Thursday, February 28, 2008

SNL Sketchs That Could Be Turned Into Movies

It's been awhile since there was a movie based on a SNL character/sketch. If I recall correctly, "The Ladies Man" with Tim Meadowes was the last one and that was back in 2001. Now, the reason why we probably haven't seen any new ones recently is because the general movie-going audience seemed to have spoken and said "ENOUGH!" so Lorne Michaels said "Eh, screw it. I make more money on the show anyway". Now if only the movie-going audience can do the same thing for movies like "Epic Movie" or "Meet The Spartans" or any given modern dance movie.

But if there were to be a new SNL movie based on a character(s) or sketch, which ones would it be? Well here are my picks, along with what the movie would be about if it got made. I would include a video but since NBC decide to be all Nazi-ish with their video clips and had them banned. So instead, I'll just link to a transcript of the sketch in questions (when available). Maybe some of these might not sound like good ideas, or even original at all. But if they can make a full feature length movie about two guys bobbing their heads to a Haddaway song, I think anything is possible.

These are in no particular order:

1. My Aunt Linda
The SNL Sketch: Usually shown during "Weekend Update", Amy Poheler brings out her aunt Linda (Kristen Wiig) to review movies currently in theaters. Aunt Linda don't seem to have good tastes when she complains about good Oscar-worthy movies like "The Queen"

The Transcript:

The Movie Plot: Amy Poheler plays a movie critic for a newspaper and is well respected with her opinions, even though some may disagree (a female Roger Ebert if you will). One day Poheler's character gets sick or called away and she isn't able to do the movie reviews anymore. And her rival who wants her job is just itching to take over, so she has no choice but to ask her Aunt Linda, who has an extensive VHS, Beta, even Laserdisc, collection to take over and write reviews in her absense. She becomes an overnight sensation and she ends up being another rival.

I'm sure many people would point out that just cause a newspaper reporter, even a movie critic, can't write their article for awhile, they're not going to ask just anybody to fill in for them. When Roger Ebert was in the hospital all those months getting treatment, he didn't ask his Aunt to take over. But still, this is from the same group of people who made a movie about two public access hosts getting their show on network TV.

2. The Two A-Holes
The SNL Sketch: The situations often differ each sketch. Two "A-Holes" (Jason Sudeikis & Kristen Wiig) want to do various things but make it very frustrating for the person they're talking to.

The Transcript:

The Movie Plot: The Two A-Holes realize they're not married, so they decide to go to Vegas. They bring along their best man and maid of honor (maybe one another SNL member and the other just a celebrity like Alec Baldwin or Anne Hathaway) and along the way everyone gets frustrated with each other while planning the wedding.

Usually the road trip idea is pretty much "jump the shark: the movie version", but when it comes to these two, there really isn't anything else except have them in different cities, annoying folks along the way. I can forsee them parody a scene from the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, talking to a Texan cop who doesn't even bother murdering them. Oh, and there might be some issue with the title. So they might have to go the route they went with "Night At The Roxbury" and give it a title that doesn't nessessarily reflect the characters. Maybe like "Aggrivating Road Trip" or "'Till Death, Babe".

3. Deep House Dish
The SNL Sketch: As seen on MTV4, a show about techo club music hosted by DJ Dynasty Handbag (Keenan Thompson) and his not-so-brigh sidekick T'Shane (Andy Samburg). The entire sketch comprises of different musical acts that pokes fun at techo club music, which is mainly just a word or phrase being repeated over and over again. Every time T'Shane makes some lame joke and DJ Dynasty Handbag insults him.

The Transcript: This is from when Rachael Dratch was on the show. She played DJ's sidekick. This was the only transcript of this sketch I could find.

The Movie Plot: This could go a few ways honestly. It could be like an updated version of "Wayne's World", where the show goes on, then we see what the two hosts are up to the other days of the week when the show isn't on. Maybe to bring in a villain angle, have some anti-techo guy buy the station and threaten to shut down the show, or bring in two other techno music geeks who want to replace them. It could even go with DJ Dynasty Handbag sick of the music featured on the show so he decides to make his own album.

If it goes the updated "Wayne's World" route, people probably wouldn't take too kindly to that. And I dunno if a movie revolving around techno music, even fake goofy songs, would be a good idea. But the interaction between DJ and T'Shane are pretty hilarious if you ask me, so it should work into a movie.

