The other day I got to thinking about my writing style and how I'm considered a "movie reviewer". The thing is, I don't really "review" movies, I more or less summarize them, in a rather hilarious fashion. And there's not many people with websites who just sum up an entire movie. The guy who runs "The Agony Booth" USE to do it before he turned into nothing but video reviews. (No offense, Albert.) But maybe this is why I'm not as popular as a lot of other folks are.
The main reason I don't really "review" a movie, in terms of talking about what the writer, director, or actor was trying to say is because I really can't pick out things like that. I guess I have some disorder where I just see things at face value. I never was too good on symbolism, which is probably why "Southland Tales" damn near broke my brain. I'm sure Richard Kelly THOUGHT he was doing and/or saying something but all I got out of it was "blah blah blah Jesus Revelations the end of the world The Rock Justin Timberlake lip syncs The Killers and what the fuck is Jon Lovitz AND Kevin Smith doing here?! blah blah blah." Like really, a guy dying on a giant toilet probably meant SOMETHING. But what, fuck if I know.
Ok, here's another example. A long time ago, my friend Adam told me to watch this movie called "Greaser's Palace". It's a film by Robert Downey SENIOR and it's suppose to all be symbolism about Jesus or whatever. The only thing I really got was the main guy was suppose to be Jesus. And that was it. The movie is about two hours long and I didn't understand one fucking thing. I remember some guy couldn't shit throughout the entire movie and he had an outhouse on the second floor for some reason. I remember some other guy shooting at some chick in the desert but he was using his fingers as a gun. And I remember some guy named Homo dying a lot. Again, no fucking clue. I'm sure someone read all of that and said "Well, duh! The dude shitting represents-" whatever.
I should watch "Greaser's Palace" again soon.
The point is, I can't expound on a film if I can't read too closely into it. I think I just enjoy what I do because I get to talk about shitty horror movies where stupid things happen and make stupid jokes about them and you come here to laugh at it. I guess shitty horror movie doesn't have a lot of depth to them, which is the point of a shitty horror movie. But there are times where this problem I have kinda aggravates me.
Like a few weeks ago, I was on a LAMBcast were we talked about "Scott Pilgrim vs The World". The idea was some guy actually hates that movie and me and 6 other people had to tell this guy how big of a fucking asshole he is for not liking that movie. And of course I went first and...I had no idea what to say. Didn't help the fact it was a Sunday morning, when I was drinking the night before. The only thing this guy needed to know was "Scott Pilgrim" is an awesome movie, but he had to ask WHY it's awesome. And me saying "PFFT! Dude! C'mon!" didn't really sway his opinion. Thankfully, I was quiet throughout the rest of the episode. In fact, I think I fell asleep a couple of times.
The way I write about movies probably isn't the best way to go because I give full details on what happens and this poses a problem for two reasons: 1-if you already seen the movie, you know what happens and you just want to know what I thought about shit and 2-if you HAVEN'T seen the movie, you don't read my posts because I spoil the movie for you. So really, what the hell am I doing? I guess just writing things and seeing who responds to what.
So what's the point of this post? Well, all of this was just inside my head and since I live with someone who doesn't understand movie geekdom and what I do here, I didn't have any one else to talk do, so I just let it out on everybody reading this. I'm sure there are people who love what I do, even though I rarely hear about it, and winning Best Horror Blog four years in a row is probably some kind of sign, but at times I just feel kinda blah about the whole thing and get down on myself for not being a better writer. In fact, if I was a better writer, I'd know how to end this post. Instead, I just have...this.
Boy, Justin Timberlake loves to waste beer, don't he?