I was gone yesterday when they were announced but here I am! So here are the "winners", along with my picks in bold if they are different:
Worst Picture
Basic Instinct 2-Woo! I was right!
Worst Actor
Larry, The Cable Guy (Dan Whitney) - Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector
Marlon Wayans & Shawn Wayans - Little Man-Winner. Seriously? The Wayan Brothers made more movies than Larry, I don't get this at all.
Worst Actress
Hilary Duff & Haylie Duff - Material Girls
Sharon Stone - Basic Instinct 2-Winner. Same thing as above, but again: whatever.
Worst Supporting Actor
Danny DeVito - Deck The Halls
M. Night Shyamalan - Lady In The Water-Winner. I guess.
Worst Supporting Actress
Carmen Electra - Date Movie and Scary Movie 4-Winner.
Michelle Rodriguez - Bloodrayne
Worst Screen Couple
Shawn Wayans & EITHER Kerry Washington OR Marlon Wayans - Little Man-Winner. 2 for 5
Worst Remake or Rip-Off
Little Man (Rip-off of the 1954 Bugs Bunny cartoon "Baby Buggy Bunny")-Winner
Poseidon
Hold up. I disagree. I doubt anybody remembers the Bugs Bunny cartoon or even thought it was a rip off. This Posedion movie DID NOT NEED TO ME MADE!! Ugh.
Worst Prequel or Sequel
Basic Instinct 2-Winnner. They're totally crapping all over this movie, huh?
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
Worst Director
Uwe Boll - Bloodrayne
M. Night Shyamalan - Lady In The Water-Winner. I guess these people didn't sit through two of Uwe's movies. Well, you'd think they would've.
Worst Screenplay
Basic Instinct 2 - Screenplay by Leora Barish & Henry Bean, Based on Characters Created by Joe Eszterhas-Come on Razzies, pick one and stick with it, huh?
Little Man - Written by Keenan Ivory Wayans, Marlon Wayans, and Shawn Wayans
Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment (New Category!)
Deck The Halls
RV-Winner-I don't see anything wrong with this movie honestly.
Well, that's it. I only picked 2 winners out of 11 categories. I guess I don't know bad movies after all.
Nah.
-Jason
Monday, February 26, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Be My Valentine
Or I'll murder you!!!!
Just kidding! :)
But this guy isn't.
I updated my review for "Valentine" to include more (and better images!) Isn't that awesome!
OH! And another special review of:
Just click the image to find out.
Happy Valentine's Day!
-Jason
Just kidding! :)
But this guy isn't.
I updated my review for "Valentine" to include more (and better images!) Isn't that awesome!
OH! And another special review of:
Just click the image to find out.
Happy Valentine's Day!
-Jason
New Review: Snakes on a Train
Yes. TRAIN. As in "Choo-Choo".
Click image to go to review.
Sssss!
-Jason
Click image to go to review.
Sssss!
-Jason
Holy Shit!
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters!
This is gonna be the craziest hour and a half anyone will ever spend in a theater!
-Jason
This is gonna be the craziest hour and a half anyone will ever spend in a theater!
-Jason
New Feature: The Worst of Internet Video
Kinda inspired by "Web Junk" on VH1, but I'm making it my own. And this won't be a set thing, like every day or week, just whenever I come across the most god awful piece of video I've ever seen.
What, pray tell, made me start this? This video right here:
Worse enough someone thought to make their "own music video" for the song "Barbie Girl", the entire thing is just...I don't know what. The people "singing" clearly aren't even trying to sing. The guy in the video looks like he's being forced to do this, which I'm sure he was. And the scenes outside...don't even get me started.
At least the girl was hot. That might explain why this guy was in it.
"Dave, if you'll be in my Barbie Girl video, I'll take my top off."
"Aw, Cindi, I hate that song! And I was just a fetus when that song was out."
"Pweeese?!" *Slowly pulls her top up, showing her tummy*
"Uhhh...." *Boner* "What do I gotta do again?"
Video camera: $250
Computer to edit the video: $350
A blowjob and a nice look at a girls tits: Priceless.
Enjoy! Or not...
-Jason
What, pray tell, made me start this? This video right here:
Worse enough someone thought to make their "own music video" for the song "Barbie Girl", the entire thing is just...I don't know what. The people "singing" clearly aren't even trying to sing. The guy in the video looks like he's being forced to do this, which I'm sure he was. And the scenes outside...don't even get me started.
At least the girl was hot. That might explain why this guy was in it.
"Dave, if you'll be in my Barbie Girl video, I'll take my top off."
"Aw, Cindi, I hate that song! And I was just a fetus when that song was out."
"Pweeese?!" *Slowly pulls her top up, showing her tummy*
"Uhhh...." *Boner* "What do I gotta do again?"
Video camera: $250
Computer to edit the video: $350
A blowjob and a nice look at a girls tits: Priceless.
Enjoy! Or not...
-Jason
The Razzie Nominations
Yay the Razzies! It's like a celebration of the worst and not just any worst...HOLLYWOOD WORST! Woo! So here's how this works. I'm gonna make guesses as to what's gonna win in bold font. The winners are announced the day before the Oscars. I'm not sure when that is, but I'll keep you detailed.
Worst Picture
Basic Instinct 2
Bloodrayne
Lady In The Water
Little Man
Wicker Man
(Little Man sounds like such a stupid idea for a movie, but who really asked for a Basic Instinct 2? Really? I mean if I wanna see Sharon Stone naked, I'll just get the first movie.)
Worst Actor
Tim Allen - The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, The Shaggy Dog and Zoom
Nicolas Cage - Wicker Man
Larry, The Cable Guy (Dan Whitney) - Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector
Rob Schneider - The Benchwarmers and Little Man
Marlon Wayans & Shawn Wayans - Little Man
(So that's Larry The Cable Guy's real name. Anyway, who told him he could act? In a real movie?)
