Thursday, February 24, 2011

Interview: Ryan Arnold

In my ever growing series of people involved in the movies I write about contacting me, I got an email from a dude named Ryan Arnold. He told me he was involved with a little project called "Gothic Girls AKA Good Girls Don't Sleep In Coffins", a movie I reviewed way back in 2006. Much like people who experience terrible things, I never forgot this movie and the instant he mentioned this movie, the flashbacks began.

I explain in the review how I came across this movie but the short version if you don't feel like reading the review is some dude named (try not to laugh at this) "Flint Martini" (Ok, laugh) emailed me saying he made this movie and I should review. He sent it to me and I reviewed it, giving my honest opinion. He emailed me one last time saying "Harsh" and I never heard from him again. I only assumed he killed himself due to my scathing review.

All these years later, Ryan emails me and tells me he not only was in the movie but he helped write, direct, produce, cater, make up, and even lived in the apartment the movie was filmed. Before we get to the interview, he had some things to share with me about the movie itself.

First off, let me start with a little background, on how I came to know Flint Martini.

I was working at Starbucks at the time. Actually, that was my day job as I was also pursuing an acting carrier and was doing a fair bit of shitty projects for little more than free food and more footage for my reel. Anyway, Flint started working at Starbucks and we had a lot in common. Namely we liked goth / industrial music, underground comic books, horror films, all the kinds of crap that kids who aren't good at sports are into.

At the time Aaron had been doing a lot of AD work for a company called Full Moon Productions. Namely, he had worked for several weeks on Witch House 3, a film so lame it doesn't even have a wikipedia, but I assume you know the drill, shot on digi-vid, bunch of chicks running around taking showers and getting killed.

Anyway, the guys at Full Moon had a great set up. Basically, they'd churn out these videos about one every two months. Then they'd sell the digital video file to Blockbuster and Best Buy. In the case of blockbuster they'd just print out the disc and pay a flat rate for the filims. Something like 10 Grand. For Best buy they'd press the discs in sort of an on demand "just in time" distribution fashion and pay Full Moon something like 2 to 3 bucks per disc sold.

Then Full Moon would print their own discs and take some of the chicks to horror conventions to sign the discs and they'd make a pretty good haul on that. So Flint decided he could do the same and started working on a script. He knew some actors who were (according to him) "big in the b movie scene" who were eager to star in the film. Basically his idea was to pay these guys and then get a bunch of our buddies (mostly other starbucks employees) to act as extras and such. I read the script which was about 30% finished at the time and was super excited.

I had heard of some of the Full Moon films and the talent that was on board seemed solid, "what could go wrong?" I thought.

Oh, lots. Anyway, onto the Questions!

Jason: Please tell me "Flint Martini" isn't his real name? If so, I have some parents to kill.

Ryan: Flint's real name is Aaron Brown. Aaron is an old school punk rocker. One of those guys who hangs out at goth clubs in jeans and always pulls the hottest chicks just by doing his little dance. He's a snake oil sales man of the highest degree. While living in Florida he worked at an old folks home. This was the inspiration for a short lived underground comic book called "Code Brown" which was basically about a group of old geezers who lived in an old folks home and had a punk band. Aaron wrote several songs and even played gigs as the band in Florida. The songs were actually pretty good. Much better than his goth band "Condition of Gloom" which was basically just a Joy Division cover band. The original idea for Gothic Movie was that it was going to star actual old guys, but that proved hard to cast so the band Code Brown turned into guys who dressed up like old dudes for some weird reason.

Aaron excels at doing things just enough to seem legitimate and then let's his charm and bullshit push him the rest of the way through. He is now married to a high powered lawyer chick so he has even more time to pursue his schemes that will eventually lead him to fame and fortune.

Jason: Exactly how long did filming take? I have a bet that was 48 hours or less.

