze it deeply.

My god. What have I been doing with my life?

So I'm gonna try to do that here, for my 26th entry by doing a deep critical review on "A Nightmare on Elm Street".

I first seen this when I was six years old. I was living with my grandparents at the time due to family issues and my uncle was about 13 or so. One night, "Elm Street" came on cable TV and we all watched it. Being six years old, I was freaked out. I identified with the character of Nancy.

Nancy comes from a "broken" home. Her dad, John Saxon, was a cop who was never home so her parents got divorced and Nancy lived with her Mom, but her Dad was still around. Nancy had several friends, but when this monster showed up in their dreams and started killing them one by one, Nancy got tough.

We all can take a look at Nancy's plight and realize the true meaning behind "A Nightmare on Elm Street". Obviously Freddy Kruger represents bad dreams, meaning without a stable family life, any hopes of going to a successful college and having a great carrer is gone. So all her "dreams" (AKA Hope and desires) are now gone. After all the events in the movie happened and she didn't get tough, Nancy would've ended up a waitress in a truckstop, possibly sucking trucker's dicks for extra money.

Let's think of the first kill, shall we? With Tina. Freddy chooses Nancy's closest friend first, because Tina, who was all pure and innocent, was Nancy's conscience, telling her she CAN make something of herself. But then Tina fucks some random dude (I think his name is Nick. You can never trust anyone named Nick) and now all that innocence is lost and her world is turned "Upside down" until she's ultimately dead.

Nick's death in the jail cell represents all the male guys that came and went throughout Nancy's life. Nick's killed by being strangled by bedsheets, so this represents putting to bed any normal relationship she would've had with any guy. Poor Nancy.

Then there's Johnny Depp's death. He was set up to be Nancy's love interet until he didn't listen to her and eventually he got sucked down a hole and soon was torn apart until a gyser of blood filled the bedroom. I guess this represents the fact she was on her period at the time.

Eventually, Nancy decides to take control of her destiny and learn to "kill" her "bad dreams" once and for all. How does she do that? She reads books. On military. So this is Nancy's desire to kill something, anything. And where can you "legally" kill something, anything? The military.

The mom getting sucked through the tiny window at the end of the movie?

That's just a fucking awesome way to end a movie.

In CONCLUSION, I would like to state that "A Nightmare on Elm Street" changed my life. When the movie ended, me and my uncle (we shared a bedroom) went to sleep and my uncle decided to pull a prank on me by grabbing four kitchen knives and a flashlight, then shining the light on his hand with the knives sticking out and talking in Freddy's voice. If it wasn't for this event, I wouldn't have said "AHH you motherfucker" and I would've never learned how to cuss.

Thanks "A Nightmare on Elm Street".

Jason Made A Video #22

I talk about what I bought in L.A, show my tattoo, then catch Cokie doing something disturbing.

B-Movie Meatloaf: Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever

This month's Meatloaf fell on my shoulders and looking at my queue I saw one movie I wanted to watch and get over with. So I suggested "sequels/direct-to-video sequels" and I picked "Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever".

For you non-horror fans out there "Cabin Fever" was written and directed by Eli "I'm Friends With Quentin Tarantino" Roth and I fuckin' hate it. The entire movie is really stupid, the characters are unlikeable, and it's full of stupid nonsense.


So I saw there was a direct-to-video sequel and Eli "I'm a horrible actor" Roth had nothing to do with it, I was like "Ok...maybe I'll give it a shot". If only Eli's ego wasn't so huge, he would've let someone else make Hostel 2.

"Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever" starts with a guy running out of the woods, looking like he melted in the sun. Maybe he's made of chocolate. He jumps in front of a school bus, which instantly hits him. The bus showed no sign of stopping, which was amazing to me.

Apparently, the bus did stop and the only character from the first to be in this movie is Winston, the child-like deputy who likes drinking, pussy, and screwing up his job. Winston is on the scene where he tells the freaked out bus driver it was a moose. The bus driver calms down and he continues driving the bratty kids to school.

The opening credits are done animated style by showing us the water full of the flesh eating disease going into the bottled water factory, being put into the bottles, then the bottles being shipped to the town's school. I'm guessing this is the same town as the first movie. I wasn't sure cause they didn't show any hicks or have kids yelling about breakfast food.

Although if they kept that angle, what food would he be screaming out?

Anyway, the credits end and soon it turns into an episode of, I dunno, "One Tree Hill" or something. We meet John and his friend Alex. They're your typical non-popular kids, they have crushes on the hot chicks, one hot chick Cassie is dating some tool named Marc. You know the drill. We know the drill but they take 20 fucking minutes setting it up.

I get that character development is important and we're suppose to be attached to these people, but if I want to watch "Dawson's Creek", I'll light myself on fire, then put on "Dawson's Creek". No offense Van Der Beek.

