Remembrances of Video Stores Gone By

The year is 1987. I move into an apartment above a bar. Thinking back on it, it's like in Westerns where you could rent a room and the room would just have a bed and a sink to wash up in and that was it. The apartment was sorta like that, rented out to all the drunkards that frequented the bar below...and my Mom who was a waitress/bartender there.

Anyway, the street this bar was on was a very busy street. All along that block was a jewelry store, a small Chinese restaurant, a check cashing place (You know you live in the ghetto if your block has a check cashing place), and last but not least a small video store.

My mom LOVES movies, any kind of movies. Comedies, romances, dramas, sci-fi, action, and yes some horror. Since I was 7 at this time, she had to be careful with the movies she'd get but all thanks to her and this video store, I seen such great movies as "Rear Window", all three "Star Wars", "Die Hard", "Terminator 2", and a whole shitload of movies I'm sure many people probably don't remember. Like "The Bedroom Window" which was like "Rear Window" but with Steven Guttenberg. Yes, I promise you this movie really exists, I've seen it roughly 10 thousand times.

Anyway, this video store, in my 7-13 year old mind, was FUCKING AWESOME! The instant you walk in, off to your right, was the horror section. And it took up most of the store. Next to that was the comedy section. I spent most of my days between these two sections. Here, I saw both versions of "The Fly" (Yes, I saw Cronenberg's "Fly" when I was like 10 years old. I know ADULTS who can't handle that shit. And THIS is why I have a tough guy image.), both "Airplane" movies, "A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3", and "Police Academy".

I loved this video store. It had every movie, a new release every week. It was awesome. Then, of course, it closed around 1993 and I was sad. It didn't matter cause the next year we moved and I found another video store. This video store...had an adult section in the back! OOOH!! I couldn't wait to be 21 to FINALLY go back there! Until then, my Dad's old Playboys would have to do.

This new video store was neat because in order to rent the videos you had to take these magnets up to the counter. And for each movie, there were two magnets: one for VHS and the other for Beta! Yeah! Remember Beta! I was like "WTF is Beta?" and I always would forget which magnet was for which (it was color coded, Blue for VHS and Red for Beta...I think) and I'd end up with a Beta. Yada yada yada, we had to buy a new VCR and we owed the store some money.

And one final memory: the reciept. It wasn't a small piece of paper. It was this HUGE GIANT DOT MATRIX paper thing. God, how many of those I found in my room when I moved in 2000.

Watching the video Matt posted at "Chuck Norris Ate My Baby" made me think about all this and how awesome video stores were. It really is a shame they had to close to make way for Netflix and Redbox. Honestly, nothing beats going into a giant store just full of movies and looking at each one, wondering how awful it is, maybe it'll be great, or remembering the good times you had watching these movies. If I had 3 wishes, one of them would be to take me back to the good old days of video stores galore.

The other two I'd just wish for booze and naked chicks.
-Jason

Invasion of the B Movies TV #1: Murder Weapon

The first episode of my video review series. Two things:
1. I keep saying the name of the movie is "Murder WeaponS" instead of "Weapon". This was a mistake I wasn't aware of until I was editing. I didn't feel like reshooting those parts over, so it's a mistake I can live with.
2. I found out the proper way to say Linnea and I said it the wrong way. So another thing I'll just have to live with.

Also, this is the hardest I've ever worked on a video so I would LOVE some feedback, ANY kind of feedback. PLEASE!

Anyway, here you go. Enjoy!
-Jason

So What Gives, Mr. Funny Man?

If you actually pay any attention to me and The Blog and Site, you probably noticed something: I haven't done a review in awhile. So what gives?

Well, I decided to take a short break, work on Episode 1 of "Invasion of the B Movies TV" then plan out how and when I'm gonna review shit. But don't worry! Reviews will be a-comin' in September! Starting with the aforementioned episode of "Invasion of the B Movies TV" which I am excited about.

Until then, I'll give you the answers to the Netflix thing I posted yesterday. A lot of people got them right.

