"What?" I asked, not sure if I heard him right. Watching "I Was A Teenage Zombie" can do that to a fella.
"Can I come in, please? I promise I will explain."
Not finding a reason not to, I stepped aside and let the man on through. He looked around my apartment like he was trying to find something nice to say but he clearly thought I lived in a shit hole. Fuck him, I love my apartment.
"Sir-" Rick Springfield started to say.
"Call me Jason. I'm not in the army."
"Sir, am I correct in assuming you are the maintainer of a website called-" Rick paused, pulled out a notepad and thumbed it open. "Invasion of the B Movies?"
"Yeah. Why? Did someone complain about the images? It's just boobs."
"No. I'm going to need your help on a matter that is very important. What I am saying, Mr. Soto, is the United States of America needs your knowledge of bad movies to help save some lives."
"W-w-w-hat? Wait. Did Bill put you up to this? That fucker." I turned away and headed for my phone.
"I assure you I am serious. There has been a series of unexplainable deaths and they all center around one movie. I need to know if you know anything about it or if you are familar with the director."
"Man, Bill must really be pissed at me for all the pranks I pulled on him." I started dialing Bill's number.
"Do you know a director named T. Thomas F. Coltrane?", Rick Springfield (How could I have not realized this was a prank sooner) said, still reading from his notepad.
"No, I don't." Bill's phone was ringing. "How much did he pay you? He must've really saved up. Nice suit by the way."
"How about a movie titled 'The Horrible Tragic Life of Dr. Feet'?"
"Hello?" Bill answered.
I hung up the phone.
"What did you say?" I said slowly, not believing this.
"The Horrible Tragic Life of Dr. Feet. Heard of it?" Rick asked, closing his notepad.
"Not until earlier today. What does that movie have to do with anything?"
"What I'm about to tell you is strictly confidental. Three people have died mysteriously in the past two weeks. When their bodies were found, a copy of this Dr. Feet movie was in their DVD player. It would appear that the cause of death was suicide."
"So people are watching a movie, and when it's over...they kill themselves?"
"The first two people did. The third was a bit unusual. She finished the movie, then grabbed the nearest weapon and killed everyone in her household, then herself. I need to find the director of this movie because he is causing people to hurt themselves and others with his bad movie."
I sat down on my couch. I'm pale in most parts of my body but right now my face was joining various body parts. I looked up at Rick.
"I don't know who the director is. But I know where a copy of the movie is now."