30 Days of Horror: Day 15

"Day 15 - Your favorite horror film involving serial killers"

I take "serial killers" to mean one person kills a whole bunch of people and so with that, I shall go with "Sleepaway Camp"!



Oh "Sleepaway Camp". You are so special to the world. The film tells the story of some kids who lose their dad in a boating accident (not related to "Jaws") and they're forced to live with their fucking crazy ass Aunt Martha. Some years later, the kids are almost teenagers now and Martha sends them to a summer camp.

We focus on Angela, who's very shy and quiet. Everyone at the camp teases her while she just stares at them oddly. Soon, people end up dead or hurt very badly and the camp director wonders if Angela has something to do with it...

This is a movie where the main effect of it is the ending. You watch it and thinking "Well the acting is terrible, it's a standard slasher" then the final scene occurs and you're like "OMG WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT?!?!" and you go hide in a closet somewhere. Anyway, there are three sequels, which I haven't seen yet, but I'll be getting to those soon.
-Jason

30 Days of Horror: Day 14

"Day 14 - Your favorite zombie film"

Oh fuck me, man. This is like asking me what's my favorite breath of air. Man...let's go with "Zombie Lake".



I really love "Zombie Lake" in a bad sorta way. It's not a good movie. At all. But it's a lot of fun to watch. And there's a shit-ton of nudity, which is always a plus. I reviewed it a few years ago, and I need to rewatch it, but here's a quick summary.

A town in France somewhere has a lake, and a bunch of years ago, during WWII, some Nazi's came into town and started fucking shit up. One Nazi fell in love with a girl, fucked her in a barn, and pretty much carried up a secret affair with her. Then one day, the mayor of this town got fed up with the Nazi's running around his town and he ordered the townspeople to kill the Nazi's, including the one having the affair with the girl, then dumping the bodies into the town's lake.

Now the Nazi soliders are back for revenge! They kill whoever is dumb enough to swim in a lake full of dead bodies, then they eventually march into town. The dead nazi lover boy locates the woman he was banging and meets his daughter. It's kind of touching in a way.

Anyway, what makes this movie fun (besides the nudity) is just how poorly this was shot. The "lake" is really a swimming pool, and the zombie make up washes off easily. It's not for "serious" film lovers, but it's a fucking riot.
-Jason

30 Days of Horror: Day 13

"Day 13 - Your favorite horror comedy"

I'm sure many people picked "Shaun of the Dead". Me? I'm gonna go with "Student Bodies".



"Student Bodies" was a bit ahead of it's times by spoofing the horror slasher genre right when the horror slasher genre was getting started. The movie focuses on a killer named The Breather and he kills teenagers in odd ways. The opening scene of this movie is probably the best opening to anything, with the killer trying to kill a babysitter and her boyfriend but getting stuck on the stairs by gum.

It's up to a virgin girl to figure out who the killer is among a bunch of suspects including the creepy janitor, the wood shop teacher, and even some of the students. The jokes in the movie are hard to explain but I'll try one of them. The killer is on the phone with a teacher and the teacher asks if the killer is disguising his voice and he says "No, I'm talking through a rubber chicken!" Then after he gets done talking he says "click", so the teachers asks "Did you hang up?" and the killer goes "No, I just said click".

Stuff like that makes this movie pretty funny, at least to me.
-Jason

The Soto List: The Geeky Edition

If there's three things people know about me they are as follows:
1. I like saying "fuck" a lot.
2. I like boobs. A lot.
3. I'm a giant geek.
(I guess 4 would be I'm a horrible speller and even horribler at grammar)

Despite my geekiness, there are some things that, I feel, are even geekier than the things I follow. What are those things? Well...

5. Sports.
You love a movie, so fucking much. You go out, buy everything associate with that movie, you talk about that movie all the time, sometimes you invite friends over, have a party, and watch the movie. You're on the constant lookout for things about the movie and when people say horrible things about the movie you get angry and very passionate about it.

Now, replace the word "movie" in the above paragraph and insert the word "sports". To me, sports, especially fantasy sports, is like dungeons and dragons for jocks. And 95% of the people on my Facebook talk about sports all the god damn time, to the point where I say to myself, "Is this how people feel when I talk about 'The Room'?"