4. The Terget Lady
The SNL Sketch: Yet again, Kristen Wiig plays the character, of a lady who works at Target, but pronounces it "Terget" and loves to interact with every customer she comes in contact with. Downside is, she runs off in the middle of the transaction to buy an item she sees.

The Transcript:

The Movie Plot: If Target has a problem with the movie using their store and store name, just make it about the lady who works in a made up store and have it be a story about trying to gain acceptance at work and we see her life outside of work. Or maybe the entire movie is about the store being robbed, kinda like a comedic version of "Dog Day Afternoon" or "Inside Man".

Honestly, out of all of these so far, this one seems more probable. It's not like SNL movies were always THAT original.

5. Nuni
The SNL Sketch: A family of weird foreigners who have a style all of their own. They often invite regular people to their place and are instantly uncomfortable. Then confusion is had when both Fred Armisen & Mya Rudolph's characters have the same name, although they claim each name is pronounced differently.

The Transcript:

The Movie Plot: The Nuni's move into a new apartment building and run into all sorts of problems with the neighbors, who instantly don't like them. Maybe eventually it'll turn out the neighbors aren't that normal themselves and it'll be ironic. Like one could be some dude who pretends to be a woman in an internet sex chat room or something, and he's making a big deal about some foreigners that like to sit on hair.

6. Weekend Update
Ok, bear with me on this one and hear me out.
The Movie Plot: Weekend Update is a little low-to-no budget "news" show that aired Sunday night/morning at like 2 AM. They only report on weird occurances in the news. Think "News of the Weird" if they had a TV show. Due to ratings slipping, they need to do something different and report on ACTUAL news. So they set up to cover a Presidental election that's coming up. But of course no one takes them seriously, so they have to fight for recognition and respect.

If people think of this has a combination of "Anchorman" and "UHF", it just might work. And it depends on who they get to be the news anchors. They could go with Amy Poheler and Seth Meyers, and make it a point to say the show has been on for "years" with different anchors.

I'm sure there are more reoccuring sketches/characters that I'm forgetting that could be turned into a movie. If you think of anything, feel free to leave a comment. For a list of everything that spun off from SNL, check it out here.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Razzie Weekend Review #2: Norbit

You guys must hate me. Ok no. You wanted to throw me a challenge and a challenge you gave me.


If you did the LAMB Oscar Poll/Pool Thingy and forgot what you picked, or wanna see what other people picked, Fletch from Blog Cabins & Headmaster of the LAMB posted a link to everyone's picks. The Oscar's start in 55 minutes (as of this email writing) so good luck to everyone in the pool:
Oscar Pool Picks


Saturday, February 23, 2008

Razzie Weekend Review #1: I Know Who Killed Me

Part 1 of 2 of my Razzie Weekend Review. I hope you like the colors blue and red cause you're gonna get a lot of both from this movie:
I Know Who Killed Me


The Razzie Winners!

Today is indeed a magical day for bad cinema everywhere. The Razzies "winners" have been announced. Honestly, I'm a bit dissapointed. The Razzies this year kinda sucked only cause they seemed to pick on the same two movies and that's honestly not a lot of fun. Give us some varity, Razzies!!

Below are the winners, and my picks if they differ.

Winner: I Know Who Killed Me
My Pick: Norbit
I thought FOR SURE Norbit was gonna go with the top prize.

My Pick & Winner: Eddie Murphy (as Norbit)

Winner ("tie"): Lindsay Lohan (as Aubrey) and Lindsay Lohan (as Dakota)(I Know Who Killed Me)
My Pick: Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos & Skyler Shaye
(A Four-for-One Deal!) BRATZ
I haven't watched I Know Who Killed Me yet, but is she really THAT bad? I mean I've seen Bratz already and there's no way in hell Lindsay is MORE annoying then them four.

My Pick: Carmen Electra (EPIC MOVIE)
Winner: Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia) (NORBIT)
This is really just stupid. Underneath the woman outfit is a guy, so giving a guy WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS is really just a waste if you ask me. As for my pick, I just picked her, and that movie, by default.

My pick & Winner: Eddie Murphy (as Mr. Wong) (NORBIT)
This must be some new record for having the same person win both worst supporting actor AND actress. I think the dudes at The Razzies were trying to shake things up a bit.

