Thursday, April 09, 2009

Day 9: The Midnight Meat Train

I wanted to see this movie badly when it came out. I was curious. It features Vinnie Jones as a killer who kills people on a train. And what does the title mean exactly? Now that I know, I wish I could undo my wanting.

Leon is a photographer who's told by Brooke Shields to shoot more dark disturbing images and maybe she'll give him a photo gallery opening. He goes out one night and finds Vinnie and takes his picture. This leads him to a dark road that's frustrating and pretty stupid.

Leon is also dating a hot girl Maya who gets involved with everything as well. Leon starts stalking Vinnie, finding out he's a butcher by day. When he follows him down to the subway and onto the train, he watches Vinnie chop up some random innocent people. Vinnie finds him soon enough and simply knocks him out. Leon wakes up to find a weird symbol carved into his chest. And now Vinnie does the stalking.

Maya enlists the help of a friend named Jergin or something to break into Vinnie's apartment and look for Leon's camera, which was stolen and contains evidence. Of course any other night Vinnie would be gone all night but no on this night he's only gone for ten minutes. Vinnie kills Jergin and Maya runs to the police. She meets a police chick who is rather indifferent about the whole thing. Maya and Leon now decide it's time to take matters into their own hands.

Leon arms himself with knives galore and gets on the train, where Maya already is at. And rather stupidly, there's a whole train car full of people hanging upside down. This is stupid because this train went through a bunch of stops and you can clearly see the bodies through the windows. So to have them just hanging there while the train goes to it's final destination is really dumb.


Leon and Vinnie confront and it's an epic battle. Leon manages to throw Vinnie out of the car and we all think it's over, but nope. The train stops and the conductor gets out, simply saying "Move away from the meat." Then the entire backstory on what's been going on is explained.

Apparently there some underground dwellers (CHUD perhaps?) who conductor, Vinnie, and even the fucking lady cop work for by providing "human meat". The conductor says it's a secret society and now Leon has been chosen to continue on Vinnie's work, who makes a return. Leon fights him and ends up cutting the shit out of him. The conductor then rips out Leon's tongue. Ohh, anytime a tongue is ripped out, there isn't a happy ending. The conductor then kills Maya and tells Leon to follow him.

And well he does, now dressing up like Vinnie in dark suits and carrying around a purse full of murder weapons. This movie is stupid.


This movie is also really freakin' long. And the credits say "based on a SHORT STORY", so I'm guessing the story was just the murders and the filmmakers threw in all this extra crap that I left out, like all the Brooke Shields stuff and Maya and Leon getting married and Leon being a damn vegetarian and whatnot. Just avoid this movie cause the graphics are horrible and it just drags and drags and drags.


-Jason

1 comment:

Wings said...

Wow. I liked this one, thought it was something different. You did hit on a few plot holes, but I don't think they destroyed the movie as much as all that.

I liked how the end didn't end "happily ever after".

To each their own. :)