Monday, February 15, 2010

Blaxploitation History Month: Slaughter's Big Rip-Off

"Slaughter's Big Rip-Off" is a sequel to a film called "Slaughter". Both star Jim Brown as the titular character. I wasn't aware of this when I put "Rip-Off" in my Netflix queue. The reason I put this movie in my queue to begin with: the main villian is played by motherfuckin' Ed McMahon!

After reading what the first movie was about, there's not much that you need to know going into the sequel. Just that Slaughter was a former Green Beret who likes to fuck up some shit and he went to Mexico to kill some bad guys. This movie sort of starts off with the action right away with Slaughter and a white dude riding horses through a field during the credit sequence.

After the credits, the white dude (I swear he's Punky Brewster's dad) gives a toast to Slaughter when a plane comes out of nowhere and kills everyone but Slaughter and his girl. Slaugther vows revenge on the guy or guys that killed is friend(s)! And the rest of the movie is pretty much him looking for people.

He either owns, co-owns, or fucks the female owner of a night club and on this particular night, a pimp by the name of Joe is there with some of his ladies. He's paid 20 bucks by a guy to spend 10 minutes with a girl. When Joe spots Slaughter, he sees dollar signs.

Joe wants to help Slaughter by helping figure out who shot the people but Slaugther don't need no help, especially from a pimp. Joe shrugs his shoulders, then randomly goes to a girl in the club and says "You my ho now!"

Slaugther goes to some white girl named Norja who has a name for him. But in order to tell Slaughter the name, he has to fuck her. Awww yeah! So armed with the name (and probably a STD or two), Slaughter finds the name's place and finds the person is dead in a shower.

Meanwhile, we go on our main bad guy's house named Duncan (Ed McMahon himself) and he's a typical bad guy in this kind of movie: has a nice house with a pool, a shitload of women, and bodyguards that'll make The Pope jealous. Duncan is pissed at one guy for fucking up the Slaughter...slaughter and hired ANOTHER guy to kill THAT guy, then go after Slaughter. Phew.

Speaking of Slaughter, a cop named Reynolds finds Slaughter at the dead guy in the shower's house and bribes him to do him a favor. Reynolds wants Slaughter to team up with "Highlife" to steal a list of ever corrupt person in the city from this house. Slaughter has to ask Scatman Crothers where Highlife lives (seriously) and it turns out Highlife is actually Joe.

I guess Joe, on top of being a pimp, is a safe cracker. So now Slaughter and Joe have to break into this house. Who's house is this? Well, let's say this movie knows the meaning of the word "coincidence" because it's Duncan's house.

This is a disturbing scene because while Slaughter and Joe are breaking into the safe, Duncan and his girl are in the bedroom next door and you hear them have sex. I'll stress this: YOU HEAR ED MCMAHON MOANING IN SEX PLEASURE!! At least we don't see it.

Joe manages to break into the safe and even though they entered quietly, now they have to make all the noise in the world while exiting. They shoot a bunch of body guards and finally escape. Duncan is pissed and more or less fires everyone and hires Kirk (the dude Duncan hired to kill the dude that didn't slaughter Slaughter but slaughters Slaughter's friends) to get the list back.

Slaughter puts his girlfriend in some secure hotel with a security camera outside and he goes meets with Reynolds to give him the list. Before he can, a sniper tries to take out Reynolds, but he gets by with only a scratch. Slaughter returns to the hotel where his girlfriend is and turns out it's not so secure cause Kirk has her. Oh and also, in a prior scene, Kirk finds Joe and kicks his ass. Then he kills Joe BY MAKING HIM SWALLOW AIRPLANE GLUE!! What THE fuck?!?

Kirk takes Slaughter to where the girlfriend is and wants to exchange the list for the girl. Slaughter agrees only if the girl can drive away, which Kirk allows her to do. The next scene however, you see her get pulled over by the cops. Lady, why you still driving around in that car? The instant you were away, you should've ditched it and took a cab or walked or something. Well what happens next is your own damn fault.

Turns out the cop is working for Kirk and the cop bought the chick to some cliff, when Slaughter arrives. Kirk puts Slaughter in the car and makes them drive off the cliff into the water. Because he's the main character and his name is in the series, Slaughter survives this but the girl isn't so lucky. NOW IT'S PERSONAL!

Slaughter gets a phone call from Norja saying she needs to see him. So he shows up and well, as General Ackbar would say IT'S A TRAP! This is the goofiest scene in the whole movie. The two dudes at Norja's....are motherfuckin' Asian! And while fighting, the Asian's do the typical Ninja noises like "HIIIIIIYAAA!!!" and shit. I'm not even joking.

Slaughter takes care of them and now it's back to business. He finds out that Duncan is at some abandoned club couting some money and in a rather uninspired ending, he simply breaks in, shoots every person on sight, finds Duncan, who's just lying there, and shoots him.

There's still Kirk, who Slaughter fist fights for a minute, then he gets bored and simply shoots him too. Well, that's one way to end a movie.

Slaughter and Reynolds are now driving somewhere and Reynolds wants Slaughter to leave for awhile "so he can have a break". Where does he send him? Paris. Unfortunately, there isn't a movie called "Slaughter In Paris" where he fucks a French chick on the Effiel Tower.

This was a strange movie but not totally bad. Not sure what the title is referencing though. The stealing of the list? The fact everyone he loves died at some point? Or the fact this movie probably doesn't live up to the first. Who knows. It's a pure action flick with some WTF-ness thrown in.


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