This post is for Film For The Soul's Counting Down The 00's.
Back in the day I was a big fan of humorist Dave Berry. He cracked my shit up. I read all of his books, read his articles every week, the whole nine yards. I learned in 2000 he was writing his first fictional book and I was all over that. It was called Big Trouble and I loved it.
Soon, I heard it was gonna be a movie and I was happy. This took us to the year 2001. They finished filming it and it was suppose to be released on September 21st, 2001.
But a thing happened just ten days prior that made people a tad bit uncomfortable. See, the story involved an airplane and airport security and we can't have movies about airplanes and airport security ten days after 9/11. THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!
So it got pushed to an undetermined date which I thought was around October or November 2001, but according to imdb, it was 2002 so who am I to argue? Sadly, I was severely unemployed at this time and didn't have the money to see it in theaters. It lasted maybe 2 weeks in theaters before being quietly pulled out of theaters.
I eventually saw it and thought it was awesome. The cast is a weird hodge podge. You got Tim Allen, Johnny Knoxville, Tom Sizemore, Zooey Dashhound, Renee Russo, Putty from Seinfeld, Jeanne Garlafalo, Andy Richter, Jason Lee, Stanley Tucci, Dennis Farina, AND Heavy D. And a goat.
The story is a bit hard to talk about cause it involved several small plots that eventually ties into one big story. Tim Allen is Eliot a newspaper writer who hates his boss and has a son who plays this weird watergun game that involved Zooey, Renee Russo, and Stanley Tucci. Jason Lee is a homeless guy who moves to Florida and falls in love with Zooey, Renee, and Stanley's maid. Johnny Knoxville and Tom Sizemore are scummy wanna-be robbers who rob two Russian bar owners and ends up stealing a nuke, which they think is a million dollars. Putty and Jeanne are cops. Dennis Farina and another guy are hitmen. Heavy D is an FBI agent. A goat just runs around a highway.
Phew.
It sounds really involved but the story bounces around gracefully and is really entertaining. The best part is possibly Stanley Tucci's character getting spit in the face by a weird exotic toad and he starts tripping balls.
The airplane scenes happen at the end of the movie. Johnny and Tom have taken Renne Russo hostage and want a plane to Bermuda. They end up hijacking a plane, carrying this nuke, which slips past airport security a whole bunch of times. It's up to Eliot to jump on board and save the day with a fire extiguisher.
If you haven't, read the book first cause there's more that was left out, of course, and the way the book flows is just amazing. Dave Berry put together a great story and I wish he stuck with writing fiction. He only wrote one more fictional book, "Tricky Business", which I was hoping for a movie as well since that story is crazy as hell. But I guess he'll leave the fiction writing to his friends Stephen King, Elmore Leonard (Get Shorty), and Carl Hiaasen (Striptease).
-Jason
Showing posts with label Movies I Like. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Movies I Like. Show all posts
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Movies I Like #5: Hot Rod
Last week while I was making dinner, I needed something to watch while my dinner was cooking. Looking through the cable channels I noticed that "Hot Rod" was starting up. Realizing I never seen this before, I decided to give it a shot and boy am I glad I did.
In case you don't know, "Hot Rod" stars SNL cast member Andy Samburg and features his friends, who all make up "The Lonely Island". They often do those cool songs featured on SNL, like "Dick in a Box" or "I'm On A Boat" (my personal favorite.) The credits say it was written by Pam Brady, the one female writer from "South Park" but I suspect Andy and his friends had a hand in writing as well cause the humor is the same as the "SNL Digital Shorts".
But the plot I believe Pam Brady came up with. She's the same person that wrote "Hamlet 2", another movie with a crazy ass plot. The plot of "Hot Rod" is like this:
Andy is Rod, a local stuntman who wants to earn the respect of his stepfather Frank (Played by Ian McShane, the dude from "Deadwood") and the only way to do that: kick Frank's ass. Rod isn't able to do so, so Frank treats Rod...well not so well. Rod then finds out, after a stunt at a pool didn't go so good, that Frank suddenly has an issue with his heart and they'll need $50,000 for a new one, money they don't have. Realizing that he can't kick the ass of a sick guy, Rod decides to raise the money himself to get Frank a new heart...so he can kick his ass.
From that point on, the movie is just set on Random, with Rod and his friends (Bill Hader, the ammunitions expert guy from "Tropic Thunder", the skinny dude from "The Lonely Island", and the hot chick from "Wedding Crashers". Yeah, I don't know their real names, so sue me.) just going around doing stunts and raising money.
The interesting thing is the entire movie feels like it's a parody of something but I don't know what it would be. There's the "Footloose" inspired fight dancing scene and the part towards the end where hot chick from "Wedding Crashers" breaks up with her jerk of a boyfriend, played by Will Arnett, and all Will does is stand by his car, shouting "BABE! BAAAABEE!! AW BABE!! BABE!!!! BABE!!" for almost five minutes straight.
