Friday, December 28, 2007

Trailer Thursdays #5

Here it is. The actual real trailer.

The Dark Knight

Fuck. Yeah.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

New Mass Invasion: Santa Claus

Merry Christmas everybody!!!

Our third Mass Invasion is up and in full effect, yo.

Santa Claus

And that's gonna do it for 2007. Have a great Christmas, and a wonderful and safe New Year! Look out for many great (or worse) things to come in '08!

And for everyone, a christmas greeting:
Christmas Greeting


Thursday, December 20, 2007

Trailer Thursdays #4

This looks fuckin....I dunno what. Like a combination of Kill Bill and Planet Terror from "Grindhouse". But I will be looking for this and you should too.'re into that kind of thing.

The Machine Girl

Do all girls in Japan dress like Sailor Moon? Just wondering.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Jason Soto Movie Show: Christmas Edition

Howdy folks! A new episode of the Movie Show is up, and this time I talk about Christmas movies.


Sunday, December 09, 2007

New Date My Mom Episode Reviewed

Since it's Christmas time and I'm busy getting my shopping done, and putting together the upcoming new Mass Invasion, I decided to take it easy today and do a long overdue review of another episode of "Date My Mom"

Date My Mom Episode 3

Hope you got your shots before you read this. It's quite sleazy.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

New Review: Troll; New Calender

What it is, my peeps?

Today I finally go back and check out "Troll", to see if MAYBE there was some connection to "Troll 2".


I also added the calendar for December.


I guess there weren't a lot of birthday's this year. Some of you must've been hatched or something.


Thursday, November 29, 2007

Trailer Thursday #3

There has been all kinds of buzz about this movie. The only thing we know for sure is that it's a monster movie and it's all used through hand held cameras, which gives the impression this is gonna be Vlogging: The Movie. A lot of people seem to think it's a remake of "Godzilla", the 1998 version, but from the point of view of normal average people. I have to admit the trailer makes it look like that, but I have my doubts.

Anyway, there are two versions of this trailer. The second one shows more stuff but it's very hard to track down on Youtube. So for now, this is all you get:



Sunday, November 25, 2007

Saturday, November 17, 2007

New Review: Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

It's done! It's FINALLY done!! After months of sitting on this movie and planning and working and toiling and brewing and....I better stop there.

My point is, this review is finally up!!! Me and my two gal pal friends Maria and April teamed up (Kinda sorta in a way) and did a review/riff-type thing to this movie.

And I'm gonna warn ya right now, it's long. Longer then normal. Which sometimes is a good thing, if you know what I mean. Wink wink.

Ok, enough talk. Let's get to it.

Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

And please leave us some kind of comment on the blog on how we did, we all worked our asses off for this.


Thursday, November 15, 2007

Trailer Thursdays #2

For months, since the poster was announced, I was dreading this movie. But now the offical trailer has been released.

And I still dread it, but God help me, I laughed at the end bit with Dave on that date with that chick. Maybe I'm losing my touch?

Thursday, November 08, 2007

NEW FEATURE! Trailers Thursday!

What's up, peeps? I got a new feature for you! And it is called

Trailers Thursday!

What is this, you may ask? Well, every Thursday I shall post a trailer for a movie, any kind of movie. New, old, good, bad, whatever. And it's on Thursday's cause...well I thought of this today, which happens to be a Thursday. Make sense? Good! Let's roll!

Trailer #1: Be Kind Rewind

Here be the IMDb link to it.

Woo! A new Michel Gondry movie! I can't wait!

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Secret Announcement Announced!!

Holy crap has it been a long ass week! Between hamburgers and cookies, I'm just worn out.

Anyway, I mentioned in my "Offical Halloween Post" blog that I had a super secret announcement. Well, maybe it's not all that secret cause I probably mentioned it before, plus I told a few other people already. But I'm gonna throw in ANOTHER secret announcement, for the price of one!!! Am I crazy or what?

Secret Announcement #1: It's November so you know what that means? Time for the weather to be cold as fuck, people OD on turkey, and people cram the malls looking for a $10 dollar DVD player. (Don't everyone have DVD players by now?) But it also means that Christmas is coming and so I am proud to present The Invasion of the B-Movies Mass Invasion: Christmas Style! Yes, we (me and whoever I can get to do this with) will watch and review a Christmas movie! Sweet, huh? And the movie? Unless something comes up (which is bound to happen since this is me we're talking about here), the movie is going to be...
Santa Claus (1958)! This is truly a weird and bizzare film that MUST be handled by more then one person, don't ya think? So now that I announced the title, who's on board? Anyone and everyone is welcome to participate! If you never participated before, or don't even know what the hell a Mass Invasion is, check out our last two:
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies
Troll 2

Feel free to email me at js at invasionofthebmovies dot com to tell me that you're all in.

Secret Announcement #2 isn't quite so long. Me and two of my friends, April and Maria, are doing a sort of Mass Invasion ourselves. We're gonna tackle "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band", but I'm gonna try something different, which is why I didn't make this an open invitation to all. Instead of just having us take turns writing a portion of the movie, we're gonna meet up in IM and kind of "riff" the movie, if you will, since there are SOOOOO many scenes where there's just singing for like an hour straight. They both are on board and I'm meeting up with them seperately on different days to do this. So I'm probably gonna be suffering the most here. I'm unsure at this time when this will be completed but I'm shooting for by the end of November. So keep your eyes peeled out for that.

And that's it for this super long ass blog. A review SHOULD be comin' tonight, if all goes according to plan.

Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

This Is Your Halloween Post

Hey Ghouls! HA!

Since I created the site in 2005, I tried to celebrate Halloween in various way. The first year I spent three days watching 15 movies, which took a lot out of me. The second year, I posted my old "Friday Night Video Reviews" reviews on the awful "Halloween" sequels. So now it's 2007.

And I got nothing. I'm sorry to say. But I been pretty busy with stuff. Which I'll tell you some of what that is.

First, I'm helping my friend Bill Szany with a short film he made for a Youtube contest. I dunno if I can go much more into it. Well, on the other hand, I did make a preview for it, which you can see here.

Then there's other video projects, plus my own short film I'm gonna be making later this year, and the return of BMC5K! If you know what that is, hooray! If not, just wait. You'll know.

So with all of that going on, I didn't really have time to go rent some bad scary movies, or anything. I think I was gonna tackle one of the Friday the 13th movies, I think starting with Part 3, when they did the 3-D thing. But I'll save that for another time.

I did read a thing in the "AV Club" by my on-again favorite/off-again favorite director Eli Roth (I can't stand Cabin Fever, Hostel was alright, didn't see Hostel 2, and the "Thanksgiving" Promo during "Grindhouse" was fuckin' awesome) where he talks about doing a 24-hour horror movie marathon, which I was tempted to do, if I read about it early enough and had time to get the movies. You can check that out here.

And before we go, I do wanna say I have an announcement coming either tomorrow night or Thursday night, depending on when I'm able to post it. So stay tuned for that.

In the meantime, I did make something relating to horror movies. Please check out:
"Soto Meets Jigsaw"


Sunday, October 28, 2007

New Review: The Galaxy Invader

Apparently some dude named Don Dohler made this, since his name appears in this movie roughly 200 million times.

The Galaxy Invader

And this review was sponsored in part by...oh you'll see.


Friday, October 26, 2007

Jason Answers Some Questions

So Jason, why don't you hardly write in your blog anymore?
I dunno, really. Maybe I should write more stuff. I think the problem for me is I write the articles or whatever and I tell everyone in the known universe and I hardly get any feedback. Granted, I've gotten some comments here or there and I do appreciate them (And sorry to those of you who HAD to create an account to leave a comment. I changed that since then.), it's just it feels like I'm writing stuff to deaf ears...or deaf eyes....or...whatever.

But maybe none of that should matter. I should just keep pluggin' away and writing whatever and be content on the few people who do read this regularly and be happy. So I will try to think of things to write about in here in the future.

What's up with the "Movie Show"?
Originally, I was gonna just stop for a week, which turned into two weeks, then before I knew it, a whole month has gone by. Then I was planning the newest one and realized how much alike all the episodes are and maybe a bit variety would spice things up. And maybe present the Top Ten Movies a little better. Maybe give out some movie news? I tried to do viewer email but...I think we all can figure out what happened with that. But I'm gonna revamp it and present a new episode sometime next week, in time for Halloween, possibly. If not, oh well.

