When is Announcement Day, you ask?
Why, that's Sunday, May 25th! I hope you have something picked out for your loved one. I'm gonna make a call to Hallmark to put out a line of greeting cards.
"To my dearest one,
May this be the most special Announcement Day we've ever had.
Lovingly yours,
Chad"
Ok so originally, I said on Announcement Day I was gonna announce the next three movies I'm gonna be reviewing and this is a big deal cause they're "special" as in Special Ed. Well I added another movie so there's gonna be four.
And also I'll be announcing the film that we'll be doing for the next Mass Invasion, which I wasn't gonna do for awhile, but I bought it back due to popular demand (which mainly consisted of people saying "When we doing the next Mass Invasion? HUH HUH HUH??").
In other news, as you see by the nifty button over there to the right, me and The Bride has won the Sirens of The Lambs thingy!! I want to personally thank each and every one of you.
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank-
Ok, you know what? How about one big THANK YOU for anyone who voted for me!!!
AND a special thank you for everyone not freaking out when I made a mess of things with that lame ass joke I made about the free DVD thing. I was expecting it to backfire on me and have people send me screencaps and be like "Where my DVD be at, holmes?" So anyway, I'm glad we got through that and you all know that I'm like honest or something?
Oh, one more thing. People seem to think that I do a lot in my free time. They look at the "Stuff I Do" or whatever bar over there to the right and go "Gosh Jason, when you do have time to breathe and live life??" The weird thing is...I'm always freakin' bored! So I'm not sure what everyone's talking about.
The main thing I maintain is the actual website. Next in line is this blog. And lastly, the MeTube: Next Generation, which only takes about 10-15 minutes per day, so that's not really a lot of work. Me and my friend Bill film sketches or whatever every Thursday evening and I just use Myspace and Facebook and LiveJournal as social tools because I don't have any friends in real life. Well, since neither of those three get a lot of comments or responses, I guess I don't have a lot of friends on the world wide web.
Oh well. ANYWAY!
My point is I'm gonna be starting up another blog. This one relating to TV and TV shows! Because I watch TV too, dammit! And its on that blog that I'll be moving my "Date My Mom" reviews to, since that makes much more sense. I'm gonna be creating that in a little bit here, so once I get it up and running I'll let you all know. Most likely, unless I change my mind, it'll be called "Attack of the Boob Tube" cause...this is "INVASION" of the B "MOVIES"...and I just want an excuse to use the word "boob" in something I use. It's funny.
Ok, that's it. Thanks for reading, watching, and voting. You guys rock!
-Jason
Monday, May 19, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
The Rare Breed: Female B-Movie Reviewers
When I first started the whole reviewing B-Movies game, I look up quite a lot of B-Movie Review sites. And something stood out: There weren't any female reviewers. At least ones that hosted their own site. You could say that maybe it's cause it's kind of a dorky geeky thing to do, like how you don't see too many female Star Wars or Star Trek fans. Or maybe it's like most women refuse to sit through bad movies "for fun" and think it's a giant waste of time or something. I'm not really sure.
But I've finally stumbled upon two quirky females who not only tackle bad movies, but horror movies as well. I feel someone needs to stand up and showcase them cause, well, they're hot. NO wait, that's not what I mean. I mean they ARE hot...
Ok, do over.
I feel someone needs to stand up and showcase them cause I think they do a fantabulous job and should be applauded.
And cause they're hot.
#1: Cryptique hosted by Miko Macabe
This was bought to my attention by a friend and reader. It's basically a Youtube version of Elvira, a hot girl in a very revealing outfit reviews an entire movie, with odd and funny sketches thrown in between. She only has two episodes up, "Night of The Demons" and "Burial Ground: NIGHTS OF TERROR!", but they are definately worth a look.
#2: Final Girl
She's a LAMB and I didn't check her out until recently when we had to vote for the LAMMY thing, but it was a quick read through and I think the post she had up the day I checked it out didn't impress me much. Now reading through most of her blog, I kinda regret not spending more time before voting. But it's ok cause she did get runner up for Best Blog, so no tears shall be shed for Final Girl.
What I like about Final Girl is she does extensive b-movie reviews, kinda like mine. And they're funny. Not really like mine, but I try, dammit! The only downside is, she's one of those "weirdos" that likes the original "April Fool's Day". If she ever responds to my email, I'll have to ask her why.
I'm wondering now if maybe there are more out there on the big world we call the world wide web. Maybe they're carefully hidden, I dunno. If you know of a female B-Movie reviewer, or hell, even are one, leave me a comment or drop me a line.
If you'll excuse me, I'm off to convince my fiancee why "Pervert!" is a masterpiece.
-Jason
PS: Just so we're clear, I am only talking about B-Movies, not just "regular" movies. I am aware that there are a lot of female movie bloggers, like D.C Girl @ The Movies that do DVD & Theater reviews.
But I've finally stumbled upon two quirky females who not only tackle bad movies, but horror movies as well. I feel someone needs to stand up and showcase them cause, well, they're hot. NO wait, that's not what I mean. I mean they ARE hot...
Ok, do over.
I feel someone needs to stand up and showcase them cause I think they do a fantabulous job and should be applauded.
And cause they're hot.
#1: Cryptique hosted by Miko Macabe
This was bought to my attention by a friend and reader. It's basically a Youtube version of Elvira, a hot girl in a very revealing outfit reviews an entire movie, with odd and funny sketches thrown in between. She only has two episodes up, "Night of The Demons" and "Burial Ground: NIGHTS OF TERROR!", but they are definately worth a look.
#2: Final Girl
She's a LAMB and I didn't check her out until recently when we had to vote for the LAMMY thing, but it was a quick read through and I think the post she had up the day I checked it out didn't impress me much. Now reading through most of her blog, I kinda regret not spending more time before voting. But it's ok cause she did get runner up for Best Blog, so no tears shall be shed for Final Girl.
What I like about Final Girl is she does extensive b-movie reviews, kinda like mine. And they're funny. Not really like mine, but I try, dammit! The only downside is, she's one of those "weirdos" that likes the original "April Fool's Day". If she ever responds to my email, I'll have to ask her why.
I'm wondering now if maybe there are more out there on the big world we call the world wide web. Maybe they're carefully hidden, I dunno. If you know of a female B-Movie reviewer, or hell, even are one, leave me a comment or drop me a line.
If you'll excuse me, I'm off to convince my fiancee why "Pervert!" is a masterpiece.
-Jason
PS: Just so we're clear, I am only talking about B-Movies, not just "regular" movies. I am aware that there are a lot of female movie bloggers, like D.C Girl @ The Movies that do DVD & Theater reviews.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Q&A: Kevin Kangas
Sunday night I came home to a weird surprise. I get an email from a Kevin Kangas, and he says he's the writer and director of a little movie that I totally ripped to shreds called "Fear of Clowns".
Image courtesy of Google Image Search
Almost immedately I began calling the F.B.I to put me in protective custody but further on in the email he tells me he thought my scathing review was funny and for the most part agreed, that the movie didn't turn out quite the way he expected it. I thanked him for not having me killed and ask if he'd like to partake in a Q&A session and surprisingly enough, he agreed.
I'm not a hard hitting journalist, so I dunno if my questions were any good. I felt compeled to have him explain the plot holes in the film but I decided that probably would get boring and stupid and just tried to get some behind the scenes info.
Oh and during said email exchange, he told me he just finished making (Seriously, unless he's totally pulling my leg) Fear of Clowns 2, which he promises will be nothing like the first and have more guts and boobs. Guess I'll have to just see this for myself. Onto the Q&A!!
1. What was your inspiration for writing "Fear of
Clowns"?
I wanted to do an old-school horror movie, like Halloween, but I didn't just want to throw a mask on somebody. As I was thinking about it I remembered one of my friends is deathly afraid of clowns, and it just clicked from there. My brother designed the clown and we moved ahead with it. (For better or worse...)
2. I saw in the movie you had a throwaway character read Stephen King's "It". Were you trying to improve on his story or are you such a fan of the novel and/or movie that you felt compeled to make your own?
Improve on King? And IT in particular? Holy crap, are you high? :) IT is probably my favorite King book, and I just wanted to kind of say hi to it, kind of nod at it. I figured most of the horror people watching the film would kind of chuckle at it. I also was pretty sure King wouldn't sue me over it.
3. Since you said yourself the film was on a no budget, did you just cast friends and/or family to be in the movie? Or were they just actors who needed a big break?
Well, most of them are actual actors, but not professionally(they all had regular day jobs to pay the bills). So you cast the best you can. There were a couple of instances where I didn't get as strong an actor as I would have hoped, but there's not a lot you can do when you're working that cheaply.
4. Usually no budget movies are done in a rush. Were you under some deadline to have the entire movie completed or were you able to take your time?
The actual shoot was 18 shooting days over a 21 day schedule. That's pretty tight to get all of that stuff done. After that I could take my time in the editing room, as we didn't even have a distributor at that point, but I knew I was in trouble once I started putting the footage together. It was too long and I was going to have to cut stuff--and once I did there was a lot of things that weren't going to make sense.
5. How did this film get picked up by Lionsgate?
Well, a rep from Lionsgate saw the poster and teaser online, and they called me. It was pretty surreal. I thought it was a joke at first. But then I talked to them on the phone, got a rep, and it moved from there. But let me tell you, things have changed dramatically in the distribution world, so we're not even positive FOC2 will be coming through Lionsgate. They're trying to become a major studio now instead of a mini-major, which is what they've been. So they're scaling back their low-budget stuff.
6. You mentioned [in the previous emails] that the kid was hard to work with. Exactly what problems did you have?
Well, he's a kid--they have short attention spans, and Jack(the kid) tended to smile all the time. It's not his fault--he was freakin' six years old. I think at that age I was just trying not to wet my pants. And he's gotta act around this 6'2 clown, and it turned out he wasn't scared at all. He'd smile at Mark(the clown) and it was hard getting him to have realistic facial expressions.
7. Switching gears, how did you come about my review?
One of my cast had it forwarded it to them by a fan, and they sent it to me. I'm not sure how that original person found it.