Looking on Youtube, I found another video compilation of some of the best stuff from the movie. The last bit is literally the ending of the movie so there are spoilers, if you care about that kind of thing.
But the entire movie, in my opinion, is funny and is definately worth checking out.
Cool beans!
-Jason
In case you don't know, "Hot Rod" stars SNL cast member Andy Samburg and features his friends, who all make up "The Lonely Island". They often do those cool songs featured on SNL, like "Dick in a Box" or "I'm On A Boat" (my personal favorite.) The credits say it was written by Pam Brady, the one female writer from "South Park" but I suspect Andy and his friends had a hand in writing as well cause the humor is the same as the "SNL Digital Shorts".
But the plot I believe Pam Brady came up with. She's the same person that wrote "Hamlet 2", another movie with a crazy ass plot. The plot of "Hot Rod" is like this:
Andy is Rod, a local stuntman who wants to earn the respect of his stepfather Frank (Played by Ian McShane, the dude from "Deadwood") and the only way to do that: kick Frank's ass. Rod isn't able to do so, so Frank treats Rod...well not so well. Rod then finds out, after a stunt at a pool didn't go so good, that Frank suddenly has an issue with his heart and they'll need $50,000 for a new one, money they don't have. Realizing that he can't kick the ass of a sick guy, Rod decides to raise the money himself to get Frank a new heart...so he can kick his ass.
From that point on, the movie is just set on Random, with Rod and his friends (Bill Hader, the ammunitions expert guy from "Tropic Thunder", the skinny dude from "The Lonely Island", and the hot chick from "Wedding Crashers". Yeah, I don't know their real names, so sue me.) just going around doing stunts and raising money.
The interesting thing is the entire movie feels like it's a parody of something but I don't know what it would be. There's the "Footloose" inspired fight dancing scene and the part towards the end where hot chick from "Wedding Crashers" breaks up with her jerk of a boyfriend, played by Will Arnett, and all Will does is stand by his car, shouting "BABE! BAAAABEE!! AW BABE!! BABE!!!! BABE!!" for almost five minutes straight.
Looking on Youtube, I found another video compilation of some of the best stuff from the movie. The last bit is literally the ending of the movie so there are spoilers, if you care about that kind of thing.
But the entire movie, in my opinion, is funny and is definately worth checking out.
Cool beans!
-Jason
Monday, June 23, 2008
Movies I Like #4: The Fast & The Furious
This is easily one of the best movies to ever be made and it's about my favorite topic: street car racing. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to go on and on about street car racing. You often can see me playing video games, or reading books and magazines about it. It's a shame I don't have a car, I would totally pimp it out to have a hemmy.
Anyway, this 2001 movie stars Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, two of the best actors of our time. Paul Walker is Brian, a street racing enthusist who wants to get into Vin's car racing "team". He does this by poking his nose into a street race one night by racing for pinks. You probably don't know what that means cause you aren't up on your car racing knowledge like me and the makers of this fine film are. Pinks means the pink slip which in "square talk" means the registration. So if Brian loses, Vin owns his car.
And we know we're in for a great movie when a rapper shows up. This time we get the delightful acting chops of Ja Rule, who I believe simply plays himself, which he does a good job of. So the race begins and we get a kickass CGI effect of all the great mechanical parts of the cars Vin and Brian are driving. But Brian blows his load too early and ends up trashing his car, making Vin the winner.
But soon the 5-0 show up and Vin thinks he can just hide his car and just walk in broad moonlight. Well, no. A cop spots Vin cause he's so damn unique looking that hiding is out of the question and Vin takes off on foot. Brian shows up and saves his ass.
Unfortunately they end up on someone else's "turf", belonging to Johnny Tran. Tran blows up Brian's car, which means Vin and Brian have to take a cab home. It's totally explained in the movie that Vin didn't wanna get the car he just hid. Just trust me. Watch the movie to see the explaination, I don't wanna spoil it.
Anyway, Brian and one of Vin's friends Vincent have problems with each other ever since they both beat the crap out of each other earlier that day. It's clear that Brian wants to get it on with Mia, Vin's sister and vice versa. And Mia is so hot. Most guys find giant foreheads a turnoff, but not me. The bigger the better I always say. And in that I mean their foreheads.
The next day, Brian gets pulled over by some cops. We don't know why until they arrive at some top secret house that the L.A.P.D apparently moved into at some point. I think this is a good idea. Houses are more comfortable rather then cold stone buildings with jail cells and the like. Anyway, we learn a SHOCKING TRUTH!!! SO shocking that I had to pause the movie and take several deep breaths.
You see Brian...(SPOILER!!! I hate to spoil such a fine movie but I need to continue on with how awesome this movie is, so yeah. Spoiler.)
IS AN UNDERCOVER COP!!!!
His mission is to find out who is hijacking all these trucks full of DVD players and whatnot. And the truckers are getting pissed off that all this hijacking is happening. It makes sense really. Cause truckers are too damn stupid to do anything when one of the robbers climbs from a car to their truck on a tightrope, so naturally they're gonna start arming themselves with shotguns and just blast these hijackers to kingdom come.
