"Bride" picks up 8 months later and Dr.'s Herbert West and Dan Cain are in South American as doctors during some kind of war. West is still up to his expermienting ways, this time on dying soliders. Dan is there for the hell of it, I guess. There's also a chick named Francesca who is now Dan's new love interest. The war gets out of hand and soon they're attacked. West and Cain are like "Fuck this" and they go back home.
Yes, the same hospital as the first film took place in. I'm surprised they're even welcomed there. Wouldn't they have heard by now that these two might have had something to do with all the weird crap that happened?
Well, one cop, Det. Leslie thinks so, and he spends the first half of the film stalking them, talking to people, including Dr. Graves. Dr. Graves is holding all the evidence from the big "massacre" that happened in the hospital, including West's Re-Agent.
West and Cain share a house again and this time West wants to create new life with his Re-Agent stuff. Basically, this film is "Frankenstein" but a bit reworked. So West has been stealing body parts from the hospital, which is making everyone notice.
Fran shows up and starts throwing herself on Dan, almost immedately fucking. Det. Leslie shows up out of nowhere and bursts into West's secret lab, finding all the body parts. Leslie is pissed cause one of the people West worked on in the first film was his wife, who's now a drooling idiot zombie in the hospital's psych ward. Leslie attacks West, who uses this new potion that gives people heart attacks (don't ask, it's complicated) on Leslie, killing him.
Of course West brings him to life and Leslie freaks out, attacking Fran, her dog, and Dan. Soon, he runs out of the house. Fran freaks out when West re-animates Fran's dead dog, and attaches a human hand to it. Dan slowly starts to think "What the fuck am I doing?"
At the hospital, Dan is also falling for a dying patient named Gloria. She's got some mystery disease and she ends up dying from it. When they both agree Gloria has a pretty head (uh oh) West does in fact steal it for their West/Cain monster going on in the basement.
With Dan completely flipped the fuck out, he helps West bring Gloria-monster to life!
Meanwhile, Dr. Graves finds the head of Dr. Hall from the first film, and stupidly brings him back to life. Hall wants revenge on West and tells Graves to do his bidding, which he won't. Thankfully, Leslie comes by to free his drooling zombie wife and decides to help Hall out...by seriously attaching his head to bat wings.
Gloria-monster comes to life and West recieves a mysterious package. He opens it and finds Hall-bat inside.
You know, this is a weird ass movie.
So all hell breaks loose, with zombies running around. And West was experiementing on the side by attaching weird limbs to other weird parts and they start attacking. Soon, the entire house is full with undead people trying to attack Dan, West, and Fran, who wants in on the deal suddenly or something. Gloria-Monster falls for Dan, but he rejects her cause she's nothing but a punch of living tissue just working together. Gloria-Monster don't handle rejection well and she rips herself apart.
Soon, they all break into a moseleum which is next door to their house (they lived in a mortuary you see) but it's an old mosulem, so when Hall-Bat bumped into a beam, the entire thing came crashing down, killing all the zombies, burying West, and making Hall-Bat just scream. Dan and Fran (Hey! That rhymed! I get it now!) lived.
So of course there was a sequel "Beyond Re-Animator". They don't really mention how West got out of that rubble but he survived.
The start of "Beyond" starts off like a slasher film, which had me thinking this was the wrong movie. There's two kids in a tent telling ghost stories when they hear something in the bushes. Inside the house is one of the kid's older sister Emily. She's being stalked by a POV camera. When the kids come running in, the POV camera reveals itself to be a walking zombie. Ah, now it's a Re-Animator film.
The zombie soon kills Emily in front of her brother Howard. The police come in and stop the zombie. Soon, they're arrest West for the murder of Emily. Howard watches as West drops a syringe of Re-Agent and he picks it up.
13 years later, we find West has been in prison for that duration and the Warden of the prison is giving a tour/interview to Laura, a hot reporter chick. Also on this day a grown up Howard starts as the resident doctor. He chose that prison so he could work with West, who gets assigned as his assistant.
