Shortastic Episode 3

"Dad, Can I Borrow The Car?" Part 2

In this second part, Kurt Russell goes to the DMV, takes his drivers test, and then gets lectured by his dad. More weird images and "hilarious" jokes ensue. The third part, which will not be riffed, can be seen here.

Intro: Jason recaps the first part.
End: Cokie sets up a driving simulator for Jason, who doesn't think he'll be driving for real anytime soon.



Enjoy!
-Jason

Best of Horror Week: Barn of the Naked Dead

This movie frustrated the hell out of me when I watched it last month. All the main girl had to do was simply lift up the chain from around her neck and she'd be free. But NOOOO!!!! Oh well, I suffered through it anyway and now here is "Barn of the Naked Dead".
-Jason

New Review: Peter Rottentail

So the review is about a week late. I'm sorry for that. Last week was The Lair and then work and then the whole thing about the world might be coming to an end. Honest... I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

Peter Rottentail

Anyway, I'll probably be going back to doing reviews whenever for now until things simmer down. Thanks for understanding!
-Jason

Horror Thursday: Fright Night

It's Thursday, which means it's Horror Thursday, which means it's time for a horror movie review written by me to be posted at "Man, I Love Films".

This week, I take a look at the original "Fright Night" to prepare for the remake coming out this summer. Enjoy!
-Jason

Best of Horror Week: The BTK Killer

Something we need to finish up. My friend Mary told me about this serial killer called The B.T.K Killer. When I was looking into it, I saw a whole bunch of movies were made about the guy. So me and Mary were gonna take a look at them and she was going to tell us what the movies got wrong. In this installment, Mary wasn't able to join me so I posted the review. There's still one more movie, which we'll have to take on some day.

So here is "The BTK Killer". Enjoy!
-Jason

Best of Horror Week: Zombiez

Continuing my week long celebration of my favorite horror movie reviews, we go back to October 2010. I was running a month long blogathon called "Zombie Month" (Very imaginative, I know) and to cap off the month, I took on a movie called "Zombiez", with a Z to give it street cred.

This is easily in my top 5 worst movies I've ever seen, so it was a lot of fun to write about. Please enjoy "Zombiez".
-Jason

Best Of Horror Week: Ax'Em

Has everybody (should) know by now, I have been nominated for Best Horror/Sci-Fi blog in the 2011 LAMMY Awards. To sort of showcase how this came to be, all week long I'll be revisting some reviews from the past that I enjoyed and I'm sure other people did as well.

First up, "Ax'Em"! Oh, "Ax'em" you are so near and dear to my massive heart. I didn't think a time travel horror movie was possible but you showed me the errors of my ways. Please enjoy my review from August 2010.
-Jason

Look At Me Being Serious!

I've known about this for a week now, but I had to be mum about it but silent no more! The LAMMY nominations have officially been announced on the latest episode of the LAMBcast (in which I'm on) and I'll go ahead and ruin one award nomination for you now:

I was NOT nominated Funniest Writer this year. I WAS nominated last year for Funniest Writer. I did NOT win, but I came in second. So this tells me one thing:

Since last year I've stopped being funny. Somewhere in the last year, I became a dead serious writer. I am now the LAMB equivilant to Ernest Hemingway. All I need is a turtleneck, some booze, and probably a gun or two. I always considered myself the Charles Bukowski of the LAMB, but apparently it was not meant to be.

So there will be some changes to Invasion of the B-Movies now that I'm considered "serious". 1-I will stop reviewing movies like "Peter Rottentail" and review movies like, I dunno, "Deep Passion" or "A Longing for Midnight", which might sound like pornos I'm aware but I'm told they're very serious movies. 2-I will change my name to fit my new serious role. Goodbye Jason Soto, Hello Lord Bosco Cunningham the Third! I'll make it a goal to get knighted within a year. 3-I will change the name of the website and the blog from "Invasion of the B-Movies" to "Totally Dead Serious Movie Reviews Of The Upmost Stature" 4-No more pictures of women's breasts. I won't even post pictures from the movies I review. Instead, I'll post pieces of art.

Even this is a bit scandalous, what with the clevage and that fuck-me smile.