My Pick: Jessica Alba & Ioan Gruffudd (FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER)
Winner: Lindsay Lohan & Lindsay Lohan (as The Yang to Her Own Yin) (I KNOW WHO KILLED ME)
I can't say much about this until I see "IKWKM" (Like the lingo?)

My Pick: Who's Your Caddy (Rip-Off of Caddy Shack)
Winner: I Know Who Killed Me (Rip-Off of HOSTEL, SAW and THE PATTY DUKE SHOW)
Now I really can't wait to see this Goddamn movie.

My Pick & Winner: Daddy Day Camp
Whatta ya know? Now if there's ever a sequel to either Norbit (God forbid) or IKWKM, then rest assured that it's gonna win next year.

My Pick: Brian Robbins (NORBIT)
Winner: Chris Siverston (I KNOW WHO KILLED ME)

My Pick: Norbit Screenplay by Eddie Murphy & Charles Murphy and Jay Sherick & David Ronn
Winner: I Know Who Killed Me Written by Jeffrey Hammond
I rather that a large group of people "win" this award then just one guy cause it just tells me that no matter how many people you get to work on a script, it's still gonna be awful. Whereas one dude is still just one dude. I imagine if some sweaty coked-up Hollywood producer came up to me and was like "write some drama/thriller shit that can star Lindsey Lohan, and find a reason to have her abused and then later strip (or so I'm told happens in the movie) and have it for my by next week!" I wouldn't write a masterpiece either on my own.

My Pick & Winner: I Know Who Killed Me

So there you have it. It appears my friend Adam was right, The Razzies like to pick on one or two movies and just have them win every damn thing it's nominated for. And it's funny that the two big "winners" are the two that "won" my poll. It's like, you guys actually know something that I don't. And to think that people say my fan's aren't!

Anyway!! Stay tuned today and tomorrow for reviews of "IKWKM" and "Norbit". Should be exciting. For you anyway.

The Offical Razzie Announcement
My Predictions
I got 3 out of 11 right. I suck.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Trailer Thursday! (Times 2!)

So the Razzie poll is now offically over with. And the winner(s) (or in this case the loser(s)) are:
I Know Who Killed Me & Norbit!

Here's how the votes went down:
Worst Horror Movie
Aliens vs Predator: Requiem-3
Hannibal Rising-1
Hostel Part 2-0
I Know Who Killed Me-10

Worst Picture

Daddy Day Care-4
Delta Farce-1
Epic Movie-1
Code Name: The Cleaner-1

So for this Trailer Thursday (Times 2) here are the trailers for
I Know Who Killed Me:

And Norbit:

I'm in for a LOOOOONG! weekend.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Daniel-Day Lewis: Not Lactose Intolerant

It's been bought to my attention that there's a rather different scene in the movie "There Will Be Blood". From what I THOUGHT the movie was about, this scene really, really stands out:

Oddly enough, this phrase has caught on. So much so that Brandon Hardesty, the guy on Youtube that does movie reinactments, went on Jimmy Kimmel Live! and did his own reinactment of that scene above. I think he did a great job:

One final thing. I wasn't going to see the movie cause it doesn't look like something I'd enjoy, but that scene has me thinking twice. However, I did notice that the video I posted above said "Spoiler Warning" and I tried to show it to a friend, who didn't wanna see the video cause she said she's gonna see the movie this weekend and didn't want nothing spoiled. But for the life of me I can't see anything in that video that would spoil the entire movie. Maybe I'm missing something? If you've seen the movie and wanna shed some light on this for me, drop me a line.

New Probe: Step Up

I re-imaged the entire Probes page, and I'm slowly updating the probes. Check that out:
New Probes Page

And there's a new probe, where I check out this Step Up movie:
Step Up


Thursday, February 14, 2008

Trailer Thursdays!

Speaking of "Waiting..."


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Movies I Like #1: Waiting

I spend a fair amount of time bashing and complaining about bad movies and/or movies that I hate. It's funny and people like it, haha. But for every movie that I hate or think is bad, there is one that I love and think is good. I figured, at least once in awhile, I'll spotlight a movie that I think is good and that I love.

My first pick:

Waiting...(Yes there's elicpses after the title. I'm not sure why.)

