Monday, June 16, 2008

Why The Producers of My Super Ex-Girlfriend Owe Me $6

Back in early 2006 I saw the teaser trailer for Clerks 2.

Me back in '06: FUCK! YEAH!!

I was stoked! I know I'm probably in the small percent that love Kevin Smith movies, but whatever, man. It's my thing, you got your thing, let's agree to disagree, tomato, to-mat-o, call the whole thing off. So FINALLY it came out in the summer of '06.

Me back in summer of '06: FUCK! YEAH!! I'M THERE!!

So one weekend when I had a chance, me and a friend went to our local theater. I paid for my own ticket.

Me at ticket counter: One for "Clerks 2" please! Fuck yeah!

The ticket chick gives me the ticket, blandly tells me which theater it's in, and I head off my way. I decide to get a drink. My friend went ahead on into the theater. For those of you not familar with how the Showplace Theater works, here's a rough MS Paint drawing:

I don't remember which theater Clerks 2 was in, but my friend went off to the left. I grabbed my drink and I wanted to remind myself which number it was. The theater number on the ticket said 16. That's off to the right. So now I'm confused. Why did my friend go into the wrong theater? Oh that knucklehead! Let me try to find-

Wait a minute, I say. I study the ticket further and this is what I see:

The bland bored ticket chick charged me for the Luke Wilson/Uma Thurman weird ass looks dumb as hell movie "My Super Ex Girlfriend".

Me after discovering this: Huh. Weird. Fuck.

I think all the "fucks" are caused by Kevin Smith movies. I should look into that one day.

Anyway, I eventually figure out the right theater and enjoy the movie. And if you haven't seen Clerks 2, and you are in the small percentage of Kevin Smith fans, then you need to fuckin' see this movie now!! (There I go with the fuck's again.)

But here's the thing. I don't claim to be some major expert on how theaters divy up the money to each movie and their producers, but I think I know one thing and that one thing is this:

If Clerks 2 makes, let's say for example, 100 thousand dollars during it's run at Showplace, so they give that money to Clerks 2. This is why, so I'm told, that theaters charge 900 dollars for a medium coke and a bucket of popcorn, so the theater makes some money cause they give their ticket moolah to the movie companies.

What I'm saying is, whatever amount Clerks 2 earned when it was here in NW Indiana, it was minus my 6 bucks cause it went, rather unfairly, to My Super Ex-Girlfriend! Like, what the fuck?? My Super Ex-Girlfriend is getting an extra 6 bucks that it don't deserve! And I still haven't seen the movie but I'm still fairly sure it sucks ass. I guess I SHOULD give it a chance some day.

Granted, as it stands right now, there's probably not a lot I can do. I could find the filmmakers of My Super Ex Girlfriend and steal 6 bucks and then give it to Kevin Smith, but that sounds like too much hard work. The only thing I can think of is maybe steal a copy of their movie somewhere, that way it all balances out.

I don't know what to do. Fuck!

PS: Oh if you're wondering why I still have the ticket, remind me to one day post My Prized Collection. I think you will be awestruck. AWESTRUCK I tell you!!


Fletch said...

Love your MS Paint drawing. You got mad skillz.

I kept my movie stubs for what must have been 10 years (I think Cliffhanger was the first), but finally tossed them a few years ago. Then, a few years later, I started a blog so that I could remember what I'd seen.

Which is worse and/or dorkier?

Anonymous said...

I had a similar prob--my wife and I paid for a flick(I think it was Knocked up or Superbad) and we go into the theater.

Sit there for 10 minutes. The movie is supposed to start but doesn't. I look around. We are literally the only white people in the auditorium.

I go outside and ask the usher--isn't Knocked Up(or whatever) supposed to start at 7:30? It's 7:35 now. He says, yes, it's supposed to start. I go back into the theater. Decide to look at the ticket.

They sold us a ticket to the new Tyler Perry movie--we were in the wrong theater. Luckily with previews we weren't late for the movie to start.
-The Kangas

WaywardJam said...

Clerks 2 - Great fucking flick! - Wait, you got me saying it now!

I wonder if the misprint ticket isn't some kind of conspiracy to keep good movies down so studios can keep churning out lame films from cookie cutter patterns.

I've always wondered how cheap/second-run theaters earnings factor into box office and why friggin National Treasure 2 is still at ours after 3 months!

elgringo said...

Don't watch My Super Ex-Girlfriend so it is awful! Ceiling fans study it to learn how to blow more effectively.

I could see you meeting Kevin Smith one day, explaining the entire story, handing him six dollars, and then he'll call you a loser who needs to get a life. Smith's abusive with his fans, and we love it!