1. A group of men are trapped in a warehouse as they try to figure out who among them is a giant rodent.-Reservior Dogs
2. A man is in disbelief as an ex-girlfriend shows up and he forces a piano player to play a song.-Casablanca
3. A unpopular kid comes across a special bug, who helps him gain popularity.-Spider-man.
4. A writer and his family move into a giant empty house for the winter where both father and son habor deep dark secrets.-The Shining
5. Based on a true story, a man who has never won a fight must win a fight.-Rocky
6. After the drowning of her son, a mother seeks revenge.-Friday the 13th.
7. A truck driver must put aside his personal beliefs and fight ancient mystical beings in a certain part of town.-Big Trouble in Little China
8. A man with amnesia must remember who he is and find out who killed his wife.-Memento
9. After the death of his parents, a man decides to take the law into his own hands.-Batman/Batman Begins
10. A group of aliens comes to Earth and mess things up.-Basically any evil alien movie. Like "Independence Day", "Mars Attack", "Battle: Los Angeles", and yes Nick "Battlefield Earth".

So that was fun, huh? Yep.

Later!
-Jason

Let's Play A Game

Strolling through Netflix the other night, I was reading up on some movies and came across some that I've seen. While my mouse hovered over the title, the description of the movie came up and I was blown away at how wrong, or obscure, it was. It makes me wonder who exactly writes this shit and if anybody can do it. So just for shits and giggles, let's play a quick game. Below are ten movie descriptions that you MIGHT find on Netflix. Can you guess what they are?
(Note: These really aren't on Netflix, I made all these up. But they might as well be.)

1. A group of men are trapped in a warehouse as they try to figure out who among them is a giant rodent.
2. A man is in disbelief as an ex-girlfriend shows up and he forces a piano player to play a song.
3. A unpopular kid comes across a special bug, who helps him gain popularity.
4. A writer and his family move into a giant empty house for the winter where both father and son habor deep dark secrets.
5. Based on a true story, a man who has never won a fight must win a fight.
6. After the drowning of her son, a mother seeks revenge.
7. A truck driver must put aside his personal beliefs and fight ancient mystical beings in a certain part of town.
8. A man with amnesia must remember who he is and find out who killed his wife.
9. After the death of his parents, a man decides to take the law into his own hands.
10. A group of aliens comes to Earth and mess things up.

This won't be a regular thing, this is just a one time fun thing to do.
-Jason

YOU Make The Call!

To anyone who isn't a LAMB, you probably don't know about this major controversy that's been going around since late 2009 or so. Even if you're a LAMB, probably only a few of you know about this. It's a subject that when anyone involved hears about, they immediately groan and wait for the flame war to die out. What, pray tell, am I talking about?

Is "28 Days Later" a zombie film?

Pretty much is split between Nick Jobe, who says it's NOT a zombie film and on the other side is...everyone else. I feel bad for Nick because I know what its like trying to fight your point and having a gang of people team up and tell you that you're wrong and you suck and you should go to hell. (Reference: Jason Soto v Everyone Who Doesn't Get That Most Comedy Sequels Are Always Gonna Be Like The First Film.)

I have been asked a couple of times what do I think about this subject matter and my answer tends to piss people off: I don't know, but it is a post-apocalyptic film. Since both sides of this heated debate don't seem to know where I'm coming from, here's why I can't make up my mind.

Why It Could Be Considered A Zombie Film:
If you look back to the early films that started this whole zombie craze, mainly "Night of the Living Dead", you have a core group of people holed up somewhere while stumbling beings are outside trying to attack/eat you. Every zombie film since "Night" has followed this. Including "28 Days Later". The difference is the core group of people are constantly moving, and the stumbling beings run 200 MPH.

And what happens when one of those beings attack you? You become one of them. Much like zombies. Now Nick, before you hire hackers to take my website and turn it into a German Fetish site, let's look at:

Why It Could NOT Be Considered A Zombie Film:
Zombie, by definition, is a being who was DEAD, then came to life. The beings in "28 Days Later" have not died at any point. They get infected by, I forget, tainted love blood? By some monkies? Sometime like that. Then they bite each other, infecting each other and so on and so on. You COULD argue that there is no cure to this and you shoot them (in the head) to kill them. I agree with that. But if you don't get bitten, you're ok.

Now, I never seen "28 Weeks Later" so maybe some of this is explained. I do know there is a cure at some point, then of course some fucking stupid kid fucks it up. Ugh, I hate kids in movies. But the important part is, the people are never dead, just really angry to the point they aren't human anymore. Does that make someone a zombie? I don't think so.