8. Honestly, what was your first reaction and/or thoughts when you first read my review of "Fear of Clowns"?
The thing is this: I'll be the first to say FOC was a mess. It's obvious. The great thing is that a lot of people still seem to enjoy it. Sure, far more people seem to hate it, but there's still a lot of them that email me and seemed to really like it.
But I'm used to reading bad reviews. And I've heard FAR worse. It's never nice reading people trash something you spent 3 years of your life on, but you need thick skin if you're going to do it and put it out there.
On the other hand, a lot of what you said was not only true but really funny. The captions to the pics were great--I laughed out loud at "If I pissed all that, I'd go see a doctor right away."
There's 2 kinds of reviews in my eyes: The ones with ridiculous gripes, and the ones with honest criticism, and I think yours(for the most part) was honest criticism, even if you're a bit angry about it.
9. Why a sequel of Fear of Clowns?
Lionsgate mentioned they'd be interested, and offered to fund part of it, and the bigger part was that I thought I'd have a chance to fix what went wrong in the first. A little redemption. I didn't actually agree, though, until I hit upon a story that interested me.
10. Finally, can I be in one of your movies?
If you're in the area you can be an extra. I'm only using real actors from now on(you'll notice the difference in FOC2, I promise you).
Thank you so much for answering these, as lame as they
probably are.
No sweat! I'll try to burn that screener this week and get it out to you.
***
He promised (or threatened?) to let me have a sneak peek at FOC2, so be on the lookout for that. Special thanks goes to Mr. Kangas for, yet again, not sending hitmen that we never met before after me, or even worse Shivers the Clown himself. If you need to be reminded how mean I was to Kevin and this movie, check out the review here.
-Jason
Image courtesy of Google Image SearchAlmost immedately I began calling the F.B.I to put me in protective custody but further on in the email he tells me he thought my scathing review was funny and for the most part agreed, that the movie didn't turn out quite the way he expected it. I thanked him for not having me killed and ask if he'd like to partake in a Q&A session and surprisingly enough, he agreed.
I'm not a hard hitting journalist, so I dunno if my questions were any good. I felt compeled to have him explain the plot holes in the film but I decided that probably would get boring and stupid and just tried to get some behind the scenes info.
Oh and during said email exchange, he told me he just finished making (Seriously, unless he's totally pulling my leg) Fear of Clowns 2, which he promises will be nothing like the first and have more guts and boobs. Guess I'll have to just see this for myself. Onto the Q&A!!
1. What was your inspiration for writing "Fear of
Clowns"?
I wanted to do an old-school horror movie, like Halloween, but I didn't just want to throw a mask on somebody. As I was thinking about it I remembered one of my friends is deathly afraid of clowns, and it just clicked from there. My brother designed the clown and we moved ahead with it. (For better or worse...)
2. I saw in the movie you had a throwaway character read Stephen King's "It". Were you trying to improve on his story or are you such a fan of the novel and/or movie that you felt compeled to make your own?
Improve on King? And IT in particular? Holy crap, are you high? :) IT is probably my favorite King book, and I just wanted to kind of say hi to it, kind of nod at it. I figured most of the horror people watching the film would kind of chuckle at it. I also was pretty sure King wouldn't sue me over it.
3. Since you said yourself the film was on a no budget, did you just cast friends and/or family to be in the movie? Or were they just actors who needed a big break?
Well, most of them are actual actors, but not professionally(they all had regular day jobs to pay the bills). So you cast the best you can. There were a couple of instances where I didn't get as strong an actor as I would have hoped, but there's not a lot you can do when you're working that cheaply.
4. Usually no budget movies are done in a rush. Were you under some deadline to have the entire movie completed or were you able to take your time?
The actual shoot was 18 shooting days over a 21 day schedule. That's pretty tight to get all of that stuff done. After that I could take my time in the editing room, as we didn't even have a distributor at that point, but I knew I was in trouble once I started putting the footage together. It was too long and I was going to have to cut stuff--and once I did there was a lot of things that weren't going to make sense.
5. How did this film get picked up by Lionsgate?
Well, a rep from Lionsgate saw the poster and teaser online, and they called me. It was pretty surreal. I thought it was a joke at first. But then I talked to them on the phone, got a rep, and it moved from there. But let me tell you, things have changed dramatically in the distribution world, so we're not even positive FOC2 will be coming through Lionsgate. They're trying to become a major studio now instead of a mini-major, which is what they've been. So they're scaling back their low-budget stuff.
6. You mentioned [in the previous emails] that the kid was hard to work with. Exactly what problems did you have?
Well, he's a kid--they have short attention spans, and Jack(the kid) tended to smile all the time. It's not his fault--he was freakin' six years old. I think at that age I was just trying not to wet my pants. And he's gotta act around this 6'2 clown, and it turned out he wasn't scared at all. He'd smile at Mark(the clown) and it was hard getting him to have realistic facial expressions.
7. Switching gears, how did you come about my review?
One of my cast had it forwarded it to them by a fan, and they sent it to me. I'm not sure how that original person found it.
8. Honestly, what was your first reaction and/or thoughts when you first read my review of "Fear of Clowns"?
The thing is this: I'll be the first to say FOC was a mess. It's obvious. The great thing is that a lot of people still seem to enjoy it. Sure, far more people seem to hate it, but there's still a lot of them that email me and seemed to really like it.
But I'm used to reading bad reviews. And I've heard FAR worse. It's never nice reading people trash something you spent 3 years of your life on, but you need thick skin if you're going to do it and put it out there.
On the other hand, a lot of what you said was not only true but really funny. The captions to the pics were great--I laughed out loud at "If I pissed all that, I'd go see a doctor right away."
There's 2 kinds of reviews in my eyes: The ones with ridiculous gripes, and the ones with honest criticism, and I think yours(for the most part) was honest criticism, even if you're a bit angry about it.
9. Why a sequel of Fear of Clowns?
Lionsgate mentioned they'd be interested, and offered to fund part of it, and the bigger part was that I thought I'd have a chance to fix what went wrong in the first. A little redemption. I didn't actually agree, though, until I hit upon a story that interested me.
10. Finally, can I be in one of your movies?
If you're in the area you can be an extra. I'm only using real actors from now on(you'll notice the difference in FOC2, I promise you).
Thank you so much for answering these, as lame as they
probably are.
No sweat! I'll try to burn that screener this week and get it out to you.
***
He promised (or threatened?) to let me have a sneak peek at FOC2, so be on the lookout for that. Special thanks goes to Mr. Kangas for, yet again, not sending hitmen that we never met before after me, or even worse Shivers the Clown himself. If you need to be reminded how mean I was to Kevin and this movie, check out the review here.
-Jason
New Announcement To Come!!!
I'm making this announcement to...announce that on May 25th I have....a special announcement to make.
Did that make sense?
I'm keeping most of it hush-hush (sweet charelotte) but I can give you a hint:
I'm gonna be revealing the three films I'm gonna be reviewing in June. And once I utter the titles of said films, I'm sure a hole is going to open up in the fabric of space and time and the universe is going to implode upon itself!!
Or...not. Just tune in May 25th to see what horrors upon horrors (hint #2: not a horror movie) I'm gonna be inflicting upon myself.
-Jason
PS: Feel free to leave guesses, but I won't confirm or deny them.
Did that make sense?
I'm keeping most of it hush-hush (sweet charelotte) but I can give you a hint:
I'm gonna be revealing the three films I'm gonna be reviewing in June. And once I utter the titles of said films, I'm sure a hole is going to open up in the fabric of space and time and the universe is going to implode upon itself!!
Or...not. Just tune in May 25th to see what horrors upon horrors (hint #2: not a horror movie) I'm gonna be inflicting upon myself.
-Jason
PS: Feel free to leave guesses, but I won't confirm or deny them.
You Too Can Write For The Site!!
Not, the band U2...but if they wanted to write a review, that'd be mega awesome.
No, what I'm trying to get across is during my 2 and a half year run of this site, I've only had two "reader reviews" and both were from my friend Bill. I've always stated from the get-go that if anyone was interested in writing a review and wanted it posted on my site, I'd gladly accept it. But I don't think I ever came out and said it all openly like I'm saying it now.
So here we go.
Since I'm taking most of the month of May off cause April was an exhausting month, I thought I'd extend the invitation to have somebody fill in the gaps and write a review.
You're probably thinking to yourself "But Jason I don't have the time. I gotta work 18 jobs cause the economy sucks ass, plus we're getting those stimulus checks which I have to immedately put into my gas tank cause gas costs like 10 dollars a gallon or something, but you wouldn't know that cause you don't drive you lazy stupid bastard."
First off, that was a bit unnessessary at the end there.
Secondly, and here I'm letting you all in on the super mega secret, it takes me no more than 5 or 6 hours tops to do a review! That's right, I watch, take screen caps, take notes, write, edit, and post a movie and it's review all in the same day. Which is why I choose Sunday cause I'm off and I usually don't go anywhere.
So if you have some free time, wanna rip a movie that I haven't done yet to shreds, and think you can be even funnier (if that's possible...just kidding) than me, then go for it!!
Here are the guidelines:
1. It can be a movie, a short, or if you have the strength and the courage, an episode of "Date My Mom" (Which I TOTALLY blanked on doing for Mother's Day. I suck).
2. It can be however long or short you want it. I normally kinda sorta cover every single thing that happened in the movie, but find a way to not make it 200 pages long. And as you no doubt noticed, I do include spoilers and endings and such.
3. For an actual review, images are required. If you're not able to do so, let me know and I'll gladly take the images for you. (For this, it'd have to be a movie I can get on DVD)
4. Gotta stick to the format I have set up: List the characters, the review, the final thought, and the rating. I don't do half stars.
5. And here's the part where I sound like an asshole: I have the right to deem the review postable or not. If you pick a movie that I love, but you hated it, I'll still post it cause we all do have different opinions and I (normally) repsect said opinions, but if I feel you were a bit harsh I have a say so in that as well. Not that I have room to judge about being too harsh, but whatever.