I'm sick of you complaining all the damn time. Are you turning emo?
Yes. I'm letting my hair grow out so I can cover my eyes. I already own lots of black clothing and I occasionally paint my fingernails black. I just need to start drinking coffee and cry a lot.

See any good movies recently?
Yes, which I was gonna cover in the movie show but I can mention them here. A few weeks back I saw "Shoot 'Em Up", the crazy action flick starring Clive Owen. I thought it was pretty good and enjoyable and it didn't take itself seriously, which is always great. I would recommend it but unfortunately not a lot of people "got" it and it was pulled from theaters three weeks after it's release date, meanwhile "Transformers" is still playing in theaters all over the place.

I also saw "The Darjeeling Limited" this past weekend, which is only being shown in selected theaters for some reason. I never seen a Wes Anderson movie before and I was pretty interested in seeing this one. Luckily, I was in Indianapolis this past weekend and they have an "art cinema" where they play artsy movies and Darjeeling was playing there. I gotta say I liked it and thought it was funny and sad. It was also filmed beautifully and it makes me wanna check out his other works now.

One final question, if you decide to stop doing the Movie Show, do you plan on still listing the top movies?
Yes, I'd like to. Cause I think it's interesting and it's one thing that no one else has done (I don't think).

Thanks for reading. Check out the sites listed to the right for other things I'm doine and I will post more stuff in here. I promise.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

New Probe: Gory Gory Hallelujah

I was gonna make this a regular movie review but after watching the movie, I realized it doesn't warrent a full-on review, so I made it a probe instead.

Enjoy the morality tale of four actors who wish to be Jesus, winding up in a super religious town. And zombies appear at the end.
Gory Gory Hallelujah

And Happy Birthday wishes go to Rachael, who you may know as one of the many people that helps outs during the "Mass Invasions".

Happy 18th birthday, Rach!!

Sunday, October 07, 2007

New (Late) Calendar; Where The Hell Have I Been?

Hola mi amigos y amigas!! Como esta? Muy bein.

Ok now in English.

The calendar for October is put up. Sorry it's late. And I didn't put any upcoming reviews on it cause I never do em the day that I say I am anyway. I would do one today but here in Indiana it's all hot and I just spent 2 and a half hours cutting grass/picking up leaves and it's sort of impaired my humorous writing (no, this doesn't explain the other times my writing has been impaired). Anyway, I will get to a couple of things this week, including a "Date My Mom" episode and an updated review. I'm sorta planning on what to do on the site for Halloween, plus figure out what the next Christmas themed "Mass Invasion" is gonna be.

Anyway, here's the link to the calendar:

Calendar of October

And we have a birthday this month!! If you want your birthday added to the calendar, let me know and I'll add it.

Adios mi compadres!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

New Review: Crippled Masters

If there was any time you needed to read a review based only on the title, this is it:

Crippled Masters


Wednesday, September 19, 2007

New Review: Murder Set Pieces

This review made me say the word, or a variation of the word, "random" 19 times. That should give you some idea on what this movie is like.

Murder Set Pieces

My god, has it really been a month since I did a new review? The hell is that about? I swear it won't be that long again.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Update About Reviews and 90's Music Videos Return!

Hey everyone!

I started the new review tonight but since I didn't get back till kinda late, it won't be done until tomorrow (I hope). So thanks for your patience when it comes to new material.

And I dunno if you know or not but awhile ago I started a thing called "Awesome 90's Music Video", which I admit was inspired by's 80's music video link thingy. I stopped doing it in June cause I was kinda burnt on it but now I'm starting it back up. Don't worry, you won't be getting an email notice on those. But, you CAN bookmark the site, if you could, please?

Thanks for reading (and watching).

Friday, September 14, 2007

Jason Soto Movie Show Episode 3

I know it seems like I'm doing more movie shows than actual reviews for the site but things are starting to slow down around here.

Episode 3

And unless some weird thing comes up, I swear there will be a review on Sunday.

Thanks for sticking around,

Friday, September 07, 2007

Jason Soto Movie Show Episode 2 & Other News

Episode 2 of my show Jason Soto Movie Show is up!
Jason Soto Movie Show Episode 2

And just so you guys are updated, I'm still around, it's just been busy as hell around these parts. But new reviews are on the horizon, including some "special" reviews. In the meantime, check out the Calendar for September:

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Review Updated: Frogs

I revisit (and rewrote) one of the first few reviews I did for the site.



Monday, August 27, 2007

Jason Soto Movie Show Episode 1

This is the pilot episode for my new public access TV show in Hammond, Indiana. I hope you guys like it:

There will be more episodes.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

New Review: Beast of Yucca Flats

Words. Review. Horrible movie. Something with wheels.

Beast of Yucca Flats

Thanks. Flag on the moon.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

One Down, 20 more to Go

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog about movies that people can't believe that I haven't seen yet. I finally got to one on the list:
The Bourne Identity

I won't give a full review of it, just my thoughts.

I thought it was funny anytime something happened Bourne would get a hunch someone was about to kill him. And oddly enough, he'd be right. A good example of this is when he and that chick he hooks up with Marie are at some dude's house and the dude's kid is like "the dog is missing." This causes Bourne to go into full on panic mode and scream out "GET IN THE BASEMENT NOW!!!!!" and he grabs a gun and blows shit up. And before you think Bourne is out of his fuckin mind, we see Mute Clive Owen up in the hills.

So....what happened to the dog? Why is the dog gone missing a sign that Mute Clive Owen is there? Are we suppose to assume he killed the dog? I don't get it and it wasn't explained.

Another thing that was weird was Julia Stiles character. She was just...there. She didn't do anything. She barely interacted with anyone else, except for Mute Clive Owen. (Why do I keep calling him that? If you seen the movie, you should know what I mean. If not, he doesn't say one word until Bourne confronts him.) And I dont think she was even given a name. She was just named "Chick In Small Dark Room Somewhere Doing Nothing" cause that's all she did. She sat in a room, with headphones and just went "...". And at the end when Chris Cooper (The gay dad from "American Beauty") shows up and is attacked by Bourne, she just stands there. At least attempt to karate chop Bourne's arm or something.

And one final complaint, how in the hell did he make every single car alarm in Paris go off? I mean I know he's suppose to be badass but does that's kind of a weak badass talent. I'm hoping Bourne would keep that out of his resume.

"So, I see you kick ass, good with knives, good with guns, excellent driver. What's this? You have the power to activate every car alarm within a 10 mile radius? Sorry, we don't think you'd fit in with the Justice League of America."

So with that stuff out of the way, let's go to the deleted opening and closing scenes.

The opening doesn't make much sense. It's just Bourne in some city and he's asking people where some chick is at. Then all of the people vanish and he faints. Then...that's it.

The ending kinda sorta explains it. He wakes up in some hotel room, some guy who I don't recall seeing before is talking to him and telling him he can be a free agent if he wants, and leaves. Then it goes into the original theatrical ending, except...not. Here, you can see for yourself.

So overall, I'd give this movie 2 stars. It was ok, I was entertained but I didn't see what the big deal was. There was one pretty cool scene I did like though.

Who knew Matt Damon could kick ass so well?

Coming Up in 2009: The Body Snatchers

How many times is the same movie gonna get made? First we get "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" in 1956:

Which from what I can tell is a good enough of a movie. It stars a young Kevin McCarthy (who went one to appear in a bunch more other movies, including "UHF") and it's a creepy ass story: aliens from outer space steal our bodies when we sleep. That's pretty fucked up.

Then 1978 came and we get, well, "Invasion of the Body Snatchers":

This time we get Donald Sutherland and Leonard Nimoy (This movie is so far back that Jeff Goldblum is in it but he doesn't get a mention in the trailer.) This one I have seen and it is a pretty good movie. I'm unsure how the original ends, but this version has the most fucked up ending I've ever seen in a sci-fi/horror movie.

So now it's 2007. And what do we get? "The Invasion". No Body Snatchers. Just "The Invasion":

This time we get the AWESOME star power of Nicole Kidman. Yep, instead of the main lead be a male like in the first two films, this time we focus on a woman. Oh and, her kid. You gotta throw a kid into the mix, you know, for sympathy sakes.