What I DO know is, after the monkey bites whoever and that whoever bites whoever and so on and so on and so on, 28 Days Later, the world (or at least England) is one giant shithole. So therefore, it is a post apocalyptic film. I dunno how "28 Weeks Later" handles this. Are they like "Well everybody, things are ok now? Go back to work and your lives and...what not? Tally-ho! Cheers! God Save The Queen!" So this kinda throw a wrench into my theroy but really, I don't have much go on here.

So now, dear reader, I throw it to you. What do you think "28 Days Later" is? A zombie or not-zombie film? Can you at the VERY least agree it's a post-apocalyptic film? Sure it's no "Road Warrior" with a spikey guy yelling "JUST TURN BACK RIGHT NOW!! THIS GAS IS MINE!!!" but still.

As for me? I stand by what I said. I don't really know. If it is a zombie film, it's an interesting change into the zombie genre. And it's 200 times better than "Survival of the Dead". Fuck THAT movie.
-Jason

The Lair of the Unwanted #20 & Horror Thursday: The Burning

We've really went "Over The Top" with this episode! Jason and Nolahn welcome their resident '80s expert Dylan Fields of Man, I Love Films to talk about all things '80's, including our two films "Over The Top" with Sylvester Stallone and ROBERT LOGGIA!, and "The Gate" with a young Stephen Dorff.

Before that, we talk about our own projects happening our sites, and discuss what we miss most about the 1980's. And stay tuned to the end of the episode because Jason announces who won our contest of which movies do we do in October! And there's some slight controversy too!

Email us at thelairunwanted@gmail.com or check us out on Facebook facebook.com/thelairoftheunwanted

ALSO! It's Thursday! So check out my review of "The Burning" over at Man, I Love Films!
-Jason

Teaser Trailer: Invasion of the B Movies TV

I FOUND THE GREATEST THING EVER!!!

Unfortuntely there's no trailer for it. And it's EXTREMELY hard to find. And it's not on official DVD. And it's on Amazon on VHS...for $25. So...why is this the greatest thing ever?

Let's hop in my bath tub time machine and go back to yesterday. I watched a little film called "Dreamanic" and it was the worst best thing I ever seen...besides the fucking ending. I forgot to mention in my review that it was directed by a guy named David DeCoteau. This name sounded very familar to me but I moved on with my life.

Ok, now we're back to the present. Very recently, I shown some friends of mine a movie called "Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2" starring the greatest actor ever, Eric Freeman.

Who DOESN'T wanna watch a movie starring this guy?!

So I got to thinking: What OTHER movies has Mr. Freeman been in? I think it's time I find out. So looking at his IMDb page, I find...he hasn't done much. I am a sad panda. But...let's look into the few movies he has done. Clicking on a 1989 film called "Murder Weapon"...



HOLY FUCKING SHIT DAVID DECOTEAU DIRECTED IT! And it stars everyone's favorite actress Linnea Quigley! ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!

The guy who made "Dreamaniac" DIRECTED the guy from "Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2" along with Linnea "I Love Getting Naked In Every Movie" Quigley?! This is like...my dream movie!!

And I can't find a trailer. There are scenes from the movie on Youtube, you think I'm gonna watch those? FUCK NO!!! So now I have to go through nefarious means to find this movie.

While I'm on the subject, it turns out this David DeCoteau directed a SHIT TON of movies I've seen and heard of. Including a bunch of homoerotic films called "The Brotherhood" and "Voodoo Academy". Holy shit, I hit the B-Movie payload.

So while I work on "getting" "Murder Weapon", just sit tight. A review will be forthcoming. Will it live up to my expectations? Probably not. But fuck it, this is fun nonetheless!
-Jason

B-Movie Meatloaf: Dreamaniac

Since I joined this B-Movie Meatloaf thing over at StrictlySplatter.com, I learned a lot of things. I learned all about how The Asylum works. I learned that most direct-to-video sequels aren't always all bad. And this month, I learned about the sub-genre "shot on video horror". When this request came in, I said to myself "So...like The Blair Witch Project?" Turns out...not quite.

From what I gather on Wikipedia, they're movies specially made for VHS back in the day. It was pretty cheap to produce. And if this movie is any judge, I say they needed to save as much money as possible. Speaking of this movie, here's "Dreamaniac".