The police, lead by one Stottlemeyer, want to know who the hijackers are to save the hijackers lives. So they sent Brian to check out Vin's "team" to see what they're up to. And I gotta give it up to Paul Walker here. He's so convincing as a cop. I mean if he showed up with that small pistol that's obviously police issued and he said "Uh...police" I would be like "Yes sir officer!!" and put my hands up right away.
So anyway, there's a bunch more but you should see the movie, it's great. Brian slowly gains Vin's trust. Brian eventually boinks Mia. We get a "Godfather" like vibe in certain scenes. And there's even a lot of red herrings as to who the hijackers are! You'd think it'd be obvious but nope! This movie is very clever and keeps us in suspense until the end.
And of course there's tons of racing. Racing between regular people on the street. Racing between each other. And there's even some super secret race that's held in the desert so the police can't stop them. And the racers are very discreet too, sticking to only small numbers and not making a lot of noise. It's awesome.
And this whole desert race thing is so super important to the movie. I can't even begin to tell you. Eventually though, Brian reveals to Mia he's 5-0 and we learn (ANOTHER SPOILER!!!!!!!!!!! OK GOOD) that Vin and his gang ARE THE HIJACKERS!!! GASP!!! I didn't see that one coming, folks.
During a hijacking, which takes place during daytime because no body expects to be hijacked during the day, on the open road, Vincent gets shot and is trapped on the truck. Michelle Rodriguz, who plays Vin's girlfriend, crashes, but thank god she survived all that twisted metal that was left when the car crashed. When it looks like Vincent is gonna die on the side of a truck, here comes Brian to save the day!! YAY!!!! I was so excited during this scene I couldn't stay seated.
Vin learns the truth about Brian, but instead of beating him to a pulp he decides to seek revenge on Tran for putting a hit on Giovanni Robisi. Brian tries to stop this but Tran shows up and kills Giovanni. Dang and he was a likeable character too. I cried when this happened.
Between Vin and Brian, they stop Tran and his gang, and eventually race each other. Things look like they're gonna end happily, but uh oh! There's a train coming!! And I don't wanna ruin it but let me just say this: there's a reason why the sequel, which I'm so gonna rent next cause it looks awesome and was completely nessessary, only stars Paul Walker.
Anyway. This movie is just great. I loved every minute of it. The acting was great, the CGI effects was great. And the racing scenes didn't give me a headache. And I loved the fact that the movie didn't stick with one song during each scene. It was like there was a jukebox playing over the movie. I'm buying this soundtrack next week when I get paid. And I totally believed Michelle Rodriguz as a straight woman that loves to boink Vin Diesel. I can't believe she's a lesbian when she can make out with a hunk of man like that.
-Jason
Anyway, this 2001 movie stars Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, two of the best actors of our time. Paul Walker is Brian, a street racing enthusist who wants to get into Vin's car racing "team". He does this by poking his nose into a street race one night by racing for pinks. You probably don't know what that means cause you aren't up on your car racing knowledge like me and the makers of this fine film are. Pinks means the pink slip which in "square talk" means the registration. So if Brian loses, Vin owns his car.
And we know we're in for a great movie when a rapper shows up. This time we get the delightful acting chops of Ja Rule, who I believe simply plays himself, which he does a good job of. So the race begins and we get a kickass CGI effect of all the great mechanical parts of the cars Vin and Brian are driving. But Brian blows his load too early and ends up trashing his car, making Vin the winner.
But soon the 5-0 show up and Vin thinks he can just hide his car and just walk in broad moonlight. Well, no. A cop spots Vin cause he's so damn unique looking that hiding is out of the question and Vin takes off on foot. Brian shows up and saves his ass.
Unfortunately they end up on someone else's "turf", belonging to Johnny Tran. Tran blows up Brian's car, which means Vin and Brian have to take a cab home. It's totally explained in the movie that Vin didn't wanna get the car he just hid. Just trust me. Watch the movie to see the explaination, I don't wanna spoil it.
Anyway, Brian and one of Vin's friends Vincent have problems with each other ever since they both beat the crap out of each other earlier that day. It's clear that Brian wants to get it on with Mia, Vin's sister and vice versa. And Mia is so hot. Most guys find giant foreheads a turnoff, but not me. The bigger the better I always say. And in that I mean their foreheads.
The next day, Brian gets pulled over by some cops. We don't know why until they arrive at some top secret house that the L.A.P.D apparently moved into at some point. I think this is a good idea. Houses are more comfortable rather then cold stone buildings with jail cells and the like. Anyway, we learn a SHOCKING TRUTH!!! SO shocking that I had to pause the movie and take several deep breaths.
You see Brian...(SPOILER!!! I hate to spoil such a fine movie but I need to continue on with how awesome this movie is, so yeah. Spoiler.)