During all this teen drama, we see certain students drinking the tainted water. We don't see John, Alex, or Cassie drinking it. Alex finds some chick crying in a classroom and while consoling her, she decides to give him a blowjob. Oh, I should probably also state that this is the day of prom. So everybody is asking everybody out.

Blowjob girl blows off (see what I did there?) Alex while Cassie tells John she's not going to prom. That night, Alex makes John go and when they get there, Alex discovers his date isn't gonna show up. We do get an interesting scene that I don't really understand.

We see a fat chick. I forget her name, I'm sorry. If it was said, it was said once and I just can't remember. Just so I don't feel so mean, let's call her Darla. Darla has a crush on some dude named Rick (I remember his name cause he's set up to be the prom king, while the queen Sandy whines out his name roughly 12 thousand times in a row) and Rick goes up to Darla and tells her he wants to fuck her.

Now you and I are thinking "Well this is going to turn into a cruel prank of some kind" but nope. They actually fuck. I was kinda surprised. I'm not even sure where this whole thing came from, honestly. But while they fuck, Darla starts spitting up blood, then eventually disintergrates. Rick, while trying to save Darla, falls into the pool, hitting his head, and most likely drowns.

So the prom is going on. Cassie shows up and surprises John. Marc shows up, surprising them both. Marc vows to kick John's ass for no reason, and for stupid reasons the principal kicks John out of the school.

Meanwhile, Winston is having dinner at a diner (I swear to god he's eating pancakes) when the bottled water company's truck driver gets all melty and dies. Some chick thinks it's Satan and does an exorcism while Winston decides to get the fuck out of there. Cause he sucks at his job.

Winston remembers all the shit from the first movie and thinks the water has something to do with it. He goes to investigates and finds that Judah Friedlander is the night guard. While finding out that a shipment of tainted water is heading to the school, some dudes with guns show up, kill Judah, causing Winston to go "Fuck this, I'm outta here!"

Cassie follows John outside, where John asks Cassie why she's dating an asshole. Yeah, I'd like to know the answer to that too. Sadly, she doesn't give an answer in time cause the dudes with the guns show up. They make John and Cassie go into the school, while they quarantine it.

Inside the school, students and teachers alike start melting. Sandy the prom queen won't SHUT THE FUCK UP but thankfully she explodes. I'm feel like I'm forgetting something....OH SHIT! THE JANITOR!

The janitor man...if he didn't melt and die he should get his own spin off. He got fed up with all the kid's bullshit so he PISSED in the punchbowl! And all the kids drank it! Wow.

Ok, back to the story. The guys with guns (they never say who they are or how they know all this is happening) goes around shooting any non-melted people while John, Cassie, and Alex find a way out. Alex's dick starts melting, which upsets him. Soon, he completely dies. John finds out his wrist is starting to melt, so he decides to cut it off.

After cutting his hand off, Marc shows up to kick John's ass (cause he's in a weakened state, which makes it easier for him) but Cassie kills Marc with a nail gun. Oh shit! Cassie and John find an exit not chained up and run out the school, but John lost too much blood so he doesn't have the energy. He tells Cassie to run which she does while he's tackled by the guys with guns.

Winston meets up with his cousin Herman and I swear to you he's Mark Borchardt, the star of the documentary "American Movie". I was fucking blown away. And great casting choice. So Winston and Herman are driving along when they spot Cassie flagging for help. She gets into their van and they drive off somewhere.

And here, the movie could've ended. But there's this horrible tacked on ending that was pointless and I'm sure only there to make the movie longer. So you know that girl that blew Alex? She's a stripper and she's slowly melting. She goes out to dance and shows her tits but they're about rotted off. Another stripper uses her lipstick. Some mexican guys are there. And eventually, the ending credits turn into a cartoon and shows all these people going about their lives, spreading this disease. That's basically it.

They could've kept the ending with Cassie getting into the van and just show the words "THE WORLD'S FUCKED!" and be done with it. But despite the tacked on ending, I liked this movie a hell of a lot more than the first movie. I'm not even sure why I liked it as much. It was only a tad bit more gorier, and there was too much high school teenager drama shit, but I had a fun time watching it. Really, it doesn't have to be a sequel. If they took out Winston and just made it about a disease, it could stand on it's own.



Monday, April 25, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 25

"Day 25 - A horror film that you used to hate, but now like"

"The Thing". Yes, the John Carpenter version. Allow me to explain.

The first time I saw it, I was a teenager. It was at a party at a friends house, and there was a bunch of us. Someone popped it in and we only got 20 minutes into it. At the time, I thought it was a bit slow and boring. If only we kept it on another 10 minutes or so...

So yeah, I got older and rewatched it and now I fuckin' love it. I mean, c'mon!!