Ok, that's it for the rules and stuff. This isn't something anybody HAS to do, it's all a voluntary process, but I hope someone does it.
-Jason
No, what I'm trying to get across is during my 2 and a half year run of this site, I've only had two "reader reviews" and both were from my friend Bill. I've always stated from the get-go that if anyone was interested in writing a review and wanted it posted on my site, I'd gladly accept it. But I don't think I ever came out and said it all openly like I'm saying it now.
So here we go.
Since I'm taking most of the month of May off cause April was an exhausting month, I thought I'd extend the invitation to have somebody fill in the gaps and write a review.
You're probably thinking to yourself "But Jason I don't have the time. I gotta work 18 jobs cause the economy sucks ass, plus we're getting those stimulus checks which I have to immedately put into my gas tank cause gas costs like 10 dollars a gallon or something, but you wouldn't know that cause you don't drive you lazy stupid bastard."
First off, that was a bit unnessessary at the end there.
Secondly, and here I'm letting you all in on the super mega secret, it takes me no more than 5 or 6 hours tops to do a review! That's right, I watch, take screen caps, take notes, write, edit, and post a movie and it's review all in the same day. Which is why I choose Sunday cause I'm off and I usually don't go anywhere.
So if you have some free time, wanna rip a movie that I haven't done yet to shreds, and think you can be even funnier (if that's possible...just kidding) than me, then go for it!!
Here are the guidelines:
1. It can be a movie, a short, or if you have the strength and the courage, an episode of "Date My Mom" (Which I TOTALLY blanked on doing for Mother's Day. I suck).
2. It can be however long or short you want it. I normally kinda sorta cover every single thing that happened in the movie, but find a way to not make it 200 pages long. And as you no doubt noticed, I do include spoilers and endings and such.
3. For an actual review, images are required. If you're not able to do so, let me know and I'll gladly take the images for you. (For this, it'd have to be a movie I can get on DVD)
4. Gotta stick to the format I have set up: List the characters, the review, the final thought, and the rating. I don't do half stars.
5. And here's the part where I sound like an asshole: I have the right to deem the review postable or not. If you pick a movie that I love, but you hated it, I'll still post it cause we all do have different opinions and I (normally) repsect said opinions, but if I feel you were a bit harsh I have a say so in that as well. Not that I have room to judge about being too harsh, but whatever.
Ok, that's it for the rules and stuff. This isn't something anybody HAS to do, it's all a voluntary process, but I hope someone does it.
-Jason
Friday, May 09, 2008
I Guess This Is Called A "Meta-Post"
Over at the LAMB, head master Fletch came up with a cool idea: an award show-type-thing where all the LAMB's (and non-LAMB's if I'm not mistaken) vote on which blogger should be awarded what award for each category. The awards are almost done with and I came to a realization:
I'm probably not gonna win anything.
And no, this isn't gonna be a whiny post about why I'm not. It was kind of expected, for the following reasons:
1. I've never been "the popular" person, including things I do or maintain. It gets some acknowledgement and according to StatCounter, I get about 20 hits a day (it was a bit more during 30 Days of Horror, thanks to being linked at TWOP, and no doubtedly the LAMB), but otherwise, I'm just like how I was in highschool: just kinda there, shuffling along, doing my thang quietly while everyone looks at the high school jocks and pretty cheerleaders making out in the hallways. So considering the large number of people listed, who post more content and are probably more well known thanks to being linked on the Hot List on IMDB, I'm just kinda here.
2. My blog (and the website the blog is about) focuses on B-Movies and/or bad movies in general, aka the unwanted stepchild of the film business. As a result, there's a lot of negetiveness featured here and as the world showed me, nobody likes a Negetive Nancy.
3. Looking at the awards, if you think about it, none of them apply to me. I use generic stars for a rating system. My LAMB banner was made in MS Paint. The only running feature I have is Trailer Thursdays and I don't even do 'em every Thursday. And not to sound like I'm putting myself down, but I don't believe I have the Best Blog out there. I thought for sure I was a shoe in for "Most Prolific" until Fletch told me that The Flick Chick is doing 100 movies in 100 days! I was literally floored. No really, I needed a shovel to pick myself back up. I got burnt out around Day 20, yet this person (I'm not gonna assume the maintainer is a "chick") is doing 100 movies in a row?? That's dedication. My hats off to you Flick Chick.
4. I kicked almost everyone's ass during the Sirens of the LAMBs thing. Honestly, I probably wasn't suppose to get past round 1 cause my first story just sucked. It sucked cause I didn't know how to write it or what I was doing. After I sent it in, my fiancee told me that this whole thing reminds her of "fan fiction" and it was then I realized what I was suppose to be doing. So somehow I got lucky and made it past round 1 and since then my stories have been a bit better, I think. But somehow I'm still underestimated. Now I made it to the final round, and I'm just waiting for the final stories to be posted so voting can begin. I'm really curious how this vote turns out.
If you haven't, here are my battles:
River vs The Bride
Sil vs The Bride
Kyra vs The Bride
I also lucked out cause I had no fucking clue who River Tam or Kyra was when I wrote those. At least I saw "Species" once. I hated it (Yes only good thing was the nudity), but I seen it.
Just so we're clear:
I really don't think that just cause I won round after round in the sirens event that nobody voted for me. I just put this one in as a wild theory.
And I also don't want anyone to think I'm really being whiny and complaining. I'm grateful to even be listed among these great bloggers and when LAMB events to come up, I try to partake in them cause it's fun and that's what all of this is really about, having fun. So I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or hate me cause I'm a cry-baby or whatever. I enjoy what I do, I enjoy reading other people's blogs, and like a few other people tell me "Yeah, your blog isn't well know, but it's unique cause you do tackle the movies everyone else hates."
That should be on my tombstone.
Here Lies Jason Soto
Tackling The Shit The Majority Hates.
-Jason
I'm probably not gonna win anything.
And no, this isn't gonna be a whiny post about why I'm not. It was kind of expected, for the following reasons:
1. I've never been "the popular" person, including things I do or maintain. It gets some acknowledgement and according to StatCounter, I get about 20 hits a day (it was a bit more during 30 Days of Horror, thanks to being linked at TWOP, and no doubtedly the LAMB), but otherwise, I'm just like how I was in highschool: just kinda there, shuffling along, doing my thang quietly while everyone looks at the high school jocks and pretty cheerleaders making out in the hallways. So considering the large number of people listed, who post more content and are probably more well known thanks to being linked on the Hot List on IMDB, I'm just kinda here.
2. My blog (and the website the blog is about) focuses on B-Movies and/or bad movies in general, aka the unwanted stepchild of the film business. As a result, there's a lot of negetiveness featured here and as the world showed me, nobody likes a Negetive Nancy.
3. Looking at the awards, if you think about it, none of them apply to me. I use generic stars for a rating system. My LAMB banner was made in MS Paint. The only running feature I have is Trailer Thursdays and I don't even do 'em every Thursday. And not to sound like I'm putting myself down, but I don't believe I have the Best Blog out there. I thought for sure I was a shoe in for "Most Prolific" until Fletch told me that The Flick Chick is doing 100 movies in 100 days! I was literally floored. No really, I needed a shovel to pick myself back up. I got burnt out around Day 20, yet this person (I'm not gonna assume the maintainer is a "chick") is doing 100 movies in a row?? That's dedication. My hats off to you Flick Chick.
4. I kicked almost everyone's ass during the Sirens of the LAMBs thing. Honestly, I probably wasn't suppose to get past round 1 cause my first story just sucked. It sucked cause I didn't know how to write it or what I was doing. After I sent it in, my fiancee told me that this whole thing reminds her of "fan fiction" and it was then I realized what I was suppose to be doing. So somehow I got lucky and made it past round 1 and since then my stories have been a bit better, I think. But somehow I'm still underestimated. Now I made it to the final round, and I'm just waiting for the final stories to be posted so voting can begin. I'm really curious how this vote turns out.
If you haven't, here are my battles:
River vs The Bride
Sil vs The Bride
Kyra vs The Bride
I also lucked out cause I had no fucking clue who River Tam or Kyra was when I wrote those. At least I saw "Species" once. I hated it (Yes only good thing was the nudity), but I seen it.
Just so we're clear:
I really don't think that just cause I won round after round in the sirens event that nobody voted for me. I just put this one in as a wild theory.
And I also don't want anyone to think I'm really being whiny and complaining. I'm grateful to even be listed among these great bloggers and when LAMB events to come up, I try to partake in them cause it's fun and that's what all of this is really about, having fun. So I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or hate me cause I'm a cry-baby or whatever. I enjoy what I do, I enjoy reading other people's blogs, and like a few other people tell me "Yeah, your blog isn't well know, but it's unique cause you do tackle the movies everyone else hates."
That should be on my tombstone.
Here Lies Jason Soto
Tackling The Shit The Majority Hates.
-Jason
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Birthday Present
I didn't mention it too much on here cause I was doing the 30 Days of Horror thing. But during said month, I was also making a short film. I finally got it done last week and now it's posted on Youtube for all the world to see. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:
Birthday Present
Featuring the music of Radiohead, "Birthday Present" tells the story of a man who wakes up with no memory. He meets a talking stuffed dog who takes him to his creator, who decides to use the man for a horrible experiment.
Thanks and enjoy!
-Jason
Birthday Present
Featuring the music of Radiohead, "Birthday Present" tells the story of a man who wakes up with no memory. He meets a talking stuffed dog who takes him to his creator, who decides to use the man for a horrible experiment.
Thanks and enjoy!
-Jason
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Supernatural: Dead Man's Blood, Salvation, Devil's Trap
Damn it!! I hate when season's end like that!! Ok ok...
"Dead Man's Blood" is about vampires but more importantly, it's about this gun that can kill ANYTHING. Papa Winchester shows up and tells Sam & Dean about the gun and now they all must work like a family to stop the fire demon. Eventually, they get ahold of the gun and kill the head vampire and now it's off to disc 6!
"Salvation" brings back Meg, that bitchy hitchhiker chick FROM HELL! as she kills a bunch of Papa Winchester's friends, cause she and the devil, yes the actual devil, wants the gun. Sam gets another vision of the fire demon killing another mom and baby and they decide that THIS ENDS TONIGHT!
