Monday, January 04, 2010

Jason Is "Lost"


I woke up and was looking up at some sky. The weather was warm and I can hear ocean nearby. I sat up and looked around. I was in some jungle. I hear rustling. I turned and looked and saw, well not to sound mean or anything but he was a fat guy. And kinda hairy.

"Dude" was all he said.
"Uh...where am I?"
"I wish, uh, I could answer that. But...I don't know."
"Oh. Well, how did I get here?"
"Were you on an airplane?"
"No I was at home, writing the Top 40 movies I hated in the past decade."
"Dude, it's 2005. You should've done that in 1999."
"Um, it's for a post in 2010."
"Dude, you from the future?"
"...I guess. Listen I need to get back. After my post I was suppose to meet with some guy named "Nolahn" about an idea I had."
"Did you say "Nolahn"?"
"Yes."
"Dude, he's here. He's over...there."

And that's when "Dude" Dude pointed to a small wooden shack.

"He's there?"
"Yeah dude, do I stutter? Now go, he's probably waiting or something. I don't know. Stupid island."

And that's when the fat hairy "dude" dude walked away. I stood up and headed towards the shack. I opened the door and inside was a brightly lit room. Sitting on the floor was a man who looked like Elvis wearing pink bunny ears.

"Are you the one they call Jason Soto?" Bunny Elvis asked.
"Yes. Are you..Nolahn?"
"I am. Have a seat."

I sat across him on the floor.

"You wanted to meet me?"
"Yeah. I have a cool idea and I wanna know if you wanna help me out with me."
"Proceed."

I went on to explain that I been reading his site since he joined the mysterious secret society called The LAMB and I liked what he had to say and that he and I think alike. After talking for a bit, I found we had a lot more in common. Nohlan sat there, nodding his head, which made the pink ears flop back and forth. I was waiting for them to fall off his head honestly.

"What are you trying to say?" Nolahn said, impatiently. I have been talking for two hours.
"I want to do a podcast. And I need someone who knows a lot about watching bad movies AND someone who appears to be on their computer a lot. I want to know if you'd help me do my podcast."

Nolahn thought deeply.

"Well...I was suppose to help dismantle some bomb. But...a podcast sounds like fun. Let's do it!"

So I am proud to announce that coming later this month will be the first episode of "The Lair of the Unwanted", a podcast featuring me and Nolahn of "Bargin Bin Review". We already got a few episodes planned and hopefully recording will happen next week. I will post the episode up here when it is finished. I hope you guys enjoy it.

Now there was the problem of getting back home.

"I gotta finish my top five."
"Save it."
"But-"
"Save. It."

I nodded. I knew where he was going with this.

"But how do I get back?" I asked.
"See this big wheel behind me? Turn it clockwise 108 times. On the 108th time, you will arrive back at civilation. It's just a matter of finding your way back to Indiana. I must go now. Jacob is calling me."
"Who's Jacob?"
"Indeed. Be well my friend."

Nolahn left and I sighed, turning the wheel 108 times. Sure enough on the 108th time, a white light washed over me and soon I found myself...in the desert. Dammit. Oh well. Glad we're not doing the podcast for another week.
-Jason

3 comments:

Wings said...

Well... Okay then. That was an interesting twist!

Nolahn said...

"Stupid island."

How has that line not worked its way into an episode of "Lost"?

Jason Soto said...

Nolahn: Cause they don't have me as a writer.