Saturday, July 10, 2010

I Have A Confession To Make


A couple of months ago I decided to go to Disc Replay. I'm sure I mentioned them before. It's a place you take dvd's, games, and CD's and get money, then they sell them. So it's one giant used video/music store. I like going in there cause you can find some gems from people who don't know any better. (The amount of The Asylum films in there is mindboggling because "Wait, this is TRANSFORMERS!")

So I'm rooting around there and I came across "The Descent" for like 5 bucks. I looked at it and much like a movie, I hear sound clips in my head:

"The Descent: BEST MOVIE EVER!!"
"The Descent: SUPER SCARY!!"
"The Descent: SO SCARY YOU'LL SHIT YOUR PANTS, YOUR NEIGHBOR'S PANTS, AND YOUR DEAD GRANDMOTHER'S PANTS!!!!"
"The Descent: AHHHHH!!!!!"

I haven't seen it so I decided to take a chance and purchase it. It was only 5 bucks. Why the fuck not?

So I buy it and take it home. A few days later I pop it in and....

What the fuck? This movie is BORING! I'm sorry, it is.

Now, before you flame me or send death threats, hear me out. I can sit through a movie with a long set up. I'm not the type that needs wiz-bang action happening all the time. But the first HOUR of this movie is nothing but chicks, in the dark, climbing all over the place. No weird monsters. No HINT of a weird monster. Just chicks, some more annoying than others, stumbling around in the dark.

And god damn, the annoying chicks, WERE FUCKING ANNOYING! I couldn't wait for some of them to die. Then I kept wondering when that was going to happen. My interest peaked up when the monsters did show up and started attacking but I think I was just happy SOMETHING was happening.

Again, I'm sorry, ten million people that seem to love this movie. I watched it. I was bored by it. I wasn't scared. I didn't care for it. The beginning with the accident was cool. The rest put me to sleep. The monsters were ok. The ending was confusing because there's a sequel. I don't know.

I guess I'll check out the sequel at some point. I'll tell you one thing though. I won't be buying it.
-Jason

PS: Anyone want a copy of The Descent? For Cheap?

9 comments:

Rick "The Hat" Bman said...

For a lot of people that saw the film, me included, the scary part was just the women in the dark, in the cave. I thought they set up a wonderfully claustrophobic atmosphere that was really intense. Honestly, I would have loved the movie even if the creatures didn't show up.

Of course if a claustrophobic atmosphere isn't something that is going to scare you than I can understand why you might be bored by the film. Personally, just the thought of being trapped in a cave like that freaks me the hell out.

The sequel is totally different. They didn't take the time to build up any atmosphere or anything. They just dove right in to the action stuff. Personally I didn't like the sequel at all though.

Emily said...

(reeling myself in to accept that to each his own)

I effing love this movie.

But anyway...

I can see it not working for everyone. I agree with Rick in that the setting is more than half the horror. I'm not naturally claustrophobic, but imagining myself in a cave an inch bigger than my waist is enough to suck me into a scary place. Then to throw in monstrous man-eaters, well, that's just gravy.

Jason Soto said...

I get the claustrophobic setting, don't get me wrong. If the first 20 minutes was "let's go to this cave, but no one knows we're at this cave, OH SHIT we're stuck in this cave" THEN monsters appeared, I would'ved liked it more.

But after 45 minutes of nailing stuff into rocks and having each girl cross the rope and giving this false tension of them falling when you know they're not cause you know the monsters is gonna kill them, it gets a bit tedious.

Again, I'm all about atmosphere and set up but after awhile it's like "ok we get it, get to the dismemberment, please".

Plus, it was built up way too much for me. Same problem I had with "Audition", except that REALLY was the longest set up to a fucking movie I've ever seen.
-Jason

Nick said...

I hated The Descent, too, Jason. It's completely overrated. However, I did like the part where they're in the cave, climbing around tight spots, etc., before the Gollums show up. But once the monsters show up, the movie lost me. I thought it was stupid, boring, and unoriginal at that point.

dave_or_did said...

Horror films are often quite subjective I think. The circumstances and location help too. I first saw The Descent at the cinema on my own and I crapped my pants, but when I saw it again on DVD I was a bit 'meh' too, so it depends on the situation I think.

Oh and the ending is less confusing if you watch the American version.

SPOILER

The original British version has everyone die at the end and the US version doesn't I believe (because the American distributors are pussies), so the sequel was a cash-in on it's success in the US and had nothing to do with the original's makers really.

END SPOILER

Rachel said...

Didn't like it either. I thought the women stuck in the cave (one of them cheating with the other one's dead husband) would've been enough to make this film into more of a mind-bending thriller. Instead, they had to bring monsters into it and make it an outright horror.

Fletch said...

I didn't hate it, but just didn't care about it. I was hoping for more after all of the hype, but whatever. It's highly unoriginal (except that it's chicks!!! wooo!!!). Big whoop.

Then again, I'm not a big horror fan anyway, so take my opinion for what it' worth.

ABFL said...

But was the set up for Descent more tedious than the set up for 'Manos': The Hands of Fate?

Emily said...

When I first watched The Descent, I knew absolutely NOTHING about it, save for the film critic Jim Emerson giving it four stars. Because of that--plus being alone in a foreign country and watching it with the lights off--I was so vulnerable to it.

I had no idea it was a monster movie until they first appeared. I love the feeling watching a film and not knowing where it's going, and in 2006, that's what I had with The Descent. Yes, the monsters are probably the least scary part about it but when you really don't know what to expect and get pushed into such claustrophobic and dark atmosphere, it can be a really effective film.