Dad has to go meet with Meg and some other dude while Sam & Dean kill the fire demon. Let's say neither goes as plan. Sam misses the fire demon and Daddy gets captured. To be continued...
"Devil's Trap" wraps a few things up. Sam & Dean are apparently ordained priests cause they perform an exorcism on Meg, who shows up but she walks into a pentegram, which disables demons. The real Meg shows up and is a whiney bitch before she dies. They go looking for Daddy, who's trapped in an apartment and while posing as firemen, they get him.
They shack up in a cabin somewhere when...(SPOILER)
DADDY IS POSSESSED!! By HIM!! The big HIM!! And not God Him, the OTHER Him!! WOW!!!! Turns out he's killing certain newborns cause they grown up to be psychic. Why this bothers Old Scratch is a mystery but whatever. While Satan is trying to kill Dean, Daddy takes over, which releases the brothers from Satan's mind meld in time for Sam to grab the gun. Sam contemplates if killing Satan is worth losing his father's life and he's like "Well...Satan isn't THAT bad" and doesn't kill him, so he unpossesses Daddy, and Dad actually gets pissed off that Sam didn't kill him. Sheesh, what an ingrate.
Anyway, on the way to the hospital, a possessed trucker runs them over and the last shot OF THE SEASON I SHOULD ADD is The Winchesters knocked the fuck out in the car. And...that's it. End Season 1!
ARGH! Ok. I KNOW they're not dead. But...will Satan be bugging them in season 2 also?? Guess there's only one way to find out...
-Jason
"Dead Man's Blood" is about vampires but more importantly, it's about this gun that can kill ANYTHING. Papa Winchester shows up and tells Sam & Dean about the gun and now they all must work like a family to stop the fire demon. Eventually, they get ahold of the gun and kill the head vampire and now it's off to disc 6!
"Salvation" brings back Meg, that bitchy hitchhiker chick FROM HELL! as she kills a bunch of Papa Winchester's friends, cause she and the devil, yes the actual devil, wants the gun. Sam gets another vision of the fire demon killing another mom and baby and they decide that THIS ENDS TONIGHT!
Dad has to go meet with Meg and some other dude while Sam & Dean kill the fire demon. Let's say neither goes as plan. Sam misses the fire demon and Daddy gets captured. To be continued...
"Devil's Trap" wraps a few things up. Sam & Dean are apparently ordained priests cause they perform an exorcism on Meg, who shows up but she walks into a pentegram, which disables demons. The real Meg shows up and is a whiney bitch before she dies. They go looking for Daddy, who's trapped in an apartment and while posing as firemen, they get him.
They shack up in a cabin somewhere when...(SPOILER)
DADDY IS POSSESSED!! By HIM!! The big HIM!! And not God Him, the OTHER Him!! WOW!!!! Turns out he's killing certain newborns cause they grown up to be psychic. Why this bothers Old Scratch is a mystery but whatever. While Satan is trying to kill Dean, Daddy takes over, which releases the brothers from Satan's mind meld in time for Sam to grab the gun. Sam contemplates if killing Satan is worth losing his father's life and he's like "Well...Satan isn't THAT bad" and doesn't kill him, so he unpossesses Daddy, and Dad actually gets pissed off that Sam didn't kill him. Sheesh, what an ingrate.
Anyway, on the way to the hospital, a possessed trucker runs them over and the last shot OF THE SEASON I SHOULD ADD is The Winchesters knocked the fuck out in the car. And...that's it. End Season 1!
ARGH! Ok. I KNOW they're not dead. But...will Satan be bugging them in season 2 also?? Guess there's only one way to find out...
-Jason
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Day 30: 30 Days of Night
Well, here we are. Day 30. I missed a total of 3 days, two cause of emergencies and one cause I'm a lazy mofo. Did I get everything accomplished? Kinda. I'm still short three "Supernatural" episodes and I didn't do my "24 hours of Horror" that I wanted to do. But this probably won't be the last time I'll do this. And next time, as I learned, I should maybe get some outside help, so I don't burn myself out like that. Why that didn't occur to me, I don't know.
Anyway. "30 Days of Night". Stars Josh Hartnett, who is totally out of his element here. He plays a sheriff in a small Alaskian town and he just doesn't look too authoritive to me. He's more like a deputy maybe. Or the sheriff's brother. But not the sheriff.
The basic gist of this movie is vampires run amok in a town that has nothing but darkness for 30 days straight. On top of that, they make sure their "food" (AKA people) don't go anywhere by buring their cellphones, killin sled dogs, trashing helicopters, and closing airports early. Once night finally sets, the vampires attack and either the townspeople are lunch or are turned into vampires. So it's up to Josh, his retarded brother, his estranged wife, and some other people we shouldn't care about cause they're not the stars, to survive until the sun comes up on the 30th day.
Umm...I gotta be careful how I say this next part. Ok. I think I need to see this again, but "on a different type of DVD". Cause "the angles were slanted" and I didn't notice until "DAY 18" that days were in fact flying by. I thought everything that was happening thus far was all in the same day.
With that said, I feel I can't truly judge this movie. As of right now I think it sucked. The ending was really depressing and if you think about it, the vampires kinda won. I do have this horrible feeling there's gonna be a sequel though.
Throughout the "set up", if you will, I had a feeling every little thing that was shown to us was gonna be important. Josh having asthma (tho, it wasn't as stupid as in "Signs"), some piece of equipment in some building that I couldn't make out that could tear off your arm in .00001 seconds, and the little brother being retarded.
And I'm gonna kinda ruin the ending cause it bugged me. So Josh's estranged wife is trapped under a truck and the vampires are surrounding her. On top of that, they lit the town on fire. Josh realizes there's no way to save her so...I swear to God...he purposely transforms into a vampire.
I have issues with this. Let's make a list shall we?
-All up until now, when a person gets transformed, the transformation takes anywhere from 1 minute to 10 minutes. Josh, he doesn't transform at all, yet he's still a vampire cause he can smell blood and burns up when the sun comes up.
-After transforming into a vampire, he goes up to the group of vampires and they're about to attack him anyway. So he kicks the leader's ass in a fight scene that goes on a bit too long, until Josh does something (yet again "weird angle"coughcough) and the head vampire dies. The other vampires are like "Eh, whatever" and just walk away. Um...why did Josh need to be a vampire to do this? If all he was gonna do was punch the shit out of them? Pointless.
-The way he was transformed. He recently killed his friend who was transforming. So he grabbed a hypodermic needle, pulled some of his dead vampire friend's blood, and injected himself with that. This turned him into a vampire. Then again, if he pulled it out of a half human half vampire, maybe that's how he didn't transform? But wouldn't he be like "Blade"? Shit, this movie makes no god damn sense.
Anyway, like I said, I SHOULD see it again "differently" (Do you get what I'm trying to say?), but I wasn't too impressed, which sucks cause the idea is pretty cool. Maybe if it didn't start stupid Josh Hartnet. You know who we needed? Mothafuckin' Bruce Campbell! Fuck yeah!!
I could end it here, but I'm determined to finish off "Supernatural". So after that, I'm done.
-Jason
Anyway. "30 Days of Night". Stars Josh Hartnett, who is totally out of his element here. He plays a sheriff in a small Alaskian town and he just doesn't look too authoritive to me. He's more like a deputy maybe. Or the sheriff's brother. But not the sheriff.
The basic gist of this movie is vampires run amok in a town that has nothing but darkness for 30 days straight. On top of that, they make sure their "food" (AKA people) don't go anywhere by buring their cellphones, killin sled dogs, trashing helicopters, and closing airports early. Once night finally sets, the vampires attack and either the townspeople are lunch or are turned into vampires. So it's up to Josh, his retarded brother, his estranged wife, and some other people we shouldn't care about cause they're not the stars, to survive until the sun comes up on the 30th day.
Umm...I gotta be careful how I say this next part. Ok. I think I need to see this again, but "on a different type of DVD". Cause "the angles were slanted" and I didn't notice until "DAY 18" that days were in fact flying by. I thought everything that was happening thus far was all in the same day.
With that said, I feel I can't truly judge this movie. As of right now I think it sucked. The ending was really depressing and if you think about it, the vampires kinda won. I do have this horrible feeling there's gonna be a sequel though.
Throughout the "set up", if you will, I had a feeling every little thing that was shown to us was gonna be important. Josh having asthma (tho, it wasn't as stupid as in "Signs"), some piece of equipment in some building that I couldn't make out that could tear off your arm in .00001 seconds, and the little brother being retarded.
And I'm gonna kinda ruin the ending cause it bugged me. So Josh's estranged wife is trapped under a truck and the vampires are surrounding her. On top of that, they lit the town on fire. Josh realizes there's no way to save her so...I swear to God...he purposely transforms into a vampire.
I have issues with this. Let's make a list shall we?
-All up until now, when a person gets transformed, the transformation takes anywhere from 1 minute to 10 minutes. Josh, he doesn't transform at all, yet he's still a vampire cause he can smell blood and burns up when the sun comes up.
-After transforming into a vampire, he goes up to the group of vampires and they're about to attack him anyway. So he kicks the leader's ass in a fight scene that goes on a bit too long, until Josh does something (yet again "weird angle"coughcough) and the head vampire dies. The other vampires are like "Eh, whatever" and just walk away. Um...why did Josh need to be a vampire to do this? If all he was gonna do was punch the shit out of them? Pointless.
-The way he was transformed. He recently killed his friend who was transforming. So he grabbed a hypodermic needle, pulled some of his dead vampire friend's blood, and injected himself with that. This turned him into a vampire. Then again, if he pulled it out of a half human half vampire, maybe that's how he didn't transform? But wouldn't he be like "Blade"? Shit, this movie makes no god damn sense.
Anyway, like I said, I SHOULD see it again "differently" (Do you get what I'm trying to say?), but I wasn't too impressed, which sucks cause the idea is pretty cool. Maybe if it didn't start stupid Josh Hartnet. You know who we needed? Mothafuckin' Bruce Campbell! Fuck yeah!!
