Sometime back in, oh I'm gonna say 2005, my friend Bill told me one day "DUDE! There's this neat and interesting website called 'Myspace'! It's fun!" He showed it to me and how he was meeting all these people he would never meet in real life ever and how he left messages and got to put all kinds of neat things on his profile and stuff. I went "Huh." And went home. A few days later, I said what the hell and made one myself.
(At this point you're asking, yes Jason, but this is a movie blog. What does this have to do with movies? Trust me, I'll get you there.)
After I made a profile I got instantly depressed cause no one was friending me (well besides Bill) and I instantly deleted it. Then sometime later, after creating my website, I went back and noticed that there were some Myspace profiles based solely on websites, so I said what the hell I need a place to gain fans, might as well go there.
If only I knew then what I know now about the icky-ness of Myspace.
(I swear, it'll come around to movies in a minute.)
So I kept the profile and anytime I updated the site I would make an announcement on there. It was ok for awhile and I eventually got a lot of friends.
Then I noticed something. A lot of profiles on Myspace belonged to movies. And real crappy movies. Crappy movies that don't deserve a whole fucking profile about how shitty it is. It's one thing to find celebrities on there but it's another that a movie has to answer the question "In A Relationship?"
So earlier, I decided to search Myspace profiles to see what crappy movies have profiles. To start off, I know of two already.
1. Step Up/Step Up 2 The Streets
This gained some popularity around here when I famously found this profile and saw they were having a home video contest and I entered and they took my entry seriously, which scares me to this day. From what I can tell, this was created SOLELY for the purpose of running a stupid contest which I'm sure was rigged anyway. (By the way, I don't think I made it into the movie. Stupid producers of Step Up 2.)
2. Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj
I went on about this when I found it cause I couldn't believe there was gonna be a sequel to Van Wilder...that doesn't feature the character Van Wilder. Hey! Let's name a movie after a character that won't appear in the movie! While we're at it, let's call a movie "The Joker From The Dark Knight Rules" and make it about the one dude that became the victim of the pencil trick!
So now I had to do a search for every crappy movie I could think of. The results...will surprise you.
3. The Love Guru
Yes. They made a Myspace page for this movie. What's worse is there's a seperate page for THE SOUNDTRACK!! There's a video called "Mike Meyers: The Joker", but since I'm gonna be reviewing this movie later this week, I'm gonna hold off in ruining my brain with what that could possibly mean.
4. Hilariously, I looked up "The Hottie and the Nottie" and at first all I found were just video results for the trailer and some behind the scenes crap. Then on the second page of results I found this page. It's the most generic page I've ever seen (In Myspace standards anyway) And there's only 1 friend (and 10 bucks on who that 1 friend is.) This gives me some hope.
5. Even though I don't think it's THAT bad of a movie (considering) but there is a myspace page for "Postal" the latest Uwe Boll film. I need to step it up and find a truly undeserving movie with a Myspace page.
6. The Room-
Well, ok it's really the writer/director/producer/editor/cook/bodyguard/chauffer/and star of The Room Tommy Wiseau's profile, but he named it "theroommovie" so it was suppose to be a profile page for this movie. As you may or may not know, sometime last month I ordered this movie via Amazon and actually sat through the whole thing. If there ever was a movie that DIDN'T need a stupid profile on a stupid website it's this one.
On another note, when I was starting to do this, I found this: A Back to the Future video page. I LOVE Back to the Future but why does it need a video page on Myspace? I believe enough people know about this movie, and probably owns the movie so they can watch the entire thing, instead of random 2 minute clips. Yeah, Myspace is really starting to bug me.
The only good thing I got from it is I did meet some new people and did get some fans/readers through it. And I learned about a bunch of movies like "Pervert!" which I have to get to some day. I was stoked about finding a bunch of my favorite celebrities on there, but I then come to the conclusion that probably half of them just have people run/update the profile. So while it'd be fucking awesome to have Jenna Fischer (AKA Pam) from The Office send me a response saying "Hi Jason! Love the site!" I know it's never gonna happen. So I give up on Myspace. Maybe I'm getting to old for it, or I'm really an impatient motherfucker, but it took me an hour to do this post cause all the pages I linked above took about 80 minutes each to load. (I know math-wise that don't make sense but you get my point.) And I'm tired of all the stupid looking profiles with the glitter and the animated crap and the pictures and the instant starting of music, which 99% of sucks donkey ass. So next Friday, I'm gonna offically delete anything Myspace related and just stick to Facebook, which is slowly turning into Myspace anyway.
Ok, that ending paragraph was non-movie related. So I should end this on a movie related note.
SAND DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!
There.
-Jason
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