Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Jason On Jason: Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan
So pretty much, the makers of this movie realized they were doing Part 8 and decided to piss all over the previous films buy making up their own shit that happened to Jason. Sure, they gave the basic "Jason drowned and his mom went nuts" but when they flash back to it, it's nothing like how it happened in parts 1-3.
Hell, the beginning with Jason isn't even tied with what happened to him at the end of 7. If you recall, a psychic chick summoned her dead dad out of Crystal Lake to take Jason down to the bottom. Here, he's underneath some rubble, like he was a victim of a Earthquake or something.
Some "teenager" are on a boat making out when lighting strikes, causing Jason to be reanimated. He climbs on board and kills them both. Whatever.
Next, a group of "teenagers" are getting on a BIGGER boat, cause they're going on a cruise to New York.
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!
I always got the impression Crystal Lake was somewhere in the midwest. Maybe cause there's an actual city called Crystal Lake in Illinois, but I swear this was mentioned at some point. So now they're on some coastal city where they can cruise up to NYC? You know what? It's part 8. I should just relax.
To MST3K fans: You ever seen the episode "Agent for H.A.R.M"? You know the main guy wo played, well, the Agent for "H.A.R.M"? Well that guy is in this movie! He's sort of an asshole and he's the uncle to Rennie. Rennie has some issues that aren't explained until the final 10 minutes of the movie so I'll just explain them now cause I'll probably forget.
To show Uncle H.A.R.M is an asshole, when Rennie was a kid he threw her into Crystal Lake in hopes of teaching her to swim. She didn't get the hang of it and almost drowned. While almost drowning, she saw Jason as a kid down there and freaked out. Ever since then, she's been afraid of the water.
So Uncle is like "why is Rennie here on this cruise? Blah blah blah I'm an asshole!" Oh and to top it off, Uncle is also a teacher at their school. How nice. Through a magical plot device, Jason shows up as well and becomes a stow away. And well, now Jason is...you know-
So the basic routine happens, instead of a forest they're on a boat. We get some MINOR character developments, like one dude Sean his dad is the captain of the boat so he's expected to also be a boat captain but Sean doesn't want to! He wants to be...something else! YEAH! Screw you Dad! I hope Jason kills you!
Oh, there's an hilarious crew member who's not given a name, he just pops up on screen, literally, to say things like "we're all gonna die!" and "Jason has returned!", then he dissappears.
A bunch of other kids are killed, not even creatively. At least Jason could've went with a nautical theme and killed them with like harpoons, anchors, and poopdecks. (huh huh huh poopdeck)
Whatever. Anyway, through all the killings Jason did, a fire is started below deck and this causes water to fill up the engines. The other teacher, who isn't an asshole, puts the remaining alive students, besides Rennie and Sean of course, into a room and tells her to wait for her there. Two minutes later, the nice teacher tells Sean she has to go back for them and Sean says "No we can't, that room is underwater now."
Oh well, ok. Sure. Glad we saw that happen.
So Asshole Uncle, Sean, Rennie, and Nice Teacher all get on a lifeboat and row away from S.S Titanic 2. They row for awhile until they come across NEW YORK CITY! YAY! And finally!
They get to shore and look for a phone when Jason, who is apparently half dolphin, shows up on shore as well. Oh and the way New York is depicted in this movie is hilarious. I know 1980's New York was different than it is now, but I doubt it was this bad. Every single person they came across was either a murderer, a rapist, a drug dealer, a gang member, a skin head, a punk, or just a bored resident who didn't want to do anything with helping anybody. Almost instantly, two guys comes out, robs everybody, and takes Rennie to rape her. I just remembered they shot her with heroin but this is quickly forgotten.
Before Rennie is raped, Jason shows up and kills the rapists, but giving her enough time to escape. OH SHIT! One of my favorite kills happens! This TOTALLY happened!
God, I love that!
At some point, nice teacher is killed, and so is Asshole Uncle (yay!) and now it's just Rennie and Sean running through New York City, NOT getting help from anybody. They end up in the sewers, which fill up with toxic waste every night at midnight so they have, OMG 2 minutes to get out! NOOO!!!
Does that really happen? Really?
So Jason doesn't get out in time and is washed away by the toxic waste. Rennie and Sean try to enjoy New York, the most unfriendlyst town ever!
The only thing I liked was the head getting punched off scene, but that wasn't enough to save it. There was a whole subplot about the prom queen being a bitch and fucking the uncle but honestly, you didn't come here to hear about that so why even go into detail about that? This movie was lame but probably a lot of fun at a party. Oh well. First New York, next stop...HELL!!
PS: I forgot to mention, Jason seems to have gained the ability to teleport cause there was a scene where literally every place this dude ran to, Jason was there. That was kinda funny too.