First off, I was hoping someone in the movie would say the title so I know how exactly it's said. I'm sure it's "dream maniac" but since the two words share on the one "m" it looks like "dream-aniac". I dunno, the title doesn't make much sense anyway so fuck it.

Ok so the movie starts off with-

No wait. I need to backtrack already. I can't just jump into the movie because the movie doesn't even jump into the movie. The opening credits, I'm not shitting you, last THREE AND A HALF MINUTE! I counted! It took 2 minutes to do all the fucking people IN the movie, then we get the directors credit finally and now the movie can start.

Ok so the movie starts off with naked man ass. Boy, that was worth the wait. A guy walks down a hallway naked into the bathroom where he finds a naked chick in a bathtub full of blood. They meet and start making out. But that's just a dream.

The guy wakes up and he looks like Justin Long's older pothead brother. He's Adam. He's...house sitting? I think? In a house. He's into heavy metal (this movie's version of heavy metal is the "METAL" button on the Casio) and I guess witch craft. I didn't get the witch craft thing until the end of the movie.

So Adam has a girlfriend named Pat. She comes over and they have sex. Wow a sex scene 5 minutes into the movie. What is this, "The Room"? YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, PAT! I guess she just came over for sex cause she immediately leaves. She does remind Adam about a party that's happening tomorrow night.

But on THIS night, he reads some weird passage out of a book and soon starts hearing noises in the attic. There, he finds the girl he dreamt about earlier and he freaks out. He thinks he's dreaming again, so he burns himself to wake himself up. Actually, I think the actor accidently burnt himself and the filmmakers just went with it.

The chick shows up in the room and proceeds to give Adam a blowjob. Wow. But things take a turn for the worse when she bites his dick off. I guess THIS ends up being a dream cause it goes to the next day and Pat and her sister Lori show up to set up for the party.

I have to point out this line of dialouge. It'll give you a great example on what this movie's like. So the sisters are talking and Pat wants to know why Lori is joining some sorority. Lori goes "The same reason why you got a tattoo of a taco". And then the scene ends.

WHY DOES SHE HAVE A TATTOO OF A TACO?! You bought it up, movie!!

Anyway, Pat wakes Adam up, who isn't feeling that good. He doesn't want to have the party but I guess he's getting paid...to have the party? It wasn't explained very well. Slowly, the other people show up and if you imagine what a typical preppy person from the '80s looked like, that's who all showed up for this party.

I only got a few of their names. The biggest bitch was named Francis and she use to date Lori's boyfriend Brad. Francis makes sure to remind Lori of this fact every chance she gets. Then one random dude shows up with a chick...it's the chick from Adam's dream!! Adam freaks out and runs upstairs. Here, the chick calls herself Lily. I want to point out that Lily looks kinda like a '80s version of Kesha (Yeah, I didn't do the stupid $ thing). This place is about to blow indeed.

Lily finds Adam and tells him she's his now. Pat finds them together and gets pissed. Francis and Brad sneak off to have sex. Oh this is hilarious. They made it a point to show Brad getting completely naked in the bed. Then it cuts to them in bed, fucking, and you can see through the sheets Brad wearing these white briefs. Nice.

Ok, so now you're wondering what the fuck is going on and what the point of all this is? I was asking myself the same thing. We get our first kill at the 35 minute mark when a Valley Girl, like, TOTALLY, gets stabbed. Gross. They didn't show the killer, so I think they wanted us to think "OMG! Who could the killer be?! I'm sure it won't be Adam!" But only a SMART horror movie would that.

The next kill we see Lily doing it. And this scene was hilarious. She made a guy take all this clothes off besides his tightie whities and then started tying him up. But she had him hold the one end while tying him, so pretty much all he had to do was let go and the whole thing would fall apart. Whatever. She plugs something in and he's electrocuted. And this causes the power to go out.

Lori gets sick and runs to find a bathroom. She instead runs into Francis and Brad in bed. I said "DO IT!! DO IT!!!" and sure enough, she threw up all over them. YES!!! I'm fucking digging this movie, despite it being fucking terrible.

Ok, so a few people are getting killed. Lily finds Brad and proceeds to blow him. Adam walks in on this and just stands there. Lily bits Brad's dick off (I guess that's her "thing") and Pat walks in on this and freaks out. She figures out something is up with Adam and Lily and wants out.