4. Comic Books/Graphic Novels.
It's not that I don't like comic books, but it seems like the comic book world has two kinds of people: people who are REALLY fucking into it, and people who aren't. I recently discovered "Deadpool" and wanting to go back and read everything, I found out how difficult that is. So anytime I go to a comic book store (which isn't very often), I spot some random issues of "Deadpool" and just try to figure out what happened prior to that. Oddly enough, I enjoy movies based on comic books and graphic novels.

Sidenote: until the movie was released, I never heard of "Watchmen".

3. Star Trek.
I like it just fine but learning a whole language based on a TV show is some form of geekiness I'll never understand. And honestly, why is the debate only over Kirk and Picard? Wasn't there other captains? What about that one chick on that one show? Does no one like her? And how does Worf fit into all this?

2. Anime.
Oh my god people fucking love anime. Not just the Japanese either. I've seen "Pokemon" a few times, I dunno if that counts as anime. I tried watching this movie called "Ramma 1/2" or some shit and it was fucking weird, man! Like, some dude turned into a chick out of nowhere...I don't even know.

1. Anything Josh Wedon
I thought about it, then looked it up, and I have never seen anything by this dude. I heard of all the shit he's done. But I never seen them. And this dude's fans are fucking out of their minds! You do or say something bad about him and they'll come to your house, set you and your family on fire, then say "FIREFLY SHOULDN'T HAVE BE CANCELLED, MAN!!!" Hey! Fox unfairly cancelled "Arrested Development" but you don't see me going on and on about it.

So there you have it. Proof that I'm not as geeky as everyone makes me out to be. See you on the dark side of the moon, K-9!
-Jason

30 Days of Horror: Day 12

"Day 12 - Your favorite horror film involving the occult"



This is really gonna be a "I'ma Gonna Defend" but I do love "Jennifer's Body".

Yes, Megan Fox does have something to do with that.

The story: Jennifer and Needy are friends in high school. One night, they go see some emo band play in a club, which is caught on fire. The band wants to party with Jennifer, so they take her to a creepy rape van. When Needy sees Jennifer again, she's got a mouth full of blood and she instantly vomits black stuff.

Jennifer suddenly changes into a hottie and instantly wants to fuck every guy she sees...then she kills everything she fucks. When Jennifer hasn't killed/fucked in awhile, she turns sorta back to normal and explains what happened that night.

The emo band tried to sacrifice her to Satan but something went wrong and instead of whatever the band was trying to do (be famous I think?) Jennifer just became possessed. I guess this could also fall under "possession" but I saw in on a bunch of "occult" lists so it works.

So yeah, for whatever reason nobody likes this movie and I can't figure out why. I mean you got Megan Fox, Amanda Whatshername, and Megan Fox! What more do you people need?
-Jason

Jason's Weekly Round-Up #10

Number 10, baby!

Some Cool Ass Shit:
-Nolahn at The Bargin Bin Review: The Blog has a knack of finding weird and interesting shit. I have no idea how he does it. I think he sets up his Google Alerts for "weird and interesting shit", cause it's the only way you can learn about "Human Centipede: The Musical".

-I am completely fucking jealous that Rachel got to see "Rubber" before me. It's coming to Indianapolis...in like 2 weeks! Argh!

-Are you not an Apple Fanboy? Don't have the money for one of those new tablet things coming out (OMG guys, the Blackberry Tablet is fucking awesome! I got to try one for work before we're gonna sell it next week and I REALLY want one!) but you want to play cutting edge games? Well, don't tell anyone where learned that you can play an online version of "Angry Birds", ok? Ok.

-Good Times With Bad Movies reviewed "Troll 2". Anyone that reviews "Troll 2" is awesome in my book.

What I WILL Be Watching This Week:
This is my "off" week of reviewing movies, but I'm also going to be in L.A next week, so I get two "off" weeks! Wow! I'm not sure what I'm gonna watch yet but I do know I have at home from Netflix "Venture Brothers Season 3: Disc 2", "Better Off Dead" coming in from Netflix, and a couple of movies on Instant Watch I wanna see. We'll see how that plays out.

