Monday, February 15, 2010

The Bad Movie Ultimate Cage Match #11

Here we are, week 11 into this thang. Sorry it's so late. I wanted to get the review done first. Anyway...

IN THIS CORNER, the challenger! No stranger to the Cage Match because his first pick made him the undisputed champ for five weeks in a row. CAN he repeat business? I'm talking about Mr. Travis McCullum from The Movie Encyclopedia and his pick:

Nudist Colony of the Dead!



Yes that's right everybody I am back with another horrible movie. Apparently everyone (at least for five weeks) thought that Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever was the worst. While I still don't believe that B:EvS is a good movie by any means, it is Citizen Kane compared to my next movie: Nudist Colony of the Dead.

If you could get past the title alone then power to ya. Just writing that title sends chills down my spine. Nudist Colony of the Dead is another one of those "of the dead" or "of the living dead" B movie films that nobody should ever have to sit through. Flight of the Dead, Day of the Dead (remake), and even Day of the Dead 2, the sequel-prequel to the Day of the Dead remake is better than this film. Oh and for all the guys out there, just because its called Nudist Colony of the Dead doesn't mean that there is any nudity at all. In fact there is one nude scene and that involves showing a 95 year old woman's breast. After that when they become zombies there are strategically placed leaves over the private parts. Oh and I forgot to mention one other thing about the movie...it's a musical...with rapping zombies...

If you are still for some reason reading this than here is the plot. Sunny Buttocks Nudist Camp is shut down by a group of radical Christians and before they are kicked out, the Nudist's commit a ritualistic suicide that puts a curse on the camp. The curse is that if any Christian returns to the camp that the dead will rise again. Well whaddya know a group of Christian kids goes to the camp but not before a six minute musical number about Jesus and zombies and love. Led by Billy McRighteous, the group spend their time getting high and drinking and fornicating. Then the zombies come. Oh and there is no gore because people don't actually die. One character is a disembodied head for a while and one guy's legs run one direction while his top goes another. And just to let ya'll know the killing doesn't happen until a good portion into the movie and not before a lot of needless musical numbers and characters so annoying you want to punch them. And the annoying one's last the longest in the movie.

Overall it's a shitstorm of a bad movie. There is no reason to watch it and it is literally painful to sit through. Please bury this film in a ditch.


AND our returning champion, Wings! With:
Bloody Murder!



Trevor Moorehouse isn't screaming bloody murder -- he's committing it! A dozen counselors arrive at Camp Placid Pines and receive a warning from a wizened landscaper: There may be a crazy man in the woods. Of course, they pay no attention until they start disappearing one by one! Has the urban legend come to life to wreak havoc on their dwindling numbers?

Ugh. I think I have a winner for worst movie I have seen this year. This is CRAP! The acting is sub-par, on a level with ... Gah, I have nothing to compare it to. The kids on Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers were better.

The story is weak, a very pale take on the "killer at the lake" that doesn't even hold up. It is such a hodge-podge of stuff that the film feels like multiple people did segements and then they just put it together and hoped it would work. It doesn't.

All this could be forgiven... Well, most of it, had the movie been done in a tongue-in-cheek, "let's poke fun at Friday the 13th" style. But it is played straight. It is meant to be a serious, real slasher pic.

GAH! Just sucks. Sucks. SUCKS! Avoid, believe me. Unless you want to know what NOT to put in your horror movie, then by all means, use this as a "Do Not Do" template.


You know what to do! So do it! DO IT NOW! Do it hard!! Do it juuuuust right...wait what the hell am I talking about?
-Jason

3 comments:

Wings said...

Wow... I ... I don't know which to vote for!

TJMAC510 said...

I purposely picked a horrible one. A one so abysmal that it defies logic

Nolahn said...

Sorry, but a film titled "Nudist Colony of the Dead" that is all but nudity-free is a critical FAIL.

Point: Travis