IS AN UNDERCOVER COP!!!!
His mission is to find out who is hijacking all these trucks full of DVD players and whatnot. And the truckers are getting pissed off that all this hijacking is happening. It makes sense really. Cause truckers are too damn stupid to do anything when one of the robbers climbs from a car to their truck on a tightrope, so naturally they're gonna start arming themselves with shotguns and just blast these hijackers to kingdom come.
The police, lead by one Stottlemeyer, want to know who the hijackers are to save the hijackers lives. So they sent Brian to check out Vin's "team" to see what they're up to. And I gotta give it up to Paul Walker here. He's so convincing as a cop. I mean if he showed up with that small pistol that's obviously police issued and he said "Uh...police" I would be like "Yes sir officer!!" and put my hands up right away.
So anyway, there's a bunch more but you should see the movie, it's great. Brian slowly gains Vin's trust. Brian eventually boinks Mia. We get a "Godfather" like vibe in certain scenes. And there's even a lot of red herrings as to who the hijackers are! You'd think it'd be obvious but nope! This movie is very clever and keeps us in suspense until the end.
And of course there's tons of racing. Racing between regular people on the street. Racing between each other. And there's even some super secret race that's held in the desert so the police can't stop them. And the racers are very discreet too, sticking to only small numbers and not making a lot of noise. It's awesome.
And this whole desert race thing is so super important to the movie. I can't even begin to tell you. Eventually though, Brian reveals to Mia he's 5-0 and we learn (ANOTHER SPOILER!!!!!!!!!!! OK GOOD) that Vin and his gang ARE THE HIJACKERS!!! GASP!!! I didn't see that one coming, folks.
During a hijacking, which takes place during daytime because no body expects to be hijacked during the day, on the open road, Vincent gets shot and is trapped on the truck. Michelle Rodriguz, who plays Vin's girlfriend, crashes, but thank god she survived all that twisted metal that was left when the car crashed. When it looks like Vincent is gonna die on the side of a truck, here comes Brian to save the day!! YAY!!!! I was so excited during this scene I couldn't stay seated.
Vin learns the truth about Brian, but instead of beating him to a pulp he decides to seek revenge on Tran for putting a hit on Giovanni Robisi. Brian tries to stop this but Tran shows up and kills Giovanni. Dang and he was a likeable character too. I cried when this happened.
Between Vin and Brian, they stop Tran and his gang, and eventually race each other. Things look like they're gonna end happily, but uh oh! There's a train coming!! And I don't wanna ruin it but let me just say this: there's a reason why the sequel, which I'm so gonna rent next cause it looks awesome and was completely nessessary, only stars Paul Walker.
Anyway. This movie is just great. I loved every minute of it. The acting was great, the CGI effects was great. And the racing scenes didn't give me a headache. And I loved the fact that the movie didn't stick with one song during each scene. It was like there was a jukebox playing over the movie. I'm buying this soundtrack next week when I get paid. And I totally believed Michelle Rodriguz as a straight woman that loves to boink Vin Diesel. I can't believe she's a lesbian when she can make out with a hunk of man like that.
-Jason
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Movies I Like #3: The Big Lebowski
This episode of "Movies I Like" is bought to you by the LAMB Movie of The Month, a new feature over at the LAMB. Read this post to learn more. And later on this month, I'll either update this post, or make a new post, with a link to all the other LAMB's reviews of this movie. And I can't wait to read everyone elses thoughts and reviews about this movie.
If you think about it, "The Big Lebowski" is pretty much "Seinfeld: The Movie".
Really. Stay with me on this.
The Dude is like Jerry, if Jerry was a stoned slacker. Trouble just seems to find him and is surrounded by weird wild crazy ass people and seems to get himself deeper and deeper into situations.
Walter is kinda like Kramer. Kramer was all big about following the rules. Like remember the episode where Kramer was a chaparone for a Miss America contestant and had to go on that date with her and Jerry? And both come up with hair-brained schemes.
In a way I suppose, Donny is George. I mean if Seinfeld was allowed to have swearing, couldn't you picture everyone saying "Shut the fuck up, George!"
And Elaine could be represented by two female characters: Bunny Lebowski cause if you think about it, Elaine was kind of a slut. And Maude Lebowski, cause on top of being a slut, Elaine was (trying to be) a strong independant woman.
And the plot of "The Big Lebowski" is so long and hard to explain, it's like...well, nothing. I don't mean there isn't a plot, but the situations in the movie could easily make a few episodes of "Seinfeld".
Everything starts when The Dude, played awesomely by Jeff Bridges, is attacked in his home by some mob guys. Since The Dude's real name is Jeff Lebowski, the mob guys got him mixed up with ANOTHER Jeff Lebowski, a super rich dude. The mob guys piss all over The Dude's prized rug, which tied the room together. They're looking for The Big Lebowski cause his wife owes money to someone. They realize their mistake and...simply leave.