Ryan: I wish. We started filming this thing in Feb of 2003 and did not wrap on it until something like July. I eventually stopped being involved. The thing was that the script kept changing and actors kept dropping out so we had to reshoot these terrible scenes over and over. We eventually got kicked out of our apartment and that put the movie on hold for a while during our relocation. The shooting was brutal. No planning, just Aaron setting up lights and smoking and then we'd be sitting there for hours waiting until he was ready. We'd shot something then do it all over. I'd say we shot about 5 mintues a weekend tops. The other thing was that Aaron was basically going around to clubs and stuff talking about his movie and then some dude would say "oh I do card tricks" or something and Aaron would say, "that's fucking great! we need to film that!" and then we'd lose a day so he could film something that wasn't even in the script and made even less sense than the rest of the crap.

Jason: Please, please, PLEASE explain to me the final shot where you look into the camera, then slam two beers.

Ryan: During my college days my actor buddies and I would have fairly brutal schedules, along the lines of 7AM to 12PM (I'm assuming he means midnight-Jason) with classes and rehersals and such. We had this ritutal where we'd head straight to the fridge and pound two beers exactly like that after a long day. I don't know why, it was just funny I guess. Bunch of guys guzzling down beers. Stupid really. Anyway, after a long day of shooting I did it just to blow off steam and Aaron thought it was hilarious, he figured that's how Das Helmut would end a day of minion fighting. I guess. Like the rest of the film there is no good reason for it, it's just there because Aaron though it'd be cool.

Jason: The chick that played Suzy, do you have her email address? I liked her. A lot.

Ryan: She's married now with a kid, but you can friend her on Facebook, I'm sure she'd get a kick out of hearing from a "fan". (I won't link to her Facebook, out of respect to her privacy. Me? I'm friending the hell out of her!-Jason)

Jason: You mentioned in your email that you helped "Flint" write (or "write") this movie. Who wrote which scenes?

Ryan: Well I helped him "finish" the scenes. There is a lot of unscripted shit in there that he just put in there, but when I got the script we got it up to the part where the guys get there and Bad Kitty explians what she's going to do to them. I pretty much wrote the scene between Bad Kitty and Suzie towards the end as well as the scenes with Mutt, Helmut and the "ritual" scenes. A lot of the scenes were just outlines and for the most part I was the "acting coach" so I'd be like, "ok say something like this" and Aaron would just shoot it. That is for the time I was invovled. Eventually it became obvious that the thing was going to be a total piece of shit and not going anywhere. I was like, you get one more weekend with me and then I'm done. That's when we filmed all the stuff with the fight scene and the end, after that I basically left Aaron to his own devices.

Jason: The scene where someone is talking to a pizza delievery guy, was that a real pizza delievery guy that you/Flint convinced to be in the movie? If so, how?

Ryan: You noticed that. OK. Well, the Pizza Delivery guy was actually the guy who was originally going to play the virgin character. We filmed a bunch of scenes with him and he was just too boring. Unfortunately that scene was the only one with Trent Hagga (before he realized what was going on and dropped out). Aaron needed to include Trent in the cast so he could sell the thing as legitimate so we reshot a scene where one of the minions goes "it's the pizza guy" or something stupid and then shoved that scene in there. Ridiculous.

Jason: This is just a favor. The dudes that were in the horrible masks the entire movie, please punch them for me.

Ryan: I will the next time I see them. Actually, I was in the mask several times, so I'll punch myself. I guess if you didn't realize that was me then my acting is better than I thought.

Super mucho thanks to Ryan for being a great sport, even after finding out the chick who played Bad Kitty is his wife in real life. If you read the review, you see I didn't say too many nice things about her. Oops.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Jason Made A Video: Bath Tub Time Machine 3

In seperate timelines, Jason and Cokie consult with a time travel expert in order to get Jason back home.

Sidenote: The opening sequence was the most hard work I put into this episode, so I hope everyone enjoys it!

Jason's Weekly Round-Up #3

Wow, I've keep this up for 3 weeks in a row. That's some kind of record from me.