Not-That-Random Music Video:



And Finally:
In case you didn't pick up on it, next week, I'll be in Los Angeles, going over there to fuck shit up. The only concrete plans we have is we're going to a taping of "Conan" on Tuesday. So tune in to see if you can spot me doing something embarrassing. Unless they put me in the back. Anyway, I'll still have the "30 Days of Horror" posts going so you'll have something to read next week.

Until then, deuces!
-Jason

30 Days of Horror: Day 11

"Day 11 - Your favorite science fiction horror film"



I'll go with the obvious here: "Event Horizon".

Man, this movie was crazy. A crazy Sam Neill running around a spaceship while Lawrence Fishburn and some other people keep imagining their fears are killing them. And the chick with the eyes...yeah. This was a fucked up movie but it's sooo awesome.

Sorry these have been short, the ones that I pick I haven't had a lot to say about them. I assure you the more into the month we get, the more I have to say.
-Jason

30 Days of Horror: Day 10

"Day 10 - Your favorite psychological horror film"

Simply put: "Jacob's Ladder".



You might say it's not REALLY a horror film. Well, let me ask you: don't you find the story of a guy who was in Veitnam, now living in New York City, and constantly seeing weird ass images like demons or dead people, then being chased around by shadowy guys, pretty scary? Thought so.

"Jacob's Ladder" is such a mindfuck, even if you do know what the ending is. And that's all there is to it.
-Jason

30 Days of Horror: Day 9

"Day 09 - Your favorite exploitation / grind house type film"

Wow, this was a tough one, especially trying to keep it in horror. With that said, let's go with "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" the original!



I remember when I was a kid, my mom was with this guy and he rented this movie. Due to the title, my Mom forbid me from being in the living room while they watched it. But we lived in a tiny ass apartment where only a flimsy piece of drywall seperated the living room and the bedroom...and there was no bedroom door. So I didn't get to SEE the movie but I heard it.

Even then, I knew how fucking annoying Franklin was. Later on, my friend saw his parents had it on VHS (OLD SCHOOL, mothafucker!) and we watched it and...my mom was a bit overprotective of me. Considering I watched worse movies with her. But whatever. Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The remake is ok, but stick with the classic, my friends.
-Jason

New Review: Barn of the Naked Dead

Christ, this movie was tough to get through.

Barn of the Naked Dead

Hope you enjoy!
-Jason

30 Days of Horror: Day 8

"Day 08 - Your favorite anthology"

Gosh, what is an anthology? Ok, seriously. Weird this showed up a few weeks after doing an entire Lair episode on the subject. While doing the subject I learned two things:
1. Many people don't know what an anthology film is
2. Many people don't like anthology films.

I don't know why that is, I think anthology films, especially horror, (if done right) are fucking awesome. So there's so many I can choose, some I'm sure were used by other people. So sticking with the whole "Jason is a special snowflake and I must be different" I'm gonna go with..."Creepshow 2"!



Yes, the sequel.

To refresh your memory on what happened in "Creepshow 2", the first story involved some robbers robbing, then killing, some old friendly people that ran a small store in a small town. Outside the store is one of those big store front Indians that you normally see outside cigar shops (for some reason). Well, after the nice old people are killed, the Indian comes to life and kills the robbers.

The next story is about a group of friends going to a lake, and while swimming, come across this weird blobby floating thing that eats anyone that gets too close to it. Eventually, two people are stuck and they're not sure if they can make it to shore in time...

The last story (there was only 3 storys in this one, which is why it's not as popular I think) involves a chick running over a hitchhiker and now she's haunted by the guy. It's not a great story, but it has it's creepy moments.

Anyway, "Creepshow 2". Check it out!
-Jason

The Lair of the Unwanted #16: That '70's Sci-Fi Show

Note: This is easily our longest episode to date. Here's what you do: LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE FIRST! Leave all the 30-60 minute podcasts for last! Get this one out of the way first! Seriously, it's probably the best idea ever!

In this action packed episode, Jason and Nolahn are joined by Kai Parker from The List and The MILFcast.

Before they discuss two sci-fi films, they go over a good amount of feedback, get their first ever "voice mail", read some iTunes reviews, and finally Come Clean with The Foxy Goat by revealing their favorite doctors and/or Doctor Who's.

