The Razzies Are Here!

Ladies and Gentlemen. It is that time. We honor the worst that Hollywood has offered in 2007. Everybody in the bad movie world was buzzing about what SHOULD be nominated. Some say Epic Movie should win Worst Picture. And some say it's Joel Schumacher time to win Worst Director. Sadly, none of these will happen.

I was going to stay up last night to see them freshly announced but since B-Fest kicked my ass this weekend I said "screw it". As usual, I will put my predictions in Italics and give a brief (HA! Like I do anything "brief") reason as to why or my thoughts about the matter. So without further ado, The Nominees Are!

WORST ACTOR
Nicolas Cage
GHOST RIDER, NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS and NEXT

Jim Carrey
THE NUMBER 23

Cuba Gooding, Jr.
DADDY DAY CAMP and NORBIT

Eddie Murphy (as Norbit)
Norbit

Adam Sandler
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
This is probably a given. There has never been a movie that I personally found offensive then Norbit, and I'm far from being easily offended. And plus the fact that this came out around the same time as Dreamgirls, where Eddie was given an Oscar nod should secure his chances of winning this.

WORST ACTRESS
Jessica Alba
AWAKE, FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER and GOOD LUCK CHUCK

Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos & Skyler Shaye
(A Four-for-One Deal!)
BRATZ

Elisha Cuthbert
CAPTIVITY

Diane Keaton
BECAUSE I SAID SO

Lindsay Lohan (as Aubrey)
I KNOW WHO KILLED ME

Lindsay Lohan (as Dakota)
I KNOW WHO KILLED ME
Man, Jessica Alba is getting slammed. And not in a good way. By me. (Hi Felicia!) Anyway, I have to give it up to the Bratz girls cause...well. Eh, I won't ruin it yet.

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Orlando Bloom
PIRATES OF THE CAROB-BEAN: AT WIT'S END

Kevin James
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY

Eddie Murphy (as Mr. Wong)
NORBIT

Rob Schneider
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY

Jon Voight
BRATZ, NATIONAL TREASURE 2, SEPTEMBER DAWN and TRANSFORMERS
Man, Jon Voight is getting slammed. And not in a good way. By me? (Ew. Hi again Felicia.) Anyway, as awful as Jon Voight was in Bratz, I still have to stick with what I said earlier and say it's Eddie's year. Hopefully this will teach him a lesson and he'll either stick to drama's or at least GOOD comedy. Beverly Hills Cop? 48 Hours? Come on, Eddie!

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Jessica Biel
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY and NEXT

Carmen Electra
EPIC MOVIE

Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia)
NORBIT

Julia Ormond
I KNOW WHO KILLED ME

Nicolette Sheridan
CODE NAME: THE CLEANER
But again, putting Eddie Murphy in a category for actresses is a bit unfair. Sure he was playing a woman but he's still a MALE playing a female. It really don't make sense. So I'm just gonna go with Carmen Electra cause I'm not sure what it is exactly she does, but I know she's not an actress. And plus Epic Movie SHOULD win something.

WORST SCREEN COUPLE
Jessica Alba & EITHER Hayden Christensen
(AWAKE)
OR
Dane Cook
(GOOD LUCK CHUCK)
OR Ioan Gruffudd
(FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER)

Any Combination of Two
Totally Air-Headed Characters
BRATZ

Lindsay Lohan & Lindsay Lohan
(as The Yang to Her Own Yin)
I KNOW WHO KILLED ME

Eddie Murphy (as Norbit) & EITHER Eddie Murphy (as Mr. Wong)OR Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia)
NORBIT

Adam Sandler & EITHER Kevin James OR Jessica Biel
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
This category gave me a headache. There's so much going on and so many fuckin' people being nominated at the same time. So what I THINK is going on is Jessica Alba (who is being slammed AGAIN, she must be getting sore by now) is either gonna win for teaming up with Young Anakin, Dane Cook, or That Dude With The Weird Name. So I'm gonna go with her and Weird Name Guy cause just looking at the trailers for The Fantastic Four (The original AND the sequel) makes me wanna punch something.

WORST REMAKE OR RIP-OFF
Are We Done Yet?
(Remake/Rip-Off of MR. BLANDINGS Builds his Dream House)

Bratz
(A Rip-Off If Ever There Was One!)

Epic Movie
(Rip-Off of Every Movie it Rips Off)

I Know Who Killed Me
(Rip-Off of HOSTEL, SAW and THE PATTY DUKE SHOW)

Who's Your Caddy
(Rip-Off of Caddy Shack)
I didn't know which one to pick. As awful as Epic Movie is, it is a spoof movie, so it's suppose to rip-off different movies at the same time. And I'm gonna be honest here, I dunno what Bratz is suppose to be ripping off. Unless they mean, like, seeing the movie is a rip-off cause it sucks? But that don't make sense. Maybe I just don't understand it. If someone wants to explain it to me, let me know. In the meantime, I'm sticking with Who's Your Caddy cause this was offensive to black people and I'm not even black.

