Monday, April 13, 2009

Day 11/Jason on Jason: Friday the 13th Part 3 IN 3-D!

So here I am, taking on the part in the franchise that was filmed in 3-D. The DVD comes with the 3-D version and glasses, so I said hell yeah let's watch this sucker in 3-D. Well, either something was wrong with the copy, the TV sucked, or my eyes sucked cause the 3-D didn't really worked. It was still blurry and it didn't really pop out of the screen like 3-D is suppose to. So I still need to see a good 3-D version of this.

Anyway, this part doesn't take place at Camp Crystal Lake. In fact it doesn't even mention where it takes place. Maybe this is Jason's summer home or something. Anyway, another random group of teens or whatever show up to some farm in "the country". Along for the trip is:
Shelly, the jokster who looks like Jonah Hill and has horrible self esteem issues.
Chris, the main chick and the owner of the farm.
Andy and His Girlfriend
Two Hippies
Chick Shelly is trying to hook up with.

Sorry I'm not mentioning the names but you and I know it don't matter, you just wanna see some people get chopped in creative ways.

But it takes awhile for that to happen. We get some "Dawson's Creek" shit as we explore all this backstory on Chris and how she was accosted by some weirdo in the woods two years ago. The weirdo, as you know, turns out to be Jason. Shelly pulls all kinds of pranks that makes everyone hates him. Later, Shelly and Chick he's trying to hook up with run afoul of a biker gang, so the gang gets revenge by turning into 12-year-olds and taking the gas out of their vans. Next they put their hands in warm water while sleeping. Tee-hee-hee.

The chick biker gang goes into the barn, where Jason is just hanging out for some reason and she gets killed, followed by the other two gang members. Jason is taking his sweet ass time killing these people. I think in Part 2, we got about 30-40 minutes of "story" then the rest was killing. These killings don't happen until at least an hour into the movie.

Andy and his girlfriend fuck on a hammock, then get killed.
Shelly scares the chick he's trying to hook up with, but he gets killed and Jason takes this hockey mask Shelly was carrying for some reason, which is when that whole thing started.
Chick gets killed trying to get Shelly's wallet from the water.
Hippies get killed after thinking Shelly is pulling another prank but this time it's for realz, y'all.

Soon, Chris and her boyfriend Rick come back and find the house empty. Chris investigates while Rick gets his head smashed in. Soon, Jason makes his presence known to Chris and he chases her all over the farm and the barn. She gets some stabs in there, but he still survives them. She even ties his neck around a noose and hangs him but nothing doing. Finally, she just slams a machete into his skull and it stops him. For now...

Chris decides to re-enact the final scene from the first Friday the 13th and go out on the lake in a canoe. But now she's flipped the fuck out and starts seeing shit like Jason coming after her and Jason's Mom popping up out of the lake. The cops show up (How do they always know to show up the morning after? I think they're in on it somehow) and take away a crazy laughing Chris.

Even though I do have patience and think horror movies should build, this one took a bit too long to build. It's the third entry in the series for cryin' out loud. They should just get with the killin' already, screw story. And it's not like any of it mattered. By the time Part 4 rolls around we'll have another story to not be interested in.

As for the 3-D, it was a bit hokey at times. It was like "Hey, look at us being wacky with this yo-yo!" "Oh no, we're juggling!!" But the death parts were (probably) cool to see in 3-D, like the eyeballs flying out of Rick's head. I hope some movie theater plays this in 3-D soon so I can see all of this for myself.


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