There's a guy who I'm sure is gay and he's the comic relief. He ends up taking care of Lori while Pat runs around, trying to figure out what to do. Oh, then out of nowhere: FUCKING ZOMBIES! The tightie-whitie guy shows up and attacks Pat. Francis finds Adam and starts making out with him, but he slits her throat. Then SHE comes back to life. And Pat simply puts a pillow over her mouth. Uh, you can't suffocate a fucking zombie!

Now it's down to gay dude-oh wait he's now dead-ok it's down to Lori and Pat. The gay dude read two sentences in a book and before he died told Pat that Lily is a succubus aka a female demon that preys on men, mainly in their sleep. Ah, so that's what's going on. Thanks gay dude!

The only way to kill the succubus is to rip thier head off or stab them in the heart with a stake. Uh, they're not vampires. Whatever. So Pat and Lily attack Adam with...a steel drill? Ok sure. He then goes into acting overload as he runs around the house going "NO!! WHY?!?! AHHH!!!" *spit blood* "WHY?!?! AHHHH!!" *spit blood* Dude! Why you spitting so much blood?!

Anyway, Pat runs the drill through Adam's neck until it's removed from his body. Sure, why not? Now it's time for Lily. She's about to attack Lori when....some random dude who never introduces himself walks into the house, tells Lily to stop and apologize like she just peed on their rug, and simply leave.

....

.......

.............

FUCKING WHAT?!?!?!?!?!!?! FUCK!!! WHAT?!?!??!?!?!

OH! OH!! Check THIS SHIT OUT!!!!

EVERYTHING I just told you....WAS PART OF A NOVEL ADAM WAS WRITING!!!! I am NOT fucking with you! This was a novel! He finishes writing, calls....fucking somebody, and tells him "HEY! I'm done with my pulp novel!" NO!! That's not a pulp novel!! It's a horror novel!! You motherfucking asshole!! I hope some random chick shows up at your door and stabs you for no reason...oh wait, that DOES HAPPEN!!!

Ok. I want to like this movie. I like it despite it being motherfucking terrible. Then the ending hits. I mean I've seen some bad movies in my day, but this is the most lazy thing I ever seen. "UH...how can we end this movie?!" "I know, let's make her NOT a succubus, even though we have all that set up already!" "NO! Let's make the whole thing a NOVEL!!" "HEY!!! LET'S DO BOTH!!!!" "YEAH!!! Now pass the cocaine!!"

So how do I rate this? I'm gonna have to give it a middle grade. Here's my recommendation: watch this with a bunch of people and make fun of it. But do it during a movie night with 3 or 4 other movies. Have LOTS of booze available. And make this the 3rd or 4th movie. You need to be somewhat hammered to watch this movie otherwise "y'all" (Thanks NICK!) will murder each other. Awesome? AWESOME!

-Jason

Hell Night

The theme for this month's "Lair of the Unwanted" is "celebrating the '80s", so I decided to embrace that for every movie I watch this month. Looking around on Netflix for a film to review for "Man, I Love Films" I decided to see what 1980's film I can do and I stumbled upon "Hell Night", which stars Linda Blair, her tits, and Vincent Van Patten.

Between "The Exorcist" and "Exorcist 2" Linda Blair developed quite nicely. Sadly, I don't mean her acting. Her acting in "Exorcist 2" and in "Hell Night" leave much to be desired. I'm not even sure why she's in this film. I guess they needed a big name for this shitty movie and Linnea Quigley wasn't available.

(Side note: Can you believe there are GUYS, and yes I mean MALES, who HAVE NO IDEA who Linnea Quigley is?! I mean...how is that even possible? It's borderline child abuse in a way.)

Anyway, "Hell Night".

Things start off at a college party and a fratnerity. I'm not too up on my Greek Alphabet but it doesn't really matter. It's "Hell Night", which means anyone pledging the fraternity has to go through some form of initiation. As we tackled on a previous episode of "The Lair", most hell nights last a week. But here, this is only for one night.

We meet Linda Blair's character (I forget her name) and she's not really interested in joining the sorority but is being dragged along by her friend Denise who sometimes remembers to speak in a Foreign accent. The two dudes being initiated are Seth (Vince Van Patten, who learned how to talk since the 1970's) and Jeff.

