Friday, December 26, 2008

The Ghosts of Christmas Past and Shoulda-Beens

I planned on writing a bunch of Christmas related posts/reviews in December, but thanks to my stupid work schedule (Thanks for the seven day week, boss lady) I hadn't had the time nor energy to do so. I can tell you what they were gonna be and you can use your imagination as to what the reviews/posts would've been like.

I was gonna review Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman, the follow up to "Jack Frost" which was reviewed two years ago. I can only imagine what the sequel is like.

Then I was gonna compare both versions of "Black Christmas", having seen the remake a year ago in theaters (yeah there wasn't a lot of other choices to see then). I wrote a Probe about it sometime after seeing it but I wanted to see the original for my "Compare/Contrast" project. Maybe next year.

What I WILL talk about however is a special episode of Sesame Street called "Elmo Saves Christmas". I only mention it cause we sell it at work for some strange reason and every time I see it, I think about it more and more and remember how odd the whole thing was.

The basic gist of it is Elmo is really into Christmas and loves it so much that he wishes on some star or something that it could be Christmas every day. Then some magical reindeer shows up and not only grants Elmo's wish but takes him into the future to show what it'd be like if Christmas was every day.

They basically go through all the season, first stop in early Spring. Everyone's sorta still glad it's Christmas, but Big Bird misses Snuffy cause he's visiting his mom in Snuffy-land or something and the carolers look a bit tired.

Then it's Summer, which Elmo looked forward to cause he always wanted to celebrate Christmas in Summer. I dunno I think Egg Nog after it's been in the hot summer sun wouldn't taste as good. The effect of Christmas is running down on everyone and they're THIS close to become athiests.

It's off to Fall and...not a whole lot different than the Summer visit. The carolers look like they wanna drop dead, Big Bird has a nest full of unopened presents but the only thing he wants is Snuffy and everyone looks like they wanna kill themselves.

Finally it's back to winter when Christmas is suppose to be celebrated but at this point everyone's tired of it and wishes it never existed and when it's discovered Elmo wished for it to be everyday, there's seriously a witch hunt after Elmo. I wonder what would've happened if they caught him? Hang him from a tree? Feed him to Barkly? (You know Barkly. That giant dog. Yeah!)

Elmo regrets his wish and the magical reindeer undoes everything so now it's only once a year and everyone is happy again. Yay!

But holy Jesus is this thing depressing as hell. The couple that runs the shop (I forget their names it's been awhile) have gone bankrupt from keeping the store closed all year long and Big Bird was about to kill himself I think. Oscar was probably the happiest thing in the whole damn special. This whole thing reminds me of a line said on MST3K when they watched the short "A Case of Spring Fever": "So one clod says one thing and the entire world has to suffer?"

There are probably way better christmas specials than "Elmo Saves Christmas", which is a lie cause he didn't save shit, he kinda ruined it for everyone. I guess in the end he did? But it's kind of a hollow ending so it shouldn't count. Then again I guess "Elmo Fucks Up Christmas" isn't very child friendly, is it?

PS: I can link you to the other Christmas related reviews I've done.
Santa Claus Mass Invasion
Santa's Slay
Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny

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