Sunday, April 24, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 24

"Day 24 - Horror film in which you prefer the edited version over the director's cut"

I...don't even understand this one. What does that mean? Why wouldn't someone like the director's cut? Well, there's one example, but it's not a horror movie and that's "The Warriors". But since this is about horror movies I guess I'll have to think up of something.


Sure, that counts as a horror movie, right?

Saturday, April 23, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 23

"Day 23 - Your favorite made for TV horror film"

Ooh! I can talk about "Bad Ronald"!

"Bad Ronald" is a 70's made-for-TV movie about this kid named Ronald (imagine that) and he's not very popular. He goes to a kid's birthday party where he gets made fun of. On the way home, he gets frustrated and when some little girl mocks him about something, he accidently kills her.

Ronald runs home and tells his mother, who's super overprotective of him and doesn't want her baby to go to jail. So she hides Ronald in these two rooms and covers the rooms up with plaster and wallpaper so when the cops come around, they think it's part of the house and believe her story about him running away.

Yeah, not really scary yet. Hang on.

Ronald stays hiding until things cool down (When? In 20 years?) but Mom has a heart attack and dies, so the house goes on sale and soon a unsuspecting family buys the house. Ronald, being stuck behind the walls for god knows how long, starts going loopy and soon he's obsessed with one of the daughters in the family and begins stalking her, then kidnapping her, then kills the neighbor and...

So it gets scary in the second half but fuck me it's a great movie. It's now available on DVD on Netflix so check it out!

Friday, April 22, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 22

"Day 22 - Your favorite horror themed TV show"

Does anybody remember "Nightmare Cafe"? It came out in the early 90's and featured Robert Englund and it was about a couple who got in a car accident and they find a deserted cafe, then all sorts of weird shit happens? It only lasted a few episodes. Well, I'm not gonna talk about that here because I don't really remember it and for all I know it sucks.

Instead I'm gonna talk about "Are you Afraid of the Dark?"

I fucking LOVED "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" It came on Saturday nights during it's SNICK run on Nickelodeon and it was awesome! The show centered around a group of kids calling themselves The Midnight Society and they met at Midnight every Saturday night (I think) and told scary stories to each other.

The story I remember most is about this kid who is dared to steal the fake nose of off a fake clown in some funhouse. There's also the added feature of supposedly the clown is haunted or something. Well, the kid takes the nose, but that night, he gets visited by some weird being. The kid, realizing it's the clown, runs back to the funhouse to give the clown it's nose back.

I'm sure there's more to the story I'm not remembering, but that's the gist of it. I remember some other story about a kid obsessed with pinball and another kid who loved horses or something. They need to put this shit on DVD, yo!

Anyway, there's some "new generation" DVD out, which isn't the same. The only redeeming qualities that one has is Elisha Cuthbert (Kim Bauer from "24") is in it as a stuck up bitch. But she's like 14, so you can't get a boner.

Anyway. "Are You Afraid of The Dark?".

Thursday, April 21, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 21

Day 21 - Your favorite medical horror film"

Fuck it, I'm counting this. "Planet Terror".

It's about a weird disease that's been spread, causing people to get deformed and act ALMOST zombie like (don't go on a rampage, Nick) and it fucking kicks ass. Between the two "Grindhouse" films, I always perfered this one first, but it should've been shown last. I like "Death Proof", don't get me wrong, but it's a bit slower than "Planet Terror", so when you're watching them both, you have this high enegery film, then you watch this slow, talky film with two, maybe three, kickass scenes. If you get the slow, talky one out of the way and end with a BANG! (which is really how Grindhouse theaters worked back in the day) it would've been a bit more exciting.

I know people are going to disagree with everything I just said, but fuck it.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 20

"Day 20 - Your favorite horror film involving a killer animal"

There's only one right answer to this: Fuckin' "Day of the Animals"!

I have 7 words for you: "Leslie Neilsen Wrestles A Fucking Bear SHIRTLESS!"

I mean, do I need to say more? Well, ok I guess I'll give a small plot description.

Something with the Ozone Layer has caused animals all over the world to freak out and start attacking non-animals (AKA humans). Kind of a sucky time for a group of people to go hiking in the woods. Soon, they're attacked by every animal you can think of, including bears, which Leslie Neilsen, who at this point proves he cold play douchebags before he became a comedy legend, gets shirtless and wrestles a bear. There's not any real reason for it besides MAKING AN EPIC MOVIE!

The rest of the movie is your standard faire but stick around for the wrestling bear scene. Oh and to see Leslie Neilsen try to rape someone. Your mind will be blown!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 19

Day 19 - Your favorite horror film involving the powers of Hell or Satanism"

I'm gonna get a lot of shit for this. Let me explain why I didn't put "The Omen" or "Rosemary's Baby" first. And not because I'm trying to be different.