Worst Actress
Hilary Duff & Haylie Duff - Material Girls
Lindsay Lohan - Just My Luck
Kristanna Loken - Bloodrayne
Jessica Simpson - Employee Of The Month
Sharon Stone - Basic Instinct 2
(I dunno. Why not?)
Worst Supporting Actor
Danny DeVito - Deck The Halls
Ben Kingsley - Bloodrayne
M. Night Shyamalan - Lady In The Water
Martin Short - Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
David Thewlis - Basic Instinct 2 and The Omen
(This sounds like such a stupid movie.)
Worst Supporting Actress
Kate Bosworth - Superman Returns
Kristin Chenoweth - Deck The Halls, Pink Panther and RV
Carmen Electra - Date Movie and Scary Movie 4
Jenny McCarthy - John Tucker Must Die
Michelle Rodriguez - Bloodrayne
Worst Screen Couple
Tim Allen & Martin Short - Santa Clause 3
Nicolas Cage & His Bear Suit - Wicker Man
Hilary & Haylie Duff - Material Girls
Sharon Stone's Lop-Sided Breasts - Basic Instinct 2
Shawn Wayans & EITHER Kerry Washington OR Marlon Wayans - Little Man
(I figured I should pick SOMETHING from Little Man.)
Worst Remake or Rip-Off
Little Man (Rip-off of the 1954 Bugs Bunny cartoon "Baby Buggy Bunny")
Pink Panther
Poseidon
The Shaggy Dog Story
Wicker Man
(WHY?!?!?!?!?!)
Worst Prequel or Sequel
Basic Instinct 2
Big Momma's House 2
Garfield 2: A Tail Of Two Kitties
Santa Clause 3
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(Yet again. WHY?!?!?!?!)
Worst Director
Uwe Boll - Bloodrayne
Michael Caton-Jones - Basically, It Stinks, Too
Ron Howard - The Da Vinci Code
M. Night Shyamalan - Lady In The Water
Keenan Ivory Wayans - Little Man
(I have to pick him by default.)
Worst Screenplay
Basic Instinct 2 - Screenplay by Leora Barish & Henry Bean, Based on Characters Created by Joe Eszterhas
Bloodrayne - Screenplay by Guinevere Turner, Based on the Video Game
Lady In The Water - Written by M. Night Shyamalan
Little Man - Written by Keenan Ivory Wayans, Marlon Wayans, and Shawn Wayans
Wicker Man - Screenplay Adapted by Neil LaBute from a Screenplay by Anthony Schaffer
Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment (New Category!)
Deck The Halls
Garfield 2: A Tail Of Two Kitties
RV
Santa Clause 3
The Shaggy Dog
That's it. We'll find out who the winners are sometime soon!
-Jason
Worst Picture
Basic Instinct 2
Bloodrayne
Lady In The Water
Little Man
Wicker Man
(Little Man sounds like such a stupid idea for a movie, but who really asked for a Basic Instinct 2? Really? I mean if I wanna see Sharon Stone naked, I'll just get the first movie.)
Worst Actor
Tim Allen - The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, The Shaggy Dog and Zoom
Nicolas Cage - Wicker Man
Larry, The Cable Guy (Dan Whitney) - Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector
Rob Schneider - The Benchwarmers and Little Man
Marlon Wayans & Shawn Wayans - Little Man
(So that's Larry The Cable Guy's real name. Anyway, who told him he could act? In a real movie?)
Worst Actress
Hilary Duff & Haylie Duff - Material Girls
Lindsay Lohan - Just My Luck
Kristanna Loken - Bloodrayne
Jessica Simpson - Employee Of The Month
Sharon Stone - Basic Instinct 2
(I dunno. Why not?)
Worst Supporting Actor
Danny DeVito - Deck The Halls
Ben Kingsley - Bloodrayne
M. Night Shyamalan - Lady In The Water
Martin Short - Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
David Thewlis - Basic Instinct 2 and The Omen
(This sounds like such a stupid movie.)
Worst Supporting Actress
Kate Bosworth - Superman Returns
Kristin Chenoweth - Deck The Halls, Pink Panther and RV
Carmen Electra - Date Movie and Scary Movie 4
Jenny McCarthy - John Tucker Must Die
Michelle Rodriguez - Bloodrayne
Worst Screen Couple
Tim Allen & Martin Short - Santa Clause 3
Nicolas Cage & His Bear Suit - Wicker Man
Hilary & Haylie Duff - Material Girls
Sharon Stone's Lop-Sided Breasts - Basic Instinct 2
Shawn Wayans & EITHER Kerry Washington OR Marlon Wayans - Little Man
(I figured I should pick SOMETHING from Little Man.)
Worst Remake or Rip-Off
Little Man (Rip-off of the 1954 Bugs Bunny cartoon "Baby Buggy Bunny")
Pink Panther
Poseidon
The Shaggy Dog Story
Wicker Man
(WHY?!?!?!?!?!)
Worst Prequel or Sequel
Basic Instinct 2
Big Momma's House 2
Garfield 2: A Tail Of Two Kitties
Santa Clause 3
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(Yet again. WHY?!?!?!?!)
Worst Director
Uwe Boll - Bloodrayne
Michael Caton-Jones - Basically, It Stinks, Too
Ron Howard - The Da Vinci Code
M. Night Shyamalan - Lady In The Water
Keenan Ivory Wayans - Little Man
(I have to pick him by default.)
