Monday, March 22, 2010

Slap The Bitch Off of You!!

I don't know how to do this exactly. Thankfully, I'm not getting paid to write this cause I'll probably fuck it up somehow and not get paid at all. So bear with me as I try to talk about the movie "Bitch Slap".

As far as I can tell, "Bitch Slap" is a homage to 60's and '70's female exploitation films, kinda like the kind Russ Meyers would direct. There's even clips of some of his movies (and others just like this) during the opening credits.

Writing about this movie is hard because we sort of start, if we were to look at this in a linear sort of way, at the middle of the story, with a car driving in the desert, stopping at what looks like Budd's trailer from "Kill Bill". Three super fuckin hot chicks with boobs hanging out step out of the car. These three chicks are Hel (The leader), Camero (The crazy one), and Trixie (hard to believe but the slutty one). They are at the trailer looking for something. What that something is is told in a long series of flashbacks that last throughout the whole movie. So we'll go ahead and flashforward a bit.

There's this guy named Gage and he has some nuclear war thing that can kill a bunch of people just like THAT. He sells it for some diamonds to a foriegn guy but Camero steals the diamonds.

Camero hides out in a convent, pretty much sinning all over the place when Gage finds her and has her thrown in prison.

So the three gals are here looking for the diamonds. Gage, who is now the girls hostage, tells them he buried it somewhere but before he can say where, Camero, who's hopped up on some drug, kills him. So now they gotta start digging, where a random water fight breaks out. I love when movies do that.

During the water fight, we sorta flashback again and find that Hel is some secret agent chick sent to go after Gage. Her boss is seriously played by Kevin Sorbo, of Hercules fame. She's sent to the prison Camero is in to find the diamonds and they, um, "get together" while in prison. But Hel is also with Trixie! GASP!!

And my review is gonna have to stop there only cause of the 90 million twists and turns this movie takes. Just know there's multiple lesbian sex scenes, awesome fight scenes, a lot of gun fire, explosions, and overall bad assery!

I told you it was hard to write about this movie. If my word means anything, you need to see this. It's mucho awesome.


1 comment:

Fletch said...

You had me at "random water fight."