West has been busy experimenting on rats, one of whom belongs to Rat Guy, a former prisoner. Rat Guy isn't happy that his rat is gone and knows West did something with him. West learned how to fix the re-animated corpses that tend to go crazy, as we've seen in the past two films. West experiments on some Big Ugly Dude who had a heart attack but it doesn't go right and he ends up like all the others. So West then introduces his new theory, which is after using the Re-Agent, zap them with some electrical stuff that comes from the body after it dies.
West and Howard test this on Pet Rat turning it from a blood thirsty zombie to a docile rat. West gives it back to Rat Guy before West gets shivved. Armed with this knowledge, they're anxious to get to work. Laura, who's been fucking Howard for a few weeks now, wants to learn more about West, so she goes back to the prison to snoop around.
But Warden, who's a militaristic asshole, wants to bone Laura too. So when Laura breaks into the sell of Big Ugly Dude and he starts to attack, Warden finds out and makes her bark like a dog...for some reason. When she tries to run away, he strangles her.
The guards take Laura's body to Howard, who's pissed off. West sees this has the perfect opportunity to test his new idea on a human. He gives her the Re-Agent, but they need a human brain electricity. Hmm...thankfully here comes Warden, to yell some more. West kills Warden and takes his brain electricity and transfers it to Laura. She comes alive but...starts acting like a militaristic asshole. Hmmm...
Rat Dude notices that his rat isn't acting the same and he thinks West switched rats on him. Big Ugly Dude roams free in the prison, letting Rat Dude out of his cell. Rat Dude then proceeds to let all the prisoners out and a full blown prison riot happens!
Laura is confused and angry at the same time and catches the eye of Rat Dude, who wants to rape her dead. The asshole part takes over and she takes care of him and his posse in no time flat.
West sees the riot has the perfect chance to escape but he decides to get revenge on the warden by bringing him back to life and giving him brain electricity of a rat. Warden comes back to life and starts acting like a human sized rodent. Laura is slowly fully transforming into an asshole. Warden comes by and tries to make Laura go down on him, which she does, but soon, she bites down and throws up dick. Now the rat has a new toy to play with.
Big Ugly Dude finds the hot nurse and begs for forgiveness after ripping her clothes off (boobies woo!). When she forgives him, he, seriously, bits her boob off.
I...yeah.
Laura discusses her relationship by kicking Howard's ass repeatedly. A major showdown ensues with Laura vs Howard and West vs Warden. West gets Warden in the electric chair, straps him in and fries the bastard. Laura is about to choke Howard when he finds a knife and cuts her head off. West steals Howard's ID badge to get past the guards outside. Inside, Howard has gone fucking insane and just laughs and laughs and laughs.
So Howard is crazy, Laura is headless, and West is free to do whatever in the 4th movie that's sure to follow. And for some reason, we keep getting footage of the rat playing with the Warden's dick, which is alive for some reason. Ok.
THOUGHTS ON "BRIDE":
I thought this was alright. It's definately not anything like the original. I sometimes felt sorry for Dan but also wondered why he's doing this crazy shit. West is a major asshole who only cares about himself. In a way he reminds me of Ben from "Lost". He does asshole things and talks good people into doing them with him. But the more it went on, the cooler it got, especially the scene where they bring back the "Bride" and all the craziness that went on inside the house. The Hall Bat thing was weird though.
THOUGHTS ON "BEYOND":
This movie was pretty good. I dug it. I was a bit confused on why 98% of the cast and crew were Hispanic and/or Latin. I guess the only place they could make this movie was in Mexico or something. The idea of putting the brain electricity in people to make them act normal, but then they start inhibiting the behaviors of the people the brain electricity came from was a cool idea. We get to see a lot of tits, which is always a plus in my book. And there was a lot of un-intentional humor, like when Laura was dead, but the actress was clearly moving her eyes under her eyelids. Then there's the whole thing with the rat and dick...
Yeah I quite liked this movie.
-Jason
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