Some Cool-Ass Shit:
-The Reel Insight gals do a weekly podcast where they showcase an actor every week. This week, they focused on one funny motherfucker, named Adam Sandler. People give Adam Sandler a lot of shit cause he's a comedian, and they're mainly from people who don't seem to have a sense of humor or just hate comedies overall. You don't see me bitchin' about how awful Clark Gable or Marilyn Monroe is, do ya? Anyway, check out their episode here. Next episode, you guys need to do Zach Galafinakis.

-So not only am I doing a somewhat successful video/vlog series, I been guest spotting on Nick's "Random Ramblings of a Demented Doorvlog" where I played the villain. The finale was put up this Sunday where EVERYTHING is explained. And there's a shitload of guest stars, some who I "interact" with. Check that out here!

-Another podcast link! This time, it's for The LAMBcast! Me, Dylan, and Nick got together to talk about some Terry Gilliam movies. Twas fun!

-Ever wondered why "Transformers" keeps getting sequels despite it sucking so much Paris Hilton is like "Damn that thing sucks a lot. And I suck a lot. A lot of DICK!" (Yeah, my references are a bit outdated. Leave me alone.) Well, tells us some Hollywood secrets on why movies suck nowadays.

-I posted this video on my Facebook but no one reacted to it for some reason. Ever wonder what female DJ's will be like 50-60 years from now? Check this out!

Things I'm GOING To Watch:
-Speaking of LAMBcast, I gotta watch "This Is Spinal Tap" for a recording this Saturday. So I'll be doing that.
-I'm also gonna be watching "Flash (AH! AHHHHHHH!!) Gordon" this week. Sweet!
-Of course I'll be watching "Deadgirl", for the Twitter Event on Wednesday. I can't wait, honestly! I got some people interested in this one.

-I watched "Vulgar" and it's pretty good. It's like a male version of "The Accused", if written by Kevin Smith. (Kevin Smith didn't write or direct "Vulgar" but he has a small role in the movie cause all of his friends were in this movie.) It's an interesting walk.

A Random Picture:

I was doing a Google Image search for the Random Picture when for fun I thought I'd put my name to see what came. Some pics I posted either on the site or on the blog showed up, along with some stuff from other sites. Then I came across something that I wasn't aware existed. I guess I'll have to give some backstory first.
1. Sebastian appeared on some episodes of "The LAMBcast".
2. I hate "(500) Days of Summer".

That's all the back story you need. I guess "500 Days of Summer" (Fuck putting parentheses in places they don't belong, especially in movie titles) is his favorite movie or something and he got a bit offended when I said, on multiple occasions, how much I hated said movie. Someday I shall talk about ALL the reason why I hate said movie. But for now, let's enjoy a post titled "Jason Soto Can Suck It". It's probably my biggest achievement to date!

And Finally:
If YOU want to tell me to go suck it, email me at so I can have Nolahn read it on air and make it sound funny. And really, any feedback on The Lair would be appreciated.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Rewind: Disturbia

(I wrote this review in April 2008, back before I was popular. Yes, I'm assuming I'm popular now. Anyway, this was during the first "30 Days of Horror", an all-horror fest I use to do. But now I got a crappy job that doesn't allow me to do it again. Oh well. Here, one of my favorite reviews that I've written, is "Disturbia".)

The following is a top secret transcript of a meeting between a Producer and a Random Teenager (known as RT), found in the vaults of Dreamworks studios.

Producer: Hello [Random Teenager]. I bought you here today because we need your help to tell us what you want to see in a modern horror movie.

RT: Yuck. Horror movies are so yucky, with all the blood and the body parts flying everywhere. Why can't you make...I don't know...a romantic horror movie?
Producer: Romantic, we can do that. Have you ever seen the great Hitchcock classic "Rear Window"?
*RT gives a blank stare*

