Sunday, October 02, 2011

Why We Need Video Stores Again

Earlier this week, my internet and cable went out for two whole days. Cable I can go without for a couple of days but you fuck with my Internet, be prepared to feel my wrath! Anyway, this left a lot of down time around here. Me, if I lived by myself, I could just immerse myself in my DVD collection for days, hell weeks if I had to. But since I live with a female who simply doesn't understand that it's cool I own a movie where Chuck Norris fights a zombie ("Silent Rage"), I had to turn to other means to entertain her.

So I went to Redbox. I got "Source Code" cause it was the only movie that didn't feature a former wrestler trying to be funny. I get home and turns out she doesn't want to see "Source Code" and by this point my Internet and Cable is turned back on. She goes to catch up on America's Next Top Runway Chef And Pregnant while I catch up on my interwebz. Apparently some major sports related stuff happened.

Anyway, I had to return "Source Code" and I went off to do that. My plan? Walk in to the McDonalds, and simply return it. Instead, I see some crackhead playing around with the screen while behind her was a lady and her kid waiting patiently. The crackhead turned around, said "Oh" and left. So the lady and the kid went up to the screen.

Hoping they wouldn't take forever, I wait patiently behind her. After 10 seconds, a dude walks in sees where I'm standing and proceeds to stand behind me. So to set the scene for you, two guys are simply standing in a McDonald's waiting to use 21st Century technology that YOU THE PEOPLE DEMANDED to return/rent a movie.

You know, people who demanded these Redboxes, there use to be these MAGICAL buildings called "video stores" where there had every movie, new AND old, in existence. And if you just wanted to simply return a movie, all you had to do was walk in, drop the movie in a slot, and leave. You didn't even have to dress up for the occasion.

But no. Now we're stuck standing around a fast food place while some lady and a kid can't make up their mind WHICH movie featuring a wrestler trying to be funny they want to rent. Jesus, are there THAT many? The kid wanted to rent "Insidious" and I said "Yeah, get that! It's good!" The lady shoots me a dirty look and says "NO! NO SCARY MOVIES FOR MY PRECIOUS JONATHAN!" And she proceeds to rent "The Chaperone".

Poor Jonathan.

So this lady is taking FOR FUCKING EVER to pick her damn movies and all I want to do is return this movie that I even didn't get to see. Finally, she's done picking her movies...but now she wants to use promo/coupon codes. Fuck me, man.

I don't get it. I mean why did we as a society let this happen? What's the fucking difference between leaving your house to go to a big building to get a movie and leaving your house to go to some store/fast food place to get a movie? Both scenarios require me putting pants on. Especially when I go into a McDonald's.

Anyway, once the lady was done, I spent all of 5 seconds returning my movie and on the walk home, I remembered the good ol' days when I rented movies from video stores. But I already had that memory. In conclusion: BRING BACK VIDEO STORES! DAMMIT!


Nick said...

This could have been a good "Deep Thoughts From Jason Soto"!

I've never used Redbox. I probably will never use Redbox. I think I've only seen a Redbox machine like... twice ever.

And that Chaperone trailer was one of the worst edited trailers I've seen. It's like they don't know what kind of tone the movie is. It changed every 5 seconds.

Dr. Blacksteed said...

The discount code people really get to me. I mean, I know about the recession, but it's a fucking dollar man. Pony up or move over.

Kev D. said...

I lived in Montreal before, and they still have good old fashioned video stores there... granted with Blockbuster shutting down ALL Canadian stores two weeks ago, I guess the rest will soon follow.

Honestly, FUCK Redbox.

Check your local library, mine has decent selection of movies, and hey, it's free.

Also... Silent Rage???? How can ANYONE not want to put that shit on STAT?!??!