Saturday, May 21, 2011

Look At Me Being Serious!

I've known about this for a week now, but I had to be mum about it but silent no more! The LAMMY nominations have officially been announced on the latest episode of the LAMBcast (in which I'm on) and I'll go ahead and ruin one award nomination for you now:

I was NOT nominated Funniest Writer this year. I WAS nominated last year for Funniest Writer. I did NOT win, but I came in second. So this tells me one thing:

Since last year I've stopped being funny. Somewhere in the last year, I became a dead serious writer. I am now the LAMB equivilant to Ernest Hemingway. All I need is a turtleneck, some booze, and probably a gun or two. I always considered myself the Charles Bukowski of the LAMB, but apparently it was not meant to be.

So there will be some changes to Invasion of the B-Movies now that I'm considered "serious". 1-I will stop reviewing movies like "Peter Rottentail" and review movies like, I dunno, "Deep Passion" or "A Longing for Midnight", which might sound like pornos I'm aware but I'm told they're very serious movies. 2-I will change my name to fit my new serious role. Goodbye Jason Soto, Hello Lord Bosco Cunningham the Third! I'll make it a goal to get knighted within a year. 3-I will change the name of the website and the blog from "Invasion of the B-Movies" to "Totally Dead Serious Movie Reviews Of The Upmost Stature" 4-No more pictures of women's breasts. I won't even post pictures from the movies I review. Instead, I'll post pieces of art.

Even this is a bit scandalous, what with the clevage and that fuck-me smile.

And finally, no more writing while drunk or "medicated". I will only write when I'm clear headed and instead of writing about what happens IN the movie, I will give a long flowery description on what I think the movie is trying to say. For example:

"One can say Humprey Bogart's character of Rick is one of unpolite stature, but this is certainly not true. If you peel back the layer that is his tuxedo, you'll find a sad soul, just dying to release his angrish on the world over the loss of Ilsa. He wants to very much go on a rampage and prove his love for her, but alas he cannot! O'THOU Rick! CRY UNTO THY HEAVENS!!!!!"

And that's it. So expect these changes to happen in the next few weeks...after I win Best Horror Blog.
-Sir Bosco.


Fletch said...

First off - that video is awesome.

Second, it is with great joy that I read this post, Sir Bosco. I took great umbrage with your not receiving a Funniest Writer nomination, and I will write many strongly-worded letters to the appropriate parties to get this outrage amended, and rapidly. However, the news of your transformation smiles upon me like the sun shining down on the dew of a grassy field.

ABFL said...

HAHAHAHAHA! You said the Mona Lisa has a fuck-me smile! Goddamn! That's the brilliantest thing I ever heard. My current mission in life is to travel to the Louvre, walk up to the Mona Lisa, and say to whomever is standing next to me,"Would you look at the fuck-me grin on that broad?"