Producer: Right. Who care's about "old" stuff, huh? OK! So here's what the writers came up with. And there were three of them. We have a guy-
RT: Make it a hot guy. Like, that "Transformers" guy.
Producer: Ok Transformer guy. Got it. Transformer guy is a good kid and on the last day of summer vacation, he breaks his leg-
RT: UGH! No one breaks their legs anymore, old fogey!! Nowadays, everyone does badass shit, like, punch their teachers!
Producer: That's good! So Transformer kid punches his teacher and while in jail, he witnesses a murder.
RT: Jail? Ugh. I had to watch that "Oz" show cause I thought it was about The Wizard of Oz. It's about prison. Did you know that?
Producer: I think I heard that, yes.
RT: No jail stuff. This one kid I knew had to do house arrest for, like, six months for beating his mom up.
Producer: Excellent! House arrest!
RT: Where's the romance, dude?
Producer: Right, romance. Um, a hot beautiful girl moves in next door-
Producer: Umm...we'll see what we can do. Anyway, Transformer kid falls for the girl next door, all the while being bored out of his mind being trapped in the house for a month. He decides to spy on his neighbors-
RT: Ew but I like it.
Producer: You's gonna take an hour to set up this romantic angle.
RT: So what? It'll be, like, important later on. It'll show that Transformer kid is hot, even though he's being horrified.
Producer: Right. Um, anyway, we'll also have a black friend who-
RT: That is SOOO RACIST!!!
Producer: Asian?
RT: That's better. Asian's don't get to be sidekicks in movies. It'll do the Asian people proud to help a hot white kid.
Producer: Ok. So the Asian kid he's the comic relief and is a stoner-
RT: My parents won't let me see movies with drug references.
Producer: It's ok, it'll just be assumed. So finally after setting up an hour of the romance stuff and showing Transformer kid going crazy, he thinks something is up with one of the creepy neighbors.
RT: OMG! You should get that Harrison Ford guy to be the creepy guy! He's so creepy lookin'!!
Producer: We'll see what we can do. Anyway, Transformer kid sees Creepy Neighbor do a bunch of weird stuff like chase a girl around his house, and drag a big plastic mat full of blood and stuff. So he'll send Asian kid over to check it out and we'll have you think Asian kid died!
Producer: I know! And since he's under house arrest, if he crosses this line, the cops will immedately show up! So he does it the cops will show up, and they can't find evidence!
Producer: So Transformer Kid's mom goes over to apologize, we find out Asian kid isn't dead-
RT: Phew!
Producer: And it'll turn out...Creepy Guy IS A MURDERER!!
Producer: I know you didn't cause we had you think it was all in Transformer Kid's head but it wasn't!! HAHAHA!!
RT: Where's the girl?
Producer: Oh right, girl. Um...after Creepy neighbor knocks out Mom, drags her down three flights of stairs, drag her over a mudhole full of dead bodies and ties her up, all within 2 minutes, Creepy Neighber will then magically teleport to Transformer Guy's house and attack him! Girl shows up and saves Transformer Guy and he runs back to the house to get his mom.
RT: Mom. I like that word. You should have Transformer Guy say that word about a thousand times.
Producer: You got it! So after taking 20 minutes having Transformer Guy wander around the house, Creepy Guy will show up all out of nowhere-
RT: He's a wizard!
Producer: Yes! He'll be a wizard! And try to kill Mom and Transformer Guy, but after a fight in the dark, Transformer Guy kills Creepy Guy, Transformer Guy is off his house arrest for capturing a famous serial killer, and we'll make our contractual obligation to mention Youtube at least once in every modern day horror movie and the end!
RT: YAY!!!
Producer: So what should we call it?
RT: Hot Teenager Saves The Day!
Producer: How about...Disturbia?
RT: Whatever. I'm just gonna leave after the romance stuff. Let them horror geeks jack off to the blood and guts stuff in the second half.


Saturday, February 19, 2011

Jason Made A Video: Bath Tub Time Machine 2

Cokie has to figure out what happened to Jason. Jason meanwhile finds himself in a strange, yet familar, place.


Friday, February 18, 2011

The Lair of the Unwanted #14: We Heart Chuck Norris

Wow, a new review AND a Lair episode! You guys are lucky!

(If the new episode isn't in the above player, click on this link to go to the direct page.

