Tuesday, June 07, 2011
B-Movie Meatloaf: Octaman
For this month's B-Movie Meatloaf over at StrictlySplatter.com, it was chosen that we take on some Mexican Horror Movies. Which isn't as easy as American Horror Movies or Japanese Horror Movies or even Canadian Horror Movies. So after scanning IMDB and Wikipedia, I quickly learned that the 1971 film "Octaman" is available on Netflix Instant Watch.
And boy, is "Octaman" a Mexican horror film. It takes place in Mexico, half the cast is Mexican, and one character is SOOOO Mexican he spends the entire film in a poncho, wearing a sombrero and humming Traditional Mexican songs. There's a TV and film cliche called "The Magical Negro" where among a cast of white people, there's one black guy who saves the day or is able to conjure up something at the last second to save everyone's life. Well, I called this guy "The Magical Hispanic".
"Octaman" starts with our hero Rick, who is some scientist of some sort, studying the waters in some town in Mexico. Someone on his team found a weird tiny octopus, which looks like it's made of rubber and was painted by a 4th grader. Rick studies this and pretends it's a great find. He wants to take it to some town to have a big wig scientist study it and and give him more money to keep looking for these creatures.
When Rick arrives, the octopus is dead and the big wig scientist isn't too impressed. Not one to be rejected, he turns to some rich guy named Johnny to help fund this project. Johnny says sure...if he can capture the creature and put in some freak show! Oh, one of THOSE types.
Rick agrees cause he needs money and Johnny has an RV which makes Rick even more happy. Back at camp, one of Rick's guys is attacked by the Octaman, and this thing is HI-LARIOUS! It's CLEARLY a guy in a suit with 8 octopus arms attached everywhere. The Octaman attacks and instantly kills the guy. Rick returns to find the guy dead.
So with the lesser characters out of the way, we meet the rest of Rick's crew! Johnny bought along Steve, who's a sleazy cowboy guy. There's Mort, another scientist guy. There's Devito, the Magical Hispanic. And of course, there's only one female, Susanne, and she's engaged to Rick.
By now, you probably can tell what's going to happen. The first 20 minutes of this movie is fuckin' hilarious when they give us shots of the Octaman and the small octopi running around. Devito just being all magical is great. Then kind of out of nowhere, everything slows the fuck down.
We get boring shots of Rick and his crew looking for the Octaman. Devito keeps talking about magical things. Then the film kinda goes into a loop. Rick, Steve, Mort, and Devito leave to look for the Octaman, leaving Susanne and Johnny behind at camp. The Octaman shows up, attacks Johnny, Susanne screams her head off alerting Rick and crew and they rush back, shoot Octaman, and he goes scampering away.
Rick, Steve, Mort, and Devito leave again, Johnny STAYS BEHIND again with Susanne, and Octaman shows up AGAIN, attacks Johnny again, and Susanne alerts Rick so they rush back, attack Octaman and he scamps off. Guess what happens after that?
Rick, Steve, Mort, and Devito leave, Johnny STILL STAYS behind with Susanne, and Octaman shows up. THIS TIME, he attacks Johnny and Susanne, and decides to take her. So here's a question I have: in all these monster movies, the monster goes after the chick and kidnaps her. What does the monster plan on doing with the girl? It's not like these monsters have dicks. And think about King Kong. How was THAT going to work? Was Fay Wray/Naomi Watts suppose to just run up and down his dick until he cums? I mean really? Someone have an explaination? Someone?
Rick returns, finds Susanne gone and goes after Octaman. They distract him with a flashlight while Rick lights a fire AROUND Octaman AND Susanne. Rick manages to get Susanne without burning her and Octaman passes out. They put him in a net and then...they all talk about stuff for 20 minutes.
Octaman, bored just like we are, wakes up and attacks again but he runs away. Not knowing where else he could've went, they decide to track him down with the RV. Johnny at this point has decided he's had enough and wants to go home. Dude, if you'd STOP staying at the camp and go with Rick, you wouldn't be attacked all the fucking time.
A big giant tree blocks the road so they get out of the RV to move the tree. Devito runs off for some reason and he spots Octaman in a cave. Intrigued, the rest chase after him, INCLUDING JOHNNY finally, and Octaman manages to block them in the cave. Devito proves how magical he is by finding a 4 inch hole in the cave and he crawls through it and finds a way out. Then we spend another 20 minutes watching them crawl through this hole. You fans of "The Descent" this will be your FAVORITE SCENE EVER!
They get out of the cave and head back to the RV and this movie tries to win me back by having Octaman hide INSIDE the RV (he even closed the door!) and attack them when they get back to the RV! It knocks everybody but Susanne out and she offers herself up to be taken. Octaman takes her, trying to figure out how to use his dick on her, when she shoots Octaman and he looks at her as if to say "Fucking bitch! UGH! WOMEN!!" I know, man. I know.
Octaman falls into the water and it simply ends finally. God.
The first 25-30 minutes of this movie is awesome. The middle is very boring and slow and repetitive. The last 15 or so is ok. It is on Netflix Instant Watch only and it is good for a group riffing, but don't expect craziness all the way through. Honestly, the movie could've only been 30 minutes long and end with them capturing him and I would've been happy with that. But oh well.