I could end it here, but I'm determined to finish off "Supernatural". So after that, I'm done.
-Jason
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I Suck
I wish I could say something that was an actual excuse but I don't. See, at work there was this promotional thing going on and they worked me to death. So when I got home...I fell asleep. So I didn't get to watch anything today. Sucks cause it's almost freakin' over. Hopefully tomorrow I can try to get to everything in one day, in which I totally burn myself out, then it'll be done with.
I apologize, dear reader.
In the meantime, somebody over at Television Without Pity got banned cause of me so I wanna give my apologizes to whoever that was, and feel free to post here. I won't ban for stupid reasons.
-Jason
I apologize, dear reader.
In the meantime, somebody over at Television Without Pity got banned cause of me so I wanna give my apologizes to whoever that was, and feel free to post here. I won't ban for stupid reasons.
-Jason
Monday, April 28, 2008
Day 28: Trilogy of Terror
According to the Netflix sleeve, "Trilogy of Terror" was a TV Movie that aired in the 70's, 1975 to be exact. The premise was just three short "scary" stories, with each story not related to the other. I kinda like movies like this, including "Creepshow" 1 & 2 and "Twilight Zone: The Movie". I think I like 'em cause it gets to the scary stuff right away without taking 45 minutes (or in exaggeration terms, 300 years) to explain every single thing that's gonna happen. While I like this, there is also a downside, which is cause they're working on a shorter timeframe, they have to spring stuff on us all suddenly.
A good example is the first story "Julie", which is about a nerdy looking college teacher and one of her students. The student, male, suddenly falls in love with the teacher and asks her out on a date. Julie, the teacher, goes "Oh I don't think-ok!". On said date, dude puts some kind of powdery drug in her drink. Let's think, this was '75, what drug could this have been? Maybe Spanish Fly? Anyway, the drug does it's thing and Julie passes out. Dude gets a hotel room and takes nude pictures of Julie, and probably does other things but we don't see cause this aired on TV and THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!
The next day/week/whatever, Dude calls Julie, who gets a creepy vibe and decides to distance herself, and he more or less blackmails her into dating him. Here's one example on how the shorten time ruins it. Apparently we jump ahead to a month later and according to her hot roommate, Julie's been out late every night for the past month. And one scene, we see Dude pass Julie a note saying to go to his apartment, cause he's having friends over. NONE of this is explained. Is he trickin' her out, like the ending of "Requiem For A Dream"? (ASS TO ASS!) Is she just dancing all nerdy? It's not explained and this is one thing I wouldn't mind having explained.
And the second bad thing is we have to wrap up the story and it has to happen NOW GOD DAMMIT NOW!!!! So we see Julie at Dude's house and he's walking around all cocky with his shirt open and suddenly Julie just gets up and is like "Ok, I'm done" and reveals that she has weird mind powers and she made Dude fall in love and do all this unseen freaky shit to her WITH HER MIND!!! Then, WITH HER MIND, she kills him. After buring his place and it being declared an accident, she starts anew with another student.
Next story is really just odd and not really that scary. Well, I suppose the first one wasn't scary, just mildly creepy. This one isn't even creepy. And you can forsee the whole thing from the first 5 minutes. We focus on a uptight nerdy chick stuck in the 1800's, or is Amish it wasn't made too clear, who complains about her slutty "sister" and how she's evil and the devil and stuff. Nerdy Chick calls a doctor, played by Punky Brewster's Dad (And the Commandant in Police Academy) and complains about her "sister" to him, and he says he'll be over first thing tomorrow.
Tomorrow we meet the "sister" who is in fact slutty. She's hitting on the doctor, who's like "You are gonna ruin yourself" and other stuff. Slutty Chick is like "Get out!" and she starts pounding on a door saying "Come out Geeky Sister!" but we dont' see Geeky Sister. Gee...I wonder!
Well...yes. Geeky Chick and Slutty Chick is the same person. Geeky Chick (or maybe Slutty Chick, who know?) has multiple personalites and the doctor knows this. Apparently, no one else does cause while being Slutty Chick, she broke some random kid's doll and the kid said it was Nerdy Chick's sister. I wonder if it's that much of a secret or the entire town plays along. Hm.
Anyway, Nerdy Chick decides to kill Slutty Chick using voodoo but since they're the same person, she dies, the end. Oh and while she was Slutty Chick, she got it on with her father. Now The End.
Now it's time for the most famous story from this TV movie, probably because those first two sucked so damn hard. It features a chick (notcing a theme here? I'll explain in a minute) buying some possessed doll, the doll comes to life, and starts attacking the shit out of her. That is pretty much the whole thing, but it is the coolest out of the three cause, like I mentioned, it doesn't suck ass. Eventually, the chick throws the doll into the oven with her steak (Yum steak) and since the "body" is now burnt, the soul must go into something so it goes...INTO THE STEAK!! AHH THE STEAK HAS A KNIFE AND IT'S GONNA POUR A-1 SAUCE ALL OVER YOU!!!
Ok no. That would've been ultra cool. Instead it possesses chick and it's about to attack her boyfriend. The end.
Ok so, the reason all three involve chicks is cause all three feature the same actress, Karen Black, who I always get confused with Karen Allen, even though they really don't look or act the same. This made story 1 and 2 weirder cause she's suppose to be nerdy looking in both and it looks like they didn't try too hard to distiguish the two characters. Both had hair in a bun. Both wore glasses. Both dressed like they were from another time period. I'm willing to bet this confused the people in the '70's.
"Dude, it's the same chick! She's gonna kill Punky Brewster's Dad with her mind!!"
"Dude, Punky Brewster won't be around for another 7 years or so."
"Oh...dude."
Anyway, just skip to the third story, unless you wanna see Karen Black's clevage, which she shows to Punky Brewster's Dad in Story 2. Then just look at that and go to the third story. I want to go on and on about why the first story is dumb and how many plotholes it has but it might take too long...
Aw fuck it.
Ok, so the entire time, Julie planned EVERYTHING with her psychic ablilities, including the drugging part. So she thought it'd be a good idea to get druged and actually knocked out just so she could have fun with her latest boy toy? And how is it she hasn't gotten caught yet? Did she just psyhically kill any cops or investigators that asked her any question?
"Julie, we wanna know how you know-"
*Mind power*
"Ack, my brain just exploded."
Like I said, there's an upside and a downside to these short anthology movies.
Story 1:
Story 2:
Story 3:
-Jason
A good example is the first story "Julie", which is about a nerdy looking college teacher and one of her students. The student, male, suddenly falls in love with the teacher and asks her out on a date. Julie, the teacher, goes "Oh I don't think-ok!". On said date, dude puts some kind of powdery drug in her drink. Let's think, this was '75, what drug could this have been? Maybe Spanish Fly? Anyway, the drug does it's thing and Julie passes out. Dude gets a hotel room and takes nude pictures of Julie, and probably does other things but we don't see cause this aired on TV and THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!
The next day/week/whatever, Dude calls Julie, who gets a creepy vibe and decides to distance herself, and he more or less blackmails her into dating him. Here's one example on how the shorten time ruins it. Apparently we jump ahead to a month later and according to her hot roommate, Julie's been out late every night for the past month. And one scene, we see Dude pass Julie a note saying to go to his apartment, cause he's having friends over. NONE of this is explained. Is he trickin' her out, like the ending of "Requiem For A Dream"? (ASS TO ASS!) Is she just dancing all nerdy? It's not explained and this is one thing I wouldn't mind having explained.
And the second bad thing is we have to wrap up the story and it has to happen NOW GOD DAMMIT NOW!!!! So we see Julie at Dude's house and he's walking around all cocky with his shirt open and suddenly Julie just gets up and is like "Ok, I'm done" and reveals that she has weird mind powers and she made Dude fall in love and do all this unseen freaky shit to her WITH HER MIND!!! Then, WITH HER MIND, she kills him. After buring his place and it being declared an accident, she starts anew with another student.
Next story is really just odd and not really that scary. Well, I suppose the first one wasn't scary, just mildly creepy. This one isn't even creepy. And you can forsee the whole thing from the first 5 minutes. We focus on a uptight nerdy chick stuck in the 1800's, or is Amish it wasn't made too clear, who complains about her slutty "sister" and how she's evil and the devil and stuff. Nerdy Chick calls a doctor, played by Punky Brewster's Dad (And the Commandant in Police Academy) and complains about her "sister" to him, and he says he'll be over first thing tomorrow.
Tomorrow we meet the "sister" who is in fact slutty. She's hitting on the doctor, who's like "You are gonna ruin yourself" and other stuff. Slutty Chick is like "Get out!" and she starts pounding on a door saying "Come out Geeky Sister!" but we dont' see Geeky Sister. Gee...I wonder!
Well...yes. Geeky Chick and Slutty Chick is the same person. Geeky Chick (or maybe Slutty Chick, who know?) has multiple personalites and the doctor knows this. Apparently, no one else does cause while being Slutty Chick, she broke some random kid's doll and the kid said it was Nerdy Chick's sister. I wonder if it's that much of a secret or the entire town plays along. Hm.
Anyway, Nerdy Chick decides to kill Slutty Chick using voodoo but since they're the same person, she dies, the end. Oh and while she was Slutty Chick, she got it on with her father. Now The End.
Now it's time for the most famous story from this TV movie, probably because those first two sucked so damn hard. It features a chick (notcing a theme here? I'll explain in a minute) buying some possessed doll, the doll comes to life, and starts attacking the shit out of her. That is pretty much the whole thing, but it is the coolest out of the three cause, like I mentioned, it doesn't suck ass. Eventually, the chick throws the doll into the oven with her steak (Yum steak) and since the "body" is now burnt, the soul must go into something so it goes...INTO THE STEAK!! AHH THE STEAK HAS A KNIFE AND IT'S GONNA POUR A-1 SAUCE ALL OVER YOU!!!
Ok no. That would've been ultra cool. Instead it possesses chick and it's about to attack her boyfriend. The end.
