Friday, May 11, 2012

The People vs Jason Soto: Wolf Creek

A couple of weeks ago over at Man, I Love Films, I took it upon myself to review "Wolf Creek", which was a movie Co-Founder Kai sent to me. If you didn't read the review, just know that I HAAATED IT! I explained why in the review but I've been getting some criticism lately and I feel I need to explain myself a bit further.

I seriously have no problems with movies that take their time setting up a mood or pacing, if it's done right. A movie can take 20 or 30 minute setting up mood before all the crazy violent shit happens. But "Wolf Creek" took FIFTY FUCKING MINUTES before ANYTHING WORTH TALKING ABOUT happened! The first 50 minutes of this movie was (and I'm not kidding here):

-Dude buys car.
-Dude and chicks pack car.
-Dude, chicks, and people party.
-Dude and chicks get in car and drive.
-Dude and chicks take turns driving.
-Dude and one of the chicks like each other.
-Other chick tells dude this.
-Dude and chicks camp.
-Dude talks about aliens.
-Dude and chicks drive some more.
-Dude and chicks pull up into a creepy gas station.
-They get gas.
-They almost get into a fight.
-They leave.
-They arrive at the giant meteor hole
-Their car breaks down.
-They sit in car for awhile.

And then finally our villain shows up, pretends to be helpful, and yadda yadda yadda. With good editing, all that bullshit, which WASN'T IMPORTANT to the story, could've been cut down to 20-30 minutes tops. We get maybe a scene of the villain terrorizing a girl before everyone just scatters and the movie decides to be mean and have the dude act like fuckin' Jesus and show up everywhere to BE SURE these people die horribly.

Now to defend my decision to not finish the movie. It's a LONG fucking movie. I have no idea why it's so god damn long. I was hating this movie and just wanted it to end. And the part I think people don't read in my review is, I turned it off like 5 minutes before the actual ending. I got through 95% of the movie, realized pretty early on I hated the movie, and figured the ending was going to piss me off more cause very rarely in movies I hate do the endings change my mind.

And besides, I went on Wikipedia and read up on the ending. So I know what happens. I just couldn't finish it. I was sick of it by a certain point and was disgusted when the guy just shoots the girl and burns her in the car on the side of the road. Then it went to the dude that everybody forgot and I said "FUCK THIS I DON'T CARE ANYMORE" and turned it off.

I know I've been doing this for a long time but I swear I never claim to be a horror expert. There are people who are smarter than me when it comes to this shit. I'm more of a fan. People like reading my shit cause I'm funny and I put a spin on things, not cause I'm smart. I'll be the first to admit I'm fucking stupid. So I reviewed this movie not as a movie expert, not as a horror expert, not even as a critic, just a stupid American horror fan who likes certain types of movies. If this movie changed your life or helped you find a friend, that's awesome, I'm happy for you. Me? I will never, ever, EVER watch this movie again and I'm only keeping the DVD because it was a gift/prize and I respect the man who gave it to me.

With that said, listen to this awesome episode of The LAMBcast, will you?

The defense rests.


Jess said...

I've never heard of Wolf Creek but I think you're totally right to turn it off. You might find the right reason to watch it again (NEVER thought I'd ever watch Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus but I fuckin' loved watching it with my brother and his wife). However, it doesn't sound like that will happen. But kudos for sticking to your guns. Good writing too.

nolahn said...

So... Not so good, eh?

Dylan said...

I don't know, nolahn - sounds like he might give it a chance at some point in the future.

Thanks for the random link at the end. :D

Jason Soto said...

Dylan: Well, it was thanks to that episode that I wrote this post, so I had to give it some props.