Whoever put this trailer together did a pretty good job cause it actually makes me wanna see it. But I doubt I'm gonna spend 8 or 9 bucks to see it in theater. I'll just wait until it hits the video store.

If you thought I had something snarky to say about remakes, sorry to dissapoint you. But whatever I would say has been said at least a thousand times by other people. I'm also not gonna tell you if you should see this or not. That's up to you. But I would say if you wanna see a good horror/sci-fi movie about aliens taking over our bodies, rent the first two. Especially the Donald Sutherland version.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Updated Review: Warrior of the Lost World ; Bragging Rights

I finally got around to updating the Warrior of the Lost World review. Check it out, yo.
Warrior of the Lost World

And the biggest bestest news ever.


The one site that totally inspired me to do what I do now has finally put a link to my site! You have no idea how awesome this is. This means I should be getting more exposure, which means I really have to work hard on getting this place straightened up. If you haven't yet, you should check it out:


Friday, August 10, 2007

The Most Original (Sequel) To A Dance Movie Ever!!!!

I'm not sure what the true purpose for Myspace was, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't involve shitty sequels to shitty movies that people have forgotten about by now.

This rant may seem familar. I made a similar one in November 2006 when Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj was coming out. My two main complaints, if you remember that far back, was that it was called "Van Wilder" when the character, played by Ryan Reyonlds, doesn't even appear in the movie. And on the Myspace profile for it (which is still up) screened it's comments and only posted positive comments.

Well, the crappy sequel industy strikes again! This time for a movie that I'm sure not a whole lot of people remember. I'm talking about "Step Up". According to, it's got a 5.9 rating. To give you some idea how bad this is, on the Bottom 100, at number 100, is The Neverending Story 3, which is currently at a 2.6. I suck at math, so I dunno how the .6 and the .9's figure in, but Step Up is 2 whole ratings up from Neverending Story 3. That's pretty bad.

But that's not gonna stop them! Because we now have..."Step Up 2 The Streets". No, I didn't forget the colon. It's actually called "Step Up 2 The Streets". I'm wonder if Prince co-wrote this. So why does Step Up need a sequel? Did the first one end with a cliffhanger? What the fuck is Step Up about anyway? Let's see what we can find out without having to watch the movie.

According to wikipedia (the most reliable source I can find), this is the plot:
"Step Up is a 2006 dance/romance film directed by Anne Fletcher starring Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan.
The movie follows the tale of the disadvantaged Tyler Gage (Channing Tatum) and the privileged ballet dancer Nora Clark (Jenna Dewan), who find themselves paired up in a showcase that determines both of their futures. Realizing that they only have one chance, they finally work together. The movie's official website does not have its own domain; rather, it is hosted through MySpace, and it serves as a community that encourages social networking and discussion about the film."'s a dance/romance movie. No wonder i'm getting a headache thinking about this, those are the two least of my favorite genre films, and they teamed up and decided to rape my brain. The wiki-article goes into great detail about the movie but I don't really need to know anymore. Besides the ending. How does this movie end? Is the disadvantaged Tyler Gage (the fuck kinda name is that anyway) surrounded by ballet dancers with machine guns and before we see if Tyler Gage (I think my Dad's Tyler Gage was broke on his car once) makes it out alive, the screen goes black and it says "TO BE CONTINUED..." it big red letter? Lets see.

"At the end Nora and Tyler make up, Mac congratulates him, Lucy and Miles kiss, the dance scout wants to talk to Nora about being in their dance program AND she's interested in Tyler and Director Gordan wants Tyler to finish out the rest of his school year at the Maryland School for the arts."

That's it? Tyler gets to finish school and this Nora chick joins a dance program? That sounds pretty wrapped up to me. Well, ok. I'm sure many people thought "Die Hard" wrapped up pretty good, but we got 3 more sequels. So maybe "Step Up 2: The Streets" continues with Tyler Gage (I should be Jason Gage. Makes me sound 10 times more exciting, don't it?) graduating the Maryland School for the arts (lowercase, they can't afford a capital A) and now he has to, I dunno, fight zombies while dancing his heart out. At least that's what would happen in my version of the script.

Before I go into detail about the Myspace profile for Step Up 2: Not-So-Electric Boogaloo", let's see what Tyler is gonna be up to in the sequel.

"Having grown up in the Maryland School of the Arts, 18-year-old Patrick Collins (Robert Hoffman) feels creatively confined by the restraints of the now, more than ever, commercialized school. He hears of a legendary, underground team dance battle that happens every year called The Streets that only locals have access to (think Fight Club but for dance) and he is by no means a local. When Andie West (Briana Evigan), a 17-year-old B-girl who is part of the best team that competes in The Streets starts to attend MSA, sparks fly and Patrick is let into the underbelly of the Baltimore dance scene."

Wait a minute? Who the fuck is Patrick? I would assume he's Tyler's brother but Tyler's last name is Gage. Patrick's is Collins. The hell? And I see the Maryland School of the Arts finally saved up for that capital A. So Step Up 2: Stepping Again doesn't involve ANY of the original characters. None. And you have no idea how disturbed I am by the mental image I got when I read the words "think Fight Club but for dance". And Patrick better watch out for that underbelly of the Baltimore dance scene. I hear they'll fuck a dude up.

Ok, enough of this. Let's take a look at the Myspace profile that started this rant.

Well, I'm greeted by the most annoying screen in the history of the world. I mean, I visited some god-awful Myspace profiles, but this is just horrible. It's not even in the typical Myspace profile layout. Why do these fucks get a special page for their crappy movie? And why does every single thing immedately start up the instant the page loads, which takes about 20 minutes cause of all the crap on it. Seriously, if you wanna visit this page, start it, then start cooking a Rachael Ray-style meal. When you get back, the page MIGHT be loaded.

So the whole purpose of this profile is they're asking the Myspace community for help in making the movie, according to the annoying banner. I wonder if that means if everybody on Myspace had some fuckin' sense and said "no", this stupid thing wouldn't get made. But unfortunately, that's not the case.

When you scroll down further you see they are offering a contest where you make a video of yourself dancing (but only to the OFFICAL STEP UP 2 SONG BEING PERFORMED BY CASSIE, whoever the hell that is) and send it to them. I can't seem to see what happens if your video is picked. Maybe this Cassie chick will give you a naked picture of her or something. Looking at her pic, I wouldn't mind that.

And the way the friends are listed is pretty funny. Obviously the first guy is the dude who's gonna play Patrick Non-Gage. The second is the Cassie chick. The third is some Jenna chick. I can't seem to find the main chick that's gonna be in this movie, whos name is Briana Evigan. I guess she don't have a Myspace page, but since this whole entire movie is suppose to be Myspace friendly, you'd think the movie studio would force her to have one.

After the list of friends (even that damn Milkshake chick made the cut), I see something I've never seen before: a forum ON the profile. Usually forums about stupid crap like this is usually seething with dumbasses, but I couldn't find anything stupid or laughable about it. You win this time, Step Up 2.

Ok now we get to the comments. Pretty much every single one is just people saying "Check out my hip and hot dance moves" and "Pick me pleeeeze!!!" BUT! Lo and behold, I found my first non-positive feedback comment!!!!

I was on this chick's side, then I realized it's cause they're probably gonna use that god awful song in the movie and they wanna make sure all of "us" can dance to it. So that's the reason, yo.

Maybe this isn't screened after all? Well, let's find out.

Last time I used two different profiles to post two different comments. I'm gonna use the same one for two different comments. First, let's do the bad.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Ah! I fuckin' knew it!!! That comment won't get posted. I'm gonna wait a little while longer and post another one, with a more uplifting comment.

That's about it. Maybe I am being a bit too hard. I mean, I never did see the first Step Up movie. Maybe it's not all that bad. I mean it's a guy...doing ballet. To make a difference. Who knows?

Oh, as for the contest. I figured if they're letting just ANYONE make a dance video submission video....

Vote for me!
-Jason Gage

(PS: Yes, I really did submit that video into the contest.)

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Updated: Dead Alive Review

I added images to the first review posted to the site. Dead Alive.

This movie kicks ass. For the lord. Still.
Dead Alive


Sunday, August 05, 2007

Anniversary Updates!

So August is the 2 year anniversary of the site and to celebrate I did a whole bunch of crap.

