Saturday, February 21, 2009

The Razzie "Winners"

They finally announced the "winners" of the 2008 Razzie Award. As usual, they set their sights on two or three films and just let them have it. Below are the nominees, the stuff in italics are what I picked, the stuff in bold is what won.

Worst Picture:
Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans
The Happening
The Hottie and The Nottie
In The Name of The King:A Dungeon Siege Tale
The Love Guru
I'm cool with me not getting this one right, I had a hard time picking which movie SOUNDS worse. Of course I'm gonna know myself next week. Unless I kill myself now. Which I'm considering.

Worst Actor:
Larry the Cable Guy-WITLESS PROTECTION
Eddie Murphy-MEET DAVE
Mike Myers-THE LOVE GURU

Al Pacino-88 MINUTES and RIGHTEOUS KILL
Mark Wahlberg-THE HAPPENING and MAX PAYNE
Hey I got one! He really should branch out a bit and stop playing the same character (Someone with a weird accent that does weird things with his feet) over and over again.

Worst Actress:
Jessica Alba-THE EYE and THE LOVE GURU
The Cast of THE WOMEN
(Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Meg Ryan)
Cameron Diaz-WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS
Paris Hilton-THE HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE
Kate Hudson-FOOLS’ GOLD and MY BEST FRIEND’S GIRL
Hey I got two! Maybe she'll stop appearing in movies now!

Worst Supporting Actor:
Uwe Boll (as Himself)-Uwe Boll’s POSTAL
Pierce Brosnan-MAMMA MIA!
Ben Kingsley-THE LOVE GURU, WAR, INC. and THE WACKNESS
Burt Reynolds-DEAL and IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE
Verne Troyer-THE LOVE GURU and Uwe Boll’s POSTAL
Ack, three out of four so far! Could I...really be getting a handle on this finally? Maybe I should start going to Vegas and picking winners on....something.

Worst Supporting Actress:
Carmen Electra-DISASTER MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS
Paris Hilton REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA
Kim Kardashian-DISASTER MOVIE
Jenny McCarthy-WITLESS PROTECTION
Leelee Sobieski-88 MINUTES and IN THE NAME OF THE KING
Aw damn. Seriously, if Paris won, Kim shoulda won too, since they have SOOOO much in common. (Do I really need to list what here?)

Worst Screen Couple:
Uwe Boll & ANY Actor, Camera or Screenplay
Cameron Diaz & Ashton Kutcher-WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS
Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore-HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE
Larry the Cable Guy & Jenny McCarthy-WITLESS PROTECTION
Eddie Murphy IN Eddie Murphy-MEET DAVE
I dunno, as much as I don't like Paris Hilton "acting" I think Larry The Cable guy should stop as well. And if the Razzie's aren't gonna tell him to stop, who or what will?

Worst Director:
Uwe Boll-1968: Tunnel Rats, In The Name Of The King and Postal
Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer-DISASTER MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS
Tom Putnam-THE HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE
Marco Schnabel-THE LOVE GURU
M. Night Shyamalan-THE HAPPENING
Got another one! I knew they'd give it to Senor Boll this year. Even if they already made up a category just for him.

Worst Screenplay:
Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans-Both Written By Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
The Happening-Written By M. Night Shyamalan
The Hottie And The Nottie-Written By Heidi Ferrer
In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale-Screenplay By Doug Taylor
The Love Guru-Written By Mike Myers & Graham Gordy

Yet again, I'm good with either.

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off, or Sequel:
The Day The Earth Blowed Up Real Good (The Day The Earth Stood Still)
Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans
Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull
Speed Racer
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
UUUUGHH!!! NO! I promised I would let the anger die I promis-WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL??? THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!!!! IT WAS A FINE MOVIE!!! I DON'T GET WHY EVERYONE IN THE FUCKING WORLD HATES THIS MOVIE!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE???????
Ok...sorry. I stepped away from my computer, did some breathing. I'm fine. I'm fin-LEAVE INDIANA JONES ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!

Worst Carrer Achievement:
Uwe Boll (Germany’s Answer to Ed Wood)-Only nominee.
Nothing to say here.

So I got five out of nine! Hey, that's not bad! And as usual, the big "winners" just happen to be the ones you guys voted on. I saw on the Razzie site you can sign up to be a member to vote on which films should win or whatever. I'm totally thinking about it.
-Jason

PS: Sorry about the Indiana Jones rant. I honestly swear that's the last time I'm gonna mention it. Hopefully now that we got a whole new year ahead of us, we can just go our seperate ways. There ain't no good guy, there ain't no bad guy, there's just you and me and we just disagree.

2 comments:

Adam Blank said...

I stopped caring about The Razzie's a long time ago. Maybe at one point they gave out their awards for the worst movies, but all they do now is pick on one or two people. I remember a few years back, they gave out lots of awards to John Waters's Cecil B. Demented. That's ridiculous.

However, although I haven't seen all the sequels & remakes listed, Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls was a really bad movie and deserves nothing but scorn.

Alex said...

I thought Crystal Skull was pretty good- not great but all around it's a really fun movie. I don't know why everyone made such a big deal about it ruining their childhoods or whatever.

And I refuse to believe it was worse than Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Clone Wars. I don't need to watch those movies to know a miscarriage of justice has happened here. Sigh. Righteous Kill should have been nominated more times than it was, I think.