Thursday, October 20, 2011
The Soto List: 6 Movies To Watch For A Halloween Party (Adult Version)
So the other day I gave you six awesome movies to watch if you're throwing a Halloween party and kids will be present. The last option on that list was for when the kids are gone. But now let's say you clearly imply you don't want kids there. Maybe you want to get sloppy drunk. Maybe you want to get stripper zombies. Maybe there's gonna be copious amounts of drugs around. Whatever, there are NO KIDS here. And you want to show six awesomely weird, fucked up horror movies.
1. So since this is an adults only party, things are gonna start a bit later. Probably around 7 or 8. You been drinking since maybe 11 that morning. You want to start the night off right but not freak anybody out quite yet. What do you start with?
Many people slam the ending, which I can understand cause if you apply it to the rest of the film, it makes no fucking sense. But there's gonna be some people who never seen this movie and they'll be hooked early on. I say just enjoy it for what it is: an awesome horror movie. That starts off with a chick masturbating. To her female friend. Yep.
2. Someone says to you "I want to see some WEIRD shit" or "Jason, you keep bragging that you have some fucking weird movies. I want to see one now!" You (if your name is Jason) say "Ok, you asked for it." And then you put on:
(AGAIN NOT SAFE FOR WORK! GET BACK TO WORK YOU LOAD!)
I don't have words.
3. Now that you showed them what's what, people either want to leave or want something a bit...lighter. It's probably almost midnight at this point, the cocaine just now kicked in, and you saunter up to your awesome DVD collection. After running your fingers across the DVD's you stop at:
This movie is fucking amazing. Again, a perfect midnight movie to watch at a Halloween party with a bunch of drunk coked up adults. It'll take their minds off "Bloodsucking Freaks" and when it's over, they'll be in good spirits again.
4. Then one of them, probably a female, talks about wanting a kid. I blame the booze, but whatever. You go "you want kids, huh?" So you show her this.
Sorry for all the French stuff. Yeah, you'll have to read subtitles but it'll be worth it. In case you don't know or didn't figure it out, "Inside" is about a pregnant chick who gets terrorized by a crazy bitch who wants to cut out the fetus and keep it. Yeah.
5. "YOU KNOW WHAT'S A FUCKED UP MOVIE?!" you scream for no reason, scaring everyone. They look at you kinda weird, especially since you keep chuckling to yourself. "This movie. It's almost 3AM. I can't think of a better time to watch..."
FEED HER!! FEED HER!!
6. The sun is almost up. People want to leave but you deadbolted the door, do one more line of coke, and go "NO! ONE MORE! Then you shall leave! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" You should look into where you got this coke. So what's the perfect movie to cap off this awesome night of fucked up terror?
I KICK ASS FOR THE LORD!
It's about 8 AM, some people have fallen asleep, others snuck out. You are in and out of consciousness. And before you truly pass out for 18 hours, you think to yourself "I had a kickass party. Boobs."