1. I made up a special main page that lists all the reviews I posted in August of 2005. All this week, and part of next week, I'm gonna go back to those reviews and add images and fix them all up nice.
New Main Page

2. I revamped the B Movies page, where I link to all the reviews on the site. Coming soon: Chronological order!
New B Movie Page

3. I made a new page called "Spin Offs", which is gonna be the new home of the Date My Mom reviews, and the two reviews my friend Mary did. I get the feeling I'm gonna have to replace her soon. Anyone interested in writing cool ass articles/essays about movies for the site? Write back to me!

4. I am slowly (and I do mean slowly) going through each and every single review and reformatting it to fit a screen resolution of 1024 by 768. Plus I'm fixing any long overdue typos or grammar errors and adding images if needed. This one might take awhile longer. But it'll be worth the wait.

5. I did update the normal main page a bit. I'm not sure if I wanna keep it that way, but it'll stay that way for now. Out of all the problems I have with the site, finding a way to orgainize the main page has always been a hassle. I did put in a "bulletin board" where I list little updates and changes to the site. You can check that out here:
New Main Page Layout...for now

That's about it. Thank you guys so much for reading and supporting the site!

List: Movies People Can't Believe I Haven't Seen

It seems that people wish to challenge my "Movie Buff Guy" title by asking me if I seen such and such movie. 9 times out of 10 I can say, with confidence, "Yes!" But then I get someone, usually my fiancee or a co-worker, who asks me "Have you seen blahblahblah?" and I go "" The following list is of movies that people just don't believe that I haven't seen yet.

1. The Bourne Movies
You'd think that I would've seen these movies because FINALLY there's a major badass character named Jason. You don't know how many movie's I've seen where a character named Jason would appear and he'd either be an asshole, the villain, or the stupidest guy in the whole entire movie. It didn't help any that in the beginning of "The Day After Tomorrow" Dennis Quaid's character is working with a dude named Jason in Antarctica and he trips on a piece of machinery and next thing you know, Antarctica is being split into 2 thousand pieces. Anyway..

Why I Haven't Seen These Movies: Well, when The Bourne Identity came out I was like, "Hm ok, cool. I'll get around to it eventually." Then before I knew it, there was The Bourne Supremacy. And I was like "Uh...there's a series?" And now we have The Bourne Ultimatum. So honestly, I just didn't have time to catch up before the third one even came out.

Will I See These Movies: Considering my fiancee is a hardcore Jason Bourne fan, and she wants to see Ultimatum, I probably will.

2. The Lord of the Rings Series

When the first movie rolled out in 2001, I was vaguely aware of the book series and knew it had something to do with The Hobbit, which I was more familiar with. Little did I know the HUGE impact this movie would have on the world and how many Tolkin geeks there are out there. And I knew the director Peter Jackson was familiar cause he directed some goofy-ass movies back in the day that I wanted to see (I have now since then watched a few of them he needs to go back to making those kinds of movies).

Why I Haven't Seen These Movies: I have two good reasons.
1. When Fellowship of the Ring came out, I was currently unemployed, so I didn't have the money to see it. Then Two Towers came out and, well, I haven't seen the first one, so why see this one? Same with Return of the King.
2. They are SOOOOO fucking long!!! I mean it's what, 3 hours for each movie? Plus the 90 million endings that occur during "King". I just didn't have the time.

Will I See These Movies: Sure. When I have 72 hours to kill.

3. The Pirates of the Caribbean Movies

I was caught off guard with this one. I heard of the ride and thought to myself "How in the hell do you make a whole entire movie....based on a ride? Three movies to boot?" But goes to show what I know, cause each movie made roughly 900 billion dollars.

Why I Haven't Seen These Movies:
I wasn't interested at first. I mean it looked cool and kinda flash and I was familiar with the director, but I'm not a big pirate movie fan. So I purposely didn't see the first one. But when the next two came out, I felt like the entire world was in on this cool thing and I was just an outsider who didn't "get it".

Will I See These Movies: I'll check out the first one. If I like that one enough, I'll check out the others. If not (insert walk the plank joke here).

4. The Mel Gibson Epic Series
And no I don't mean Lethal Weapon 1 through 4. I'm talking about "Braveheart" "The Passion of the Christ" and "Apocalypto". I'm not sure if The Patriot counts in this series, but I have seen that.

Why I Haven't Seen These Movies: I didn't think I would be into "Braveheart" cause I swear the previews for it made it look like a love story with a little bit of battle in it. But my friend Bill is all like "Dude! This movie is fuckin' awesome!!! You gotta see it!!" and it's in his top 5 favorite movies ever or something.
I'm unsure if I even wanna see Passion of the Christ, since I hear it's just people whipping Jesus for 2 hours straight.
And Apocalypto. Um...I have no fuckin' clue what this movie is even about.

Will I see These Movies: Braveheart-Yes. Passion-Maybe. Apocalypto-If it's on somewhere, I'll watch it. But I won't go out of my way to see it.

5. Anything Directed by Werner Herzog
Apparently there's some guidelines to follow if you wanna be a "movie buff guy" and one of these is to see Werner Herzog movies. And not just ANY Werner Herzog movie. These include "Fitzcarraldo", "Aguirre, The Wrath of God" and "Stroszek", which I actually got to see last year. I'm sure there are a thousand other movies by Herzog that I'm suppose to see, but these seem to be the main ones that pop up on the list of "OH MY GOD JASON YOU NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE NOW GOD DAMMIT NOW!!"

Why I Haven't Seen These Movies: I didn't even know who the hell Herzog was until I met my friend Mary, who is obsessed with him. And I mean OBSESSED. So when it comes to the Herzog department, I'm a bit backed up.

Will I See These Movies: Within time I'm sure I will. If not, I know a chick in the Boston area that's gonna kill me.

6. Those Japanese/Chinese/Whatever Movies Where People Fly and Fight
I'm including in this "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" "Hero" and "The House of Flying Daggers".

Why I Haven't Seen These Movies: Crouching Tiger-Me and my friend Bill tried to watch this once and, well, we couldn't finish it. Not only were we bored, we had no idea what the hell was going on. And didn't really buy the whole "these people can fly and walk up walls and trees" thing. Hero-Out of EVERY movie on this list, when I tell people I haven't seen this one, I literally get beaten up while being ask "What the fuck is wrong with you? See this movie now!!!" and I say "Ok I will when you stop punching me in the head." And, well....I haven't. I don't have a good reason. I just keep forgetting about it. Ow, ow stop punching!
The House of Flying Daggers-I honestly haven't heard of this one, but someone told me that I need to see this and I asked if it was anything like Crouching Tiger and they said yes. Then I just nodded quietly cause this person is obviously a fan of these movies and I'm still sore from the beating I got over "Hero".

Will I See These Movies: Crouching Tiger-No. House of Flying Daggers-No Hero-YES YES JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

7. Casablanca
Now we're in the "single movie" category of the list. I used this movie has the basis of an April Fools prank in 2006. I claimed that I watched Casablanca and that I hated it so much that I had to review it. Then I posted a link and people was greeted with the "YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION ISN'T WORKING" or whatever message. And it worked. I got a bunch of emails saying "Uh....your site is down". So yeah.

Why I Haven't Seen This Movie: I really don't know. I guess I never got around to it? I mean hell I've seen "Dumpster Baby" for cryin' out loud, why don't I make time for Casablanca?

Will I See This Movie: Yeah, yeah I will. I swear.

8. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe
The Chronic-what-cles of Narnia!! I watched the cartoon version of this when I was kid, once, in the 5th grade. I don't remember much except that it was animated. And there was in fact a lion, a witch, and a wardrobe.

Why I Haven't Seen This Movie: Honestly, I was suppose to a few times. But plans were changed and I couldn't find anyone else interested in going.

Will I See This Movie: Yeah I'll get to it when I'm done with Lord of the Rings. So I'll need another 50 hours to spare.

9. Citizen Kane
Everyone seems to know that (SPOILER ALERT!!) Rosebud is a sled. But WHY is THAT piece of information so damn important? Guess I need to see the movie to find out.

Why I Haven't Seen This Movie: Frankly, it looks kinda boring to me. I just know these facts about this movie.
1. There's a character named Charles Foster Kane
2. He dies while uttering the word "Rosebud"
3. A snowglobe breaks
4. We find out what rosebud is.
5. ???
6. Profit
But I guess if I need to be an all-around movie guy, this is possible required viewing.