Check Kai out at kaispace.wordpress.com or milfcast.podomatic.com.
Send feedback to thelairunwanted@gmail.com
Go to The Official Facebook page at www.facebook.com/thelairoftheunwanted
Check out older episodes at www.invasionofthebmovies.com/thelair

30 Days of Horror: Day 7

"Day 07 - Your favorite supernatural horror film"

Man, there's so many to choose from. I'm not even sure which one to go with. So I guess I'll go with..."House"!

Not the crazy Japanese film. I still need to see that.



"House" tells the story of a guy who moves into a house and there's all sorts of weird ghosts that bug the guy, including a large woman monster and one of his dead friends from Veitnam. And the neighbor is played by George Wendt. It's pretty awesome and a lot of fun, with some good scary moments.

So that's it.
-Jason

30 Days of Horror: Day 6

"Day 06 - Your favorite vampire movie"

Honestly, I could use "Monster Squad" for this as well, but we're not allowed to use the same movie twice, so I guess I'll have to go with "Let Me In".



I want to say that I haven't seen the original version, but I've heard things. After seeing the American version, I'm not sure I want to see the other. Everything about this version was awesome. Well, it was a tiny bit slow, but once everything fell into place I didn't mind.

Both kids did an amazing job and I loved Casey Jones as the cop in this. Normally when there's an American remake to something, it tends to sucks, but here I'm glad they went ahead with it and got it right.

Totally check this out if you haven't.
-Jason

Jason's Weekly Round Up #9

Some Cool Ass Shit:

-I was on this awesome podcast that posted on Friday. It's probably not only the best podcast I ever been on, but probably the best episode of any podcast ever. You really, really need to listen to this shit right here. For realz, yo.

-Matt over at "Chuck Norris Ate My Baby" is slowly becoming one of my favorite reviewers. The many ways he came up with alternate titles of "Eyes in the Dark" is just awesome.

-TheGreatWhiteDope's take on this movie called "Nights of Terror" is fantastic. Sorry the description is so short, I dunno what other words I could use. Awesome. Excellent. Very cool. Sure, those work.

-Go wish Rachel a happy 4th birthday! Well, she's not four, her blog is. Imagine a four year old running a movie blog. "YAY! I saw cartoon! YAY!!!"

Random Video:


And Finally:
A podcast heavy week for me. We're doing a Lair episode tomorrow, which should be out Thursday or Friday. Saturday, despite me not able to show up two weeks in a row, I am doing a LAMBcast, dammit! I get to talk about "Black Dynamite" with some cool peeps (Not sure who but I imagine they're cool peeps. If a non-cool peep made it on, I apologize ahead of time.) so that should be fun.

Dammit, how many times have I told you to never interrupt my kung fu!
-Jason

30 Days of Horror: Day 5

"Day 05 - Your favorite monster movie."

Yes sir, I'm gonna have to go with "The Monster Squad"



Oh god, I love "Monster Squad". For those not in the know....what the hell is wrong with you?!? It's on DVD! Just go buy it. Seriously, it's fucking awesome.

Ok, seriously, here's a short recap. Dracula forms a group of baddies made up of classic movie monsters, including The Gill Man (AKA Creature From The Black Lagoon), The Mummy, The Wolf Man, and Frankenstein. Frankenstein gets lost and ends up in our heroes treehouse, where he becomes a good guy. The Monster Squad is made up of a bunch of kids obsessed with monsters and knows how to stop them. So basically it's kids vs classic monsters.

And it's awesome.
-Jason

http://bigdaddyhorrorreviews.com/

30 Days of Horror: Day 4

"Day 04 - Your favorite werewolf film"

While doing these, I'm avoiding doing all the movies I'm sure showed up on other people's lists. So when I think "werewolf film" I think of one movie: "Werewolf"!



Well, it's a favorite in terms of how awesomely stupid the movie is. Plus it is one of my favorite MST3K episodes. So if you haven't seen the movie/episode, check this out.