Ok so, the reason all three involve chicks is cause all three feature the same actress, Karen Black, who I always get confused with Karen Allen, even though they really don't look or act the same. This made story 1 and 2 weirder cause she's suppose to be nerdy looking in both and it looks like they didn't try too hard to distiguish the two characters. Both had hair in a bun. Both wore glasses. Both dressed like they were from another time period. I'm willing to bet this confused the people in the '70's.
"Dude, it's the same chick! She's gonna kill Punky Brewster's Dad with her mind!!"
"Dude, Punky Brewster won't be around for another 7 years or so."
"Oh...dude."
Anyway, just skip to the third story, unless you wanna see Karen Black's clevage, which she shows to Punky Brewster's Dad in Story 2. Then just look at that and go to the third story. I want to go on and on about why the first story is dumb and how many plotholes it has but it might take too long...
Aw fuck it.
Ok, so the entire time, Julie planned EVERYTHING with her psychic ablilities, including the drugging part. So she thought it'd be a good idea to get druged and actually knocked out just so she could have fun with her latest boy toy? And how is it she hasn't gotten caught yet? Did she just psyhically kill any cops or investigators that asked her any question?
"Julie, we wanna know how you know-"
*Mind power*
"Ack, my brain just exploded."
Like I said, there's an upside and a downside to these short anthology movies.
Story 1:
Story 2:
Story 3:
-Jason
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Day 27: Supernatural-Provenance
So today's the day I'm gonna pick on the backstory stuff that goes on during this show cause this episode a typical "Ghost kills people, Sam & Dean stop them" thing, with a new twist which is Sam meets a super hot ass chick and he falls in love for the first time since his last girlfriend died a firey death" episode, which I'll get into, but first...
Ok in the first episode we see that The Winchester Mom died a firey death and Papa Winchester decides to devote his whole life to hunting the thing that killed her and ridding the world of evil spirits and demons. As we saw in "Something Wicked", he did in fact drag his kids around everywhere he went hunting these things.
We find out in this episode, when Sam makes it clear, they don't get paid to do this crap. So...how are they making their money?
Yeah, we see Dean hustle his way through darts and pool and whatnot, but what about Poppa? Was he a hustler also? Did he somehow get paid to hunt ghosts? Or, the most realistic answer I can some up with, did Mom have a kickass life insurance policy, which meant The Winchesters were subjected to a bunch of investigations before it being declared an accident.
See I wonder cause we also know that Adult Sam did join up with Dean and Father until he got sick of the whole thing and wanted a normal life, so after a fight he stormed off and went off to college, while Dean and Dad continued hunting. And Dean drives some kind of classic car that I can't identify cause I'm not a car person (Supernatural Geeks, this is your time to shine), so how in the hell did they get the money to afford college (at a pretty fancy school) and a classic car? Plus hotels aren't cheap, but we also find out in "Something Wicked" Dean has a stash of stolen credit cards that somehow weren't reported stolen.
I could go the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" route and say it's just a show and I should relax, but all of this really does bother me. Maybe we'll get some more backstory in later seasons, like maybe The Winchesters are actually wealthy and Daddy owns like 4 major corporations or something and decides to hunt ghosts to keep himself occupied, kinda like Hart to Hart. ("This is Mr. W! He's swell!")
Ok, so "Provenance". They picked an odd title for this episode. A provenance, as explained in the episode, is a thing that shows the history of a painting, or any type of art thing. While it did have a role in this episode, I dunno why they chose it. I've would've picked "Razor'd" or something, since the ghost kills people with a straight razor.
The ghost haunts this creepy ass painting and any owner of the painting ends up murdered. Sam & Dean track it down and meet this super hot ass chick that runs this auction house. Sam, who minored in Art History in college (College: The Plot Device For Any TV Show & Movie Since 1920), shows off in front of hot chick.
Eventually they figure out the painting is haunted and try to burn it but it rescurrects itself. Then they find out the history of the family in the painting and learn the dad went nuts and killed everyone in the family. While they were investigating, the painting got sold to this boring woman who could probably play Mary Worth in a live action adaptation (I been reading a lot of The Comics Curmudgeon, in case you were wondering where THAT came from) and Mary gets killed.
Eventually Sam comes clean to hot chick about what they do and she accepts this and tags along for the rest of the episode, which was kind of neat. I hoped she would decide to give up her auctioning days and tag around, but Sam gets all emo and goes "no, any girl in this show is either evil or ends up dead" cause of me and pushes her away, which makes Sam a fucking idiot. I mean she's hot!
Anyway, hot chick encounters her first ghost, who turns out NOT to be the father but the ADOPTED daughter cause she's a crazy bitch, and Dean manages to burn her human remains in time before Sam's speech about women in his life dying comes true. And sadly, she doesn't come along for the ghostly road trip but waits there for Sam to finish his little ghost busting tour. The episode ends of Sam and hot chick making out.
That chick was hot. That's about all I gotta say.
-Jason
Ok in the first episode we see that The Winchester Mom died a firey death and Papa Winchester decides to devote his whole life to hunting the thing that killed her and ridding the world of evil spirits and demons. As we saw in "Something Wicked", he did in fact drag his kids around everywhere he went hunting these things.
We find out in this episode, when Sam makes it clear, they don't get paid to do this crap. So...how are they making their money?
Yeah, we see Dean hustle his way through darts and pool and whatnot, but what about Poppa? Was he a hustler also? Did he somehow get paid to hunt ghosts? Or, the most realistic answer I can some up with, did Mom have a kickass life insurance policy, which meant The Winchesters were subjected to a bunch of investigations before it being declared an accident.
See I wonder cause we also know that Adult Sam did join up with Dean and Father until he got sick of the whole thing and wanted a normal life, so after a fight he stormed off and went off to college, while Dean and Dad continued hunting. And Dean drives some kind of classic car that I can't identify cause I'm not a car person (Supernatural Geeks, this is your time to shine), so how in the hell did they get the money to afford college (at a pretty fancy school) and a classic car? Plus hotels aren't cheap, but we also find out in "Something Wicked" Dean has a stash of stolen credit cards that somehow weren't reported stolen.
I could go the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" route and say it's just a show and I should relax, but all of this really does bother me. Maybe we'll get some more backstory in later seasons, like maybe The Winchesters are actually wealthy and Daddy owns like 4 major corporations or something and decides to hunt ghosts to keep himself occupied, kinda like Hart to Hart. ("This is Mr. W! He's swell!")
Ok, so "Provenance". They picked an odd title for this episode. A provenance, as explained in the episode, is a thing that shows the history of a painting, or any type of art thing. While it did have a role in this episode, I dunno why they chose it. I've would've picked "Razor'd" or something, since the ghost kills people with a straight razor.
The ghost haunts this creepy ass painting and any owner of the painting ends up murdered. Sam & Dean track it down and meet this super hot ass chick that runs this auction house. Sam, who minored in Art History in college (College: The Plot Device For Any TV Show & Movie Since 1920), shows off in front of hot chick.
Eventually they figure out the painting is haunted and try to burn it but it rescurrects itself. Then they find out the history of the family in the painting and learn the dad went nuts and killed everyone in the family. While they were investigating, the painting got sold to this boring woman who could probably play Mary Worth in a live action adaptation (I been reading a lot of The Comics Curmudgeon, in case you were wondering where THAT came from) and Mary gets killed.
Eventually Sam comes clean to hot chick about what they do and she accepts this and tags along for the rest of the episode, which was kind of neat. I hoped she would decide to give up her auctioning days and tag around, but Sam gets all emo and goes "no, any girl in this show is either evil or ends up dead" cause of me and pushes her away, which makes Sam a fucking idiot. I mean she's hot!
Anyway, hot chick encounters her first ghost, who turns out NOT to be the father but the ADOPTED daughter cause she's a crazy bitch, and Dean manages to burn her human remains in time before Sam's speech about women in his life dying comes true. And sadly, she doesn't come along for the ghostly road trip but waits there for Sam to finish his little ghost busting tour. The episode ends of Sam and hot chick making out.
That chick was hot. That's about all I gotta say.
-Jason
4 Days Left...
Man, what a month.
When I planned this, I thought "Fuck yeah! Everyday! A new movie! And "Supernatural"! No way will anything get in the way of me watching and posting every day!!
Well, not only did I not count on two family emergencies, I also forgot that I'm a lazy motherfucker. Like that whole thing last weekend where I was suppose to watch 24 hours of movies didn't go as planned. And now today it feels like I'm coming down with a cold or something. All I wanna do is just go back to bed but for various reasons I can't. Yet, I don't feel up to writing extensive reviews on the movies I had planned for today. It was either gonna be the compare and contrast of both "Hills Have Eyes" movies, or a review of the super shitty Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake.
However, I do feel bad for you readers (all 3 of you) which is why I been trying to at least tweak out a Supernatural review, especially since, like I mentioned last night, some of the shows fans made their way here from the TWOP forums (even though none of them answered my question about the episode "The Benders").
So here's what's gonna happen. There's 4 days left in the month, and four episodes left of Season 1 of "Supernatural" that I have to get through. So I'll probably just do one episode a day now. And I swear I'll do the last three movies I promised I'll get to. Sorry for flaking out on everyone, especially to those of you who look forward to my witty, sarcastic, curse-word laden, nudity pics-havin' reviews. I will get to the compare and contrast AND the shitty remake review in due time.
And I guess I'll mention this here since I'm doing a news update post. I plan on taking most, if not all of, the month of May off, since doing a post every day does wear a fellow out. Most likely the burn out will fade in the middle of the month and I'll try to get to all the stuff I missed.
And the reason why I subjected myself to a month of horror is gonna become clear in June when I review a certain type of movie. It's only three movies, but my god are they ever gonna take a lot of strength to get through. I won't reveal what they are now (feel free to guess) yet, but when I reveal what they are, well...may god as mercy on my soul.
-Jason
When I planned this, I thought "Fuck yeah! Everyday! A new movie! And "Supernatural"! No way will anything get in the way of me watching and posting every day!!
