Tuesday, June 28, 2011
(Note: This is going to be a strange one. And unless I miss my guess, the last review I have to transfer over. Yay! Also in a historical note, this is one of the first reviews I posted on The Site.)
Yes, you have read the title right. Blow-Up Doll Films. I didn't know what to expect when my friend Adam lent this to me. But I'll never be the same again. And Adam also told me that this DVD is really rare, so don't even email me asking "I want a copy!" or "Where can I get it?" Just live vicariously through this review.
The DVD is really a compilation of short films by two people out of L.A Steve Hall and Cathee Wilkins. They basically just bought a shitload of blowup dolls, got their home video recorder and rubbed two dolls on top of each other. But there is oh so much more to it than that.
Two of the films don't have any sex in them at all. Well, there is some sex, but it's no different than sex you find in a R-Rated movie. The first one I saw, however, was basically just about sex. Titled "Scout's Honor", it shows Candy in bed with her boyfriend Duane and she tells him she had lots of sex. We then get several flashbacks to her getting it on with her doctor and then, well...yeah.
Next up is "Deep Africa". Summer believes in aliens and wants her very own. Candy spots an ad in a paper stating this dude named The Hunter can get you your very own alien. So they call The Hunter up and he says you get the alien if you send in naked pictures. So they do and he sends them an "alien".
Summer teaches the "alien" to clean the house, but the alien wants to "phone home". Then we get a good 20 minutes of alien abuse as Summer and Candy basically beat the alien for doing various things ranging from snorting all the cocaine to eating Candy's dildo. They decide to let Kishan give him a tattoo and he gets a wicked eagle on his chest. Then, while Summer is away at a photo shoot, the "alien" breaks out, cures Candy of her PMS and we a little alien-on-human action.
Yet again let me reinstate that this is basically people off camera rubbing the ET doll against the Candy doll. Candy ends up pregnant with the aliens child. The end?
Next up is "Tonight's The Night", which could nose "Deep Africa" out as the weirdest short film out of this whole bunch. Candy is a Satanist and Summer comes over to her house. Summer says she wants a baby but doesn't want to go through the trouble of finding a man. Candy says she can whip up some Satanic sperm and inject it in Summer and 24 hours later, baby! So Candy sacrifices a sheep (Yes a blow up doll sheep. I'd love to see the looks of these film makers as they left the store with this thing.) and makes the sperm and injects it into Summer. 24 hours later, we got...THE ANTICHRIST!! Mu-hahaha!
I shouldn't even describe the next three shorts in extreme detail. I'll just say they're very sex orientated and would be EXTREMELY disturbing if they were actual humans, not blow up dolls. The good thing about blow up dolls, I guess, is you can get away with anything.
If you can find this, I recommend being very drunk and/or stoned while watching it. And
this DVD is not for the faint of heart or people with no sense of humor. And you really
shouldn't take it seriously. I mean, if you did, you'd have some problems. And I shouldn't have to say this but this is only for adults. I know, it's only blow up dolls but trust me. It's only for adults. Unless you want your child to be Marilyn Manson when he or she grows up.