With a roundhouse kick to the gonads, Jason and Nolahn are back with another episode! This time, they have special guest Matt from "Chuck Norris Ate My Baby" to help talk about the awesomeness that is Chuck Norris, in honor of our fan Dr. Drew.

After discussing The 3rd Annual Binnie Awards and the next Twitter Event, the guys launch right in to talking about "Breaker! Breaker!", "Slaughter in San Francisco", and the epically awesome "Lone Wolf McQuade".

Special thanks to Nice Peter, who posted the Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris rap battle video on Youtube. Check him out here!

New Review: The Fantastic Four (1994)

Before there was Jessica Alba there was...Roger Corman?

The Fantastic Four (1994)


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Jason's Tuesday Round-Up #2

Some Cool Ass Shit:
-Sometime last week (might have even been the weekend) I put up a Facebook status that said "Felicia (my fiancee) just came up with an awesome idea. We should go see the Justin Bieber movie and be loud and obnoxious like teenagers are during "our" movies." Everyone on my Friend's List loved this, including Simon over at The Simon and Jo Film Show, so much so they made me Blogger of the Week! You should check that shit out, they're really great guys with great movie discussion and it's all proper and British, gov'na! (I apologize for that last bit.)

-I love reviews that are different and the queen of great different reviews is Stacie Ponder at Final Girl. Her review of a movie called "Necrosis" is hilarious. Check it out.

-I unintentially influenced Nick to watch "Deadgirl", the next movie lined up for my Twitter Event. I didn't read the entire review cause I wanna go in as cold as possible and if you want to do the same thing, wait until after the 23rd to check this out. Everybody else, check out Nick's review.

-The LAMB's Devour The Oscar is marching on, despite my awesome article being posted 3 days into the event. But some other great posts have been coming in, including Univarn's take on Best Actor. If you liked my post, you'll love Univarn's.

-TheGreatWhiteDope over at TheGreatWhiteDope's Mecha-Blog-Zilla took on the Arnold classic "Commando". It's a shitty review. No...I LIED!

Things I'm GOING To Watch:
-I gotta cram in three movies this week. Thankfully, two of them I seen already. But we're recording The Lair this week and I wanna refresh my memory on both Lone Wolf McQuade and Breaker! Breaker! Then I'm also gonna be reviewing the Roger Corman produced "Fantastic Four" this Friday. Gosh, I'm gonna be a busy fella.
-Maybe I can squeeze this in somewhere but I heard about a movie called "Vulgar" starring Dante from "Clerks" and it's suppose to be fucked up. I don't know a whole lot about it going in and I kinda like going into movies like this cold.
I did watch "Venture Brothers Season 3" and "The Bride of Frank". I didn't get to Cat's Eye or Catfish. I guess I wasn't in a cat mood.

A Random Picture:

People who buy these type of strollers have a special level of Hell waiting for them. A level of Hell where they try to walk somewhere but they can't get through because some big bulky annoying fucking thing is in the way. HEY! There are other people in the fucking store with you! Move your giant ass SUV-sized stroller!

And Finally:
The Grammys came and went and of course, I didn't know a lot of the songs/bands nominated. I did discover one song I heard on the radio that I liked but never knew the name of it. This band performed on the Grammys and it was pretty cool.

This has been Jason's Tuesday Round-Up!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Jason Made A Video #15: Bath Tub Time Machine

I made this last week, I just forgot to post it here in the blog. Anyway, this is part 1 in my Bath Tub Time Machine series. I dunno how many parts I'll have. Depends on how long I can stretch the story, I guess. Anyway, enjoy!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Bride of Frank

In the first Tuesday Round-Up, I mentioned I was going to try to watch this film at some point in the week. Today being my off day and it being -300 degrees outside (I think all this bad weather in the midwest is just a way of Canada getting revenge on us for making fun of them for all these years. I'm sure they have some weather controlling machine.) I decided to pop this movie in and see what all the fuss is about.

All the fuss=one guy I see at roller derby continually asking me if I seen it yet. So next month's bout I can say I did and never take another recommendation from him again. Ok, I'm jumping ahead.