Worst Screenplay
Basic Instinct 2 - Screenplay by Leora Barish & Henry Bean, Based on Characters Created by Joe Eszterhas
Bloodrayne - Screenplay by Guinevere Turner, Based on the Video Game
Lady In The Water - Written by M. Night Shyamalan
Little Man - Written by Keenan Ivory Wayans, Marlon Wayans, and Shawn Wayans
Wicker Man - Screenplay Adapted by Neil LaBute from a Screenplay by Anthony Schaffer
Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment (New Category!)
Deck The Halls
Garfield 2: A Tail Of Two Kitties
RV
Santa Clause 3
The Shaggy Dog
That's it. We'll find out who the winners are sometime soon!
-Jason
New Review: Slugs
What? I review a movie that I actually kinda like?
Slugs
It's still a B-Movie. It counts. Stop looking at me like that.
Enjoy!
-Jason
Slugs
It's still a B-Movie. It counts. Stop looking at me like that.
Enjoy!
-Jason
It's Finally Done! New Review: TISCWSLABMUZ
WOO! The first ever "Multi-Person Review" is finally completed and ready to be devoured by the public! This entire process has taken months to do, so I hope you all enjoy it! And please leave some feedback so I know if I should attempt to do this again or not.
To the reviewers: Thanks so much for your participation and you will be rewarded for your time and dedication.
TISCWSLABMUZ
Enjoy!!
-Jason (And the rest)
To the reviewers: Thanks so much for your participation and you will be rewarded for your time and dedication.
TISCWSLABMUZ
Enjoy!!
-Jason (And the rest)
New Review: Cinderella 2000
Yet another porno-like musical movie based on a fairy tale or Disney movie. Whatever.
Cinderella 2000
Enjoy!
-Jason
Cinderella 2000
Enjoy!
-Jason
New Review: Rabid Grannies
The first review of the new year! And it sure is a doozy. Well, more like a dooze-y. Despite it's great title, this movie is slow and boring with only a little bit of action.
Take a gander at my review of "Rabid Grannies":
Rabid Grannies
Enjoy!
-Jason
Take a gander at my review of "Rabid Grannies":
Rabid Grannies
Enjoy!
-Jason
The Saucers Awards
Welcome to the first annual Invasion of the B-Movie awards "The Saucers" or "Saucys". I saw a batch of movies in the theaters in 2006 and I thought I'd give my own special awards to the ones I saw (and some that I didn't see). This is really just an excuse to praise and bitch & moan about movies I saw in theaters last year. Without further ado about nothing...
The Saucy!
1. BEST COMEDY
I had a hard time picking just one, but after much thinking, I decided to go with:
Grandma's Boy!
WORST COMEDY
The only two blah comedies I saw was Benchwarmers and Pink Panther. I didn't really like Benchwarmers cause I thought it was gonna be typical raunchy Rob Schneider faire, but it was just basically a kids movie, and I was a bit disappointed. But it wasn't as bad as this years winner, which is:
The Pink Panther
2. BEST DRAMA
I'm not into drama's all that much but I did see a few in 2006. The only one that stands out in my mind has to be:
The Da Vinci Code
WORST DRAMA
Marie Antoinette. More on this later.
3. REMAKES
The best remake that I saw was:
Fun with Dick & Jane. Can't go wrong with Jim Carrey.
The Worst Remake I saw was:
The Pink Panther. Did this REALLY need to be made? What was wrong with the Peter Sellers version? I mean really?
4. SEQUELS
Out of all the sequels I saw this year, the best one had to be:
Clerks 2. Pillow pants. And porch monkeys 4 life.
The WORST sequel had to be:
Final Destination 3. It was pretty much Parts 1 and 2...except called 3. It really didn't need to be made at all.
5. BEST MUSICAL
Between Idlewild, The Producers, and Tenacious D I had to go with my inner metal and pick:
Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny.
6. REALITY MOVIE
You know how there are reality TV shows? Well, there are also reality movies being made. I saw two of them and they both were pretty good. So in first place:
Borat
And in second place:
Jackass Number 2
7. DENZEL AWARD
Out of the two Denzel Washington movies that came out this past year, the best one had to be:
Deja Vu
With Inside Man being a close second.
8. CRAZY ASS MOVIE AWARD
The award for the most crazy ass movie goes to
Crank. Plus Amy Smart is hot.
And now the big ones.
9. THE WORST MOVIE OF 2006 (That I saw)
This dubious honor goes to none other than
Marie Antoinette.
God, this movie is so fuckin boring. They had to show constant shots of Kirsten Dunst getting naked to keep some interest going. And apparently I missed a hot sex scene when I was in the bathroom banging my head against the wall trying to wake myself up. And it didn't end with her head being cut off. How do you make a bio pic of Marie Antoinette and not show her heat getting chopped off? That's like making a bio pic of Charles Manson but instead of showing him killing people, showing him in elementary school doing algebra.
10. THE BEST MOVIE OF 2006 (EVER!)
If you knew me at any point during 2006, this shouldn't be a surprise to you at all. Of course this grand award goes to:
SNAKES ON A (MUTHA FUCKIN) PLANE!!
Need I say more?
And now for the Special Mentions in Horribleness, I present to you:
Movies That Didn't Need To Be Made in 2006
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
The Omen Remake
Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
The people responsible for these movies will receive their awards in the mail in 3-5 weeks. Void where prohibited. Thanks for playing and look forward to another year of good and shitty-ass movies.
-Jason
The Saucy!
1. BEST COMEDY
I had a hard time picking just one, but after much thinking, I decided to go with:
Grandma's Boy!
WORST COMEDY
The only two blah comedies I saw was Benchwarmers and Pink Panther. I didn't really like Benchwarmers cause I thought it was gonna be typical raunchy Rob Schneider faire, but it was just basically a kids movie, and I was a bit disappointed. But it wasn't as bad as this years winner, which is:
The Pink Panther
2. BEST DRAMA
I'm not into drama's all that much but I did see a few in 2006. The only one that stands out in my mind has to be:
The Da Vinci Code
WORST DRAMA
Marie Antoinette. More on this later.