"Rosemary's Baby" is very subtle with it's creepiness. If you went into it cold, you wouldn't suspect it being a horror movie until the end. You'd think it was a drama about some weird neighbors and a pregnant lady who's paranoid.

"The Omen" is almost the same way, except it is pretty scary through the entire movie. The third act is pretty good and terrifying. So don't get me wrong, I think both movies deserve to be here, but I have to give it up to...


Ok ok ok. I won't see the complaints about this choice until I come back, but hear me out. I'm sure it's not a straight up horror movie, but there are horror elements. And Keanu visits hell a few times in the movie. But what made me want to put this movie on today's topic was the casting choice for Satan: Peter Stormare. That's fucking brilliant if you ask me.

There should be some spin off where it focuses on Stormare as the devil for the whole movie. I'd watch it and it'd be fantastic. Say what you will about "Constantine", you have to give it up to Stormare's portrayal of Satan.

Monday, April 18, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 18

"Day 18 - Your favorite foreign horror film (outside of your country of origin)"

I don't understand the little footnote thing cause if you are in your country of orgin, it wouldn't be a foreign film, would it? Or maybe they meant nationality wise? Like I can't pick a movie from Ireland, Poland, or Spain/Mexico (That gets a little confusing) or what? Well, fuck it, I'm picking a French movie anyway and I'm gonna go with "High Tension".

(There were a lot I almost put here. I didn't think I watched that many foreign films. Take that, Dylan!)

"High Tension" was directed (maybe written?) by Alexander Aja, who's a hardcore guy. The film is about a girl named Alex visiting her friend and the friend's family for a weekend. At night, a creepy truck pulls up and a shadowy guy comes out and starts killing the family and he kidnaps the friend. Alex hides on the truck, trying to free the friend.

I'll stop there cause everything after that falls into spoiler territory. The ending, if you think about it TOO much, will make you go "Wait...what?" but try not to think about it too hard and just enjoy the ride.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 17

"Day 17 - Your favorite horror film remake"

Damn, I already used "Let Me In", so I can't use it again. I should've read ahead a bit. Oh well. This is tough cause most of the modern remakes fucking suck. "Prom Night", "Nightmare On Elm Street". But I think I got one, which I recently tackled: "The Hills Have Eyes".

I'm sure I only like this cause it was co-written and directed by Alexander Aja, who will pop up later I'm sure. Aja took the original, gave it a more sinister spin, and updated it. The only complaint I got is how it ended but I'm sure Aja had no choice in the matter.

If you didn't read my review from a month ago (screw you), here's a brief summary: A family is on a road trip and while driving through the desert, their truck and RV gets a flat. Stuck in the middle of nowhere, the dad and some dude look for help. Then a bunch of inbred mutants start attacking.

They took the original and added more tension, which is great. Many people who are fans of the original (right here) couldn't figure out how they could remake this, but I'm glad they did.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 16

"Day 16 - Your favorite childhood themed horror film"

A couple of years ago I did a blog-a-thon about children fucking shit up and if I was aware of this movie then it certainly would've been put in. I'm talking about "Home Movie".

"Home Movie" is one of those movies like "The Blair Witch Project" or "Paranormal Activity" where the entire movie is shot through a home camcorder. It focuses on a family who moved to some house in the woods. There are two kids who suddenly start acting weird and as the movie progresses, the kids get more and more disturbed until things take a real fucked up turn.

It's a good movie, even if it's a bit slow. Adrian Pasdar, who is probably most famous for playing Nathan on "Heroes", plays the dad, who is a Pastor and all the religious things he does to help his kids. I won't get into all the messed up things the kids do in the movie but most of them you need to not blink or you'll miss it cause the camera (being held by Dad most of the time) turns it off right away.

This is really a good movie with a creepy vibe. And it'll make you not want to have kids.

Friday, April 15, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 15

"Day 15 - Your favorite horror film involving serial killers"

I take "serial killers" to mean one person kills a whole bunch of people and so with that, I shall go with "Sleepaway Camp"!

Oh "Sleepaway Camp". You are so special to the world. The film tells the story of some kids who lose their dad in a boating accident (not related to "Jaws") and they're forced to live with their fucking crazy ass Aunt Martha. Some years later, the kids are almost teenagers now and Martha sends them to a summer camp.

We focus on Angela, who's very shy and quiet. Everyone at the camp teases her while she just stares at them oddly. Soon, people end up dead or hurt very badly and the camp director wonders if Angela has something to do with it...

This is a movie where the main effect of it is the ending. You watch it and thinking "Well the acting is terrible, it's a standard slasher" then the final scene occurs and you're like "OMG WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT?!?!" and you go hide in a closet somewhere. Anyway, there are three sequels, which I haven't seen yet, but I'll be getting to those soon.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 14

"Day 14 - Your favorite zombie film"

Oh fuck me, man. This is like asking me what's my favorite breath of air. Man...let's go with "Zombie Lake".