"Bride of Frank" centers on a dude named Frank, who is a homeless person. A trucking company every so often picks up homeless dudes and takes them on their routes to help unload the trucks, then they get some money and are dropped off again. This company liked Frank a whole lot so they let him stay in their offices in exchange for being the night watchman and doing some cleaning. Frank is ok with this.

It's hard to put into words how Frank acts during the movie. Every so often he mumbles his lines that they have to subtitle him. If only someone working on "The Room" would've thought to do that. Actually, picturing Frank as Johnny is giving me fits of laughter.

"mumumumb you are tearing me apart mumumumu...."

Anyway. The movie opens up with Frank in a truck and he spots a little girl. He begs the little girl to help him find his cat. When she climbs into the truck with him, he confesses he lied and just wanted her company. I got an uneasy feeling because this was just the beginning of the movie and I didn't know anything about this guy. So immediately I thought "great, we're gonna watch a movie about a pedofile. Thanks, guy at roller derby!"

Before I started dialing the F.B.I's number, Frank bashes the little girl's head in, then proceeds to run her over with the truck and for the final act, eat her brains. This turns out to be a dream. Frank goes to work and the person he's riding with DOES NOTHING BUT SCREAMS LIKE THIS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE FUCKING MOVIE!! AND YOU THOUGHT I SAID FUCK A WHOLE LOT, YOU SHOULD HEAR THIS GUY! AND IF HE REFERENCED HOW BIG HIS DICK WAS ONE MORE TIME I WAS GOING TO THROW THIS DVD INTO THE FROZEN POND BEHIND MY APARTMENT!!

We get a glimpse of Frank's down time. He cleans the office. He watches TV. He has five cats he takes care of. One of the warehouse people realizes it's Frank's birthday, so they have a party for him. There, we meet all the other people at the warehouse, with names like Sal The Mouth and Bernard the Tongue and Vinny the Eyes and Pauly the Nose. Ok, some of those names I made up.

Frank gets not one but two blow up dolls for his birthday, one of them a sheep. They have a discussion about the best way to fuck a sheep. Alrighty then. During the party, some over-exaggerated nerd shows up looking for directions and while doing so he insults Frank. Frank doesn't take this shit and threatens to rip his head off and shit down his neck. The nerd doesn't believe this until the warehouse guys grab him, tie him up, and let Frank literally cut his head off and shit down his neck. And yes, we do see this happen. This movie is special.

Later that night, Frank is playing with the human form blow up doll and he bites the tits, which deflates it. The warehouse workers realize that Frank is obsessed with tits. Well, any guy is obesses with tits. Tits are nice. But Frank's love of tits is on another level. And not just any type of tits, he LOVES big tits!

The warehouse guys take Frank to a strip club and there's a 10 minute scene of Frank groping the stripper. Well "Stripper". This is one of those strip clubs where the girls don't take their clothes off. This doesn't cure Frank's desire of tits and he wants them more.

The warehouse guys than put in a personal ad in the papers to find a girl for Frank. They stress the big tits thing in the ad, which I didn't know was possible or else I would've done that 10 years ago prior to meeting my fiancee. The next half of the movie is a slow montage of the dates Frank go on.

First up is a somewhat plump Jewish girl who doesn't like Frank's apperance and just makes fun of him for five minutes straight. Frank takes a knife and stabs her through her chin, then he gropes her huge tits for five minutes.

Next is clearly a guy dressed up as a girl. The drag queen pulls Frank's dick out and starts sucking it and Frank is into it until he pulls the wig off. The drag queen yells at Frank saying he'll be the only person in the world that'll suck is dick. If you're wondering, we don't see Frank's real dick. So don't fill your head with horrible images. There's enough coming up. Anyway, Frank kills the drag queen.

The third date is special. The girl is rather large and Frank is just gaga over her. The girl strips nude and Frank gets a major hard on. He wants to fuck her, but she just wants him to jerk off. Frank doesn't take too kindly to that and threatens to cut her eye out and skull fuck her. And true to his word, he does. And we see it happen.

