Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Merry Christmas From Blogger!
"Oh crap!" I thought one fine day in December in Indianapolis, Indiana, the home of the Super Bowl, as EVERYTHING IN THIS GOD DAMN TOWN KEEPS TELLING ME, "I forgot to include a link to The Great White Dope's awesome review of 'Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2' in my 900th post wherein I reviewed said movie. I know! I'll just make a new post about it! That'll be easier!"
As I foolishly thought this thought, I went to my Dashboard and clicked on "New Post" and as I was about to write something funny, clever, and possibly witty, I noticed something. "The fuck?" I said outloud, to nobody besides all these stuffed animals that I pretend talk in awesome videos I make for the Internet. It's a wonder nobody tried to have me committed yet. "Why does the post look different...where's the link?! Where's Compose AND the HTML buttons? THE FUCK!?!" I then calmed down and decided to take to said Internet. Surely, my fellow Blogger friends will tell me they're having the same problem. I leave a status on Facebook asking people to tell me if they are having the same problem with Blogger, and sit back and wait for thousand upon thousand of replies saying "No, Jason, you awesome handsome devil you! It's only you!" or "Yes, Jason you really cool guy that I'd love to hang out with all the time, I too am having the problem!"
Sadly, none of those comments came. So either I'm going insane or the entire world is. Both seem possible at this point. So I decide to wait it out.
Chapter 2: The Next Day
It is now the next day. I go to New Post and...nope. Nothing. Son of a fucking bitch!
Chapter 3: Another Day Goes By
Day three. Check again. Nope! Chuck Testa! I decide to mess around with it. I did recently change my layout, maybe it had something to do with that? I go to the LAMB, which DID NOT change and...nope. It's gone from there too. FUCK! Now what? Suddenly, what do my wandering eyes see? "Switch to New Blogger Interface". Oh Blogger, if this was a ploy to get me to try the new interface, I'm gonna get SOOOO mad and-
Chapter Four: Guess What? It Was A Ploy
FUCK YOU, BLOGGER!!! You can't make me! You can't make me!! "But if you want to include links, or change the HTML in your posts, or do anything else, you're gonna have to!" Blogger said, in a rather sleazy tone. I knew if Blogger could talk, it'd sound like Ron Jeremy. Ugh. So fine. I guess I have to use this god damn awful Interface that's confusing and hard to understand. Oh...it shows me traffic? Ok, I kinda like that. I guess. Anyway, thanks for the gift, Blogger.
And now for what I was trying to do in the first place: The Great White Dope wrote an awesome review of "Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2" and you really should check it out if you didn't like my review of it. And frankly, my review was more of a fanboy look at it, while Dope's was more of a critical smart guy look at it. I think Dope has an IQ of like 498. Maybe he can tell me how to fix this Blogger interface thing.