Some archeologists are digging around in the desert when they find some bones that look like a werewolf. They investigate it....and investigate it...while some dude named Paul moves into town and hits on the dumb big boobed chick. There's another guy who keeps changing hair styles who somehow manages to turn random people into werewolves. Eventually, Paul is turned into a werewolf and that's more or less it.

Ok, the movie itself fucking sucks, but it's entertaining as hell to watch. The MST3K episode is on Netflix Instant Watch. Do yourself a favor and check it out!
-Jason

PS: Visit http://bigdaddyhorrorreviews.com/ for more lists!

30 Days of Horror: Day 3

"Day 03 - Your favorite slasher."

People are probably going to expect me to say "Friday the 13th" but I figure that'd be a cop out answer. So instead I'm gonna go with "The Burning".



"The Burning" is one of many "Friday the 13th" rip offs that appeared. The movie is about a camp caretaker named Cropsey who gets horribly burnt due to a practical joke gone wrong. Five years later, he's released from the hospital and he goes back to the camp to seek REVENGE!! MU HAHAHAHAHA!!

This movie stars a young Jason "George From Seinfeld" Alexander, which is to say he's roughly 30 years old, playing a teenager. There's another recognizable face in the movie but you might not know the name: Fisher Stevens. He's probably most famous for being the "foreign" guy in "Short Circuit".

Anyway, "The Burning" is a bit slow but when it gets going, it's going. There's awesome nudity and there's probably the greatest kill scene ever where Cropsey kills a raft full of kids. It's awesome. It's on DVD now so I say check it out.

OR ELSE!
-Jason

Shout out to http://bigdaddyhorrorreviews.com/.

30 Days of Horror: Day 2

"Day 02 - The horror film that you relate most to."

This is an obscure one, but "There's Nothing Out There".



So yeah, it's about a guy name Mike who goes on a trip with some friends to a house in the woods. Mike has seen every horror movie, good and bad, and knows every trick. Whenever I'm with my friends, five minutes doesn't go by when I don't mention a horror/bad movie, or if the situation arises, say that we're in one.

An example: A long time ago, me and some friends went to some woods. In the daytime, it looks ok. But at night, it's fucking creepy as hell because there are literally NO LIGHTS anywhere and it gets SUPER dark. So we're just roaming around. Meanwhile, I keep saying shit like "I hope some hockey mask wearing guy doesn't kill us" or "I wonder if the ghosts will be nice to us" and shit like that. Needless to say, everyone was annoyed with me and we ended up going back cause I freaked out some of my friends. Hm...as this is being posted, I'm back home. I should make us go back there one final time...
-Jason

Check out http://bigdaddyhorrorreviews.com/ for other people's lists!

30 Days of Horror: Day 1

"Day 01 - A horror film that no one would expect you to love, but you do."

Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with "Deadgirl".



This all started back when I announced I was doing a LiveTweet event on Twitter where I'll be watching this movie. Since it's on Netflix Instant Watch, Nick Jobe said he wanted to watch it so he did. After it was over, he came to me like a tramutized rape victim and said "Dude, this movie is FUCKED UP!" and proceeded to compare it to "Martyrs".

Now, I never officially said here on The Blog but I really didn't like "Martyrs", mainly cause of the ending. (SPOILER FOR MARTYRS) It's mainly 20 minutes of a dude beating the shit out of a woman and THAT'S IT! After five minutes, I was like "Ok, I get the fucking point, move on already!" but no. Then it got even more fucked up and I pretty much vowed to never watch that movie again.

Anyway, since that comparison, plus the subject matter, Nick said he couldn't wait for my LiveTweet event. The night went on. "Deadgirl" is about two guys who find a dead girl in an abandoned hospital, one guy immediately wants to fuck her, it's revealed she's a zombie, and the guy REALLY wants to fuck her. Then it kinda just goes on from there.

Well, despite the fucked up premise, I kinda liked the movie. Not because of the necrophilia going on, but because of the atmosphere and I was curious how this was all going to end. Plus there's a funny moment towards the end before the crazy fucked up ending that makes it worth while.

After I got done with the movie and I revealed I liked it, Nick's opinion of me went down a little bit. That is until a huge life changing event but that's another story for another time.
-Jason

Visit http://bigdaddyhorrorreviews.com/ for other people's list and whatnot!