Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Bullet by Bullet Thoughts on Glee: Episode 2

A few months ago I was introduced to the horror of "Glee" during "American Idol". I just saw the cast ruin one of my favorite Journey songs and I wanted to cry. Later, looking into it, I saw they also performed "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse which is a highly inappropriate song to play on a show aimed at teenagers, ABOUT teenagers performing at a school function.

Don't get me wrong, I'm hardly offended. I'm just surprised such things were allowed to fly and it makes me wonder why this shit airs but good stuff like...crap all the shows I liked were taken off the air ten years ago. This goes to show you, there's no good shows on regular TV anymore besides "Lost" and "24". God help us.

Anyway, I wanted to actually sit down and watch a whole episode to see just how bad this show is and I've come to find out: it's not good and it's really offensive when it comes to it's portrayals of ethnic stereotypes and the handicap. With that done, let's do a bullet by bullet list of what I thought of episode 2 of "Glee".

-Before "Glee" I was watching the final minutes of "So You Think You Can Dance" and realize it's the anti-American Idol, where they only show the good people and condense all the bad people into 3 second clips. I was impressed with the good dancers though.
-Start of the show: the Glee teacher drives a car with the license plate "GLEE" on it. Imagine if all teachers had to do this, how many would read "GYM" or "SHOP" or "SEX". Actually, I did see one with "SEX" on it before. I should've stopped them and asked them if they did teach sex ed.
-I see Jane Lynch, the chick from "40-Year-Old Virgin" and "Role Models" is on this show. And now I see she was brought on cause she herself is funny and they needed at least one funny person on this show. But I can't stand her character, which I suppose is the point. The problem is they never establish WHY she hates the Glee people and wants them to fail so bad. She's such an over-the-top villian I'm surprised they didn't have her standing off on the side of the stage, laughing manically while cutting a sandbag to land on one of the performers.
-Hey, look, it's the Stereotype Club! We have: the Asian, the Sassy Black girl who I SWEAR TO GOD did that wave thing with her finger TWICE in this episode (another point about her in a minute), the gay dude, the handicap kid, the nerdy girl with the crush on the football jock, and the football jock. And of course the jock is dating a cheerleader and of course she's a bitch and of course she has a posse. I get the feeling it's already been brought'en.
-The teacher of these Glee people is named Mr. Shoe, short for Shuster. Why they can't just add the second syllable to his name is beyond me. It's like they wanted him to be the cool teacher so he needed a nickname. In that case, his name should've been Shoemeijisckowski or something.
-So Shoe is married and his sister-in-law is annoying as hell. Fuck, I'm 10 minutes into the show and I want every character to die a horrible death. Yes, the wife is annoying too. She's like a poor "Real Housewives of Whatever City" chick.
-Another annoying character: THE OCD Teacher. I like Monk when he's all OCD cause Tony Shaloub puts a comical spin on it. This lady puts an annoying spin on it. And the reason why she's OCD is real stupid: she fell into some cow shit. I'm sure it takes more than that to become OCD.
-Because Jane Lynch wants to get rid of the Glee club to build her multi-million dollar casino, she gives Shoe all kinds of problems, like the fact they only have 5 kids in the club and they need 12 or more. Of course there's a deadline or else Happy Gilmore's grandmother's house is sold.
-Shoe is going over songs to perform at the pep assembly happening sometime later that week and he wants to do "Le Freak", which as it was explained by songwriter Nile Rogers they're really saying "ahhhhh FUCK OFF", but changed it cause you couldn't name a song that in the 70's. Shoe insists disco is good but then since there's a stereotypical black chick there, he might as well do a rap song so he suggests, of all fucking songs "Golddigger" by Kanye West. Of course Black Chick is happy with this and snaps her fingers and stuff. God help me.
-Yes, they changed the lyrics, practically all of them. I don't even wanna talk about how they got around the "ass like Serena" thing, it pains me.
-Nerdy chick loves jock, jock is feeling things for nerdy chick cause he's not gettin any from Cheerleader chick cause she loves the Jonas Brothers. So much so that she formed a JoBro's Club, disguised it as a "chastity club" and they start humping balloons instead. I wish I was making that up.
-Jock has a "pre-mature" problem if you will, so to stay in control he thinks of the time he ran over a mailman with his car. Whatever helps.
-Shoe and his wife, who's pregnant, are forced by Shoe's Annoying-In-Law that they MUST get a fancy house, which Shoe can't afford on a teacher's salary. So he has to moonlight has the school's janitor. OCD Chick shows up and cleans a pencil sharpener for an hour. OCD and Shoe are about to make out when Shoe thinks of the time he killed that hobo with a hammer and leaves. Some other guy that we never met before saw this whole thing.
-It's time for the show at the assembly. Prior to this, Nerdy Chick tells the Glee People they're gonna do a different song since it's a known fact high schoolers are horny as hell so they perform, and again I'm not kidding:

This video might as well be the actual performace from the show. Of course the students loved it, the teachers not so much. Jane Lynch wanted Shoe to quit and have the Glee kid be her slaves or something but the Principal says he liked it but to please the parents, they can only perform songs about Jesus. And 99 Luftballoons. I don't get it either.
-Nerdy Chick is caught vomiting and OCD chick thinks she bulemic but she's not. This plot point is quickly dropped. Ok.
-At first I thought this was presented with no commercials cause I was cooking dinner while the show was on and my mac and cheese was burning. Thankfully, 20 minutes later, there was a commercial. My mac and cheese, however, didn't survive. Damn you "Glee".
-Shoe Wife goes to the doctors and it's discovered she's not pregnant, just crazy. Of course, she lies to Shoe about being pregnant and says it's a boy. Hey, now it's "Baby Mama" with a "High School Musical" thrown in. Only difference is I liked "Baby Mama".
-Jock and Nerdy Girl make out but he thinks of that mailman and runs away to clean up.
-Cheerleader chick, jealous, joins the Glee'ers so now we have an Ashley Tisdale. Hooray.
-Nerdy Chick is upset by this and sings Rhianna's "Take A Bow". I hate "Take A Bow". And this doesn't really fit into what's happening here cause the song is about Rhianna finding out her boyfriend cheated on her but he lied about it and she found out he lied. Maybe Nerdy Chick wants Jock to confess to cheating on Cheerleader? I dunno.

And with that, this episode ends. Ugh. And to prove my point, I offer the following picture, expertly done in MS Paint. Only the best for my blog:

Actually, Nerdy Girl is a combination of Vanessa Hudgens and that piano playin' chick from "High School Musical." Those not in the know, yes I did review "High School Musical" and it's sequel. God help me, I'm an expert.
-I will add that I was surprised at the performances on the show. I mean, every single actor on this show is great at lip syching! It's like they're singing! But not! Wow!!

Overall, I was involved with a musical when I was in high school and a football player was the lead. He was a super nice guy and a great performer. I was just a backup singer/dancer/"this guy sucks so we'll put in as far in the back as possible" but he did talk to me. So if this show is suppose to reflect how musical theater is like in real life, I give it a fail. Loser horns, GO!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious! I pretty much agree. Yet I continue to watch. I think you failed to mention (or if you did, at least allow me to underscore) that (a) each character is only allowed one dimension only, no depth allowed, and (b) the forced, over-stressed facial expressions (think: surprise!! woe... perplexed?? etc. etc. - straight out of a "how not to act" class) really make this show seem like it's being "directed to death".

That said, some of these cats can really sing very well (despite the lip synching we get on the TV), and of course the OCD red head teacher is actually fabulously hot underneath all of that 1-dimensional OCD character guise.

Review more episodes!