CHUCK NORRIS!!!! Month: Missing In Action

A double header for you, I decided to also watch 1984's "Missing In Action", one of Chuck Norris' many "war films". This movie actually has a sad story behind it. One of Chuck's brothers was in Veitnam and was an actual P.O.W and eventually got killed there. So he made this movie in his memory, which is a nice thing to do.

Now onto the killings.

Chuck takes a break from playing cops/sheriffs and plays Col. James Braddock, a former P.O.W from Veitnam. He's having a dream about his last mission, which is sort of like the opening scene in "Tropic Thunder". James wakes up and immedately turns on the Spider-Man cartoon, which we see for about 5 minutes straight.

After that, James agrees to go back to Saigon to prove to the world that there are still soilders who are Missing in Action around Veitnam. The President or whatever he was suppose to be doesn't believe him and want to try James for War Crimes. James then spots this dude that use to torture him back at the P.O.W Camp and basically says "fuck this shit" and leaves.

Later that night, James sneaks out of his hotel and goes to the President or Whatever's place and makes him tell where the P.O.W's are. After doing so, a slight scuffle occures where the President or Whatever is killed. So now James has to fight his way back to his hotel and pretend he never left, which takes FOR FUCKING EVER!

By the time it took him to get back into the hotel room, the army could've arrived at the hotel, ran up the stairs, noticed he wasn't there, put out an APB on him, did a manhunt on the streets, and make it in time for breakfast the next day. But anyway, James sneaks into this chick's room that traveled with him and they had to pretend to fuck in order to prove an alibi. The Former Torturer shows up and goes "Hm. How convientent. You must leave!" And nobody tells Chuck Norris when to leave-

Oh, he's leaving. But only to Bangkok. There, he's looking for an old friend, Tuck, played by the awesome M. Emmett Walsh. James needs a boat, some guns, a raft, and a hard boiled egg cause he's gonna go free him some P.O.W's his own damn self!

But after a 25 minute scene of James running around Bangkok while Former Torturer chases him. After a shitload of failed attempts to kill James, including when the boat takes off, they're on their way! Former Torturer sneaks onto the boat and just like that James kills him. Dang, I guess he isn't our final boss.

James arrives at the location where the P.O.W's are at and there's a lot of sneaking around, mixed in with a lot of planting bombs. One thing I do wanna mention. When James was leaving the boat, he tells Tuck if I'm not back in 12 hours, leave. Tuck realizes that James needs him so he goes with James and tells his first mate that if he's not back in 14 hours, the boat is his.

Well, James arrives at the camp in the middle of the night. After blowing shit up, he finds out that the Princess is in another castle. Or rather, the prisoners have been moved. James returns to tuck in the early morning, which has to be around the 12 hours mark.

They find the convoy carrying the prisoners and start shooting it up. They finds the prisoners inside a truck and James promises them they'll return home. But first, more escaping from gun fire! They get to the boat, where the first mate yells out "It's been 18 hours, fuckers! The boat is mine!!!" Well, that's what he SHOULD'VE yelled out. Instead he returns fire. Soon, first mate is dead and Tuck swims back to his boat, which promptly explodes. Awww, they killed Tuck.

Soon, a friendly helicopter that James hired shows up (I don't know how he knew where to go, I guess he just followed the sounds of the explosions) and they fly back to Saigon to prove that there WERE some P.O.W's! And with that, the movie ends.

The next film "Missing in Action 2: The Beginning" is a prequel of sorts. It shows James as a P.O.W and how he escaped. It does feature Chuck Norris, so I probably should check it out sometime.

As for this movie, it was pretty good. More of a watered down version of Rambo but still pretty good. Chuck Norris doesn't do a lot of karate but he doesn't go 10 minute without a gun in his hand. And if he can't kick, he sure as hell can shoot.

-Jason