3. REMAKES
The best remake that I saw was:
Fun with Dick & Jane. Can't go wrong with Jim Carrey.
The Worst Remake I saw was:
The Pink Panther. Did this REALLY need to be made? What was wrong with the Peter Sellers version? I mean really?
4. SEQUELS
Out of all the sequels I saw this year, the best one had to be:
Clerks 2. Pillow pants. And porch monkeys 4 life.
The WORST sequel had to be:
Final Destination 3. It was pretty much Parts 1 and 2...except called 3. It really didn't need to be made at all.
5. BEST MUSICAL
Between Idlewild, The Producers, and Tenacious D I had to go with my inner metal and pick:
Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny.
6. REALITY MOVIE
You know how there are reality TV shows? Well, there are also reality movies being made. I saw two of them and they both were pretty good. So in first place:
Borat
And in second place:
Jackass Number 2
7. DENZEL AWARD
Out of the two Denzel Washington movies that came out this past year, the best one had to be:
Deja Vu
With Inside Man being a close second.
8. CRAZY ASS MOVIE AWARD
The award for the most crazy ass movie goes to
Crank. Plus Amy Smart is hot.
And now the big ones.
9. THE WORST MOVIE OF 2006 (That I saw)
This dubious honor goes to none other than
Marie Antoinette.
God, this movie is so fuckin boring. They had to show constant shots of Kirsten Dunst getting naked to keep some interest going. And apparently I missed a hot sex scene when I was in the bathroom banging my head against the wall trying to wake myself up. And it didn't end with her head being cut off. How do you make a bio pic of Marie Antoinette and not show her heat getting chopped off? That's like making a bio pic of Charles Manson but instead of showing him killing people, showing him in elementary school doing algebra.
10. THE BEST MOVIE OF 2006 (EVER!)
If you knew me at any point during 2006, this shouldn't be a surprise to you at all. Of course this grand award goes to:
SNAKES ON A (MUTHA FUCKIN) PLANE!!
Need I say more?
And now for the Special Mentions in Horribleness, I present to you:
Movies That Didn't Need To Be Made in 2006
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
The Omen Remake
Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
The people responsible for these movies will receive their awards in the mail in 3-5 weeks. Void where prohibited. Thanks for playing and look forward to another year of good and shitty-ass movies.
-Jason
Non-Typical Christmas Movies
Tis the season to go out and shop for loved ones and for people who your parents are gonna guilt you into buying stuff for even though you barely know them. After you're done with the mall and the traffic, you wanna come home and unwind with a good movie.
"Let's see what's on TV tonight. 'It's A Wonderful Life'? SEEN IT! 'Christmas Story'? I can quote that in my sleep by now! 'A Christmas Carol'? It's been remade 500 times I'm sick of that story and just wish those ghosts would kill Scrooge already! ARRRGH!! I HATE CHRISTMAS!! I'M GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN AND BECOME JEWISH!!"
Whoa! Hold on there Mr. Finklestein. Before you denounce your faith and religion I, Jason Soto, am here to help you find a Christmas movie that isn't the same ol' song and dance. I'm 26 years old and I've seen "A Christmas Story" at least that many times (if not more). And don't get me wrong, "It's A Wonderful Life" and "Christmas Carol" are good movies and stories, but...DAMMIT! I need something new and refreshing!
So I have come up with at least 6 movies that are Christmas related but aren't your typical holiday fare.
1. Die Hard-Many people possibly don't realize this entire movie takes place on Christmas Eve cause they just think about Bruce Willis running around a skyscraper and killing bad guys. But prior to the killing, Bruce's character John McClane is invited to L.A to visit his wife at her workplace during a Christmas party. And there's also the scene where John sends one of the bad guys he just killed down an elevator and when the totally awesome Alan Rickman finds him, he finds a message on his shirt that reads "NOW I HAVE A MACHINE GUN! HO! HO! HO!" And when you think of Christmas, you think of machine guns. (Or is that just an Indiana thing?)
2. Die Hard 2: Die Harder-And the sequel takes place EXACTLY one year later, on Christmas Eve. Except this time, we're in Washington D.C and there's an airport involved. This movie isn't one of my favorites (Die Harder?)in the series but it's pretty action packed and when you need an action packed Christmas movie (and you exhausted the other possibilities), this is your movie.
3. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation-Why this doesn't replace A Christmas Story as a modern day Christmas Classic is a mystery. This is probably THE BEST Christmas comedy movie out there.
4. Scrooged-And there is this one. I know I mentioned that "A Christmas Carol" has been remade a thousand times, but this is possibly one of the best ones out there. Bill Murray is the Scrooge character and three very different ghosts show him the true meaning of Christmas.
5. Lethal Weapon-Going back to the action genre, this film also takes place on Christmas. As a result of this, anytime I hear Jingle Bell Rock, I think of the opening of this movie and picture a girl jumping to her death. How nice, huh?
6. Gremlins-You know this takes place on Christmas because of the famous story Phoebe Cates' character tells about her dad playing Santa and being found dead in the chimney. Plus Gizmo is a Christmas gift, which goes to show you that last minute shopping is a bad, bad idea.
So there you have it. I hope these movies help you get through the holiday season without having seeing and hearing the same lines and scenery over and over again. And don't stress out, it's the holiday season.
So Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, whichever you find less offensive!
-Jason
"Let's see what's on TV tonight. 'It's A Wonderful Life'? SEEN IT! 'Christmas Story'? I can quote that in my sleep by now! 'A Christmas Carol'? It's been remade 500 times I'm sick of that story and just wish those ghosts would kill Scrooge already! ARRRGH!! I HATE CHRISTMAS!! I'M GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN AND BECOME JEWISH!!"