And finally, no more writing while drunk or "medicated". I will only write when I'm clear headed and instead of writing about what happens IN the movie, I will give a long flowery description on what I think the movie is trying to say. For example:

"One can say Humprey Bogart's character of Rick is one of unpolite stature, but this is certainly not true. If you peel back the layer that is his tuxedo, you'll find a sad soul, just dying to release his angrish on the world over the loss of Ilsa. He wants to very much go on a rampage and prove his love for her, but alas he cannot! O'THOU Rick! CRY UNTO THY HEAVENS!!!!!"

And that's it. So expect these changes to happen in the next few weeks...after I win Best Horror Blog.
-Sir Bosco.

The Lair of the Unwanted #17: Word To Your Mother!

Happy belated Mother's Day!

In this episode, Jason and Nolahn are joined by their favorite Mom Rachel from "Rachel's Reel Reviews" and the new head of the LAMB. To celebrate Mother's Day, they take on "Lifetime" movies. First up is the Leighton Meester film "Haunting of Sorority Row". Then the Chad Lowe medical thriller "Acceptable Risk".

Also in this episode, Rachel talks about being the head of the LAMB, Nolahn discusses his May Sweeps blogathon going on at Bargin Bin Review, and finally Jason announces he is the horror contributor for the new website Man, I Love Films.

And finally, Jason and Nolahn introduce their new contest! The contest: YOU, the listener, get to program the October episode of The Lair! All you need to do is email us at thelairunwanted@gmail.com telling us what theme you'd like to see us cover, and two movies fitting that theme. This is running from now until August, you can send in as many entries as you want but do them ONE AT A TIME, and they can ONLY be emailed. Any posted on the Facebook page will not be considered. Any other questions can be emailed to the same email address. Thanks and good luck!

Horror Thursday: Martyrs

By now you all probably know, but in the off chance you're not on Facebook, don't listen to any podcasts, and maybe live in a cave somewhere, here you go.

Dylan Fields and Kai Parker, who each had their own blog, shut them down to join forces and create a new website called "Man, I Love Films"! It's a website that's going to be a one-stop shop for anything movies...including horror.

Now, Dylan doesn't like horror movies and Kai doesn't review movies, so they've asked me if I could contribute to their site as their horror guy on the new site and I said yes! So every Thursday, I'll have a new horror movie review up, starting this Thursday.

What's the first movie I decided to review? Why, "Martyrs" of course! So check out my review over at "Man, I Love Films" and leave a comment, why don't ya?
-Jason

Programing Notes For The Week

Sorry it's been kinda quiet around here. Stuff's been brewing up behind the scenes here, some of which I can share with you in a day or two. In the meantime, I'm here to let you know that there won't be a "Shortastic" this week because I have a lot of catching up to do.

In between me catching up on the new "Doctor Who" episodes, I got one last movie to watch for the Lair, which hasn't come in from Netflix yet and the movie I'll be reviewing on Friday, which also hasn't come in yet.

But I'm also going to be a podcasting fool! Tomorrow night I'm recording a SPECIAL episode of the LAMBcast. Then we do the Lair on Wednesday. Then ANOTHER LAMBcast on Saturday. Me and Nolahn was suppose to do The MILFcast next Sunday, but Heather had to grow up and get a job and now getting all four of us together is almost as impossible as gathering four broken pieces scattered across the world. Maybe Indiana Jones can get us all together. Before the Nazi's do.

Oh, and I was going to have an awesome review of "Jason Goes To Hell" for Friday the 13th, but Blogger decided to be a dick and be down for THREE FUCKING DAYS! So you have them to thank for that.

So stay tuned tomorrow or Tuesday for a special announcement, which shall change the world FOREVER!*
-Jason

*Might not really change it forever. Maybe just for a day or two. If that.

Shortastic Episode 2

"Dad, Can I Borrow The Car?" Part 1

Short: In one of the strangest shorts ever, Kurt Russell tells us that he loves cars and he's been obsessed with cars since he was born. He does all sorts of things involving driving, including taking a driving class, which doesn't work out too well. The images surrounding this include things David Lynch would come up with while high on every drug in the world.

Intro: Cokie wants Jason to learn how to drive and get a car, so he makes him watch the short.
Ending: Since the short is a bit long (I know, right?) it'll be split up into two parts and Jason teases us on what's to come in Part 2.



Enjoy!
-Jason

My Life In Movies: The Horror Edition

So there's a blog-a-thon going around where everyone is listing all their favorite movies that came out each year they been alive. There's been some good ones and I wanted in on the fun so I decided to go ahead and do an all-horror version, since I'm sort of known as the Horror guy on the LAMB. (Yes, the ONLY Horror guy. Don't bother looking it up, I'm right.)