I really love "Zombie Lake" in a bad sorta way. It's not a good movie. At all. But it's a lot of fun to watch. And there's a shit-ton of nudity, which is always a plus. I reviewed it a few years ago, and I need to rewatch it, but here's a quick summary.

A town in France somewhere has a lake, and a bunch of years ago, during WWII, some Nazi's came into town and started fucking shit up. One Nazi fell in love with a girl, fucked her in a barn, and pretty much carried up a secret affair with her. Then one day, the mayor of this town got fed up with the Nazi's running around his town and he ordered the townspeople to kill the Nazi's, including the one having the affair with the girl, then dumping the bodies into the town's lake.

Now the Nazi soliders are back for revenge! They kill whoever is dumb enough to swim in a lake full of dead bodies, then they eventually march into town. The dead nazi lover boy locates the woman he was banging and meets his daughter. It's kind of touching in a way.

Anyway, what makes this movie fun (besides the nudity) is just how poorly this was shot. The "lake" is really a swimming pool, and the zombie make up washes off easily. It's not for "serious" film lovers, but it's a fucking riot.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 13

"Day 13 - Your favorite horror comedy"

I'm sure many people picked "Shaun of the Dead". Me? I'm gonna go with "Student Bodies".

"Student Bodies" was a bit ahead of it's times by spoofing the horror slasher genre right when the horror slasher genre was getting started. The movie focuses on a killer named The Breather and he kills teenagers in odd ways. The opening scene of this movie is probably the best opening to anything, with the killer trying to kill a babysitter and her boyfriend but getting stuck on the stairs by gum.

It's up to a virgin girl to figure out who the killer is among a bunch of suspects including the creepy janitor, the wood shop teacher, and even some of the students. The jokes in the movie are hard to explain but I'll try one of them. The killer is on the phone with a teacher and the teacher asks if the killer is disguising his voice and he says "No, I'm talking through a rubber chicken!" Then after he gets done talking he says "click", so the teachers asks "Did you hang up?" and the killer goes "No, I just said click".

Stuff like that makes this movie pretty funny, at least to me.

The Soto List: The Geeky Edition

If there's three things people know about me they are as follows:
1. I like saying "fuck" a lot.
2. I like boobs. A lot.
3. I'm a giant geek.
(I guess 4 would be I'm a horrible speller and even horribler at grammar)

Despite my geekiness, there are some things that, I feel, are even geekier than the things I follow. What are those things? Well...

5. Sports.
You love a movie, so fucking much. You go out, buy everything associate with that movie, you talk about that movie all the time, sometimes you invite friends over, have a party, and watch the movie. You're on the constant lookout for things about the movie and when people say horrible things about the movie you get angry and very passionate about it.

Now, replace the word "movie" in the above paragraph and insert the word "sports". To me, sports, especially fantasy sports, is like dungeons and dragons for jocks. And 95% of the people on my Facebook talk about sports all the god damn time, to the point where I say to myself, "Is this how people feel when I talk about 'The Room'?"

4. Comic Books/Graphic Novels.
It's not that I don't like comic books, but it seems like the comic book world has two kinds of people: people who are REALLY fucking into it, and people who aren't. I recently discovered "Deadpool" and wanting to go back and read everything, I found out how difficult that is. So anytime I go to a comic book store (which isn't very often), I spot some random issues of "Deadpool" and just try to figure out what happened prior to that. Oddly enough, I enjoy movies based on comic books and graphic novels.

Sidenote: until the movie was released, I never heard of "Watchmen".

3. Star Trek.
I like it just fine but learning a whole language based on a TV show is some form of geekiness I'll never understand. And honestly, why is the debate only over Kirk and Picard? Wasn't there other captains? What about that one chick on that one show? Does no one like her? And how does Worf fit into all this?

2. Anime.
Oh my god people fucking love anime. Not just the Japanese either. I've seen "Pokemon" a few times, I dunno if that counts as anime. I tried watching this movie called "Ramma 1/2" or some shit and it was fucking weird, man! Like, some dude turned into a chick out of nowhere...I don't even know.

1. Anything Josh Wedon
I thought about it, then looked it up, and I have never seen anything by this dude. I heard of all the shit he's done. But I never seen them. And this dude's fans are fucking out of their minds! You do or say something bad about him and they'll come to your house, set you and your family on fire, then say "FIREFLY SHOULDN'T HAVE BE CANCELLED, MAN!!!" Hey! Fox unfairly cancelled "Arrested Development" but you don't see me going on and on about it.