WORST PREQUEL OR SEQUEL
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem

Daddy Day Camp

Evan Almighty

Hannibal Rising

Hostel: Part II
Ok, why isn't Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer mentioned here? This whole thing is starting to sound shaky to me. And didn't AVP: Requiem JUST come out like...three weeks ago? Oh well, I'm going with the one that SHOULDN'T have even existed to begin with.

WORST DIRECTOR
Dennis Dugan
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY

Roland Joffe
CAPTIVITY

Brian Robbins
NORBIT

Fred Savage
DADDY DAY CAMP

Chris Siverston
I KNOW WHO KILLED ME
Ok I'm gonna mention this now. What's with all the hate for "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry"? Are the folks at the Razzies homophobes or something? I'm telling you all this now. If next years group of nominations don't make sense, then I'm giving up on this whole thing and fuckin' doing my own. So to all of you reading this, start paying attention cause I'm gonna call on you to pick your own worst of 2008! Anyway, this is my choice just to keep picking on "Norbit".

WORST SCREENPLAY
Daddy Day Camp
Screenplay by Geoff Rodkey and David J. Stem & David N. Weiss

Epic Movie
Written by Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer

I Know Who Killed Me
Written by Jeffrey Hammond

I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Screenplay by Barry Fanaro and Alexander Payne & Jim Taylor

Norbit
Screenplay by Eddie Murphy & Charles Murphy
and
Jay Sherick & David Ronn
So...wait a minute? Eddie teamed up with his brother to write this horrible movie, but they needed help so they dragged in two other guys? Yeah...that sounds about right.

Ok now, I saved these two for last because this is where YOU, my friend the reader, come in. Every year I just announce the list of Razzies, then the winners and that's it. This time, which is why I'm even bothering with all of this to begin with, I'm gonna do something different. I'm actually gonna watch, and review, two of these movies, one from each category, and YOU!!!!!!! get to pick which ones!!

First, the nominees & my picks.


WORST PICTURE
Bratz

Daddy Day Camp

I Know Who Killed Me

I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

Norbit

WORST EXCUSE FOR A HORROR MOVIE
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem

Captivity

Hannibal Rising

Hostel: Part II

I Know Who Killed Me

I chose these cause horror movies is my thing (well I don't really have a "thing" but if I did, it'd be horror movies) and Worst Picture cause, well, it don't get any worst then this. At least that's what I thought before I saw the nominations.

First, I was gonna save this for a surprise for when the time came, but since it got picked for Worst Picture I'm gonna have to just announce it now. Somewhere down the line, I was gonna do a review of "Bratz" anyway. I got that movie for my 11-year-old sister for Christmas and I ended up watching it with her and Dear-FUCKING-Lord is it awful. So I'm gonna take it off the list, cause why pick a movie that I'm gonna review ANYWAY and not have a special Razzie review or whatever? So that's gone.

Also, looking at the list, I really don't agree with some of it. I mean is "Chuck & Larry" really THAT bad? Is it really WORST than Norbit? So, since I probably might end up liking it, or think it's not THAT bad, I'm gonna remove it from the poll also.

AND (I know! I know! Don't kill me!) since "I Know Who Killed Me" was nominated in both Worst Picture AND Worst Horror Movie, I'm gonna take THAT off the list and keep it in the Horror Movie category. Why should you guys pick the same movie in two categories? Get what I'm saying? I hope so, I'm still tired from B-Fest.

So that leaves only "Norbit" and "Daddy Day Camp". I know, that leaves only two. What I'm gonna do is, throw in three movies that I THINK shoulda got picked for Worst Picture, since the damn Razzie people fucked up. Those three movies are:
Delta Farce (This one somehow got away from the Razzies. I dunno how.)
Epic Movie (What am I doing to myself?)
Code Name: The Cleaner (I was kinda struggling to pick a third and I figured, what the hell?)

Oh and I probably never mentioned this but you CAN vote for the same thing as many times as you want. So if you really want me to suffer through Norbit and see that it's losing, vote for it again. I won't know, or even care. In my last poll, I saw that there were only 11 votes total. And I find that depressing. I don't wanna turn emo. I'm sure I look horrible in eyeliner. Although I already do wear a lot of black...

Anyway, time to vote! I'm gonna keep the poll on a seperate page since it looked all awkward here on Blogger. If it doesn't work or wanna work, let me know and I'll do something about it.

Worst Picture Poll

Worst Horror Movie Poll

Finally, you're probably wondering why I don't just, like, review ALL the movies. For a few reasons.
1. Albert at The Agony Booth is doing ALL the movies, and I don't wanna rip his idea off. Yeah, I'm SORT OF ripping it off, but at least I'm only doing two categories and one movie from each of those, AND making up my own nominees to boot. How's THAT for originality?
2. I really don't have that much free time, honestly. I work 5 days a week and when I get home I'm tired and believe it or not, somedays I don't feel like watching a movie. Plus I got a few other things going on at the same time, which will be revealed in the weeks to come. Yay or something.

The winners won't be announced until Saturday, February 23rd, in the morning. So I'll end my poll either that Thursday night or Friday morning. I'll announce which two won and will be spending that weekend reviewing them.

Thanks for reading ALL of this. Sorry it was so long.





(That's what she said.)
-Jason