Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Found Footage Fest 2012: The St. Francisville Experiment

One Guy: Hey I got an idea
Other Guy: Yes?
One Guy: That movie "The Blair Witch Project" sure is popular.
Other Guy: It sure is!
One Guy: How about we make a movie JUST LIKE that but instead....IT'S IN A HOUSE!!
Other Guy: You're a fucking genius! Here's $30 dollars!
One Guy: That's half our budget already!

Or something like that.

"The St. Francisville Experiment" starts off like a documentary with a guy telling us everything that we're about to see is totes real cause it wouldn't be a "found footage" film without that! Then we meet our characters. Paul is the leader, Tim is the camera man, Madison is the psychic/ghost expert, I guess, and Ryan (female) is...very fucking annoying. I have no idea what the fuck she was doing there but SPOILER ALERT she was REALLY fucking annoying.

Here's the scoop: a long ass time ago, some lady who name isn't important was discovered torturing slaves in her house. She managed to escape to a house in St. Francisville and this is the house our cast is going to spend the rest of the movie in.

I'm really gonna make this short cause there isn't a whole lot here. A good 45 minutes of them in the house is just them roaming around scaring each other and everybody acting like douchebags. Madison wants to do weird psychic stuff all the time, which gets annoying. Ryan screams at FUCKING EVERYTHING for no reason, and they don't find a lot of stuff.

There's one part that had me wondering if this was a spoof of found footage movies because they hear a noise in a cabinet and they take forever to open it and when they do....a fucking cat jumps out at them. I'm not even kidding. And they tried to play this seriously! It was stupid.

They finally go into the attic, which has the highest amounts of ghost activity and they film a chair flying across the room. Things start to pick up here but then they slow the fuck down when Madison says they all must separate and each go into a haunted room to rid the house of evil ghosts. It slows down cause Paul is chosen to go into the spooky attic and I swear to fucking god he spends 10 FUCKING MINUTES on the staircase whining about not wanting to go into the attic.

FINALLY they all go into their rooms and do a spell to release the evil spirits when all sorts of hell break loose. There's a creepy moment in Madison's room when we see a ghost appear in a mirror and attack her. Then Tim finds a secret passage way and is dragged by unseen forces. I'm gonna go ahead and spoil the ending because this isn't a movie I don't think you should waste your time with. Everybody gets out alive. Seriously. They all manage to escape the ghosts and the house and end up alive, just with insomina and nightmares. That's it.

So this movie was a giant waste of time. It had potential and there were some good scares, but unfortunately it wasn't enough. Skip this movie.


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