After consulting his friend Walter (John Goodman) while bowling, The Dude goes to The Big Lebowski's (aka The Rich Jeff Lebowski) house to get compensated for a new rug. The Big Lebowski does nothing but insult The Dude and tells him to get the hell out of his huge ass house. But The Dude won't take this lying down! He tells Brandt (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) that it was ok to take a rug, which he does.
While at the house, he meets Bunny Lebowski (Tara Reid...seriously who else you gonna get this to play this role), the trophy wife of Big Lebowski and the one that owes money to some one. Later, The Dude gets a call from Brandt saying Big Lebowski wants his help. It appears that Bunny was kidnapped! And the kidnappers are asking for a ransom. So they want The Dude to make the drop for them cause it might be "the rug pissers" that kidnapped her and he'd be able to identify them. So eventually they give him the money and a car phone, cause this takes place in the early 90's.
Rather stupidly, he brings Walter into this and he inserts himself into this mess, even though the kidnappers said that The Dude had to be alone. Walter takes it upon himself to exchange the money for a briefcase of dirty underwear. Walter does this cause he thinks the whole ransom thing is bullshit and that Bunny kidnapped herself to get more money from The Big Lebowski.
Well, Walter was wrong. Big Lebowski finds The Dude and asks him what happened to the money, cause the kidnappers say they didn't get it and to prove they are in fact serious, they sent Big Lebowski a severed toe, presumably Bunny's. Big Lebowski is pissed and says whatever happens to Bunny next will happen 10 fold to him.
Meanwhile, he gets a visit from Maude Lebowski (Julianne Moore), Big Lebowski's daughter. Turns out the rug The Dude took belonged to Maude's mother and it has sentimental value to her, so she knocked The Dude out and took it. Later, she tells The Dude that the money Big Lebowski wasn't actually his, but it belonged to some kids charity that Maude's in charge of. So if The Dude can get THAT money back from the kidnappers and give it to her, he'll keep a percentage of it.
So all The Dude has to do is give her back the actual money. That's sitting in The Dude's car in the trunk. Which just got stolen. Uh oh. They eventually find the car, but the money is missing and through some detective work, they track the car thief to some kid. Thinking he took the money, they arrive at his house to confront the kid and get the money back. Sitting in front of the house is a brand new Fancy Car. I'm sorry, I know jack shit about cars and I have no freakin clue what kind of car this is.
It wouldn't be right to talk about this movie and not mention the hilarious TV-edit version of this scene. I can't even intro it, just watch it.
On top of ALL OF THIS, some German Nihilists (Peter Stormare, Flea, and some other dude I don't know) are after The Dude and the money. The Dude finds out that the head Nihilist is friends with Bunny. Well, more than friends. Bunny starred in a porno produced and directed by Jackie Treehorn (Ben Garrazza) and her fuck-buddy in the movie was Mr. Stormare. Yes, they casted Peter Stormare to be in a porno. Have fun masturbating now!
Ok so what the hell is going on? It's all one big confusing mess. Essentially the following things happened:
-Big Lebowski embezzled a million dollars from the kids charity.
-Bunny in all actuality didn't get kidnapped but she ran away.
-Big Lebowski decides to turn her running away into a way to pin the missing million dollars on "a bum". So he cooked up the entire kidnapping story, filled his suitcase with phonebooks, and when "the kidnappers" (AKA The Nihilists) say "There's no fuckin' money, Lebowski", The Dude gets accused of stealing the one million dollars.
-The toe? They used one of The Nihilist's ugly ass girlfriend's toe.
The Dude figures all of this out (kinda sorta, he does a lot of acid so some facts weren't right) after boinking Maude, who just wants to have a kid with a guy that doesn't wanna "be there for the kid".
So in the end, the million dollars is gone, The Dude doesn't get anything for all his troubles (not even a rug), Flea gets hit in the nuts with a bowling ball, Donny (Steve Buschemi), who was told the entire movie to "shut the fuck up" dies of a heart attack, and I guess when Walter threw Big Lebowski on the ground after accusing him of being a fake cripple, this caused him to back off from calling the police on The Dude for taking the money.
Phew.
There's literally a bunch more things, like Sam Elliot's Narrator/The Stranger character just showing up for no reason a couple of times, but if some how you haven't seen this movie, you need to. It's just awesome and funny and makes you think. Well, ok maybe not that second thing.
-Jason
If you think about it, "The Big Lebowski" is pretty much "Seinfeld: The Movie".
Really. Stay with me on this.
The Dude is like Jerry, if Jerry was a stoned slacker. Trouble just seems to find him and is surrounded by weird wild crazy ass people and seems to get himself deeper and deeper into situations.
Walter is kinda like Kramer. Kramer was all big about following the rules. Like remember the episode where Kramer was a chaparone for a Miss America contestant and had to go on that date with her and Jerry? And both come up with hair-brained schemes.
In a way I suppose, Donny is George. I mean if Seinfeld was allowed to have swearing, couldn't you picture everyone saying "Shut the fuck up, George!"