Whoa! Hold on there Mr. Finklestein. Before you denounce your faith and religion I, Jason Soto, am here to help you find a Christmas movie that isn't the same ol' song and dance. I'm 26 years old and I've seen "A Christmas Story" at least that many times (if not more). And don't get me wrong, "It's A Wonderful Life" and "Christmas Carol" are good movies and stories, but...DAMMIT! I need something new and refreshing!
So I have come up with at least 6 movies that are Christmas related but aren't your typical holiday fare.
1. Die Hard-Many people possibly don't realize this entire movie takes place on Christmas Eve cause they just think about Bruce Willis running around a skyscraper and killing bad guys. But prior to the killing, Bruce's character John McClane is invited to L.A to visit his wife at her workplace during a Christmas party. And there's also the scene where John sends one of the bad guys he just killed down an elevator and when the totally awesome Alan Rickman finds him, he finds a message on his shirt that reads "NOW I HAVE A MACHINE GUN! HO! HO! HO!" And when you think of Christmas, you think of machine guns. (Or is that just an Indiana thing?)
2. Die Hard 2: Die Harder-And the sequel takes place EXACTLY one year later, on Christmas Eve. Except this time, we're in Washington D.C and there's an airport involved. This movie isn't one of my favorites (Die Harder?)in the series but it's pretty action packed and when you need an action packed Christmas movie (and you exhausted the other possibilities), this is your movie.
3. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation-Why this doesn't replace A Christmas Story as a modern day Christmas Classic is a mystery. This is probably THE BEST Christmas comedy movie out there.
4. Scrooged-And there is this one. I know I mentioned that "A Christmas Carol" has been remade a thousand times, but this is possibly one of the best ones out there. Bill Murray is the Scrooge character and three very different ghosts show him the true meaning of Christmas.
5. Lethal Weapon-Going back to the action genre, this film also takes place on Christmas. As a result of this, anytime I hear Jingle Bell Rock, I think of the opening of this movie and picture a girl jumping to her death. How nice, huh?
6. Gremlins-You know this takes place on Christmas because of the famous story Phoebe Cates' character tells about her dad playing Santa and being found dead in the chimney. Plus Gizmo is a Christmas gift, which goes to show you that last minute shopping is a bad, bad idea.
So there you have it. I hope these movies help you get through the holiday season without having seeing and hearing the same lines and scenery over and over again. And don't stress out, it's the holiday season.
So Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, whichever you find less offensive!
-Jason
New Review: Santa's Slay
Ho Ho Ho!!
No, I'm not calling you guys ho's. It's the Christmas Season! So I scrambled to find a movie to review for this year and I think I found a doozy. Please check it out here:
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/santasslay
AND!
I got a Holiday Greeting for all you wonderful people here:
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/xmascard06.html
Merry Christmas!
-Jason
No, I'm not calling you guys ho's. It's the Christmas Season! So I scrambled to find a movie to review for this year and I think I found a doozy. Please check it out here:
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/santasslay
AND!
I got a Holiday Greeting for all you wonderful people here:
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/xmascard06.html
Merry Christmas!
-Jason
New Review: Jack Frost
Jack Frost is nipping at your nose. No wait, he isn't. Maybe you should see a doctor to see what exactly is nipping at your nose. Meanwhile, check out my review:
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/jackfrost.html
Also enjoy not one but TWO featured reviews:
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/hardbastard.html
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/demondoor.html
Enjoy!
-Jason
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/jackfrost.html
Also enjoy not one but TWO featured reviews:
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/hardbastard.html
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/demondoor.html
Enjoy!
-Jason
Wow! A Movie About A Murderous Hitchhiker!! How New and Exciting!!
I realize that I haven't actually been writing in this thing for a couple of weeks now. I thought of some things to write about, then I realized that I would come across as one of those loser types who find one thing to complain about and immedately "blog" about it and then sit back and go "TAKE THAT!" And I don't wanna be made fun of by the "cool hip people" who use the internet to look at porn and the website "SOMETHING AWFUL".
Then I realized I wrote a blog about boycotting the "Rise of Taj" movie and decided to move on with my life and realize that I am a blog/internet geek. So here we go.
You'll never guess what's gonna be remade now? Here's a hint:
Plot Outline: While driving through the desert, two college students pick up a hitchhiker with murderous plans in store.
Does this sound familar? Well, here's the plot outline for the original:
Plot Outline: A young man who escaped the clutches of a murderous hitch-hiker is subsequently stalked, framed for the hitcher's crimes, and has his life made into hell by the same man he escaped.
In the off-chance you were born after on or after 1986, this wonderful and delightfully creepy ass movie is called The Hitcher.
THEY'RE REMAKING THE FUCKING HITCHER! I mean come on! How do you do any better than Rutger Hauer terrorizing C.Thomas Howell? This is just fuckin frustrating.
Then it dawned on me. I have looked into the giant Pensieve, saw the meeting with Hollywood types from a long time ago, and I have the answer. They are remaking movies that are barely 20 years old...for the younger generation!!
Think about it. Pretend you're a 16 year old in 2006. (If you are 16 years old, why are you here? This is for ADULTS ONLY! BOOBIES! See? SCRAM KID!) You see a trailer for a movie about a crazy hitchhiker who stalks a guy and frames him for murders and shit and you're probably gonna go "HOLY SHIT! THIS IS A NEW IDEA!! I'M SEEING THIS MOVIE ON FRIDAY NIGHT IF MY GAY PARENTS WILL LET ME!! LOLZ!!!" So this movie gets 500 million dollars opening weekend cause a bunch of teenagers who have no fuckin' clue about movies prior to 1986 (or whenever they were born) existing. They could remake "Wizard of Oz" and be like "Wow! This is new!"
