Sunday, December 02, 2012
The Beginning of The End
It is December 2nd. Invasion of the B Movies is going to die in 30 days. I figured I should do this post now because from this point on, things around here are bound to get crazy and frantic and I'll probably forget to do it and end up pissing off a ton of people. And the LAST thing I wanna do before I disappear forever is piss off a ton of people. I mean fuck, I do that on a daily basis anyway.
When I started Invasion of the B Movies 7 years ago, I had one goal in mind: to have a pretty popular b-movie website. A place where lovers of bad movies come to read one guys take on the shittiest movie he was able to get his grubby little hands on. I've read other sites prior to me starting mine and it seemed like a fun time. Plus those websites had an awesome community and that was sort of what I wanted to do, start a community. Did I succeed? Not in the way I originally planned but yes I do think I have some small legion of fans who hang on to my every word.
I will admit that I didn't always write about bad movies. The first time I ever did movie reviews on the internet, I was reviewing GOOD movies. Hell, I think the FIRST review I ever written was for "Night of the Living Dead". I went on to review such classics as "The Hours", "Dancer in the Dark", "Caveman's Valentine" and of course "My Best Friend's Wedding".
But I had more fun writing about the bad movies, the ones that nobody seemed to want to talk about. And it seems like people liked reading those more than my thoughts on Samuel L. Jackson's bare ass. (Why is that the only thing I remember from that movie?)
NOW here I am, seven years later, with FIVE Best Horror Blog LAMMY wins under my belt, a ALMOST LAMMY nominated podcast, and 2 or 3 people who read my blog. With all that accomplished, I figured it would be best to end on top then to slip and fade away into obscurity. But before I do that, I do have a shit ton of people to thank and I want to do that now before things get crazy around here.
ALL FORMER MASS INVADERS-Including Adam, Maria, Sean, Rachael, April, Devon, Bobbie, Bill, Felicia, and a few others that came and went so quickly. Thank you so much for letting me be your boss for a little bit. It was a bit nerve wrecking running these things, especially during all the times people said they couldn't get the movie in time or they watched the wrong chapters or watched the wrong movie totally. Oh and Rachael, I remember the time you refused-REFUSED-to watch "Battlefield Earth". I guess I have to say you were right about that. Anyway, thank you for bearing with me and for being fucking awesome and being there. It was fun, huh?
DYLAN FIELDS-For probably being one of my biggest cheerleaders. He listens to every episode of The Lair, actually writes in, leaves me honest feedback, and is never scared to tell me how it is. If he thinks something I'm doing sucks ass, he will tell me and suggest ways to fix it. I've known Dylan for years now. I remember finding Blog Cabins on OddTodd.com and thinking "That's a neat name for a movie website!" and just liked the writing. Soon after that, Dylan emailed me saying "Hey I'm doing this this called The Large Association of Movie Blogs, wanna be a member?" And me being the biggest whore out there said "YES!!! I WANT ATTENTION GOD DAMN IT!!" And so I became the 5th LAMB ever! Thank you Dylan, for being awesome and honest and there for me. Despite me calling you Dyl-Dog.
Speaking of...THE LAMB-Everybody on the LAMB, members and contributors alike. Me and you have had our ups and downs (probably mainly downs but the ups were too awesome to let that really get in the way) but overall you are a great place to not only meet other movie nerds but to learn, laugh, and love. And if it wasn't for The LAMB, I wouldn't have met many if not all the people I am currently friends with. It has indeed changed my life and I will be forever grateful for that wonderful community.
NICK JOBE-We've started out total strangers, probably wondering what the hell was wrong with each other. But the more we talked and became friends, we've became almost like brothers. I know you'll never forgive me for not liking "Boy Meets World" or making you watch "Santa Sangre" and I'll never forget the fact you don't find necrophilia and lactating mothers disturbing. (Boy, to anybody not in the know will wonder what the fuck is up with that. Nick, don't explain it, just let it be!)
ODD TODD-I mentioned you earlier but you're really the most famous person I know who's plugged and linked to my stuff, a lot, in the past. You have a great sense of humor and I love that you let not only me but anybody promote their stuff on your site. Now get back to making cartoons, dammit!
THE GREAT WHITE DOPE-I don't ever plan on growing up but if I'm forced to grow up, I hope I get to be just like you. You truly are an inspiration to bad movie lovers alike, what with your extensive knowledge and large ass movie collection that'll make Amazon's warehouse jealous. In fact, you probably live in Amazon's warehouse, don't you? Anyway, I hope you keep on going long after I do and remember: don't let anybody give you any shit. Just do what I do when the haters come knocking around: tell them to fuck themselves, write a review of "I Spit On Your Grave", and just sit back and laugh, with a cigar in your mouth. Stay golden, pony boy.
NOLAHN-What started out as an awkward email exchange turned into one of the greatest friendships I could have ever have asked for. You are a great podcasting partner and somehow you are the only other person outside of The Future Wife to keep me in line. I can't imagine The Lair being a success without you and even though we are still gonna keep The Lair going, I just wanted to say thanks for everything you did, from leaving comments to telling me how wrong I am at times to helping out with the Mass Invasions.
ALL THE DIRECTORS WHOSE MOVIES I'VE HATED-This includes the director of "Fear of Clowns", the director of "Wiseguys vs Zombies", and some guy who knew the director of "Gothic Girls AKA Good Girls Don't Sleep In Coffins" for not only taking all the death threats I left for you as a joke but for taking the time to answer some burning questions I had about your films. And the "Fear of Clowns" guy, thanks for sending me the sequel before it was ever released. I will cherish that forever!
EVERYONE INVOLVED WITH THE FILM "MURDER SET PIECES"-Thank you for making a film so god damn mother fucking butt raping retardedly awful that it as forever been a benchmark for how bad every movie I've watched since then has become. And you won't believe this. I've reviewed that film over FIVE years ago and nothing, not even "Zombie Nation" OR "Vampires vs Zombies" has come CLOSE to be worse than "Murder Set Pieces". You really outdid yourselves. You should be so fucking proud.
ALL MY FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER-I've got a lot of you guys so I can't mention you by name. But if you came here from Twitter, I mean YOU! You guys are awesome and I love reading your shit. If you run another website or blog, I know I haven't been the greatest at leaving comments on your sites, even if you been leaving stuff on mine. I know it's not fair and I am sorry. I do read it but I don't always have something to say. But keep it up, all of you.
TO ALL THE HATERS-Including the awful bitch from Canada and her stupid boyfriend, you are all narrow minded assfucks who seem to hate life, not have any joy, or never experienced true happiness and I feel really sorry for you. You probably think me ending the site is a victory for you but really it's not because I am ending it while I am on top of my game. I rather bow out gracefully than stumble and die in a horrible blaze. So in a way I say FUCK YOU! This statement also goes to pretentious movie snobs. I have two people in mind with that sentence but I shall keep their names to myself. In fact, I dedicate this song to you.
EVERYBODY ELSE I DIDN'T MENTION BY NAME-Sorry if I didn't give you a solo shout out. But if you ever read this site, marked it as a favorite and check it often, left a comment, participated in any contest I ever had, sent me something or you're just an awesome person in my eyes, thank you so much for your support and your readership. I didn't set out to rule the world but I will admit it is nice to have SOME readers and without you guys, I wouldn't be doing this. I don't just throw this out to just anybody but I seriously do love each and every one of you and words cannot express how I feel about you.
With that said, buckle in cause the next month is going to be bumpy! HOLY FUCK!