And Elaine could be represented by two female characters: Bunny Lebowski cause if you think about it, Elaine was kind of a slut. And Maude Lebowski, cause on top of being a slut, Elaine was (trying to be) a strong independant woman.
And the plot of "The Big Lebowski" is so long and hard to explain, it's like...well, nothing. I don't mean there isn't a plot, but the situations in the movie could easily make a few episodes of "Seinfeld".
Everything starts when The Dude, played awesomely by Jeff Bridges, is attacked in his home by some mob guys. Since The Dude's real name is Jeff Lebowski, the mob guys got him mixed up with ANOTHER Jeff Lebowski, a super rich dude. The mob guys piss all over The Dude's prized rug, which tied the room together. They're looking for The Big Lebowski cause his wife owes money to someone. They realize their mistake and...simply leave.
After consulting his friend Walter (John Goodman) while bowling, The Dude goes to The Big Lebowski's (aka The Rich Jeff Lebowski) house to get compensated for a new rug. The Big Lebowski does nothing but insult The Dude and tells him to get the hell out of his huge ass house. But The Dude won't take this lying down! He tells Brandt (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) that it was ok to take a rug, which he does.
While at the house, he meets Bunny Lebowski (Tara Reid...seriously who else you gonna get this to play this role), the trophy wife of Big Lebowski and the one that owes money to some one. Later, The Dude gets a call from Brandt saying Big Lebowski wants his help. It appears that Bunny was kidnapped! And the kidnappers are asking for a ransom. So they want The Dude to make the drop for them cause it might be "the rug pissers" that kidnapped her and he'd be able to identify them. So eventually they give him the money and a car phone, cause this takes place in the early 90's.
Rather stupidly, he brings Walter into this and he inserts himself into this mess, even though the kidnappers said that The Dude had to be alone. Walter takes it upon himself to exchange the money for a briefcase of dirty underwear. Walter does this cause he thinks the whole ransom thing is bullshit and that Bunny kidnapped herself to get more money from The Big Lebowski.
Well, Walter was wrong. Big Lebowski finds The Dude and asks him what happened to the money, cause the kidnappers say they didn't get it and to prove they are in fact serious, they sent Big Lebowski a severed toe, presumably Bunny's. Big Lebowski is pissed and says whatever happens to Bunny next will happen 10 fold to him.
Meanwhile, he gets a visit from Maude Lebowski (Julianne Moore), Big Lebowski's daughter. Turns out the rug The Dude took belonged to Maude's mother and it has sentimental value to her, so she knocked The Dude out and took it. Later, she tells The Dude that the money Big Lebowski wasn't actually his, but it belonged to some kids charity that Maude's in charge of. So if The Dude can get THAT money back from the kidnappers and give it to her, he'll keep a percentage of it.
So all The Dude has to do is give her back the actual money. That's sitting in The Dude's car in the trunk. Which just got stolen. Uh oh. They eventually find the car, but the money is missing and through some detective work, they track the car thief to some kid. Thinking he took the money, they arrive at his house to confront the kid and get the money back. Sitting in front of the house is a brand new Fancy Car. I'm sorry, I know jack shit about cars and I have no freakin clue what kind of car this is.
It wouldn't be right to talk about this movie and not mention the hilarious TV-edit version of this scene. I can't even intro it, just watch it.
On top of ALL OF THIS, some German Nihilists (Peter Stormare, Flea, and some other dude I don't know) are after The Dude and the money. The Dude finds out that the head Nihilist is friends with Bunny. Well, more than friends. Bunny starred in a porno produced and directed by Jackie Treehorn (Ben Garrazza) and her fuck-buddy in the movie was Mr. Stormare. Yes, they casted Peter Stormare to be in a porno. Have fun masturbating now!
Ok so what the hell is going on? It's all one big confusing mess. Essentially the following things happened:
-Big Lebowski embezzled a million dollars from the kids charity.
-Bunny in all actuality didn't get kidnapped but she ran away.
-Big Lebowski decides to turn her running away into a way to pin the missing million dollars on "a bum". So he cooked up the entire kidnapping story, filled his suitcase with phonebooks, and when "the kidnappers" (AKA The Nihilists) say "There's no fuckin' money, Lebowski", The Dude gets accused of stealing the one million dollars.
-The toe? They used one of The Nihilist's ugly ass girlfriend's toe.
The Dude figures all of this out (kinda sorta, he does a lot of acid so some facts weren't right) after boinking Maude, who just wants to have a kid with a guy that doesn't wanna "be there for the kid".
So in the end, the million dollars is gone, The Dude doesn't get anything for all his troubles (not even a rug), Flea gets hit in the nuts with a bowling ball, Donny (Steve Buschemi), who was told the entire movie to "shut the fuck up" dies of a heart attack, and I guess when Walter threw Big Lebowski on the ground after accusing him of being a fake cripple, this caused him to back off from calling the police on The Dude for taking the money.