So here's the set up, which is painfully set up cause it takes 20 fucking minutes (bet I can do it in 2):
A rich family lived in a super fancy house outside of town. The wife gave birth to four kids who all have some genetic problems. The dad is sick of his freak family and decides to kill them all, then himself. But Dad forgot to kill a kid so he's left alive and went missing. Supposedly, he's roaming the deserted house after all these years.

Guess where the bulk of this movie takes place at?!?! BINGO!

Our four pledges are locked in the house and have to spend the night there without attempting to leave. The four just kinda shrug their shoulders and split up. Seth and Denise go upstairs and start fucking while Jeff and Linda Blair don't. The head of the fraternity sneaks back with a geeky guy and some chick to play some pranks on the pledges which involves the Halloween mix tape you play on your front yard, dummies made up like dead guys, and fake masks. It's all really stupid.

And it's here that things SLOOOOWW the fuck down. Linda Blair and Jeff talk, A LOT, while Seth and Denise talk and fuck, A LOT, and the people outside sneak around, A LOT. Randomly, at the 27 minute mark, a whithered hand reaches up from the ground, killing the chick. The geeky guy 10 minutes later climbs up the roof and gets his neck broken.

Then there's this scene, which raises several questions. Denise gets up and starts messing around with stuff in the bedroom. At this point, we've seen everyone pretty much go to bed. Denise looks in the mirror and as one of the tricks, the head of the fraternity is wearing a mask to scare her and shows up in the mirror. Denise sees this and thinks nothing of it and goes back to bed.

So questions:
1. What if she never woke up? Would this asshole just be standing there all night, going "come on, look in the mirror! COME ON!!!"
2. Who the hell sees a guy in a horrible mask and doesn't have some sort of reaction to it?
3. What country is she suppose to be from because at this point she forgot to put on her accent!

Things slightly speed up when the head of the fratnerity is chased around the house by the last deformed family kid until he finally dies. Seth wakes up to go to the bathroom when Denise is killed. Seth finds her body and freaks out and decides to high tail it out of there.

There's a long drawn out scene where he climbs over a fence but he makes it to the other side. He runs into town for help. Meanwhile, Jeff and Linda Blair are left on their own.

There is a pretty creepy scene where Jeff and Linda Blair are chillin' in a room and the camera doesn't focus on this but you see it happen. The rug in the middle of the room slowly starts rising up, taking the form of a man. The rug then starts slowly (I do mean slowly) heading towards them until Linda Blair is told by the director to look that way and scream.

So let's talk about Linda Blair's tits for a moment. Depending on the scene, she shows a lot of clevage or doesn't show anything at all. Like, when she's just talking or chillin' she's all covered up like so:



But when she's scared or screaming she's showing her clevage like so:


And it goes on like that. One scene, you almost see her nipples, it was crazy.

Anyway.

Seth makes it to the police station but because he's a damned kid, they don't believe him. He then breaks into a gun locker, steals a gun, and climbs out a window. Man, who knew stealing from the police was so easy? While Seth is in a stealing mood, he steals a car, tells the owner to call the police and send them to the house, and he takes off.

Meanwhile, Jeff and Linda Blair are running around the house when they find the deformed kids hiding place. And let me tell you this scene went on FOR FUCKING EVER!! I swear I fell asleep for five minutes, woke up and they were still walking around, looking.

The deformed kid shows up, attacks but doesn't cause any harm and they lock themselves in another room. Seth returns and when he gets to the house, the kid attacks and I swear the kid looks like a fucking werewolf. I thought that's what was happening but nope, it's not. Seth shoots the kid until he's dead. I went "YAY!!" cause now this boring movie can end.

But no. This movie wasn't annoying enough. It had to do something that didn't make any god damn sense. THERE'S ANOTHER DEFORMED KID!!! Where the FUCK did he come from?!?! The frat guy at the beginning clearly said all three kids were killed and one was left. Now, granted, maybe the kid fucked up his facts, but at least EXPLAIN when you show us the other kid. UGH!!

Anyway, the forgotten second kid attacks and kills Seth. He chases Jeff and Linda Blair around until they get to the roof. Jeff falls down and is killed. Linda Blair is left to act horribly by herself. By the way, the other kid? Totally looks and acts like Frankenstein. I fuckin' swear!

