Friday, January 29, 2010

Home Fest '10: Zombie Death House

You ever have that feeling where you're super excited by something? You're jumping up and down and up and down and you go "EEEE!!!!" and you just feel like you're gonna burst from excitement? Then when that something happens, it turns out to be a 90-year-old clown with herpes and a dead dog. Well, my herpe-infested old clown with dead dog is "Zombie Death House".

I posted awhile back about finding this movie at my grocery store and bought it cause of the title. I mean it's fucking ZOMBIE DEATH HOUSE! ZOMBIE!! DEATH!! HOUSE!! You can't go wrong, can you?

Well, yes.

So the movie focuses on this guy name Derrick, who was some special ops guy "in the war" and now he's back to try to make a normal living. He got a job being a driver for some mob guy. Derrick ends up boinking the mob guy's girlfriend/wife. Then he has to drive two guys for the mob guy to a dark alley that turns out to be a drive by or something. Derrick realizes this line of work sucks and leaves. But not without one final screw from Mob Guy's Girl.

Mob Guy finds out and kills the girl and plants the body in Derrick's hotel room. The cops pick him up and he's found guilty and sent to the chair.

This is the first 35 minutes of a movie called ZOMBIE DEATH HOUSE! They're gonna have to go a long way to get to that title.

MEANWHILE, John Saxon is an evil General guy experimenting with some virus thing and he's injecting it into death row inmates. One inmate doesn't react to it and goes on a rampage. And he starts falling apart. I'm sad to say that this is your zombie. And the death house? Slang term for death row. Why not just call the fucking movie Zombie Death Row? At least I'd know what I was getting myself to.

Anyway, this virus is contagious and on Christmas Eve half the prison gets infected. The other half seem immune to it, including Derrick. So now he has to fight his way out of prison with the help of a hot scientist chick and the Warden's kids. To get revenge, Derrick has Mob Guy bought into the prison.

The Mob Guy has a brother in prison who, um, "discovers he likes guys" and has a boyfriend. There's a bunch of scenes involving them two nearly getting it on. I'm far from a homophobe but I was starting to wonder if I accidently got a gay porno by mistake. More like ZOM-BONE ANAL HOUSE, amirite?


Because John Saxon is in this movie, he's evil and a jerk and wants to blow the prison up, along with the infected, so now it's a race againt time to get out of the prison. Apparently while building the prison, they decided it was smart to have some sort of tunnel in the basement so prisoners can easily get out. So Derrick and his new friends have to head there.

It's an alright film and you could do a whole "28 Days Later" argument on if they are really zombies or not (probably not) but it was a bit dissapointing. I just want to note that not only did John Saxon star in it, he also directed, so that's something. I guess.

Zombie Manmeat House?


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