Well, not only did I not count on two family emergencies, I also forgot that I'm a lazy motherfucker. Like that whole thing last weekend where I was suppose to watch 24 hours of movies didn't go as planned. And now today it feels like I'm coming down with a cold or something. All I wanna do is just go back to bed but for various reasons I can't. Yet, I don't feel up to writing extensive reviews on the movies I had planned for today. It was either gonna be the compare and contrast of both "Hills Have Eyes" movies, or a review of the super shitty Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake.
However, I do feel bad for you readers (all 3 of you) which is why I been trying to at least tweak out a Supernatural review, especially since, like I mentioned last night, some of the shows fans made their way here from the TWOP forums (even though none of them answered my question about the episode "The Benders").
So here's what's gonna happen. There's 4 days left in the month, and four episodes left of Season 1 of "Supernatural" that I have to get through. So I'll probably just do one episode a day now. And I swear I'll do the last three movies I promised I'll get to. Sorry for flaking out on everyone, especially to those of you who look forward to my witty, sarcastic, curse-word laden, nudity pics-havin' reviews. I will get to the compare and contrast AND the shitty remake review in due time.
And I guess I'll mention this here since I'm doing a news update post. I plan on taking most, if not all of, the month of May off, since doing a post every day does wear a fellow out. Most likely the burn out will fade in the middle of the month and I'll try to get to all the stuff I missed.
And the reason why I subjected myself to a month of horror is gonna become clear in June when I review a certain type of movie. It's only three movies, but my god are they ever gonna take a lot of strength to get through. I won't reveal what they are now (feel free to guess) yet, but when I reveal what they are, well...may god as mercy on my soul.
-Jason
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Day 26: Supernatural-Hell House & Something Wicked
While looking over at the forums at TWOP, I see that "Hell House" is a popular episode. I think I see why, it's probably the funniest so far out of Season 1. We got two lame "paranormal experts" named Speigler and Veitman who think they're all that. And we got a prank war brewing between Sam & Dean.
And the ghost is pretty cool. The Hell House was just a fake jokey scary thing thought up by some dude and his super hot ass cousin and they trick people into going into the house to do stuff and get the crap scared out of them. The two wannabe ghost hunters pick up on this and think Hell House is real and post all this stuff about the dude that use to live in the house. The ghost's identity and M.O keeps changing and Sam figures out why.
The ghost is just a collective idea bought to life. If enough people believe something is real, it will become real. And plus some weird Tibetan symbol is painted on the wall, which also bought it to life. So how do you kill an idea? And what about our two wannabes? I recommend checking this episode out to find out.
"Something Wicked" gets back on the serious train when a bunch of kids in a small town get sick all at the same time. After some investigating, they find out they're dealing with a witch-like being that sucks out the souls of childrens and uses them to live forever.
Dean tells us through a series of flashbacks that they all met one of these back in the day. One tried to suck out Sam's soul but Daddy showed up just in time to get rid of it, but not kill it. So Dean blames himself for all these kids getting soul sucked and feels he has to be the one to bring it down!
So with the help of a kid in the hotel they're staying in, they lure the witch thing, which disguised itself has a local doctor, who just happened to live for almost 200 years and Dean gets his revenge. After a "AWWWW!" ending, it's back to the road.
Yay! I only got 4 more episodes left of season 1. This time next week, Bill will be happily reunited with his Season 1 set. What he'll do with it...I rather not think about.
-Jason
And the ghost is pretty cool. The Hell House was just a fake jokey scary thing thought up by some dude and his super hot ass cousin and they trick people into going into the house to do stuff and get the crap scared out of them. The two wannabe ghost hunters pick up on this and think Hell House is real and post all this stuff about the dude that use to live in the house. The ghost's identity and M.O keeps changing and Sam figures out why.
The ghost is just a collective idea bought to life. If enough people believe something is real, it will become real. And plus some weird Tibetan symbol is painted on the wall, which also bought it to life. So how do you kill an idea? And what about our two wannabes? I recommend checking this episode out to find out.
"Something Wicked" gets back on the serious train when a bunch of kids in a small town get sick all at the same time. After some investigating, they find out they're dealing with a witch-like being that sucks out the souls of childrens and uses them to live forever.
Dean tells us through a series of flashbacks that they all met one of these back in the day. One tried to suck out Sam's soul but Daddy showed up just in time to get rid of it, but not kill it. So Dean blames himself for all these kids getting soul sucked and feels he has to be the one to bring it down!
So with the help of a kid in the hotel they're staying in, they lure the witch thing, which disguised itself has a local doctor, who just happened to live for almost 200 years and Dean gets his revenge. After a "AWWWW!" ending, it's back to the road.
Yay! I only got 4 more episodes left of season 1. This time next week, Bill will be happily reunited with his Season 1 set. What he'll do with it...I rather not think about.
-Jason
Friday, April 25, 2008
Day 25: The Tripper
"The Tripper" is directed and co-written by David Arquette, the weird guy married to Courtney Cox. I should've known that this movie would be a bit strange. Not cause it features a killer who dresses up, and even acts and talks like, Ronald Reagan. I knew that going into the movie.
See, the entire movie focuses around some concert in the middle of the forest where people go, listen to music, and get high off their asses. And that's fine, but we get P.O.V shots of these people as their tripping balls and it's all, well, trippy. Now that I think about it, that's probably where the title comes from. This movie is indeed a "tripper".
Not to sound lazy, but there's not much to know about this movie. There's modern day hippies. Rednecks who hate hippies. And a killer dressed as Reagan killing said hippies. I could go into the backstory but it's really not that interesting. You should just watch this movie cause it's about a Reagan serial killer.
And the cast is awesome. Jason "Jay" Mewes, oddly enough making his second apperance this month. Paul "Pee Wee" Ruebens, saying "fuck" a lot. Tom "Thomas" Jane as a no-nonsense cop who don't understand these hippies but leaves them alone anyway. Jamie "She's hot" King as the main chick in distress.
And I will give David Arquette some credit, he threw me for a loop. I thought I saw the ending coming but nope, there's no twist. It's all straightforward. I'm use to horror movies going like "Oh we'll have you think it's this person, but it's really this other person that we introduced for all of 5 seconds at the beginning of the movie and that person who you thought was the killer is really just misunderstood." Instead we get "This is the killer. Here's a guy, but he's now dead by the killer. Better run, bitch!", which is awesome.
And this movie is worth it to see Paul Ruebens hide in some shit. I can't tell you, just get the movie adn watch. He hides in shit. Seriously.
Well, played Mr. Arquette. Well played.
-Jason
See, the entire movie focuses around some concert in the middle of the forest where people go, listen to music, and get high off their asses. And that's fine, but we get P.O.V shots of these people as their tripping balls and it's all, well, trippy. Now that I think about it, that's probably where the title comes from. This movie is indeed a "tripper".
Not to sound lazy, but there's not much to know about this movie. There's modern day hippies. Rednecks who hate hippies. And a killer dressed as Reagan killing said hippies. I could go into the backstory but it's really not that interesting. You should just watch this movie cause it's about a Reagan serial killer.
And the cast is awesome. Jason "Jay" Mewes, oddly enough making his second apperance this month. Paul "Pee Wee" Ruebens, saying "fuck" a lot. Tom "Thomas" Jane as a no-nonsense cop who don't understand these hippies but leaves them alone anyway. Jamie "She's hot" King as the main chick in distress.
And I will give David Arquette some credit, he threw me for a loop. I thought I saw the ending coming but nope, there's no twist. It's all straightforward. I'm use to horror movies going like "Oh we'll have you think it's this person, but it's really this other person that we introduced for all of 5 seconds at the beginning of the movie and that person who you thought was the killer is really just misunderstood." Instead we get "This is the killer. Here's a guy, but he's now dead by the killer. Better run, bitch!", which is awesome.
And this movie is worth it to see Paul Ruebens hide in some shit. I can't tell you, just get the movie adn watch. He hides in shit. Seriously.
Well, played Mr. Arquette. Well played.
-Jason
Supernatural: The Benders & Shadows
Since I started writing about season 1 of "Supernatural" I noticed that I've been getting some traffic from the fine folks over at Television Without Pity, especially from the "Supernatural" board. So if any of you guys are reading this, I'd like to know something:
Is "The Benders" the least favorite episode among it's fans?
I ask cause (spoiler alert) THERE'S NOTHING SUPERNATURAL ABOUT THIS EPISODE!
It's about a family of rednecks kidnapping totally random people, locking them in cages, then letting them go so they can hunt and kill them. That's it. The rednecks aren't possessed or are vampires or anything. True, they're pretty creepy and this was a creepy episodes but creepy does not equal "supernatural".
I dunno what everyone involved with this episode were thinking. Did the writers have this conversation:
Writer #1: So what ghost/monster should The Winchesters fight today?
(Silence)
Writer #2: I just got done watching "Texas Chainsaw Massacre". Maybe they can meet Leatherface.
Writer #1: Nah, copyright issues. We have a hard enough time paying for all the great classic rock songs that show up in each episode.
Writer #3: I just got done reading "The Most Dangerous Game".
Writer #1: Hmm...how about if we combine the two??
Writer #2: So Leatherface hunts for people in a forest?
Writer #1: Forget about Leatherface!! Just make it a random creepy family.
Writer #4: OOH! Netflix just delievered "Deliverance".
Writer #1: Excellent! A creepy REDNECK family!! Get to writin!
Writer #2: But...where's the ghosts and/or monster?
Writer #1: Christ, aren't you sick of monsters? I dunno what I was thinking when I took this job. Monsters are boring. Besides, I'm sure the fans will like this episode. It's different. It's edgy.
Writer #2: Ok...
Just a guess.
Thankfully "Shadows" came along and now we're drowing in actual supernatural crap. Some shadow demon is killing people and Dean and Sam investigate. Sam runs into that hitchhiker chick from a few episodes back that turned out to be Satan's daughter or girlfriend or something and he finally realizes this. He confirms this when he sees her doing weird witchcraft stuff, summoning demons.
Sam & Dean go into action but are almost immedately captured by Hitchhiker Girl. She tries to rape Sam in front of Dean, but Sam realizes how creepy that is and instead stabs a bitch. After knocking over her evil altar, the demons attack her, killing her.
