Welcome to the first annual Invasion of the B-Movie awards "The Saucers" or "Saucys". I saw a batch of movies in the theaters in 2006 and I thought I'd give my own special awards to the ones I saw (and some that I didn't see). This is really just an excuse to praise and bitch & moan about movies I saw in theaters last year. Without further ado about nothing...
1. BEST COMEDY
I had a hard time picking just one, but after much thinking, I decided to go with:
The only two blah comedies I saw was Benchwarmers and Pink Panther. I didn't really like Benchwarmers cause I thought it was gonna be typical raunchy Rob Schneider faire, but it was just basically a kids movie, and I was a bit disappointed. But it wasn't as bad as this years winner, which is:
The Pink Panther
2. BEST DRAMA
I'm not into drama's all that much but I did see a few in 2006. The only one that stands out in my mind has to be:
The Da Vinci Code
Marie Antoinette. More on this later.
The best remake that I saw was:
Fun with Dick & Jane. Can't go wrong with Jim Carrey.
The Worst Remake I saw was:
The Pink Panther. Did this REALLY need to be made? What was wrong with the Peter Sellers version? I mean really?
Out of all the sequels I saw this year, the best one had to be:
Clerks 2. Pillow pants. And porch monkeys 4 life.
The WORST sequel had to be:
Final Destination 3. It was pretty much Parts 1 and 2...except called 3. It really didn't need to be made at all.
5. BEST MUSICAL
Between Idlewild, The Producers, and Tenacious D I had to go with my inner metal and pick:
Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny.
6. REALITY MOVIE
You know how there are reality TV shows? Well, there are also reality movies being made. I saw two of them and they both were pretty good. So in first place:
And in second place:
Jackass Number 2
7. DENZEL AWARD
Out of the two Denzel Washington movies that came out this past year, the best one had to be:
With Inside Man being a close second.
8. CRAZY ASS MOVIE AWARD
The award for the most crazy ass movie goes to
Crank. Plus Amy Smart is hot.
And now the big ones.
9. THE WORST MOVIE OF 2006 (That I saw)
This dubious honor goes to none other than
God, this movie is so fuckin boring. They had to show constant shots of Kirsten Dunst getting naked to keep some interest going. And apparently I missed a hot sex scene when I was in the bathroom banging my head against the wall trying to wake myself up. And it didn't end with her head being cut off. How do you make a bio pic of Marie Antoinette and not show her heat getting chopped off? That's like making a bio pic of Charles Manson but instead of showing him killing people, showing him in elementary school doing algebra.
10. THE BEST MOVIE OF 2006 (EVER!)
If you knew me at any point during 2006, this shouldn't be a surprise to you at all. Of course this grand award goes to:
SNAKES ON A (MUTHA FUCKIN) PLANE!!
Need I say more?
And now for the Special Mentions in Horribleness, I present to you:
Movies That Didn't Need To Be Made in 2006
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
The Omen Remake
Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
The people responsible for these movies will receive their awards in the mail in 3-5 weeks. Void where prohibited. Thanks for playing and look forward to another year of good and shitty-ass movies.