Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Razzie Post #3: The Love Guru

And with this review, I am done with the Razzies for another year. "The Love Guru" came in the mail today and my lovely fiancee Felicia said "Oh I've always wanted to see that." There hardly comes a time when we get to watch a bad movie together so I jumped at this opportunity and we watched it together.

"Love Guru" not only stars Mike Meyers, as Guru Pitka, but he also co-wrote and produced as well. A lot of the jokes in the movie you've seen in other Mike Meyer's films.

The basic plot is a hockey player, named Roanoke (played by the black dude from "The 40-Year-Old-Virgin") is having a rough time cause he broke up with his girlfriend Prudence. She's now banging Justin Timberlake, who's playing a French Canadian with a large dick. Honestly, he's got a large dick. Anytime they show him, they make a reference to his large dick.

So Jessica Alba, the owner of the team, and the tiny Coach Vern Troyer, hire Pitka to fix Roanoke's love life. From this point, there's a lot of words that stand for something (kinda like what Gary Busey does) and a lot of crude jokes about dicks, farting, pooping, spiting, and just fucking in general.

And of course Pitka falls for Alba, but he can't do anything about it cause of his chastity belt. Basically what it comes down to is Roanoke needs to get back with his girl AND stand up to his mom, played by the aunt from "Family Matters". And just when he gets the girl AND stands up to his mom, here come French J.T to make things worse by referencing his huge dong, which ruins Roanoke's last shot. Pitka realizes the only thing to save the game is...have two elephants fuck right on the ice.

I...wish I never typed that sentence in.

Anyway, this movie really isn't that bad. It's just kinda dumb and it's full of jokes you've seen before. And there are celebrities galore in this movie. There's:
Jessica Simpson
Val Kilmer
Mariska Hargitay (which is a running joke throughout the movie cause instead of saying hello or good bye, Pitka says Mariska Hargitay over and over again)
Kayne West
and finally Mike Meyers.

Yes, he cameos in his own movie. I'm serious.

The funniest part was probably the announcers played by Stephen Colbert and Jim Gaffigan. But that's probably cause they're funny on their own. As I said, this movie really isn't bad. I've seen worse (Norbit for example) but I could probably go the rest of my life without seeing this again.

I did leave out the singing. A lot of popular songs are turn "indian" style for some reason. Like "9 to 5", "More Than Words", and at the end of the movie "The Joker" by Steve Miller Band. I guess this is why the soundtrack needed it's own Myspace page.


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