OR SO WE THINK!!!! She's Satan's daughter and/or girlfriend! There's no killing her, fool!!
We also get a highly emotional reunion between father and son(s) and it goes on not too long so it crosses into "Lifetime" territory, but it was still quite long. It's then we find out that father and sons have to be seperated or else the demons will eat their souls or something, so father takes off, leaving Sam & Dean to tackle...something next week.
Oh and all this took place in Chicago by the way. I can't confirm if it was actually filmed there or not, they didn't film near any landmarks or anything. But seeing this is a TV show, it was probably Vancouver or something.
So anyway, I'm serious you guys from TWOP, let me know what you think. I believe I have the settings set to where you don't need a Blogger ID to leave a comment. But I do moderate all comments, so no assholish behavior, ok?
-Jason
Is "The Benders" the least favorite episode among it's fans?
I ask cause (spoiler alert) THERE'S NOTHING SUPERNATURAL ABOUT THIS EPISODE!
It's about a family of rednecks kidnapping totally random people, locking them in cages, then letting them go so they can hunt and kill them. That's it. The rednecks aren't possessed or are vampires or anything. True, they're pretty creepy and this was a creepy episodes but creepy does not equal "supernatural".
I dunno what everyone involved with this episode were thinking. Did the writers have this conversation:
Writer #1: So what ghost/monster should The Winchesters fight today?
(Silence)
Writer #2: I just got done watching "Texas Chainsaw Massacre". Maybe they can meet Leatherface.
Writer #1: Nah, copyright issues. We have a hard enough time paying for all the great classic rock songs that show up in each episode.
Writer #3: I just got done reading "The Most Dangerous Game".
Writer #1: Hmm...how about if we combine the two??
Writer #2: So Leatherface hunts for people in a forest?
Writer #1: Forget about Leatherface!! Just make it a random creepy family.
Writer #4: OOH! Netflix just delievered "Deliverance".
Writer #1: Excellent! A creepy REDNECK family!! Get to writin!
Writer #2: But...where's the ghosts and/or monster?
Writer #1: Christ, aren't you sick of monsters? I dunno what I was thinking when I took this job. Monsters are boring. Besides, I'm sure the fans will like this episode. It's different. It's edgy.
Writer #2: Ok...
Just a guess.
Thankfully "Shadows" came along and now we're drowing in actual supernatural crap. Some shadow demon is killing people and Dean and Sam investigate. Sam runs into that hitchhiker chick from a few episodes back that turned out to be Satan's daughter or girlfriend or something and he finally realizes this. He confirms this when he sees her doing weird witchcraft stuff, summoning demons.
Sam & Dean go into action but are almost immedately captured by Hitchhiker Girl. She tries to rape Sam in front of Dean, but Sam realizes how creepy that is and instead stabs a bitch. After knocking over her evil altar, the demons attack her, killing her.
OR SO WE THINK!!!! She's Satan's daughter and/or girlfriend! There's no killing her, fool!!
We also get a highly emotional reunion between father and son(s) and it goes on not too long so it crosses into "Lifetime" territory, but it was still quite long. It's then we find out that father and sons have to be seperated or else the demons will eat their souls or something, so father takes off, leaving Sam & Dean to tackle...something next week.
Oh and all this took place in Chicago by the way. I can't confirm if it was actually filmed there or not, they didn't film near any landmarks or anything. But seeing this is a TV show, it was probably Vancouver or something.
So anyway, I'm serious you guys from TWOP, let me know what you think. I believe I have the settings set to where you don't need a Blogger ID to leave a comment. But I do moderate all comments, so no assholish behavior, ok?
-Jason
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Sorry Again
The same family emergency popped up again tonight. So far everything's ok again so I should have something done tomorrow.
-Jason
-Jason
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Day 23: Saw 4 (With a Hint of Saw 3)
PREVIOUSLY ON SAW 3:
Jigsaw is dying. A doctor is kidnapped. She has to save Jigsaw. She doesn't, she dies. He dies. There shouldn't have been a Saw 4 but guess what?
Now on to SAW 4:
Ugh. It's annoying. I think the only people who watch these movies are the same groups of people that watch those shows on Discovery or whatever about medical proceedures or autopsy's or something. Hell the first 10 minutes was an autopsy.
Anyway, blah blah blah he's dead but his "lessons" will go on. We get ten thousand stories of all the people that Jigsaw are presently victiminizing but this is all really happening the past. We learn that a car accident made Jigsaw go insane, which is bullshit cause I was in a car accident and I didn't become a serial killer. There's a twist ending of course and we're forewarned for 200 more sequels to come.
In other words, it sucked.
(Blogger Images don't wanna work right now so...)
ZERO STARS!
-Jason
PS: I think I make a better Jigsaw movie:
Jigsaw is dying. A doctor is kidnapped. She has to save Jigsaw. She doesn't, she dies. He dies. There shouldn't have been a Saw 4 but guess what?
Now on to SAW 4:
Ugh. It's annoying. I think the only people who watch these movies are the same groups of people that watch those shows on Discovery or whatever about medical proceedures or autopsy's or something. Hell the first 10 minutes was an autopsy.
Anyway, blah blah blah he's dead but his "lessons" will go on. We get ten thousand stories of all the people that Jigsaw are presently victiminizing but this is all really happening the past. We learn that a car accident made Jigsaw go insane, which is bullshit cause I was in a car accident and I didn't become a serial killer. There's a twist ending of course and we're forewarned for 200 more sequels to come.
In other words, it sucked.
(Blogger Images don't wanna work right now so...)
ZERO STARS!
-Jason
PS: I think I make a better Jigsaw movie:
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Family Emergency
Hey all.
There was a family emergency I had to tend to, so I couldn't get to a movie or "Supernatural" tonight. If all's well tomorrow, I'll pick up them.
I'll keep you informed.
-Jason
There was a family emergency I had to tend to, so I couldn't get to a movie or "Supernatural" tonight. If all's well tomorrow, I'll pick up them.
I'll keep you informed.
-Jason
Monday, April 21, 2008
Day 21: I Am Legend
Dude! Another movie with zombie dogs! Too bad this movie is mediocre at best.
So Will Smith is the last human survivor of some virus outbreak that killed 90 billion people, or turned them into zombies.
Ok, here's another way of putting this. It's "Cast Away" meets "28 Days Laters". Substitute Tom Hanks with Will Smith. Substitute Wilson the Volleyball with Sam the Dog, and instead of finding ways off an island, he's gotta find a cure for this disease.
And the more we watch, the more bonkers he gets. He starts talking to manniquins like they're people on the street. Then again if I was by myself for 1000 days (yes, we pick up right on the thousandth day) I'd probably be talking to trees myself.
One part that wasn't explained was when one of his manniquin friends named Fred appears suddenly in the street, Will freaks out and guns him down, then stepping into a trap, where he's hung upside down all day. So who set the trap? Will, but he forgot? The zombies? I dunno, it's not explored too much.
Eventually, Will meets Ana, a kinda hot chick from some other country and a kid named Ethan. Will acts like a total dick to them, even making fun of her religion (I'm serious). But soon enough the zombies attack the house and I knew the movie was finally about to end. Whenever the central location we been at for half the movie is getting blown the fuck up, you know the movie is almost over. Keep that in mind.
When the humans hide out in Will's lab, they find that one of Will's test patients is slowly turning back to human. But the zombies are closing in, so she takes some half human, half zombie blood, gives it to Ana, and tells her to go to Vermont, where other survivors might be. Then Will blows himself up.
Wouldn't ya know it? There are survivors in Vermont. If Will wasn't too busy being a dick and left when he was suppose to, he coulda survived but NOOOO! Blah, I wasted too much time on this movie.
My main problem with the movie was the CGI, in that it was too obvious that half the things were totally fake. The deer, the zombies, hell probably even the non-zombie dog. I mean this is a Will Smith movie for cryin' out loud, isn't the budget a bit bigger then this?
And I find out that one of the screenwriters, and producers, is Akvia Goldsmith, who is partly responsible for the mess that is "Batman & Robin". Shudder at that thought, why don't you?
-Jason
So Will Smith is the last human survivor of some virus outbreak that killed 90 billion people, or turned them into zombies.
Ok, here's another way of putting this. It's "Cast Away" meets "28 Days Laters". Substitute Tom Hanks with Will Smith. Substitute Wilson the Volleyball with Sam the Dog, and instead of finding ways off an island, he's gotta find a cure for this disease.
And the more we watch, the more bonkers he gets. He starts talking to manniquins like they're people on the street. Then again if I was by myself for 1000 days (yes, we pick up right on the thousandth day) I'd probably be talking to trees myself.
One part that wasn't explained was when one of his manniquin friends named Fred appears suddenly in the street, Will freaks out and guns him down, then stepping into a trap, where he's hung upside down all day. So who set the trap? Will, but he forgot? The zombies? I dunno, it's not explored too much.
Eventually, Will meets Ana, a kinda hot chick from some other country and a kid named Ethan. Will acts like a total dick to them, even making fun of her religion (I'm serious). But soon enough the zombies attack the house and I knew the movie was finally about to end. Whenever the central location we been at for half the movie is getting blown the fuck up, you know the movie is almost over. Keep that in mind.
When the humans hide out in Will's lab, they find that one of Will's test patients is slowly turning back to human. But the zombies are closing in, so she takes some half human, half zombie blood, gives it to Ana, and tells her to go to Vermont, where other survivors might be. Then Will blows himself up.
Wouldn't ya know it? There are survivors in Vermont. If Will wasn't too busy being a dick and left when he was suppose to, he coulda survived but NOOOO! Blah, I wasted too much time on this movie.
My main problem with the movie was the CGI, in that it was too obvious that half the things were totally fake. The deer, the zombies, hell probably even the non-zombie dog. I mean this is a Will Smith movie for cryin' out loud, isn't the budget a bit bigger then this?
And I find out that one of the screenwriters, and producers, is Akvia Goldsmith, who is partly responsible for the mess that is "Batman & Robin". Shudder at that thought, why don't you?
-Jason
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