At least that is what Hollywood believes. I, on the other hand, know better. A few 16 or 17 year old kids contact me on myspace cause they're into movies or b-movies. Some of them even know what MST3K is and that's fuckin' awesome. So I know these 16 or 17 year olds (I was only kidding about the scramming) are smart enough to know this is yet another film added to the list that is "unnecessary remakes" and probably know of the 1986 kickass film already, might of even already seen it. Oh and there are these things called "video stores" too.
So I think we need to lay off the remakes. Well, ok, everyone's been saying that for the past 10 years or so. So I'll reword it.
Hollywood, hire me already! I have new, fresh, orginal ideas!! Cause this shit needs to stop. Like NOW! It's worse enough Michael Bay is gonna ruin TRANSFORMERS (That's for another blog), but we gotta deal with him raping one of the greatest scary movies of all time. I can only hope a flu epidemic like in "The Stand" will hit, then after the apocolypse, we can start Hollywood over again and make movies that haven't been made before.
Here's the imdb for this horrible remake:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0455960/maindetails
And here's the imdb for the awesome what's gonna be called "original" now:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091209/
And please, please, PLEASE if you haven't seen the "original" (God this is gonna suck) see it now!
-Jason
Then I realized I wrote a blog about boycotting the "Rise of Taj" movie and decided to move on with my life and realize that I am a blog/internet geek. So here we go.
You'll never guess what's gonna be remade now? Here's a hint:
Plot Outline: While driving through the desert, two college students pick up a hitchhiker with murderous plans in store.
Does this sound familar? Well, here's the plot outline for the original:
Plot Outline: A young man who escaped the clutches of a murderous hitch-hiker is subsequently stalked, framed for the hitcher's crimes, and has his life made into hell by the same man he escaped.
In the off-chance you were born after on or after 1986, this wonderful and delightfully creepy ass movie is called The Hitcher.
THEY'RE REMAKING THE FUCKING HITCHER! I mean come on! How do you do any better than Rutger Hauer terrorizing C.Thomas Howell? This is just fuckin frustrating.
Then it dawned on me. I have looked into the giant Pensieve, saw the meeting with Hollywood types from a long time ago, and I have the answer. They are remaking movies that are barely 20 years old...for the younger generation!!
Think about it. Pretend you're a 16 year old in 2006. (If you are 16 years old, why are you here? This is for ADULTS ONLY! BOOBIES! See? SCRAM KID!) You see a trailer for a movie about a crazy hitchhiker who stalks a guy and frames him for murders and shit and you're probably gonna go "HOLY SHIT! THIS IS A NEW IDEA!! I'M SEEING THIS MOVIE ON FRIDAY NIGHT IF MY GAY PARENTS WILL LET ME!! LOLZ!!!" So this movie gets 500 million dollars opening weekend cause a bunch of teenagers who have no fuckin' clue about movies prior to 1986 (or whenever they were born) existing. They could remake "Wizard of Oz" and be like "Wow! This is new!"
At least that is what Hollywood believes. I, on the other hand, know better. A few 16 or 17 year old kids contact me on myspace cause they're into movies or b-movies. Some of them even know what MST3K is and that's fuckin' awesome. So I know these 16 or 17 year olds (I was only kidding about the scramming) are smart enough to know this is yet another film added to the list that is "unnecessary remakes" and probably know of the 1986 kickass film already, might of even already seen it. Oh and there are these things called "video stores" too.
So I think we need to lay off the remakes. Well, ok, everyone's been saying that for the past 10 years or so. So I'll reword it.
Hollywood, hire me already! I have new, fresh, orginal ideas!! Cause this shit needs to stop. Like NOW! It's worse enough Michael Bay is gonna ruin TRANSFORMERS (That's for another blog), but we gotta deal with him raping one of the greatest scary movies of all time. I can only hope a flu epidemic like in "The Stand" will hit, then after the apocolypse, we can start Hollywood over again and make movies that haven't been made before.
Here's the imdb for this horrible remake:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0455960/maindetails
And here's the imdb for the awesome what's gonna be called "original" now:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091209/
And please, please, PLEASE if you haven't seen the "original" (God this is gonna suck) see it now!
-Jason
New Review: Nail Gun Massacre
Nail guns, nail gun killers, a bunch of rednecks, and boobs: what more could you ask for?
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/nailgunmassacre.html
Enjoy!
-Jason
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/nailgunmassacre.html
Enjoy!
-Jason
Van Wilder Episode 3: Attack of the Taj's
Apparently there's a sequel to the 2002 movie "Van Wilder", which I happen to like. The title of this is "Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj". If you've never seen the first one, Taj was Van Wilder's Indian friend played by Kal Penn, who was in "Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle". So, that's fine with me. A movie focued around Taj, that's should be good. But the movie is called "Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj" and Ryan Reyolds, who played Van Wilder, is nowhere to be seen. So why not just call it "The Rise of Taj"? It's kinda stupid to title your movie after a character who isn't even going to appear in the damn thing.
I was made first aware of this film on Myspace. Seeing how everything under the sun has a myspace account nowadays, it's no surprised this film has one. There I caught the trailer and well...it's not funny. At all. It seems that Taj is going to England where he's starts a fraturnity with a bunch of geeky looking guys and some rough and tough English jocks get in their way. Ah, so this is the fabled remake of "Revenge of the Nerds" I've been hearing about. And there are lots of tits in this movie, which isn't a complaint, but it means there's going to be an "Unrated" version on DVD which is gonna feature like 2 more seconds of tits. And maybe an extra "Fuck" thrown in for good measure.