Will I See This Movie: Yeah, why not.

10. Amelie
After the beating I get from Hero, I get asked "Have you at least seen Amelie?" and I go "Um, no". Then I get another beating asking why not and I scream out "I never heard of it until now" then I get beaten even further. Then I ask what it's about and during that beating I'm told it's about a French chick who does stuff and I say that don't sound very interesting and I get shot multiple times.

Why I Haven't Seen This Movie: I never heard of it until a year or two ago, when the first beating started. Then the chick who plays Amelie (I'm assuming that Amelie is the characters name) appeared in The Da Vinci Code and there was buzz about that. So now there seems to be Amelie fever spreading among my friends and I'm possibly the last person who hasn't seen this.

Will I See This Movie: If the death threats and beatings will stop, yes I will.

Well those the first 10 that I can think of. When I get around to watching any of these I will let you know so the beatings can stop. And please share with me any movie that you haven't seen that people give you a hard time about. And also share any movie you THINK I need to see. Just be nice about it please.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Updated Review and Screener Results

I went ahead and added more images to the, ugh, Billy Jack review.

Billy Jack

I never want to see this movie ever again as long as I live.

We are in a unique situation regarding the screener poll: We have a tie!! So now if you go to the screener page, you can vote for one of the two movies listed:
This poll will be closed on Friday August 3rd, so vote now!

The Calendar will be up tomorrow evening.


Sunday, July 29, 2007

Weekend Box Office Totals for July 27th

1. Simpson's Movie made it to Number 1. Surprised much?

2. Well, at least Chuck and Larry had a good run last week.

3. Well, at least Harry Potter had a good run the past three weeks.

4. I guess a lot of people really wanted to see John Travolta dressed horribly in drag.

5. This movie seems kinda stupid to me, but what do I know about movies where two chefs compete.

6. And....Transformers slowly desends downwards.

7. Rata...whatever is also slowly desending.

8. Weird. A cartoon movie about a rat is doing better than a Die Hard movie. My faith in movies is starting to vanish.

9. Didn't this movie JUST open? Jesus.

10. Well, at least it isn't THIS movie.

Sorry I haven't been doing these each week. I tend to forget or I haven't been home. Let's see what's out next week.
Underdog, El Cantante, Bourne Ultimatum, Hot Rod, Becoming Jane (The hell is this?), and Bratz the Movie. Umm....let's go with Bourne Ultimatum but I really am looking forward to Hot Rod.

New Short: Boy's Beware; Some Updates

After a year and a month without doing one, I got around to reviewing a short. This one tells us the dangers of homosexuals in the 50's:
Boy's Beware

Reminder: The Third Screener poll ends tomorrow evening. So if you haven't voted, vote now before it's too late!

I'm gonna work on the calendar for August tonight so that'll be up by Tuesday night or Wednesday the latest.

I'm also gonna be doing a entire renovation on the site but before I do I wanna ask some questions and I hope, hope, HOPE all of you answer, since you guys read this. I just write it and put it up there, so I wanna make reading the site a plesant experience.

1. Does the white words on black background bother you guys? I'll probably keep the starry background but in the box where the text is held I can change the box to a different color and make the words black if it does.
2. I'm thinking of not only have the list of movies reviewed in alphabetical order but in chornological order as well. Does that appeal to anyone, that way if you missed out on some updates and wanna look for the past five reviews I've done, you can just look it up that way. I also might break up the alphabetical order into half or thirds, since I'm at like 100+ right now, and the list on the page is getting kinda long.

And finally, the second anniversary is coming up in August! Holy crap!! I'm gonna be doing something kinda special for that. I'm not sure what exactly but I'll be doing something.

Ok, that's it for now.
Thanks and hope to hear back from you guys!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

New Review: Ankle Biters

I'm a little behind on schedule cause last Sunday I felt lazy and didn't feel like doing a review. In any event here's "Ankle Biters", a movie about midget vampires:

Ankle Biters


Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Screener Poll 3

Ok folks, the third screener poll is up and ready! Go do your thang!
Screener Poll 3

I think I picked some good ones this time.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

New Stuff & New Review: Minotaur

First off, I review the winner of the second screeners poll. You guys sure know how to pick 'em.

Secondly, you may notice at the end of the Minotaur review, is a little box labeled "Digg". It's something new I'm trying. So if you like the review/site, then click that box and it'll be "digg"ed, or something. And you'll be happy and I'll be happy and magical elves will come out and sing happy little songs. Or something. It's fun!

Third, as I stated yesterday, I added a Frappr map. You guys are doing it but I'm noticing a lot of "anonymous"esssesss...whatever. Don't be shy! Tell us who you are! I swear we won't stalk you...much.

Fourth, I finally figured out how to make my blog look less...generic. And I wrote a few things in it. I think I have it set up now where if you scroll to the bottom you can subscribe to the feed or something, so when I write something on the blog, you'll know instantly.

Fifth of vodka. Dare me to drive?

That's all! Thanks!!

Weekend Box Office Totals for...I don't know when

This has been a fucked up Box Office Total weekend. New movies came out on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. So let's just roll with it, shall we?

1. I shouldn't be too surprised that this made it in the number 1 spot. I been hearing all kinds of things about this movie, ranging from it sucks to it's awesome. I guess I am gonna have to see this myself. I'm still pissed at Bay though.

2. One day, I'm gonna make a post listing all the CGI films featuring "cute" animals. And I guarentee you that it'll be the longest post I ever made. Enough already, Pixar.

3. I still hate this title, but it still is a kickass movie. What's wrong with Die Hard 4 or the original title "Die Hard 4.0"? Those are a lot better than "Live Free or Die Hard". That doesn't even make sense. Still awesome movie.

4. I wanna see this, only cause John Kransinski is just so fuckin' awesome. Oh and Robin Williams is too. Oh and Mandy Moore is hot.

5. Despite all the bad press, Evan Almighty is sticking around. Good for you.

6. I ALMOST saw 1408 last weekend. But...I opted to get drunk instead. What ya gonna do?

7. Poor Knocked Up, slowly making it's way down and down.

8. Man, didn't Silver Surfer JUST come out? And it's already at number 8? That tells me something...

9. I saw Sicko last weekend. It's very good and is a big eye opener. Don't be surprised if I end up moving to Canada, France, England, or even Cuba. (Yes, Cuba.)

10. Eh, I have nothing to say about this one.

That's it for this week. Let's see what's opening next week.
Hmm....there's Captivity on the 13th (OHH we get a Friday the 13th). And there's a limited release of Rescue Dawn...but what's gonna be number 1? How about..
HARRY FUCKIN POTTER!!! BOOYAH!! Can't believe it's here already. Fuck yeah.

2001: A Space Odyssey

I'm probably gonna get a lot of hateful comments for saying this. I'm probably gonna get a lot of "Why? What's wrong with you? Don't you see blah blah blah" comments, trying to help me understand the errors of my way. But I feel it must be said. So here goes.

I do not like 2001: A Space Odyssey. There. I said it.

And yes I will point out why. But first, let's focus on some of the GOOD things.
1. No matter what my opinion is of this movie, I still think Stanley Kubrick is a great director. I do put some of the blame on him since he co-wrote the script, but you gotta hand it to the guy, he knows how to make a movie.
2. The cinematography is stunning, I will admit that.
3. I found the last 35-40 minutes (The scenes with HAL) the best part of the movie.
4. The acting was quite good.

With that out of way, here comes the bad shit.
1. It's boring as hell. Sure, let's spend the first ten minutes of the movie with some cavemen who don't do anything but sit there and bang on rocks.
2. All the things that happen in the movie aren't explained so we (or I) have no fuckin' clue what's going on.
3. It seems like it was made all artsy on purpose, as if to say "OOOH! Only CERTAIN people will understand this movie. If you don't understand, then you're like the cavemen at the beginning of the film. Where's my Grey Poupon?"
4. What the hell was up with those big black things? If any of that was explained, I missed it...all three times I watched this movie (yes I watched it till the end all 3 times)

If the whole entire movie was about HAL going berserk and killing astronauts, this would be in fact a kickass movie. But it's not. And I know I'm not alone on this opinion. Besides a few of my friends, and my fiance, there's this guy who seems to hate it as much as I do. Of course he was a bit harsh. I hope I don't come off as that harsh.