It needs to be seen to be believed. It's just an amazing scene.

Two more girls show up but they get away with their lives. Then the movie gets trippy when Frank has a weird dream that's hard to describe. Eventually, an older lady named Delores shows up and god damn she has huge tits. Delores and Frank hit it off, they go on a date, and soon, he proposes marriage. She accepts, they get married, and they lived happily ever after.

There are some scenes of the wedding during the credits but Frank isn't in them so they're not important. The only reason to watch this movie is Frank. When you get past the beginning scene with the girl, you'll grow to like Frank. He's a gross human being but you kinda feel for him. He just wants female company. And to feel huge tits. Who doesn't wanna feel huge tits? If you say you don't, you are a liar.

This movie, believe it or not, is available on Netflix so if you have that, check it out. I'm giving this movie a break cause I know it's hard to make a movie and the guys that made this movie just wanted to make something fun, no matter how weird it got. It was made in 1997 and I don't know if Frank is still alive. I'd like to think he is and he's somewhere reading this review. Frank, buddy, I wish you nothing but the best. Because I know if I don't, you'll kill me.


This Month's Twitter Event: Deadgirl

Wednesday, February 23rd at 9PM EST I will be live Tweeting me watching "Deadgirl". So if you have a Twitter account, follow me at @invasionbmovies and watch me as I watch this movie, which I've heard many different things about, so I'm looking forward to it.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

My Real MILFCast Answers

Everyone knows by now that I was suppose to be on the MILFcast this past Saturday but I was unable to make it at the last minute. So Scott from Frankly, My Dead Podcast pretended to be me, which was hilarious. Part of this particular episode of the MILFcast was a round-table of "Heather Is Always Right". It'll take too long to explain what that means but pretty much she asks questions, we have to answer and she picks the best answer. For deeper detail, listen to any given episode of the MILFcast.

Anyway, Kai sent us the questions a week or so in advance and I had my answers ready to go but I didn't know what to do with them...until now! Here are the questions and my answers.

1. How did Tina Fey get that scar on her face?
She was giving Chuck Norris a blowjob and he jizzed on her face.

2. Pick 3 Movie Monsters: Of them, who would you Fuck, Marry, Kill? And why?
I would Marry Jason cause how cute would that be? I'd kill Chucky to show how easy it'd be. I'd Fuck The American Werewolf of London cause he's hunky and he'd give me the hook up on free Dr. Pepper.

3. How do you get rid of a garden/house/underwear gnome? (Apparently Heather needs help on this issue)
Well, if it's an underwear gnome, you put a shitload of underwear into your dryer with the door open and wait. When it/they make a grab for them, slam the door and start it on high. Ta-da. Garden/house gnome? Just move.

4. Who is the greatest science fiction villain of all time?
L. Ron Hubbard.

5. What would you do if you were approached by David Bowie on a middle school playground and asked to purchase skittles from him?
I don't even know what this question means, honestly. I think Heather secretly takes a fair amount of drugs and comes up with this weird shit. And I'd probably so "No thank you" cause I don't like Skittles.

6. Who is the most entertaining actor/actress in show business?
That's easy. Tommy Wiseau.

7. Who is the greatest movie swordsman of all time?
Ron Jeremy.

8. Explain. Jennifer Aniston. Career?
Apparently, everybody hates Jennifer Aniston for some reason. I don't mind her. She's pretty hot. I'd do her. Yeah.

9. Best movie sex scene ever?
Toss up between the one in "Mulholland Drive" and the one in "Black Swan".

10. When will Skynet actually become self aware?
Didn't it happen already? Wasn't Judgement Day like in 1999 or some shit? I forget. I never seen Terminator 3 or Salvation.