Realizing that this movie is going to be a crock of shit, I decided to add this film's profile onto my friends list. I was gonna lambast it and tell the makers of this profile, who I assume have something to do with the movie, that I think this movie is shit and I don't get why it was made or at least why is it called "Van Wilder" if the CHARACTER of Van Wilder isn't even going to appear in it.
Then I saw the comments section. There is not ONE bad comment. To give you an idea, here are some choice comments:
"this movie looks like it'll kick the first one's ass!!! go taj!!!" (I often tell fictional characters to go all the time. Like Forest Gump. RUN FOREST RUN!)
"sweeet dude this movie is goin to be killer as mess" (I don't even know what that means.)
"dude
ur like a god to all the american indians
thanks for being such a great role model man
peace
CURRY ROCKS!" (This is just sad. I mean don't get me wrong, I think Kal Penn is funny and he is pretty talented, but considering the line of work he gets, I'd hardly call him a "role model" for all "American Indians". I mean, this is the same guy who humped a giant bag of weed. If that's what it takes to make role model standards, Adam Sandler should be a fuckin' saint!)
"God I am sure this movie is going to be funny as fuck cause the 1st one was so if it still deals with the van wilder leads then im sure it works out for the best DAM STRAIGHT" (Actually the only person from the original is just Taj. Oddly enough, no Tara Reid. I dunno why, it's not like she's busy or anything.)
So then I realized the makers of this profile are screening the comments. To make sure, I decided to give it a test. I used my other profile and when I went to add it, I saw I was accepted right away. Woo! So then I went for the comment and I left this:
"Why is this movie being made without Ryan Reyonlds? I mean...he was Van Wilder...it's kinda stupid to name your movie "Van Wilder" without the Van Wilder character. So yeah, this movie is just a pointless cash in."
Sure enough, all comments are screened for approval. So I decided to wait about 15 minutes, then I went back to my Invasion of the B Movies profile where I left this comment:
"I can't wait to see this. Kal Penn rocks!!"
I'm not lying. I can't wait to see this to see how horrible it's gonna be. And I do think Kal Penn rocks. Just probably not in this movie.
So anyway, guess which comment got picked? Seriously, you'll never guess. Or maybe you will.
Isn't it great to live in a country where you have the right to voice an opinion about a shitty movie without being censored?
"Did you swear in your comment, Jason?"
No. What I mean is this proves that the people who made this movie knows it's pretty crappy but to maintain the publicity machine, they are only allowed to have "positive" comments on a freakin Myspace profile. Cause you know, Myspace is the home of positivness, and no drama what-so-ever.
So now I'm torn. Should I waste 8 of my hard earned money and see this movie in a theater? Or should I wait until DVD? And when it comes out on DVD, wait until it's considered an "old" release and just get it for free at my Blockbuster, which has a get three "new" release titles get an "old" one free deal going on? It depends. Anyone reading this, wanna see a movie on December 1st?
View the trailer here:
View the Myspace profile here:
www.myspace.com/theriseoftaj
I was made first aware of this film on Myspace. Seeing how everything under the sun has a myspace account nowadays, it's no surprised this film has one. There I caught the trailer and well...it's not funny. At all. It seems that Taj is going to England where he's starts a fraturnity with a bunch of geeky looking guys and some rough and tough English jocks get in their way. Ah, so this is the fabled remake of "Revenge of the Nerds" I've been hearing about. And there are lots of tits in this movie, which isn't a complaint, but it means there's going to be an "Unrated" version on DVD which is gonna feature like 2 more seconds of tits. And maybe an extra "Fuck" thrown in for good measure.
Realizing that this movie is going to be a crock of shit, I decided to add this film's profile onto my friends list. I was gonna lambast it and tell the makers of this profile, who I assume have something to do with the movie, that I think this movie is shit and I don't get why it was made or at least why is it called "Van Wilder" if the CHARACTER of Van Wilder isn't even going to appear in it.
Then I saw the comments section. There is not ONE bad comment. To give you an idea, here are some choice comments:
"this movie looks like it'll kick the first one's ass!!! go taj!!!" (I often tell fictional characters to go all the time. Like Forest Gump. RUN FOREST RUN!)
"sweeet dude this movie is goin to be killer as mess" (I don't even know what that means.)
"dude
ur like a god to all the american indians
thanks for being such a great role model man
peace
CURRY ROCKS!" (This is just sad. I mean don't get me wrong, I think Kal Penn is funny and he is pretty talented, but considering the line of work he gets, I'd hardly call him a "role model" for all "American Indians". I mean, this is the same guy who humped a giant bag of weed. If that's what it takes to make role model standards, Adam Sandler should be a fuckin' saint!)
"God I am sure this movie is going to be funny as fuck cause the 1st one was so if it still deals with the van wilder leads then im sure it works out for the best DAM STRAIGHT" (Actually the only person from the original is just Taj. Oddly enough, no Tara Reid. I dunno why, it's not like she's busy or anything.)
So then I realized the makers of this profile are screening the comments. To make sure, I decided to give it a test. I used my other profile and when I went to add it, I saw I was accepted right away. Woo! So then I went for the comment and I left this:
"Why is this movie being made without Ryan Reyonlds? I mean...he was Van Wilder...it's kinda stupid to name your movie "Van Wilder" without the Van Wilder character. So yeah, this movie is just a pointless cash in."
Sure enough, all comments are screened for approval. So I decided to wait about 15 minutes, then I went back to my Invasion of the B Movies profile where I left this comment:
"I can't wait to see this. Kal Penn rocks!!"
I'm not lying. I can't wait to see this to see how horrible it's gonna be. And I do think Kal Penn rocks. Just probably not in this movie.
So anyway, guess which comment got picked? Seriously, you'll never guess. Or maybe you will.
Isn't it great to live in a country where you have the right to voice an opinion about a shitty movie without being censored?
