So if you spend any amount of time here, you know that I don't follow what you might call "good movies" or at least "mainstream" movies. All my attention goes to Andy Sidaris films or if they plan on remaking "Leprechaun" with Vern Troyer. (No, not yet.) But I do follow a lot of people and their blogs who talk about these "good mainstream" movies and I see titles and I wonder, based on the title and maybe a poster, what could that movie be about? Here, I figured I try to figure out what "We Need To Talk About Kevin" is about based on title, trailer, and poster. First, the title.
"We Need To Talk About Kevin".
I'm guessing there's a dude named Kevin. He did something that one or two people need to discuss. I'm assuming the thing Kevin did was pretty bad. Maybe he slept with someone's wife or killed someone. Maybe a black comedy? That'd be an awesome name for a black comedy. Like Vince Vaughn IS Kevin, a misunderstood middle aged man who appears to be a serial killer when his dates vanish but the truth is, he only dates women who are about to move so he'll never have to see them again. But when a woman shows up dead on his front lawn, that's when the dark hi-jinks ensue!
Ok! So show me Vince Vaughn!
Whoa! Ok then. Umm...Tilda Swinton, huh? And she's in bed next to a kid. Should I assume the kid is Kevin? Oh god, I don't even want to imagine what this movie COULD be about then. I mean she....nah, I'm not going there. I already got "A Serbian Film" on this site, I don't need MORE perverts coming here. Ok so...let's backtrack a bit. Tilda Swinton is a chick who might be Kevin's mother. I'm assuming Kevin is either dying of some disease like, I dunno, ADHD (That's a kid disease, right?) and she needs to talk about the kid before he dies? Or maybe, keeping with the dark comedy angle (cause really "We Need To Talk About Kevin" sounds like a fucking dark comedy to me, I'm sorry) everyone THINKS Kevin, as a kid, killed someone, but the kid who died got ADHD and blew up or something, thinking Kevin had something to do with it. I bet that's it! I actually like this movie better than the Vince Vaughn angle. Ok! Onto the trailer!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...WAIT! THIS IS A FUCKING HORROR MOVIE?!?!?! Why didn't anyone tell me it's a horror movie?! About a killer kid! I LOVE horror movies about killer kids!! So I guess Kevin is fucked up in the head for having Tilda Swinton as a mom and....JOHN C. REILLY? He makes horror movies now? WTF?! How have I not known this?! HORROR BLOGGERS you failed me!! Normally you're on this shit! I mean, clearly, the kid is a serial killer and Tilda is worried she'll be his next victim. And what the fuck, is Kevin a time traveler? How does he age but no one else does?? Dude!
So Will I See This Movie? FUCK YEAH! It's a horror movie about a killer kid! I'm on this shit, yo!!!
And that's how we play "What I Think It's About". If I'm wrong, well...tell me. But I know I'm not. That trailer is the creepiest fucking trailer ever. Best horror trailer ever!