11. Do your celeb impressions mother truckers!
I had a good one planned, but I'll save it for when I'm one next time.

Kai, Heather-You need to tell me which answer I would've gotten "right". I'm pretty proud of these answers. Oh and anytime I ever did "Whoever Is Always Right", despite it being set up so the guest wins, I never won. So there's that I guess.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Jason's Tuesday Round-up #1

A lot of other sites/blogs I visit seem to do some weekly round-up of stuff they like and things they've done that don't deserve a full post or whatever. I've had the idea in my head for awhile to do one but after visiting Univarn's site "Life in Equinox" I decided enough is enough and to just man up and do one of my own! It'll probably focus more on b-movies or mainly shit I've done, but when you come to Invasion of the B Movies, what else do you expect?

Some Cool Ass Shit!:
-It's Oscar time, which means the LAMB is all busy with it's "LAMB Devours The Oscars" (That doesn't sound right. I think an "s" doesn't belong somewhere. Whatever.) As usual I volunteered my services to write an essay about one of the awards and instead of Dylan or New LAMBmistress (Seriously Rach, get business cards that say that. You seen "American Psycho" I'm sure, you know how important those are) Rachael running it, Jess from "Insight Into Entertainment" is running it. Jess is cute as fuck and between me and you, she has a thing for me. So of course, she gave me the best award ever to talk about. And you can read my essay about that here!

-When Jorge from announced the theme for the B-Movie Meatloaf and it was "Japanese Horror", I was like "Fuck yeah! I get to do 'House' finally!" Then I get an email from my friend and podcasting partner Nolahn saying "I'm gonna do 'House'!!" and I said "FUUUUCK!!" So I had to settle for "One Missed Call". But now I'm kinda glad I didn't do it because Nolahn had a hard time putting it into words, and he's better at that shit than I am. Don't believe me? Check it out!

-This past Saturday, I was suppose to appear on The MILFcast but a crazy emergency prevented me from doing it and I had to cancel at the last minute. But somehow "I" still showed up. It's gotta be heard to be believed.

-Do you miss "Lost"? Do you like cliffhangers? Do you like watching one guy play several different characters? Then you should check out Nick's "Random Ramblings of a Demented DoorVlog", which tells an interesting story. And I might have a selfish reason for linking these.

-I wanted to see it anyway, but ABFL REALLY made me want to see "Piranha 3-D" and god damn it, I'm gonna do it soon!

Things I'm GOING To Be Watching:
People who do these weekly recap things tend to mention stuff they already watched. I decided to be different and list a few things I plan on watching. I'll report back if I did or not. Here we go.
-The Venture Brothers Season 3: Disc 1. I fucking love this show and the last episode of Season 2 ended in a cliffhanger of sorts, but I'm sure I figured it out. We'll see if I'm right.
-Stephen King's Cat's Eye. I haven't seen this movie in over 10 years but I remember loving the fuck out of it. Hopefully, my love for it won't change.
-The Bride of Frank. Roller derby is an interesting thing. Not just the sport itself, but being in the audience. There, you meet all sorts of people. I met this dude named Danny at one bout through my future sister-in-law and when he found out what I do, he got excited and told me about all sorts of movies that I've seen. (This was awhile ago so I forget what most of them were.) One movie he seemed to go on and on about was called "The Bride of Frank". He said it was Netflix and I need to see it NOW NOW NOW FUCKING NOW!! So I got it on Netflix, but due to time constrants and the fact Netflix raised their prices, I had to change the number of discs I can have out from 4 to 2. So I had to send "Bride of Frank" back. But not after I did....something...with it. *ahem* So maybe this week I'll get to this as well.
-I'm toying with the idea of watching "Catfish" even though I know the huge twist ending. I'm curious how it all plays out and if I can figure out if it's fake or not. Something tells me it's fake but who knows.

A Random Picture:

-In case you forgot, I'm doing reviews every other week now, so there's no review for this week. Don't be sad! Next week though I'm doing the horribly rushed Roger Corman produced "Fantastic Four" movie from 1994. It should be motherfuckin' epic! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to down some Xanax with this beer.

Friday, February 04, 2011

Updated Review: Urban Legends: Final Cut

I updated my review about a movie where a killer starts off using urban legends but changes his mind.

Urban Legends: Final Cut