Phew.
There's literally a bunch more things, like Sam Elliot's Narrator/The Stranger character just showing up for no reason a couple of times, but if some how you haven't seen this movie, you need to. It's just awesome and funny and makes you think. Well, ok maybe not that second thing.
-Jason
Monday, March 31, 2008
Movies I Like #2: BASEketball
Before I get all geared up for 30 Days of Horror, I figure I should get this installment out of the way.
I'm probably gonna get torn a new one for this but dammit! I fuckin' love this movie! Yeah, the acting isn't great. Trey Parker and Matt Stone are more famous for appearing in goofy ass B-Movies like "Orgazmo" and "Cannibal: The Musical", and their main talent lies in voice work (Like some small show called South Park or something). And even they admit that they sucked in this movie. There's a scene in the South Park episode "The Passion of the Jew" where Stan and Kenny complain about the movie "The Passion of the Christ" and say something like "This is worst then the time we tried to get our money back from BASEketball".
With all that said, this movie is pretty funny in my book.
The movie is kind of a spoof of sports movies. It starts with Trey and Matt making up a game on the spot to impress two girls. Because they're only good at shooting baskets from one spot without having to dribble or run or play offense or defense, they claim it's from "baseball rules" where one spot is first, the other is second, and so on until you get a homerun. And the best part about the game are the "psyche outs" which is when the opponent can do something to distract the person about to shoot the ball.
Eventually, the game catches on and within five years it becomes a national sport, with teams popping up all over the country. Here is where it turns into your typical sports movie. The team owner, played by Ernest Borgnine, dies and gives the team to Trey, who then must carry the team to number one and into the "World Series of Baseketball". There's an evil guy who wants to buy the team from Trey and ruin the sport by trading players and having them sell out and put their names to every product you can think of and other things that pretty much ruined baseball, football, basketball, and probably even golf.
And there's a love interest, played by Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch fame. The twist here is instead of Trey just trying to get with her, Matt is trying to get with her too!
There's also the little buddy sidekick character they named Squeak, and sometimes Little Bitch, who gets teased. A LOT. And as a play on that whole thing with the sick kid who's last wish is that his sport hero, Trey, does 4 homeruns in one game. When Trey doesn't do it, he rushes to the hospital and there's a great scene where they think he's dead, then they find him in a coma, so they try to shock him back to life using those paddle things.
One funny scene is when Trey finds out that the company that's making the team's offical gear that they been shilling is being made through child labor. So it's up to Trey to but a stop to it but he ends up missing, so he ends up on, of course, Unsolved Mysteries!
I love that this is probably one of the last things Robert Stack did.
If you haven't seen it, you really should look into it. It's a real underappreciate gem. And thanks to the magic that is Youtube, someone compiled all the great "psyche outs" from the movie. Most of it is not safe for work, but why are you reading this at work. Slacker.
I fuckin' love this movie.
-Jason
I'm probably gonna get torn a new one for this but dammit! I fuckin' love this movie! Yeah, the acting isn't great. Trey Parker and Matt Stone are more famous for appearing in goofy ass B-Movies like "Orgazmo" and "Cannibal: The Musical", and their main talent lies in voice work (Like some small show called South Park or something). And even they admit that they sucked in this movie. There's a scene in the South Park episode "The Passion of the Jew" where Stan and Kenny complain about the movie "The Passion of the Christ" and say something like "This is worst then the time we tried to get our money back from BASEketball".
With all that said, this movie is pretty funny in my book.
The movie is kind of a spoof of sports movies. It starts with Trey and Matt making up a game on the spot to impress two girls. Because they're only good at shooting baskets from one spot without having to dribble or run or play offense or defense, they claim it's from "baseball rules" where one spot is first, the other is second, and so on until you get a homerun. And the best part about the game are the "psyche outs" which is when the opponent can do something to distract the person about to shoot the ball.
Eventually, the game catches on and within five years it becomes a national sport, with teams popping up all over the country. Here is where it turns into your typical sports movie. The team owner, played by Ernest Borgnine, dies and gives the team to Trey, who then must carry the team to number one and into the "World Series of Baseketball". There's an evil guy who wants to buy the team from Trey and ruin the sport by trading players and having them sell out and put their names to every product you can think of and other things that pretty much ruined baseball, football, basketball, and probably even golf.
And there's a love interest, played by Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch fame. The twist here is instead of Trey just trying to get with her, Matt is trying to get with her too!
There's also the little buddy sidekick character they named Squeak, and sometimes Little Bitch, who gets teased. A LOT. And as a play on that whole thing with the sick kid who's last wish is that his sport hero, Trey, does 4 homeruns in one game. When Trey doesn't do it, he rushes to the hospital and there's a great scene where they think he's dead, then they find him in a coma, so they try to shock him back to life using those paddle things.
One funny scene is when Trey finds out that the company that's making the team's offical gear that they been shilling is being made through child labor. So it's up to Trey to but a stop to it but he ends up missing, so he ends up on, of course, Unsolved Mysteries!