That's all I really have to say. I'm not trying to start a "flame war" here. If you like this movie, and even understand it (somehow), that's fine. Go ahead on wit yo bad self. Me? I perfer movies with something called "a plot".

Yep, I'm gonna get hate mail now.

Some Quiz Results

I don't normally take quizzes, only ones that I think I would do well on, or if they're about movies.

1. 35%

2. Online Dating

3. 55% Geek


5. 71%The Movie Quiz

To explain why I only got a 70%, I never saw Mean Girls, or Pans Labyrinth (so who the fuck is Pan?), OR Gladiator, and I dunno what mostly comes out at night...mostly. Oh well.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Some Updates

1. The Second Screener Poll is over. I dunno what happened this time around but only 6 people voted. Out of that 6, however, I did have a winner. Check out which one:

2. The Calender for July is now up:

3. In non-site news, I made a LiveJournal community about favorite Youtube videos. You can check that out here:

4. I think I need a new mouse. This one keeps giving me trouble and doesn't wanna slide or something.

5. And finally, cue the Go-Go's cause I'm on vacation! Have a wonderful and safe 4th of July everyone!!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

New Review: Tamara

To everyone who voted for the first screeners poll, thank you.

No seriously. Thanks:

And don't forget if you haven't already to vote for the second screener poll, which ends this Friday.


Sunday, June 17, 2007

Weekend Totals: June 15th-June 17th

Sorry that I haven't been updating this feature in the past few weeks. I been kinda sorta busy with stuff. But now it's back! Let's take a look, shall we?

1. So no big surprise for this one, huh? Even though EVERY SINGLE PERSON that I come across says they didn't like the first one and think this one is gonna suck. Go figure.
2. I only saw Ocean's Eleven once. It was "New Years 2005" and me and my friend Bill has been up for like 20 some hours. We watched a shitload of movies beforehand and we put this one on at like 8 AM. I kept falling asleep so I barely remember it. I do know it involved casinos and safes and whatnot. So anyway, I need to watch it again before tackling twelve and then thirteen.
3. I love Knocked Up. I randomly tell people "beard" jokes. (If you saw the movie, that make sense)
4. What's the big deal about these pirate movies? They made like 9 of them at the same time and release them every other year or something. I guess.
5. HEY! It's yet ANOTHER animated penguin movie!! This is like, what, the 20th now?
6. I wanna see Shrek the Third before it slides into movie theater obscurity.
7. So here's my question about Nancy Drew: She was suppose to be some teenage detective solving mysteries, right? And not about trying to fit in? Right? Cause...that's what this movie is about, trying to fit in. Excuse me, where are the dead bodies? I suppose they're gonna try to make The Hardy Boys a fraternaty comedy like Van Wilder.
8. I wanna see Hostel Part 2. No I don't. Yeah..I do. But why? fuck it, I'll just wait until it comes out on DVD.
9. Yay, a bio-pic on Mel Brooks!
10. Spider-man 3 still clinging on to the top ten spot. This should show you how much this one sucks. The first two were in the top five spots for like 7 months.

Well, that's it. What's coming out next week?
1408 and Evan Almighty, along with some other movies I've never heard of. I'm gonna guess that Silver Surfer is still gonna be number one, with maybe Evan Almighty in the two or three spot.

Hopefully see you next week!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Screeners Poll Round 2

Ok everybody, the next round of screeners is posted! Get to votin!



Screeners Poll Is Over!

So the people have spoken! Well...I guess techically you are the

You have spoken!!

The first screener that I will be reviewing is...
Screener Winners

The next poll will be up in a couple of hours! Thanks to everyone who posted, you guys rock!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Updated Review: House of Wax

I dunno why, I felt the sudden urge to update this review. And maybe add a video to it.

House of Wax

Maybe you can tell me why?

Sunday, June 10, 2007

New Review: Zombie Lake

God bless the French and their love of nudity. Oh, and zombies. Nudity and zombies.

Zombie Lake

The Calender also has been updated:

The Screener Poll ends on Friday. So if you haven't voted for which screener I should review, you should check it out, yo:


Saturday, June 09, 2007

Updated Review and New Feature

Howdy everyone!

I took a look back at one of the first B-Movies I reviewed and added images and updated the review a bit. Check that out here:
Adam and Evil

Also there is a new page on the site! "The Calender" shows what reviews are coming up on what day, along with any other events or review anniversaries. Check that out here:
The Calender

The Calender will probably get updated as I come up with other events and learn people's birthday's. If you want your birthday listed, hit me back and I'll add it.


Monday, May 28, 2007

You Can Vote On Which Screener I Should Review!

Hola everyone! I explain everything on the site so just check this out over here:
Screeners Page

Ok everybody, please vote ON THE PAGE ONLY!! Don't email me your suggestions cause I will ignore them or at the very least just go to the page and click on the title you chose for you.'d be easier if you just vote on the page.
If there's some problem with the poll, please let me know.

And I'd like to give a special thanks to Odd Todd cause I got the poll idea and where to make the polls from his site.

And also, next tuesday (June 5th) is my birthday! HOLY CRAP!! I'm gonna be 2(mumblemumble) years old! Whoa!

Monday, May 21, 2007

New Probe: The Hitcher (1986) & (2007)

I try out a new feature "Compare & Contrast" where I take a look at an original movie, and the remake, and show the differences and figure out which one is the best. So I decide to do that with "The Hitcher".

The Hitcher

You guys let me know if you like this feature and I'll do some more.


Sunday, May 20, 2007

Weekend Totals: May 18th-May 20th

I hate to sound all cocky (Huh huh huh) but I was right. Shrek the Third knocked off Spider-man 3, which is currently number 2. Glad to see 28 Weeks Later still in the top 5 spot. And Disturbia shows no signs of going away. Georgia Rule totally snuck in there, though. I didn't see that one coming.

So next week predictions:
Pirates 3 is defiantely gonna take the top spot, with Shrek 3 at number 2. Spiderman 3 may be number 3 or possibly lower. But for sure Pirates at 1 and Shrek 3 at 2.

That's all for this week.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Funny Troll 2 Vid's on Youtube

In celebration of the 100th review being "Troll 2", and cause I found these while looking for the movie trailer, here are some video clips.

"Troll 2 is Bringing Sexy Back"-Set to the Justin Timberlake song. If you don't like his music, then don't watch, but this video is pretty damn entertaining.

One of those "Let's pretend this movie is a different type of genre". Here they try to make it a comedy/drama/heartwarming tale.

All the horrible acting that appears in this movie. INCLUDES THE PISSING SCENE!!

That's all. And this just about fills my limit of "Troll 2" stuff. If I ever have to see or think about this movie again I'm gonna drink some Nilbog milk and take my chances.

Troll 2 Is Finally Up!!

I know!!! It's finished!!! WOOT!!!

I now proudly present to you not only the 100th movie review to appear on the site, but the second ever "Mass Invasion".

Troll 2

Expect regular site updates from now on! YAY!!


Weekend Totals: May 11th-May 13th

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I knew Spiderman 3 would win for another week, despite it's lukewarm response by critics and moviegoers alike.

28 Weeks Later did ok for itself though, so that's good.

"Hey, let's see that Lindsey movie now that it's finally made!"

Really, Disturbia is on this list? Are the people who saw it the last three weeks just seeing it again or what?

I can't believe Delta Farce made it in the top five. But then again seeing how many people in this country knows what "GIT R DONE" means, I'm not too surprised.

Glad Hot Fuzz still cracked the Top 10.

The rest I'm still "whatever" about.

New feature: Where I guess what will be number 1 next week. And looking at what's coming next weekend I think this is a no-brainer:
Shrek the Third. Spider-man 3 may just be knocked off finally until number 2. Or number 3, if more Larry the Cable Guy fans show up.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Troll 2 Is Coming! But first...

Some updates! Woo!!

1. You can now search the site!! I put on this Google Search thingy that I been seeing on other websites and I figured what the hell. So if you ever wondered if I did a review of "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" and don't feel like scanning the Reviews Page, you can do a search. Or if you ever wondered if I mentioned "The Fall Guy" in a review, you can search for that too. The search thingy can be found on the main page.

