Sunday, May 16, 2010
Jason on Jason: Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives
Z'Oh My God! This installment...I don't know what the dude that came up with this movie was thinking, in, on, or above when he came up with this movie. This movie is pretty much fucking retarded. Actually, it plays more like a spoof of a Jason. I don't even know.
Ignoring the ending of Part 5 where Tommy Jarvis went crazy, wore the Jason mask, and killed a girl, Tommy is riding in a truck with a friend named Ozzy and he's played by (hold on to your hocky masks for this) RON PALILLO! I watched this early in the morning so I had to convince myself I wasn't dreaming. But no. It's him.
Tommy is driving to Jason's grave "to make sure he's dead". Ozzy is there for the ride. They arrive at Jason's grave and I'm amazed that he got a gravestone made AND a coffin. You would think someone who got shot, stabbed, beat up, fell off high places, and drowned a shitload of times, they'd creamate him just to be on the safe side. And that's what Tommy is here to do, burn the body.
After digging the coffin up, during a thunderstorm, Tommy freaks out, grabs a metal pole from nearby and shoves it into Jason's body. This only happens so the next thing can happen: lighting hits the pole, re-animating Jason! Woo! Jason Zombie! And despite being dead all these years, his body held up rather well. Jason comes to life, kills Horshack, and is about to kill Tommy when Tommy runs away.
Tommy runs to the sheriff and tells him he bought Jason back to life. The sheriff doesn't believe him, knows he's Tommy Jarvis, and locks him up for the night. Meanwhile Jason is ready to start killing. Then I swear they spoof the James Bond opening by having Jason walk by in a circle, throws a machete, and the screen is covered in blood. Random parody for the win!
After the credit sequence, Jason starts killing. First it's two camp councilors heading to the new Camp Forest Green (Formerly Crystal Lake). The way these guys are killed is almost a parody. I swear the writer/director of this movie was writing a "Friday" spoof but it turned into an actual film in the series.
It's the next day and the sheriff is going to escourt Tommy to the county line and pretty much exile him. Before doing so, the sheriff's daughter and her friends come in. They're helping run the new Camp. Tommy goes on and on about Jason. Megan, the daughter, finds Tommy and his ranting attractive.
So the future victims all head to the camp and one thing that was presented in this movie that wasn't presented in any other movie was having kids at the camp. It seemed like the other movies either they were setting up to have the kids come or it was "dare we wonder by this area?"
There's also a weird scene where the Caretaker of the cemetary spots Jason's open grave. Realizing he'll get blamed for it (why?) he fills it back it, buring Horshack. Then the caretaker says "what do people think I am, a farthead?" Then it jumps to a scene with the kids yelling out "YEAH!!"
Was this written by those Friedman and Seltzer dudes? Jeez.
We also meet some office people roaming the woods, doing a paintball war game thingy. The dudes are being "killed" by a girl and one asshole isn't too happy about this. Thankfully, Jason comes along and teaches him some women's rights. Unfortuantely, he also kills the woman.
The sheriff is escourting Tommy to the borderline (My obsession with Jason falls on the borderline! Borderline!) but Tommy decides to prove he's right by going through the cemetary where...the old geezer already filled the hole. The caretaker denies the grave ever being open and the sheriff gets rough with Tommy. This is one long "I don't believe the guy that's right" set up.
It's later that night and one of the male councilors is getting it on with this annoying bitchy chick in an RV. Jason walks by and cause he hates sex, he cuts the lights off to the RV. The chick states she needs to get the RV back to her stepfather before he flips out and notices its missing. So I guess her stepfather is this guy?
Well, he's about to be even angrier. While dude and annoying chick are outside checking out why the power went out, Jason snuck into the RV. They go back in and while dude is driving like an asshole, Jason is killing the chick in the tiny ass bathroom. It's pretty funny actually. Then eventually, Jason kills the dude and the RV turns over. Jason stand atop the RV and yeah, this was suppose to be a spoof movie.
Some sideplot about an annoying little girl who can't sleep apparently happens and the other teenagers at the camp all get killed. Tommy, who was escourted to the borderline finally, just makes his way back. He gets some books on how to deal with the living dead (seriously) and has a plan.
The sheriff gets back and gets phone calls about all the dead bodies Jason's been leaving around and the sheriff thinks it's Tommy, so a manhunt begins for him. Megan finds out about the manhunt and when Tommy calls to talk to the sheriff (cause that worked swimmingly last time), he gets Megan and tells him she'll meet up with him to help.
Jason, meanwhile, shows up at the camp and slashes the rest of the teenagers. Megan picks up Tommy and they're about to go to the camp when the sheriff shows up with a roadblock. He handcuffs Tommy and locks him up when he gets a call about the RV murders. Even though Tommy was with Megan when it happened, sheriff locks Tommy up. But Tommy and Megan trick the deputy watching Tommy in letting him out.
The sheriff heads to the RV, then to the camp. Tommy and Megan also arrive at the camp and Jason and the sheriff meet head on. Before the sheriff can say "oh shit he was right" Jason kills him. Tommy is busy putting his plan in action. His big plan: Tie a chain around a boulder, then tie the chain around Jason and shove him into the lake.
Don't look at the screen like that, I didn't come up with that stupid plan.
Oddly enough, it sorta works. But Jason manages to strangle Tommy, Megan gets into the water and runs a motorboat propeller across Jason's face, which stops him, and oh Tommy didn't die. And the rock is holding Jason under the water. Why Jason doesn't just break the chains is anyone's guess. I mean they said early on when he came back from the dead, he was all different with superpowers. Hm, does that means Jason is...JESUS?? GASP!
Well, all recurrection aside, this movie was...weird. It was horrible and had tons of eye rolling moments but I enjoy those kind of things. I'll give to give this a middle of the road rating cause I enjoyed watching it but holy fuck was it stupid.