I love that this is probably one of the last things Robert Stack did.
If you haven't seen it, you really should look into it. It's a real underappreciate gem. And thanks to the magic that is Youtube, someone compiled all the great "psyche outs" from the movie. Most of it is not safe for work, but why are you reading this at work. Slacker.
I fuckin' love this movie.
-Jason
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Movies I Like #1: Waiting
I spend a fair amount of time bashing and complaining about bad movies and/or movies that I hate. It's funny and people like it, haha. But for every movie that I hate or think is bad, there is one that I love and think is good. I figured, at least once in awhile, I'll spotlight a movie that I think is good and that I love.
My first pick:
Waiting...(Yes there's elicpses after the title. I'm not sure why.)
This movie is pretty near and dear to my heart because it shows what it's like to work in the food industry and what waiters and waitresses put up with when people go into restaurants and start treating the waitstaff like shit. Granted, I work in a fast food restaurant, but Clerks 2 was two years away, so this had to fill the void.
Waiting...shows us the day in the life of the waitstaff at a restaurant called Shenanaginz!, which is pretty much just a fictionalized Bennigins, with a little T.G.I Friday mixed in. We focus on Dean, played by Justin Long, as he tries to cope with growing up and finding out his best friend from high school just got his Masters degree and got a high paying job, while he's stuck being a waiter.
There's also Monty, played by Ryan Reynolds, who is the pervy smart ass of the bunch and wants nothing more then to stick it to the barely legal hostess Natashia. David Koechner plays Daniel, the manager who lets the power go to his head and is more or less an asshole. And Anna Faris (from the Scary Movie series) plays a waitress that likes to show off her tits to get a tip and has a history with Monty, which is one of the highlights of this movie as seen here:
There are ten thousand other stories in the movie, like the guy who can't pee in public bathrooms and the one waitress that's been working WAAAAY too long. But I would be admiss if I didn't mention "The Game".
The Game is played by all the guys in the restaurant and they find clever and odd ways to show each other their "junk" and if they catch someone by surprise, they get to kick them in the ass while calling them "fag". Yeah, it's stupid and don't make sense but that's the point.
My favorite bit though, is when the bitchiest customer in the world walks in and just almost immedately starts belitting everyone that comes to her table. Then she rattles off a list of demands and finds every little thing wrong with her meal. The entire waitstaff has had enough of her, so they decide to do something special to her food, as show here:
As its stated in the movie: Never FUCK with the people that handle your food. As a fast food worker, I couldn't agree more. Not that I've ever done anything to someone's food...that I'm willing to admit.
ANYWAY! If you haven't seen "Waiting..." yet, you totally should. And when you do, watch the entire ending credits, cause the movie more or less keeps on going till the very very end, which includes this:
-Jason
My first pick:
Waiting...(Yes there's elicpses after the title. I'm not sure why.)
This movie is pretty near and dear to my heart because it shows what it's like to work in the food industry and what waiters and waitresses put up with when people go into restaurants and start treating the waitstaff like shit. Granted, I work in a fast food restaurant, but Clerks 2 was two years away, so this had to fill the void.
Waiting...shows us the day in the life of the waitstaff at a restaurant called Shenanaginz!, which is pretty much just a fictionalized Bennigins, with a little T.G.I Friday mixed in. We focus on Dean, played by Justin Long, as he tries to cope with growing up and finding out his best friend from high school just got his Masters degree and got a high paying job, while he's stuck being a waiter.
There's also Monty, played by Ryan Reynolds, who is the pervy smart ass of the bunch and wants nothing more then to stick it to the barely legal hostess Natashia. David Koechner plays Daniel, the manager who lets the power go to his head and is more or less an asshole. And Anna Faris (from the Scary Movie series) plays a waitress that likes to show off her tits to get a tip and has a history with Monty, which is one of the highlights of this movie as seen here:
There are ten thousand other stories in the movie, like the guy who can't pee in public bathrooms and the one waitress that's been working WAAAAY too long. But I would be admiss if I didn't mention "The Game".
The Game is played by all the guys in the restaurant and they find clever and odd ways to show each other their "junk" and if they catch someone by surprise, they get to kick them in the ass while calling them "fag". Yeah, it's stupid and don't make sense but that's the point.
My favorite bit though, is when the bitchiest customer in the world walks in and just almost immedately starts belitting everyone that comes to her table. Then she rattles off a list of demands and finds every little thing wrong with her meal. The entire waitstaff has had enough of her, so they decide to do something special to her food, as show here:
As its stated in the movie: Never FUCK with the people that handle your food. As a fast food worker, I couldn't agree more. Not that I've ever done anything to someone's food...that I'm willing to admit.
ANYWAY! If you haven't seen "Waiting..." yet, you totally should. And when you do, watch the entire ending credits, cause the movie more or less keeps on going till the very very end, which includes this:
-Jason
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