2. I got rid of the FAQ's page and replaced it with "The Guide", a page that describes every thing the site is about, including the features and other questions people may have. You can check that out here:

3. I updated the links section. That is here:

Troll 2 will be coming soon!! I promise!!! There's been delays and relays and unlays and andales...well no, not enough andales...anyway. It'll be posted soon. Really. I swear.


Sunday, May 06, 2007

Weekend Totals: May 4th-May 6th

Gee...what could the number one movie be this weekend? Hmm...could it be....maybe...The Flying Scotsman??? OHH!! Let's hope so!!

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Damn, Spiderman 3. Who'd a thunk it?

So I saw Spiderman 3 last night. It was pretty dissapointing. Don't get me wrong, the action scenes were awesome but there was too much sappy crying shit going on. It was like a Lifetime movie with superheros in it.

But there were some funny parts too, which I liked.

And I guess everyone just went and saw Spiderman 3 this weekend, cause looking at last week's top ten it looks like not much changed. Weird.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Weekend Box Totals: April 27th-April 29th

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I can't believe Disturbia is STILL the number one movie. Maybe I need to see this thing. Man.

And The Invisible looks like a cool movie, so I'm glad this made it to number 2 at least.

Do we really need a movie version of "Next"? I mean, a two hour long version of five horny people on a bus trying to get a date, and one stuck up person who-wait. OHH!! Wait. This isn't a movie version of that. Gotcha.

Still upset that Hot Fuzz is stuck in the number 7 spot. Come on people!! British humor isn't bad!!!

Grindhouse nowhere to be seen but motherfuckin "Are We Done Yet" is on this list? Nothing makes sense anymore.

Excuse me I'm gonna go cry now.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Weekend Box Office Totals: April 20-April 22

I dunno what to say about this at all. Disturbia is still the number one movie? I mean really? Why? Better movies came out this weekend. What about Hot Fuzz? (Which I'm seeing in about an hour.) Vacancy? Really?

And I really don't understand people at all. I know tons, TONS, of people who love Shaun of the Dead. Why isn't Hot Fuzz at LEAST in the top 5? But no. Instead "Meet The Robinsons" is there. I mean What the fuck, yo????

I have no opinion about the bottom 5. Just whatever to me. But fuckin' Grindhouse is gone from the list. I am sad and angry at the same time.


Thank you.

Or Live Hard and Die Free?

Does anybody else think that the title "Live Free or Die Hard" is, well, kind of a stupid title? What does that even mean? I get that movie people are like "well if we call this Die Hard 4, it might not do so well" cause you know we're all stupid and don't realize this is the 4th movie in the series. Hell, the working title for the new Indiana Jones movie is simply "Indiana Jones 4". It's not "Save The World, Indiana Jones" or "Help Us, Indiana Jones" or even "Live Life like Indiana Jones". Plus, you know, Indiana Jones movies have cool titles. "Temple of Doom". "Last Crusade". "Raiders of The Lost Ark". So I have faith in the Indiana Jones people.

But "Live Free or Die Hard"? The hell is that? To quote from the trailer "Is that the best you can do?"

Oh well, I'm still looking forward to this movie.


Saturday, April 21, 2007

First Come First Served

So a spot opened up on the second Mass Invasion review for "Troll 2". So I'm sending this message out to everyone. If you wish to participate, now is your chance to email me back and say "I'll do it!!"

To the others already on board, if any of you wanna pick up a third chapter (I'm doing the final 3 chapters, I think doing 4 would be being a bit greedy or something), message me back and say "I'll do it!!"

Like the title says, it's first come first served so whoever messages me first about this gets the open chapters. In case you're wondering, it's chapters 5 and 6.

Thanks and hope to hear from someone,

Thursday, April 19, 2007

New Review: Evil Bong

In honor of 4/20, I present you with a movie about some stoners, a nerd, and Tommy Chong fighting a possessed bong!!

And here is the 99th review for the site:
Evil Bong

Smoke em if you got em.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Weekend Box Office Totals: April 13-15th

New Feature! WOOT!

After each weekend, I'll post a screencap of the top ten movies in America and sound off on it. Cause the general movie-going people in this country tend to piss me off with their choices. And this week is no exception.

1. Why is Disturbia the number one movie? Doesn't anyone see this is a huge rip off of "Rear Window"? If you wanna see a movie about some dude who can't leave his house (either cause his leg is broken or he's under house arrest) and as a result he spies on his neighbors, which in turn he realizes one of them is a murderer, and he gets a hot chick involved (Grace Kelly was hot in Rear Window) and there's tension and suspension and other Rear Window.

2. I haven't see "Blades of Glory" yet. But I rather this be number 1 than Disturbia.

3 and 4 no opinion on.

5. Why is this even in the top 10? Ice Cube in a kids movie? No wait. A SEQUEL to a kids comedy? Whatever.

6. The fuck is "Pathfinder"?

7. I guess the old people were out in theaters this weekend if this is still in the top 10. Did I mention that the only people who like "Wild Hogs" are old people and people with no sense of humor? There, I just did. :D

8. I wanna see this.

9. Saw it. It was ok. The fight scenes were cool. And lots of chick tits, so that's a plus.


Ok, my heart attack is over. Until next weekend.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Name Changes and Other Stuff

After spending a few days going through my site, I
noticed a couple of things. Two of my features had
very generic names:
Multi-Person Review
Special Reviews

I spent a few days thinking about the Multi-Person
Review one since the new one is coming up and I
finally settled on a name:
It works, no?

As for the "special reviews", I really didn't intend
to make that a permenant name. I only created it cause
of that stupid thing with "that other site". But I
finally came up with a name yesterday for that:
Cause, you know, the whole outer space theme
"invasion" thing...yeah.

So let me know what you guys think of the new names:

And secondly, as I mentioned, the second "Mass
Invasion" is approaching. Me and the other brave souls
who voluneteered for this are gonna tackle "Troll 2".
We should have it done by the end of April.

And finally, there will be another 4-20 review, which
is gonna be the 99th review on the site. I'm keeping
the title to myself cause it's so damn goofy that it's
worth keeping to myself.

That's it. Hope you guys had a good Easter. I swear
I'm gonna tackle "Night of the Lepus" next year.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Name Your Favorite Movie

I have a rather simple question for you guys. It's really easy and anybody can answer it.

What is your favorite movie?

That's it. Just name your favorite movie. And you can name more than 1. You can name only 1. You can list 100, a thousand, hell a million if you want.

And by "your favorite movie" I mean what movie/movies would you take with you on a desert island? What movie did you see that made you go "I need to buy that the instand it comes out on DVD?" Anything like that.

Even though I'm sure you guys know mine by now, I'll list some:
Pulp Fiction
Snakes on a Plane
Ed Wood
Bubba Ho-Tep
Rear Window

That's just to name a few.

This is my new desktop:
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Featured Review

Be sure to check out today's featured review:

Featured Review!


New Review: Satan's Blade

It's either a "Lifetime" story or the most boring horror movie I've ever seen.

Satan's Blade


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Three More To Go...

Hey everybody!
(Hi Dr. Nick!)

So I counted up all the MOVIE reviews (Not including the shorts, Date My Mom Reviews, or "Special Reviews") and I find that I have 97. To break it down:
2 of those reviews were written by Bill Szany
1 of those reviews is the first Multi-Review featuring me and 7 of you fine people.
And that leaves 94 reviews written by yours truely.

To commemorate the 100th review on the site, I was thinking of doing another Multi-Review. So if you had fun (sorta) the last time you did it and wanna do it again, let me know. Or if you didn't get to do it last time for whatever reason and wanna do it, let me know. Or if you think I should go jump off a cliff...well why am I talking to you?

Anyway, if you're interested in doing the 100th Review respond to this email (or post) and sometime in April I will set things in motion to pick the movie and whatnot.

Oh and those of you who are curious:
6 shorts
2 Date My Mom's
17 "Special Reviews"
bringing the grand total to 122 reviews TOTAL on the site. I sure have been busy this past year and a half.


Monday, March 12, 2007

New Review: Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla

Damn, it's been a whole month since I last wrote a review? How'd that happen? I planned on taking at least 2 weeks off but a whole month? Jeez, no wonder everyone thinks I'm dead!
Anyway, here Bela Lugosi meets...well you know
Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla

Enjoy! And I want my stuff back!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Retarded Canadians Discuss Black Snake Moan

It's offical! Canadians are retarded!

