Saturday, June 18, 2011
The Soto List: The NEVER Edition
Now that I'm a three-time award winning blogger/reviewer, and I've set myself up to review NOTHING but horror movies for the next year (I have to let you in on one exception which was put into motion a few months ago prior to the LAMMY's: There will be two Segal films that will be reviewed on The Site. But AFTER THOSE...look out!) and while thinking about what I'll be watching for the next year, I thought about some movies that either I've seen, or only heard about through trailers and other people, and told myself "I am never going to review that on The Blog/Site as long as I live" for various reasons.
So this list are those movies. These are the Top 5 Movies I Will Never Review on Invasion of the B Movies!
I'll admit I'm intreged by the title when I learned what the movie is about. But I dunno if I'm that curious. The trailer shows Willam Dafoe's naked ass and after watching Tommy Wiseau's ass being displayed, I keep my man ass down to a minimal. Then there's the shit I heard that happens in the third act and...yeah, probably not watching this anytime soon.
Watch that, imagine an hour and 20 minutes of stuff like that, and tell me what the fuck I'm suppose to say? Exactly. And there was some audio but it was removed due to copyright? Really?
3. Vistor Q
The film that made me lose street cred to Nick. When I saw it, it was early in my website days, before I seen as many fucked up shit as I've seen now. And before "Martyrs". Back then, a movie about necrophilia, incest, and abuse towards your mother kinda fucked me up. Now, I'd probably just go "eh", like Nick did. But I don't really wanna watch it again.
2. I Spit On Your Grave
Yeah, I'm never watching this movie ever again. I don't care. I MIGHT check out the remake, but I get the feeling I'm gonna feel the same way. And yes, even after watching "Martyrs", I still find this disturbing.
1. Slaughtered Vomit Dolls
Imagine that, the trailer's not up on Youtube. Well, I'll tell you what's in store and if you're still curious, you can click the link to the official webpage that has the trailer. Ready?
Vomit gore. That's it. Oh, and it's made by the Church of Satan people. So keep those two things in mind. And when I say "vomit gore", the trailer shows people ACTUALLY vomitting, repeatedly, and at great lengths. I don't know what else to say, which is why I am never, in my fucking life, watching this movie.
If you feel the need, here's the site. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Now, I didn't put "Martyrs" on this list cause I reviewed it over at "Man, I Love Films" and I'm sure there are some others I'm forgetting. But these are the five that I thought of. I toyed with "Last House on the Left" but I was really young when I watched that, so maybe I'll give that one more shot. I doubt I'm gonna like it, but you never know.