This movie is pretty near and dear to my heart because it shows what it's like to work in the food industry and what waiters and waitresses put up with when people go into restaurants and start treating the waitstaff like shit. Granted, I work in a fast food restaurant, but Clerks 2 was two years away, so this had to fill the void.

Waiting...shows us the day in the life of the waitstaff at a restaurant called Shenanaginz!, which is pretty much just a fictionalized Bennigins, with a little T.G.I Friday mixed in. We focus on Dean, played by Justin Long, as he tries to cope with growing up and finding out his best friend from high school just got his Masters degree and got a high paying job, while he's stuck being a waiter.

There's also Monty, played by Ryan Reynolds, who is the pervy smart ass of the bunch and wants nothing more then to stick it to the barely legal hostess Natashia. David Koechner plays Daniel, the manager who lets the power go to his head and is more or less an asshole. And Anna Faris (from the Scary Movie series) plays a waitress that likes to show off her tits to get a tip and has a history with Monty, which is one of the highlights of this movie as seen here:

There are ten thousand other stories in the movie, like the guy who can't pee in public bathrooms and the one waitress that's been working WAAAAY too long. But I would be admiss if I didn't mention "The Game".

The Game is played by all the guys in the restaurant and they find clever and odd ways to show each other their "junk" and if they catch someone by surprise, they get to kick them in the ass while calling them "fag". Yeah, it's stupid and don't make sense but that's the point.

My favorite bit though, is when the bitchiest customer in the world walks in and just almost immedately starts belitting everyone that comes to her table. Then she rattles off a list of demands and finds every little thing wrong with her meal. The entire waitstaff has had enough of her, so they decide to do something special to her food, as show here:

As its stated in the movie: Never FUCK with the people that handle your food. As a fast food worker, I couldn't agree more. Not that I've ever done anything to someone's food...that I'm willing to admit.

ANYWAY! If you haven't seen "Waiting..." yet, you totally should. And when you do, watch the entire ending credits, cause the movie more or less keeps on going till the very very end, which includes this:


Sunday, February 10, 2008

The LAMB Oscar Poll

Fletch at Blog Cabins and the head honcho over at the LAMB is running an Oscar Pool/Poll type thingy and he's opened it up for anyone, even non-LAMB's! So if you wanna check it out go here:
The winner gets a DVD of their choice from Amazon (no more then 19.99 not including shipping), so get on wit yo bad self!

In other news, there won't be a review today cause I'm going with my friend Bill to see RAMBO!

That was easily the most macho thing I ever said. I'm going to see a guy movie with a guy. And afterwards I'm gonna lift weights and shoot a gun in the air while yelling "AAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

And a reminder, you have until THURSDAY to throw in your bid to participate in the next Mass Invasion, Battlefield Earth. This is kind of a long movie so the more people the better. Offically I have:

If your name is not on that list, send me an email (js at invasionofthebmovies dot com) and join in on the fun! It's Battlefield Earth, what's the worst that could happen?

Thursday, February 07, 2008

AND The Next Mass Invasion Is...

So a few people were interested. Let's see how long that interests holds.

The next Mass Invasion is...


Yes, THAT Battlefield Earth. The John Travolta movie about scientology or something...yeah.

Ok, now for realz, who in? Send me your emails by next Thursday to OFFICALLY declare yourself in.


Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Too Soon?

Hey all,

So I was sitting here minding my own business when I was brutally attacked by an idea. I was like "NO!!AHH POLICE!!!" but the idea just had it's way with me.

Long story short...the idea was to do another Mass Invasion. I know we just had one in December, but I think the movie the idea brutalized me with is pretty good and kinda topical considering some current events going on (at least on the intarwebz). I'm a little hesitant to even say which movie it is cause it'll probably scare everyone off, so let's take it one step at a time.

Would you all be up for another Mass Invasion?

Movie to be announced when I get enough answers.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

To Giants Fans

You're welcome.

See, I'm NEVER right about anything. Ever. So if I say something is a for sure thing, it's never gonna happen. So me saying that New England was gonna win means they won't.

Anyway, congratulations New York.

New Review: Killers From Space

When you get done watching the super bowl, check out my review of "Killers From Space":

Killers From Space

Speaking of, I don't follow football at all and I know squat about either team, but even I can see that the Patroits are gonna win. Just sayin'.