So this guy is like "Oh Black Snake Moan is about a black dude brutalizing a white chick" or something and makes it sound like women should be offended by it. So ok. I asked some women that I know and out of all of them, none of them was offended. You know why?

IT'S A FUCKIN' FICTIONAL MOVIE!!!! UGH! And I don't think this dude and the idiots who agreed with him know that it's really about. For those of you who don't know if you should side with me (the way smarter movie buff) or the pretentious a-holes from Canadians this is what it's about seriously.

Sam Jackson is a old lonely black dude who finds a beat up passed out Christine Ricci on his front lawn. Realizing that if he doesn't do something to help her, she's gonna kill herself so he chains her to his radiator and helps her. How we don't know we need to SEE THE FUCKIN MOVIE. So yeah while the whole chaining thing sounds's a movie.

I hate people sometimes.

Here's the trailer:

Monday, February 26, 2007

The Razzie Winners

I was gone yesterday when they were announced but here I am! So here are the "winners", along with my picks in bold if they are different:

Worst Picture
Basic Instinct 2-Woo! I was right!

Worst Actor
Larry, The Cable Guy (Dan Whitney) - Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector
Marlon Wayans & Shawn Wayans - Little Man-Winner. Seriously? The Wayan Brothers made more movies than Larry, I don't get this at all.

Worst Actress
Hilary Duff & Haylie Duff - Material Girls
Sharon Stone - Basic Instinct 2-Winner. Same thing as above, but again: whatever.

Worst Supporting Actor
Danny DeVito - Deck The Halls
M. Night Shyamalan - Lady In The Water-Winner. I guess.

Worst Supporting Actress
Carmen Electra - Date Movie and Scary Movie 4-Winner.
Michelle Rodriguez - Bloodrayne

Worst Screen Couple
Shawn Wayans & EITHER Kerry Washington OR Marlon Wayans - Little Man-Winner. 2 for 5

Worst Remake or Rip-Off
Little Man (Rip-off of the 1954 Bugs Bunny cartoon "Baby Buggy Bunny")-Winner
Hold up. I disagree. I doubt anybody remembers the Bugs Bunny cartoon or even thought it was a rip off. This Posedion movie DID NOT NEED TO ME MADE!! Ugh.

Worst Prequel or Sequel
Basic Instinct 2-Winnner. They're totally crapping all over this movie, huh?
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

Worst Director
Uwe Boll - Bloodrayne
M. Night Shyamalan - Lady In The Water-Winner. I guess these people didn't sit through two of Uwe's movies. Well, you'd think they would've.

Worst Screenplay
Basic Instinct 2 - Screenplay by Leora Barish & Henry Bean, Based on Characters Created by Joe Eszterhas-Come on Razzies, pick one and stick with it, huh?
Little Man - Written by Keenan Ivory Wayans, Marlon Wayans, and Shawn Wayans

Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment (New Category!)
Deck The Halls
RV-Winner-I don't see anything wrong with this movie honestly.

Well, that's it. I only picked 2 winners out of 11 categories. I guess I don't know bad movies after all.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Be My Valentine

Or I'll murder you!!!!

Just kidding! :)

But this guy isn't.

I updated my review for "Valentine" to include more (and better images!) Isn't that awesome!

OH! And another special review of:

Just click the image to find out.

Happy Valentine's Day!

New Review: Snakes on a Train

Yes. TRAIN. As in "Choo-Choo".

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Click image to go to review.


New Review: Showdown

I review The Karate Kid! No's "Showdown".



Holy Shit!

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters!

This is gonna be the craziest hour and a half anyone will ever spend in a theater!

New Feature: The Worst of Internet Video

Kinda inspired by "Web Junk" on VH1, but I'm making it my own. And this won't be a set thing, like every day or week, just whenever I come across the most god awful piece of video I've ever seen.

What, pray tell, made me start this? This video right here:

Worse enough someone thought to make their "own music video" for the song "Barbie Girl", the entire thing is just...I don't know what. The people "singing" clearly aren't even trying to sing. The guy in the video looks like he's being forced to do this, which I'm sure he was. And the scenes outside...don't even get me started.

At least the girl was hot. That might explain why this guy was in it.

"Dave, if you'll be in my Barbie Girl video, I'll take my top off."
"Aw, Cindi, I hate that song! And I was just a fetus when that song was out."
"Pweeese?!" *Slowly pulls her top up, showing her tummy*
"Uhhh...." *Boner* "What do I gotta do again?"

Video camera: $250
Computer to edit the video: $350
A blowjob and a nice look at a girls tits: Priceless.

Enjoy! Or not...

The Razzie Nominations

Yay the Razzies! It's like a celebration of the worst and not just any worst...HOLLYWOOD WORST! Woo! So here's how this works. I'm gonna make guesses as to what's gonna win in bold font. The winners are announced the day before the Oscars. I'm not sure when that is, but I'll keep you detailed.

Worst Picture

Basic Instinct 2
Lady In The Water
Little Man
Wicker Man
(Little Man sounds like such a stupid idea for a movie, but who really asked for a Basic Instinct 2? Really? I mean if I wanna see Sharon Stone naked, I'll just get the first movie.)

Worst Actor

Tim Allen - The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, The Shaggy Dog and Zoom
Nicolas Cage - Wicker Man
Larry, The Cable Guy (Dan Whitney) - Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector
Rob Schneider - The Benchwarmers and Little Man
Marlon Wayans & Shawn Wayans - Little Man
(So that's Larry The Cable Guy's real name. Anyway, who told him he could act? In a real movie?)

Worst Actress

Hilary Duff & Haylie Duff - Material Girls
Lindsay Lohan - Just My Luck
Kristanna Loken - Bloodrayne
Jessica Simpson - Employee Of The Month
Sharon Stone - Basic Instinct 2
(I dunno. Why not?)

Worst Supporting Actor

Danny DeVito - Deck The Halls
Ben Kingsley - Bloodrayne
M. Night Shyamalan - Lady In The Water
Martin Short - Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
David Thewlis - Basic Instinct 2 and The Omen
(This sounds like such a stupid movie.)

Worst Supporting Actress

Kate Bosworth - Superman Returns
Kristin Chenoweth - Deck The Halls, Pink Panther and RV
Carmen Electra - Date Movie and Scary Movie 4
Jenny McCarthy - John Tucker Must Die
Michelle Rodriguez - Bloodrayne

Worst Screen Couple

Tim Allen & Martin Short - Santa Clause 3
Nicolas Cage & His Bear Suit - Wicker Man
Hilary & Haylie Duff - Material Girls
Sharon Stone's Lop-Sided Breasts - Basic Instinct 2
Shawn Wayans & EITHER Kerry Washington OR Marlon Wayans - Little Man
(I figured I should pick SOMETHING from Little Man.)

Worst Remake or Rip-Off

Little Man (Rip-off of the 1954 Bugs Bunny cartoon "Baby Buggy Bunny")
Pink Panther
The Shaggy Dog Story
Wicker Man

Worst Prequel or Sequel

Basic Instinct 2
Big Momma's House 2
Garfield 2: A Tail Of Two Kitties
Santa Clause 3
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(Yet again. WHY?!?!?!?!)

Worst Director

Uwe Boll - Bloodrayne
Michael Caton-Jones - Basically, It Stinks, Too
Ron Howard - The Da Vinci Code
M. Night Shyamalan - Lady In The Water
Keenan Ivory Wayans - Little Man
(I have to pick him by default.)

Worst Screenplay
Basic Instinct 2 - Screenplay by Leora Barish & Henry Bean, Based on Characters Created by Joe Eszterhas
Bloodrayne - Screenplay by Guinevere Turner, Based on the Video Game
Lady In The Water - Written by M. Night Shyamalan
Little Man - Written by Keenan Ivory Wayans, Marlon Wayans, and Shawn Wayans
Wicker Man - Screenplay Adapted by Neil LaBute from a Screenplay by Anthony Schaffer

Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment (New Category!)

Deck The Halls
Garfield 2: A Tail Of Two Kitties
Santa Clause 3
The Shaggy Dog

That's it. We'll find out who the winners are sometime soon!