"Did you swear in your comment, Jason?"
No. What I mean is this proves that the people who made this movie knows it's pretty crappy but to maintain the publicity machine, they are only allowed to have "positive" comments on a freakin Myspace profile. Cause you know, Myspace is the home of positivness, and no drama what-so-ever.
So now I'm torn. Should I waste 8 of my hard earned money and see this movie in a theater? Or should I wait until DVD? And when it comes out on DVD, wait until it's considered an "old" release and just get it for free at my Blockbuster, which has a get three "new" release titles get an "old" one free deal going on? It depends. Anyone reading this, wanna see a movie on December 1st?
View the trailer here:
View the Myspace profile here:
www.myspace.com/theriseoftaj
Seriously, We Don't Need Another Hero
So I'm sort of addicted to the new show "Heroes". I was addicted to "Lost" but now they're going this whole other route with just focusing on Jack, Kate, and Sawyer with the "Others" while the main asshole Ben (Who I swear looks like a chubby Thom Yorke if he had his eye fixed) is being all mysterious and saying things like "We're the good guys" and "You'll be in a world of pain for the next two weeks." Blah, "Lost".
Where was I? Oh, right. Heroes.
I like this show because the Heroes are pretty entertaining. I like Hiro only cause I wish I could freeze time and travel around in time. And that Nikki chick is pretty hot, so is Claire but since she's jailbait, I have to focus my boner attention to Nikki. But the more I watch this show, the more problems I see with this show.
Like that Nikki chick. I guess her "power" is she has a violent alter ego, but isn't that just called multiple personality disorder? Shouldn't she be taking some medication for that?
And the dude with the glasses, Mr. Benette. He seems to have the ability to teleport himself cause one moment he's in Las Vegas, the next he's back home in Texas, then he's somewhere else. And what is up with this dude anyway? He might not be a bad guy perse but what the hell is his deal?
And finally, how come everybody in the world all of a sudden have some super powers? Today alone we were introduced to two, maybe three, more: a guy who can boil water with his hands and a waitress with a super memory. (Maybe that's why she's a waitress, she won't screw the order up and gets great tips?) And I'm guessing this one Indian kid can project his image or something, I dunno. The other week, we were shown that Nikki's son Micah has the ability to...I dunno fix broken telephones? I'm not sure.
Honestly Heroes, not everybody in the world needs to have some kind of super power. It was much more interesting when it was just 5 or 6 and they all had to save the world. If the entire world were super heroes, then there wouldn't be much danger and it'd just be like a boring show about super heroes. Like "Smallville."
Yep. I went there.
Where was I? Oh, right. Heroes.
I like this show because the Heroes are pretty entertaining. I like Hiro only cause I wish I could freeze time and travel around in time. And that Nikki chick is pretty hot, so is Claire but since she's jailbait, I have to focus my boner attention to Nikki. But the more I watch this show, the more problems I see with this show.
Like that Nikki chick. I guess her "power" is she has a violent alter ego, but isn't that just called multiple personality disorder? Shouldn't she be taking some medication for that?
And the dude with the glasses, Mr. Benette. He seems to have the ability to teleport himself cause one moment he's in Las Vegas, the next he's back home in Texas, then he's somewhere else. And what is up with this dude anyway? He might not be a bad guy perse but what the hell is his deal?
And finally, how come everybody in the world all of a sudden have some super powers? Today alone we were introduced to two, maybe three, more: a guy who can boil water with his hands and a waitress with a super memory. (Maybe that's why she's a waitress, she won't screw the order up and gets great tips?) And I'm guessing this one Indian kid can project his image or something, I dunno. The other week, we were shown that Nikki's son Micah has the ability to...I dunno fix broken telephones? I'm not sure.
Honestly Heroes, not everybody in the world needs to have some kind of super power. It was much more interesting when it was just 5 or 6 and they all had to save the world. If the entire world were super heroes, then there wouldn't be much danger and it'd just be like a boring show about super heroes. Like "Smallville."
Yep. I went there.
New Blog
Hola! So yeah, I get bored a lot and I tend to do things that I tend to regret later on. One of these things is created a blog for a B-Movie website. You may be familar with other things I've done while bored, such as the forum no one can be bothered with joining or participating.
"But Jason, why don't you advertise it more?"
Well, I have. A lot. I might have even gotten an entire Yahoo! group mad at me cause I said I was gonna stop posting in it so people can participate in the forum. But whatever. Now I got this blog thingy.
"What do you plan on doing with this?"
You're full of questions tonight. I plan on not only letting the people know of updates, but discussing and sharing cool things such as books I'm reading, other movies I saw, and provide with you fun links! Doesn't that sound awesome?
"That sounds like a rip off of "OddTodd.com".
You know what, get out of here! I'll admit that the links thing is inspired by Todd, because it's such a "coolio" idea, but I assure the essay writing and whatnot has been around for years. Plus I never claimed to be original anyway.
So thanks for coming, hope to hear from you in the future!
Enjoy!
-Jason
"But Jason, why don't you advertise it more?"
Well, I have. A lot. I might have even gotten an entire Yahoo! group mad at me cause I said I was gonna stop posting in it so people can participate in the forum. But whatever. Now I got this blog thingy.
"What do you plan on doing with this?"
You're full of questions tonight. I plan on not only letting the people know of updates, but discussing and sharing cool things such as books I'm reading, other movies I saw, and provide with you fun links! Doesn't that sound awesome?
"That sounds like a rip off of "OddTodd.com".
You know what, get out of here! I'll admit that the links thing is inspired by Todd, because it's such a "coolio" idea, but I assure the essay writing and whatnot has been around for years. Plus I never claimed to be original anyway.
So thanks for coming, hope to hear from you in the future!
Enjoy!
-Jason
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