So there you have it. Proof that I'm not as geeky as everyone makes me out to be. See you on the dark side of the moon, K-9!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 12

"Day 12 - Your favorite horror film involving the occult"

This is really gonna be a "I'ma Gonna Defend" but I do love "Jennifer's Body".

Yes, Megan Fox does have something to do with that.

The story: Jennifer and Needy are friends in high school. One night, they go see some emo band play in a club, which is caught on fire. The band wants to party with Jennifer, so they take her to a creepy rape van. When Needy sees Jennifer again, she's got a mouth full of blood and she instantly vomits black stuff.

Jennifer suddenly changes into a hottie and instantly wants to fuck every guy she sees...then she kills everything she fucks. When Jennifer hasn't killed/fucked in awhile, she turns sorta back to normal and explains what happened that night.

The emo band tried to sacrifice her to Satan but something went wrong and instead of whatever the band was trying to do (be famous I think?) Jennifer just became possessed. I guess this could also fall under "possession" but I saw in on a bunch of "occult" lists so it works.

So yeah, for whatever reason nobody likes this movie and I can't figure out why. I mean you got Megan Fox, Amanda Whatshername, and Megan Fox! What more do you people need?

Jason's Weekly Round-Up #10

Number 10, baby!

Some Cool Ass Shit:
-Nolahn at The Bargin Bin Review: The Blog has a knack of finding weird and interesting shit. I have no idea how he does it. I think he sets up his Google Alerts for "weird and interesting shit", cause it's the only way you can learn about "Human Centipede: The Musical".

-I am completely fucking jealous that Rachel got to see "Rubber" before me. It's coming to like 2 weeks! Argh!

-Are you not an Apple Fanboy? Don't have the money for one of those new tablet things coming out (OMG guys, the Blackberry Tablet is fucking awesome! I got to try one for work before we're gonna sell it next week and I REALLY want one!) but you want to play cutting edge games? Well, don't tell anyone where learned that you can play an online version of "Angry Birds", ok? Ok.

-Good Times With Bad Movies reviewed "Troll 2". Anyone that reviews "Troll 2" is awesome in my book.

What I WILL Be Watching This Week:
This is my "off" week of reviewing movies, but I'm also going to be in L.A next week, so I get two "off" weeks! Wow! I'm not sure what I'm gonna watch yet but I do know I have at home from Netflix "Venture Brothers Season 3: Disc 2", "Better Off Dead" coming in from Netflix, and a couple of movies on Instant Watch I wanna see. We'll see how that plays out.

Not-That-Random Music Video:

And Finally:
In case you didn't pick up on it, next week, I'll be in Los Angeles, going over there to fuck shit up. The only concrete plans we have is we're going to a taping of "Conan" on Tuesday. So tune in to see if you can spot me doing something embarrassing. Unless they put me in the back. Anyway, I'll still have the "30 Days of Horror" posts going so you'll have something to read next week.

Until then, deuces!

Monday, April 11, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 11

"Day 11 - Your favorite science fiction horror film"

I'll go with the obvious here: "Event Horizon".

Man, this movie was crazy. A crazy Sam Neill running around a spaceship while Lawrence Fishburn and some other people keep imagining their fears are killing them. And the chick with the eyes...yeah. This was a fucked up movie but it's sooo awesome.

Sorry these have been short, the ones that I pick I haven't had a lot to say about them. I assure you the more into the month we get, the more I have to say.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 10

"Day 10 - Your favorite psychological horror film"

Simply put: "Jacob's Ladder".

You might say it's not REALLY a horror film. Well, let me ask you: don't you find the story of a guy who was in Veitnam, now living in New York City, and constantly seeing weird ass images like demons or dead people, then being chased around by shadowy guys, pretty scary? Thought so.

"Jacob's Ladder" is such a mindfuck, even if you do know what the ending is. And that's all there is to it.

Saturday, April 09, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 9

"Day 09 - Your favorite exploitation / grind house type film"

Wow, this was a tough one, especially trying to keep it in horror. With that said, let's go with "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" the original!

I remember when I was a kid, my mom was with this guy and he rented this movie. Due to the title, my Mom forbid me from being in the living room while they watched it. But we lived in a tiny ass apartment where only a flimsy piece of drywall seperated the living room and the bedroom...and there was no bedroom door. So I didn't get to SEE the movie but I heard it.

Even then, I knew how fucking annoying Franklin was. Later on, my friend saw his parents had it on VHS (OLD SCHOOL, mothafucker!) and we watched it mom was a bit overprotective of me. Considering I watched worse movies with her. But whatever. Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The remake is ok, but stick with the classic, my friends.

Friday, April 08, 2011

New Review: Barn of the Naked Dead

Christ, this movie was tough to get through.

Barn of the Naked Dead

Hope you enjoy!