Linda Blair finds the key that opens the gate, opens it, and gets in the car and drives away when Frankenstein appears on the roof of the car. He punches through the window, which I guess distracts Linda Blair cause she forgets how to drive. Thankfully, she forgets how to drive right into the sharp gate that got destroyed in the process. So Frankenstein is dead and the movie simply ends.

Right, this was 1981, it wasn't a rule to have a twist ending in a horror movie yet. Anyway, this movie fuckin' sucked and was boring as hell. I was going to post this for my Thursday review but I think I need to do something a bit more mainstream for those guys. So this review can sit right here, where it belongs.

And the rating I'm giving it is only because of the creepy scene with the rug and, of course, Linda Blair's tits.

-Jason

I Also Have Adventures When I Leave The House

My friend and podcasting partner Nolahn does a thing on his blog called "Adventures in Leaving The House", where he talks about the various things he doesn't when he's not home. In the past, these things included going to a tropical paradise and seeing some cool movies. My adventures when I do leave the house are a little...different.

Today when I left to go get some lunch, the following two things happened to me:

1. I saw a sign posted at a bus stop near my house. Curious, I went to check it out and I saw the following sign:



Yes, I took the sign down. Me being the guy that spends most of his day on the Interwebz, I'm familar with Anonymous and that whole "movement" they got going on. And you know what? Good for them. I just never expected to see this here in my boring ass state. Usually the target for these things are big cities like New York and L.A. The only thing we got going on here is the Super Bowl will be here in January and the roller derby Regionals is gonna be here in October. I doubt those are things Anonymous are very interested in. So Anonymous, if you're reading this (I'm sure you are after Googling yourselves) you can do whatever it is you want to do only if you can do it at a certain building that may or may not sound like the name of the place I work at. Deal? Deal.

2. When I got to where I was having lunch, a whole bunch of blind people came in. Wearing baseball jerseys. I was like "...ok?" And after looking at their logo, I came home and Googled it and apparently the National Beep Baseball Association is in town this week for their World Series! Wow! So what is National Beep Baseball? It's like baseball for blind people. I was wondering how this worked out and after reading their official website, it makes a lot of sense. So that's cool.

Hmm...I wonder if there's some correlation to the two events...
-Jason

Catching Up With Jason and Invasion of the B-Movies

Wow! July, huh? Man...what a busy month! Boy howdy. And now look! It's August! Which means here in Indianapolis it'll be 2 degrees and 80 feet of snow any minute now! Boy, can't wait!

I've been awfully quiet this past month and I figure I owe you all an explaination on what I been doing exactly. So here is everything I been doing since July 1st:

-Getting pissed off at Netflix and trying to figure out the future of the website.
-Working on a top secret project with a fellow LAMB.
-Watching mediocre comedies, like "Hall Pass". Ok, "Hall Pass" would've been better if it did more. It was like...something was missing the entire time but I couldn't place what. I also think I might've watched the "rated" version. I get the feeling the "unrated" version might be better. Also, it seems like they didn't know what to do with Owen Wilson's character. He's either a typical horn ball guy or a sensitive guy who's only been with one woman his entire life. Make up your mind!! Anyway...mediocre comedies.
-On the 4th, I watched a ton of fireworks from the parking lot of a hospital. Long story.
-Decided to take up pottery, but turns out Demi Moore was busy.
-Had a conversation with Charlie Sheen. That took up half a month.
-Made the mistake of walking past an airport and saying the words "bomb". I had to explain to the F.B.I I was only talking about the "Transformers" movies.
-Trying to memorize ALL the lyrics to "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air". Ok here we go:
"Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped turned....ummm...." Goddamn it!!
-Trying to get M&M's to melt in my hands.
-Watching every season of "All My Children" before the big series finale. Man, it was CRRRRRAZY in Season 87 when Erica was....oh I shouldn't spoilt it.
-Finding out who the fuck Delroy Lindo is.
-Catching up on Cate Blanchette films. Yeah......
-Trying to find money to donate to the goverment. I found $15.98. That should help!
-Figuring out what the fuck "dougie" is.
-Filling out paperwork to get my face blurred when that episode of "Cops" airs.

So that's about it. Hopefully, August won't be as crazy. Plus it marks the 6th year anniversary of The Site! Yay!
-Jason