Here we go:

1980-Friday the 13th (Of course)
1981-An American Werewolf in London
1982-Basket Case (The first movie I ever gave 5 stars to!)
1983-Sleepaway Camp
1984-A Nightmare on Elm Street
1985-The Re-Animator
1986-House
1987-Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (GARBAGE DAY!)
1988-Slugs
1989-Parents (This really was a crappy year for horror. I only seen this once but from what I saw, I was impressed.)
1990-Darkman
1991-Popcorn
1992-Army of Darkness/Dr. Giggles (I had to make this a tie cause I like both but for different reasons)
1993-Leprechaun
1994-The Stand (Can you believe I couldn't find a theatrical horror movie for 1994?)
1995-Seven (To everyone that put "Seven" on their list, congratulations, we have one in common now!)
1996-Scream
1997-Jack Frost (A snowman fucks Shannon Elizabeth to death. Why wouldn't you love this?)
1998-The Faculty
1999-The Blair Witch Project/Idle Hands (Another tie.)
2000-Final Destination (What ever happened to Devon Sawa?)
2001-Jeepers Creepers (And we're back into the shit. But there's a lot I haven't seen yet, like I hear "Session 9" is really good.)
2002-May
2003-High Tension
2004-Dawn of the Dead (Remake)
2005-Feast
2006-Slither
2007-Trick R'Treat/[REC]/Inside/Grindhouse (Holy fuck, this was a GREAT year for horror! Four-way tie for the win!!)
2008-Cloverfield
2009-Paranormal Activity (I could've been at the first screening of this in L.A. ARRGH!)
2010-Frozen

And that's it. To read everyone elses list, go here to Fandango Groovers and check them all out.
-Jason

Shortastic Episode 1

"Let's Make A Sandwich (1950)"

Short: Back in the golden era (the 50's), people weren't as smart as they are today. Many different companies knew this so they set out to educate their stupid customers by teaching them how to do simple basic things, like making sandwiches. Here, a Gas Company hires two women (obviously the men are busy doing man things like golfing, bowling, or working) to stay in a kitchen all day and make a sandwich so full calories that it's a wonder everyone in the 50's just didn't drop dead. Actually, this sandwich is completely gross, which would explain the survival rate.

Opening: Jason introduces the show. Cokie isn't has excited.
Closing: Disgusted by the sandwhich in the short, Jason sets off to make his own sandwich, which might be even more gross?



Enjoy!
-Jason

Prelude

FACT: In 1988, a TV show called "Mystery Science Theater 3000" was created.

FACT: In 1994, I discovered said show and fell in love with it.

FACT: In 1998, I discovered the internet for the first time.

FACT: In 2001, I discovered a trading post where you can trade episodes of the show. My love grew deeper.

FACT: In 2002, I discovered people like me were making their OWN MST3K shows, called "Fan videos". There was a huge underground movement and I wanted in.

FACT: In 2003, I created my own MST3K fan video, titled "B-Movie Central 5000". To those of you who watch "Jason Made A Video", this is where I created Cokie.

FACT: I did this fan video for 2 years, on and off. I've done 17 episodes, 3 holiday specials, and all-shorts special. A lot of my friends helped me on a few episodes with writing and performing.

FACT: This video right here is from 2005. The trailer was on the videotape of a movie I used for a BMC5K episode. I normally didn't tape/riff on the trailers but I wanted to test the audio/video cause I changed a few things and wanted to make sure it work. I ended up liking the outcome and kept it in the episode. Later, a friend would isolate this trailer for me and now here it is:



FACT: I stopped doing BMC5K in 2008 before I moved to Central Indiana and I haven't riffed since....

FACT: ...UNTIL NOW!!!!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, I will be putting "Jason Made A Video" on hiatus for this new endevor where I thurst myself back into the riffing world. Ladies and gentlemen, in 24 hours or less, I will be posting the debut episode of "Shortastic"!

What is "Shortastic"? "Shortastic" is a MST3K-style show where I (and Cokie) will be riffing on short films that I find on Youtube or other places. Many, if not all, the shorts will/should be public domain and the standard episode will be 10 minutes if not more. So all you anti-long video people out there, you'll just have to get over it.

FACT: This is the end of the post. See you guys tomorrow!
-Jason