30 Days of Horror: Day 8

"Day 08 - Your favorite anthology"

Gosh, what is an anthology? Ok, seriously. Weird this showed up a few weeks after doing an entire Lair episode on the subject. While doing the subject I learned two things:
1. Many people don't know what an anthology film is
2. Many people don't like anthology films.

I don't know why that is, I think anthology films, especially horror, (if done right) are fucking awesome. So there's so many I can choose, some I'm sure were used by other people. So sticking with the whole "Jason is a special snowflake and I must be different" I'm gonna go with..."Creepshow 2"!

Yes, the sequel.

To refresh your memory on what happened in "Creepshow 2", the first story involved some robbers robbing, then killing, some old friendly people that ran a small store in a small town. Outside the store is one of those big store front Indians that you normally see outside cigar shops (for some reason). Well, after the nice old people are killed, the Indian comes to life and kills the robbers.

The next story is about a group of friends going to a lake, and while swimming, come across this weird blobby floating thing that eats anyone that gets too close to it. Eventually, two people are stuck and they're not sure if they can make it to shore in time...

The last story (there was only 3 storys in this one, which is why it's not as popular I think) involves a chick running over a hitchhiker and now she's haunted by the guy. It's not a great story, but it has it's creepy moments.

Anyway, "Creepshow 2". Check it out!

Thursday, April 07, 2011

The Lair of the Unwanted #16: That '70's Sci-Fi Show

Note: This is easily our longest episode to date. Here's what you do: LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE FIRST! Leave all the 30-60 minute podcasts for last! Get this one out of the way first! Seriously, it's probably the best idea ever!

In this action packed episode, Jason and Nolahn are joined by Kai Parker from The List and The MILFcast.

Before they discuss two sci-fi films, they go over a good amount of feedback, get their first ever "voice mail", read some iTunes reviews, and finally Come Clean with The Foxy Goat by revealing their favorite doctors and/or Doctor Who's.

Check Kai out at or
Send feedback to
Go to The Official Facebook page at
Check out older episodes at

30 Days of Horror: Day 7

"Day 07 - Your favorite supernatural horror film"

Man, there's so many to choose from. I'm not even sure which one to go with. So I guess I'll go with..."House"!

Not the crazy Japanese film. I still need to see that.

"House" tells the story of a guy who moves into a house and there's all sorts of weird ghosts that bug the guy, including a large woman monster and one of his dead friends from Veitnam. And the neighbor is played by George Wendt. It's pretty awesome and a lot of fun, with some good scary moments.

So that's it.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 6

"Day 06 - Your favorite vampire movie"

Honestly, I could use "Monster Squad" for this as well, but we're not allowed to use the same movie twice, so I guess I'll have to go with "Let Me In".

I want to say that I haven't seen the original version, but I've heard things. After seeing the American version, I'm not sure I want to see the other. Everything about this version was awesome. Well, it was a tiny bit slow, but once everything fell into place I didn't mind.

Both kids did an amazing job and I loved Casey Jones as the cop in this. Normally when there's an American remake to something, it tends to sucks, but here I'm glad they went ahead with it and got it right.

Totally check this out if you haven't.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Jason's Weekly Round Up #9

Some Cool Ass Shit:

-I was on this awesome podcast that posted on Friday. It's probably not only the best podcast I ever been on, but probably the best episode of any podcast ever. You really, really need to listen to this shit right here. For realz, yo.

-Matt over at "Chuck Norris Ate My Baby" is slowly becoming one of my favorite reviewers. The many ways he came up with alternate titles of "Eyes in the Dark" is just awesome.

-TheGreatWhiteDope's take on this movie called "Nights of Terror" is fantastic. Sorry the description is so short, I dunno what other words I could use. Awesome. Excellent. Very cool. Sure, those work.

-Go wish Rachel a happy 4th birthday! Well, she's not four, her blog is. Imagine a four year old running a movie blog. "YAY! I saw cartoon! YAY!!!"

Random Video:

And Finally:
A podcast heavy week for me. We're doing a Lair episode tomorrow, which should be out Thursday or Friday. Saturday, despite me not able to show up two weeks in a row, I am doing a LAMBcast, dammit! I get to talk about "Black Dynamite" with some cool peeps (Not sure who but I imagine they're cool peeps. If a non-cool peep made it on, I apologize ahead of time.) so that should be fun.

Dammit, how many times have I told you to never interrupt my kung fu!

30 Days of Horror: Day 5

"Day 05 - Your favorite monster movie."

Yes sir, I'm gonna have to go with "The Monster Squad"

Oh god, I love "Monster Squad". For those not in the know....what the hell is wrong with you?!? It's on DVD! Just go buy it. Seriously, it's fucking awesome.

