Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Demons At The Door
(Note: This was guest written by my friend Bill Szany.)
This movie makes "The Gingerdead Man" look like "Punch Drunk Love". After looking it up on IMDB though I realized why the acting was the way it was, all of the main actors have never done anything prior to this film. Sadly, I loved it though. Yes, it's bad, but it's actually intentionally bad. Some people may argue, but they would be mistaken, because it is very obvious that this movie is meant to be goofy, despite not selling itself as a "horror/comedy".
It might not be the funniest movie ever made, but it's definitely pretty darn goofy. I would place it in the same category as "Idle Hands" and the "House" series. I'm pretty sure the graphics are not intentionally bad though, yet they are bad. "Shrek" is CG, this is like it was made on a Tandy.
I also thought it seemed like the demon on the movie cover, and that's shown only as a image in the movie for a few seconds, looked exactly like Wishmaster. Well, after looking it up on IMDB I realised why it looks like Wishmaster. It's because it is The Wishmaster. The director was the special effects makeup artist for Wishmaster 3. So apparently he must have just taken a sample from that movie and put it on the screen of this movie for two seconds for no apparent reason
The movie starts off with a bang when a Middle Eastern guy (who was probably a biker in real life and is the most American person you'll ever see in this film) attacks these archeologists while they are dusting off a door. He screams "The slut must pay!!" and throws the girl on the ground, and he opens her shirt with a rather convenient ease, and her boobs are exposed. If that's not enough of a great intro, Castellano and Jackson appear with machine guns and the Middle Eastern guy shouts "Ahhhh, John Wayne come to save a Whore!!!"
Is it even worth mentioning the plot point now? I mean either you are going to rush out to buy it right away or you will avoid it at all costs because it's quite a unique gem of a movie. Basically the plot has been done a thousand times, it's not far off from any other film about the end of time, Armageddon, and biblical predictions come to life. Only these people are trapped right at the place where the Demons are entering Earth from Hell. The "Demons"are "at the door". Get it? Good.
About ten minutes into the film we meet Uriel, an Angel who is the protector of "The Eye of Satan", a gem and another plot device of the movie. After Uriel saves them from Demons, and then giving a really long speech explaining what's going on, Castellano throws a Quarter at Uriel's chest, and says "Here's thirty-five cents. Call somebody who will swallow this bullshit!"
This movie is comedy gold. The only major problem I had with it was when they started showing more demons and they made the noises unnecessarily loud and obnoxious. I will admit I needed to take a break from it for awhile and just go online, but when I came back to it I was surprised to see the comedy pick up big time out of nowhere and it just went from annoying to outrageously goofy mode in a heartbeat.
People may be offended by the blatant fowl language (which makes Andrew Dice Clay seem like Jimmy Stewart) but it's obviously part of the whole presentation, which I totally get. The demons talk so fowl because they are Demons from Hell, hence they probably would sound as fowl in real life, one would imagine.
There's some unbelievably racist comments too which would normally be offensive but not here. All the comments are about black people and Italians to piss off the soldiers. Despite five to ten minutes at least of annoying audio, I get the movie, and I think it's awful, but I love it.
Well the only reason I bought this movie (or rather begged my girlfriend on hands and knees to buy it for me in Blockbuster) was because in really big letters on the front cover it says "Featuring Music by The Insane Clown Posse". I got overjoyed by this and decided I must own it because I love ICP. After just watching the trailer for it, I was wondering what I got myself
into. Normally I stay as far from this type of movie as humanly possible, but after I realized how goofy it was I was fine with it and just enjoyed it for all that it is. If anyone questions me on the seriousness of the movie, hopefully the ending will change your mind.