Sunday, July 24, 2011

The Soto List: TOO SOON! Edition

Apparently, there are all sorts of things that, right after they happen, isn't really nice to make fun of. An example I can think of is just yesterday, when it was revealed that Amy Winehouse died, I saw at least two jokes about "going to Rehab" or "I guess her house shouldn't have had wine" or whatever. But what about movies taking these tragedies and maybe being slightly dissrespectful? Here are some examples:

30 Minutes or Less

The Movie: From what I got from the trailer, it's about a guy (Jesse Eisenberg) who's a pizza delievery guy and he ends up going to a house, kidnapped by some guys (Danny McBride and Nick Swordson) and they tell him he has to rob a bank or else they'll blow him up. Hilarity ensues.

The True Story: This really happened, except it wasn't funny. A real pizza delievery guy was kidnapped, then some hours later showed up at a bank, attempted to rob it, but was arrested by cops. When they discovered the bomb, they tried to get it off except...they didn't in time. Yeah...

Ok, I still plan on seeing the movie but when I first saw the trailer I said to myself "Really?" I'm still waiting for any pending lawsuits to appear.


The Movie: A super detailed look into the lives of a bunch of students at a school, which becomes the scene of a school shooting. I want to like this movie for a few things it had the balls to include, but I also find myself super bored with it.

The True Story: Columbine. I probably don't need to say anything more. I dunno if the real Columbine shooters had sex with each other prior to the shootings, which is just kind of an odd thing to include.

Remember Me

The Movie: I...don't know. Robert Pattinson is in it. So is Claire from "Lost". There's a scene where they shower together. But why am I mentioning it?

The True Story: 9/11. Now, there are PLENTY of 9/11 related films, like Uwe Boll's "Postal". But I feel "Postal" was done on purpose to piss people off. This is really, really fucking retarded.

Ok so for real, I guess Edward there is in love with Claire and either they break up or thinking about breaking up. He's at work, thinking about shit. The day he's at work? September 11th, 2001. And he works in one of the Twin Towers. Oops. I mean, who would've guessed THAT would've happened in a movie like that! That's like watching "The Notebook" and finding out the ending takes place during Hurricane Katrina or something. It's just so out of place.

Paul McCartney Really Is Dead: The Last Testament of George Harrison

The Movie: Ok, you ready for this shit? Paul McCartney has been dead FOR YEARS! The Paul McCartney we all know and love is a IMPERSONATOR! Set up by the British government! And the other Beatles went along with this! And John Lennon wanted to tell the world but couldn't, so he put in ALL SORTS of clues on every Beatles album. Whoa!

The True Story: George Harrison's death. Released sometime after his death, this doctumentary has the nerve to say that right before George Harrison died, he recorded a last will and testement stating that he's been carrying a secret for years and now he's gonna reveal the secret. The film plays the "real" recordings with the "real" George Harrison telling us how it was done.

Ok, this movie is so full of shit that as I was watching it, flies began covering my TV. The guy doing the voice of George Harrison was not believable, and all the stuff mentioned in this film is so fucking retarded I have to think this was all a joke. You want an example?

Ok so, Paul died in a car accident sometime in the '60's. He was giving a ride to some girl when he died. The girl survived, but was sequestered by the British government and forced into hiding. She lost a leg in the accident. YEARS later, the girl wanted to reconnect with the guy who is now "playing" Paul. Her name? Heather Mills. I am not fucking with you, they mention that in this movie. I'm not the biggest die hard Beatles fan in the world, but I felt insulted by this movie.

Ok, I can't think of anything that'll top that, so I'll stop there for now. I'm sure there are more, and there's going to be more (how about Godzilla caused the Tsumani and Earthquake in Japan??). Some people, huh?


Red said...

I actually liked the ending of Remember Me, but then again, I think that's mainly cause I can connect with both lead characters and their background.

Definitely not "too soon". And it's something the screen writer had thought of from the very beginning.

Dylan said...

Yeah, I haven't seen Remember Me, either, but like Red, I like the concept there and think it sounds like a good ending to a movie.

Excellent list, Jason. I learned about the 30 Minutes thing from you some time ago and am still a bit baffled about that one. I think it's a bit more messed up because it's about ONE GUY that died, and here they took the story and made a comedy out of it. Hahahaha, it's so funny how this kid died! I'd be suing up a storm if I were the family (though it's probably not possible).