Ok, seriously, here's a short recap. Dracula forms a group of baddies made up of classic movie monsters, including The Gill Man (AKA Creature From The Black Lagoon), The Mummy, The Wolf Man, and Frankenstein. Frankenstein gets lost and ends up in our heroes treehouse, where he becomes a good guy. The Monster Squad is made up of a bunch of kids obsessed with monsters and knows how to stop them. So basically it's kids vs classic monsters.

And it's awesome.

Monday, April 04, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 4

"Day 04 - Your favorite werewolf film"

While doing these, I'm avoiding doing all the movies I'm sure showed up on other people's lists. So when I think "werewolf film" I think of one movie: "Werewolf"!

Well, it's a favorite in terms of how awesomely stupid the movie is. Plus it is one of my favorite MST3K episodes. So if you haven't seen the movie/episode, check this out.

Some archeologists are digging around in the desert when they find some bones that look like a werewolf. They investigate it....and investigate it...while some dude named Paul moves into town and hits on the dumb big boobed chick. There's another guy who keeps changing hair styles who somehow manages to turn random people into werewolves. Eventually, Paul is turned into a werewolf and that's more or less it.

Ok, the movie itself fucking sucks, but it's entertaining as hell to watch. The MST3K episode is on Netflix Instant Watch. Do yourself a favor and check it out!

PS: Visit for more lists!

Sunday, April 03, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 3

"Day 03 - Your favorite slasher."

People are probably going to expect me to say "Friday the 13th" but I figure that'd be a cop out answer. So instead I'm gonna go with "The Burning".

"The Burning" is one of many "Friday the 13th" rip offs that appeared. The movie is about a camp caretaker named Cropsey who gets horribly burnt due to a practical joke gone wrong. Five years later, he's released from the hospital and he goes back to the camp to seek REVENGE!! MU HAHAHAHAHA!!

This movie stars a young Jason "George From Seinfeld" Alexander, which is to say he's roughly 30 years old, playing a teenager. There's another recognizable face in the movie but you might not know the name: Fisher Stevens. He's probably most famous for being the "foreign" guy in "Short Circuit".

Anyway, "The Burning" is a bit slow but when it gets going, it's going. There's awesome nudity and there's probably the greatest kill scene ever where Cropsey kills a raft full of kids. It's awesome. It's on DVD now so I say check it out.


Shout out to

Saturday, April 02, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 2

"Day 02 - The horror film that you relate most to."

This is an obscure one, but "There's Nothing Out There".

So yeah, it's about a guy name Mike who goes on a trip with some friends to a house in the woods. Mike has seen every horror movie, good and bad, and knows every trick. Whenever I'm with my friends, five minutes doesn't go by when I don't mention a horror/bad movie, or if the situation arises, say that we're in one.

An example: A long time ago, me and some friends went to some woods. In the daytime, it looks ok. But at night, it's fucking creepy as hell because there are literally NO LIGHTS anywhere and it gets SUPER dark. So we're just roaming around. Meanwhile, I keep saying shit like "I hope some hockey mask wearing guy doesn't kill us" or "I wonder if the ghosts will be nice to us" and shit like that. Needless to say, everyone was annoyed with me and we ended up going back cause I freaked out some of my friends. this is being posted, I'm back home. I should make us go back there one final time...

Check out for other people's lists!

Friday, April 01, 2011

30 Days of Horror: Day 1

"Day 01 - A horror film that no one would expect you to love, but you do."

Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with "Deadgirl".

This all started back when I announced I was doing a LiveTweet event on Twitter where I'll be watching this movie. Since it's on Netflix Instant Watch, Nick Jobe said he wanted to watch it so he did. After it was over, he came to me like a tramutized rape victim and said "Dude, this movie is FUCKED UP!" and proceeded to compare it to "Martyrs".

Now, I never officially said here on The Blog but I really didn't like "Martyrs", mainly cause of the ending. (SPOILER FOR MARTYRS) It's mainly 20 minutes of a dude beating the shit out of a woman and THAT'S IT! After five minutes, I was like "Ok, I get the fucking point, move on already!" but no. Then it got even more fucked up and I pretty much vowed to never watch that movie again.

Anyway, since that comparison, plus the subject matter, Nick said he couldn't wait for my LiveTweet event. The night went on. "Deadgirl" is about two guys who find a dead girl in an abandoned hospital, one guy immediately wants to fuck her, it's revealed she's a zombie, and the guy REALLY wants to fuck her. Then it kinda just goes on from there.

Well, despite the fucked up premise, I kinda liked the movie. Not because of the necrophilia going on, but because of the atmosphere and I was curious how this was all going to end. Plus there's a funny moment towards the end before the crazy fucked up ending that makes it worth while.

After I got done with the movie and I revealed I liked it, Nick's opinion of me went down a little bit. That is until a huge life changing event but that's another story for another time.

Visit for other people's list and whatnot!